Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
Tobias
The sky was blinding when we made it outside the next morning. Coming from a corridor lit by every fourth light, it was even worse than I'd expected. Every man who left the compound had to pause, shield his eyes, and try to stumble after the rest of the group to get under the trees.
Thankfully, that torture didn't last long. We were no more than half an hour outside the compound when the sky began to burn with all the colors of a flame. Reds, blues, and brilliant oranges took over, but it made the light easier to tolerate.
My eyes had been weeping from the strain, so when darkness finally fell, I wasn't surprised to find the hunters had gathered up in smaller groups, talking as they walked.
Our guns were strapped across our chests.
The gear on our backs was much lighter this time, though.
We wouldn't be staying out all night. The plan was to be back before the skies burned again.
Then Sylis's head snapped over to the side. "What was that?" he asked.
Two of the new guys on our team shook their heads in confusion. I paused, trying to listen, but I was pretty sure there was nothing. I just wasn't sure if Sylis knew there was nothing, or if he'd actually heard something.
"Can't hear it now," I told him.
He nodded. "I know I heard it. Tobias, you're with me. The rest of you keep going. I don't want wild men sneaking up on us."
Grabbing the grips of my gun, I angled to follow him. His steps veered off to the side, and since we'd been assigned to watch the right side of our block - if this meandering mess could be called a block - that meant he was headed away from everyone else, so I kept following.
It didn't take long before the vegetation hid everyone else. That was when Sylis looked back at me and smiled, slowing so I could catch up, but we didn't talk yet. No, we kept heading away from the rest, using the ruse to get us far enough away where we could actually speak openly.
"I asked Gideon how soon I can propose to a widow," he finally said, keeping his voice down.
"And?"
"He said I have to wait two more weeks. If she accepts, he can push to get our wedding date moved forward." And he rocked his head from side to side as if preparing me for the bad news. "He also found it amusing that I'm going to ask Felicity."
"Because she's a widow?" Because I couldn't see why that would be amusing.
"Because she's a worn-out hag who couldn't please her first husband," he said. "I may have hinted that I was hoping a widow wouldn't need to wait for the wedding before allowing me to do the bedding, and he acted like it all made sense."
I grumbled in disgust. "I don't see the appeal."
"Me either," he agreed. "But Felicity did mention a problem. If we don't produce children within a year, there will be questions. Tobias, that means we'll have to do it."
"I won't." I pushed out a sigh. "Last night, Callah finally removed the blanket she keeps rolled between us. She's finally realized she can actually trust me to keep my hands to myself."
"Felicity isn't there yet," he said. "She does like the idea of a rebellion, though. I guess she and Callah are becoming friends?"
"That might be the wrong word." I shrugged. "Callah thinks she's more of an ally than a friend. Still, we had another woman in our suite yesterday to have a wound sewn shut."
"Seems most of the wives are wearing black and blue this month," he pointed out. "The other day, I heard men in the showers laughing about how hard they could hit their wives before she began to wail. Evidently, the trick is to make her quiet, not louder."
"Not hitting them seems to work for me," I said.
"But we're different," he said.
"Yeah, we are," I agreed. "I like it better, though. Plus, Callah really is a good wife. She cooks meals when she isn't healing the women, and she's always cleaning. I mean, look at my shirt!" I turned to show him the sleeve I'd ripped on the last hunt. "You can't even tell it was torn."
"Nice," he said. "I know Felicity doesn't sew as well, but I can handle that. I'm just not sure how we can make a marriage work the way you and Callah have. Your wife has friends and her rebellion. Felicity seems to want to know more about me."
"To make sure you can be trusted," I explained.
"See, women are told we don't get punished.
I had to explain to Callah that while women get pain, we get death.
The problem is they're all told we get to make the rules, set the rules, and carry out the punishment.
It's true to a point, but they miss how other men make our rules. "
"Ah..." He nodded. "That makes sense. Maybe, since I've made it clear I intend to propose, I'll get a promotion after this? Then we won't have to stay." He grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. "Tobias, all we need is the code, right?"
"And to give it to Ayla," I reminded him, moving him forward again. "She's not here, Sylis. She's the other way, and without her help, I can't tell these people anything."
"But we could get out," he said. "We know how to get to Ayla, and if we can just get out of there - with our wives - then we'll be free, right?"
Actually, he had a point. A good one. "They'll try to follow us," I pointed out.
"Only if they know we're gone," he said. "We could leave in the middle of the night - "
"It's day out here," I countered. "We'd all be blind."
"Damnation!" he hissed. "We have to figure out a way to do this, because I'm not sure we're going back to the Dragons. The leadership thinks this is working better, and we only lost a 'few' men last time. They called it a success, Tobias!"
"We'll make it work," I assured him. "I'm not sure how, but Felicity and Callah will figure something out. I'm just worried Callah won't be willing to go alone. I mean, without the other women - or the ones in quarantine."
"Yeah," he breathed. "Convince her." He huffed out a laugh. "Maybe try being romantic with her? Felicity wants me to be that way. It makes her happy when I say she's beautiful. You could tell Callah that and convince her this is for the best?"
"How?" I asked.
"I don't know!" he insisted. "I don't understand women at all, and I'm not sure I want to. I certainly don't want to steal kisses from her - or anything else - but she seems to be waiting for me to try."
"Women expect that from men," I explained. "They're told we have urges we can't control, making it sound like we're little more than toddlers!"
"That is not an urge I have," he said, looking over at me as if waiting.
"Me either," I agreed.
Again, he grabbed me, but this time he made me face him as I stopped. "You don't want to kiss or fornicate with your wife?"
"Not at all," I said, thinking about the way Callah tensed at the mere thought of such a thing. "She's my friend, Sylis. I keep saying that, and I wouldn't do that to her."
His eyes searched my face, looking for something. I waited, unsure what he was thinking, but before I could ask, he did the last thing I ever would've expected.
He surged in, grabbed my gear, and kissed me!
I felt his lips press against mine, but they were hard, thin, and wrong. Surprised, I jerked back, trying to figure out what was going on.
"What was that?" I asked.
"You..." His brow creased and his head began to shake from side to side. "You said you didn't want to... and I thought..." And he snarled in annoyance and turned, storming away.
"Sylis?" I hissed after him, trying to keep my voice down so it wouldn't carry.
"I slipped," he said, the excuse an obvious lie.
So I stretched my legs, catching him easily to spin him around and make him face me. "Why did you kiss me?!" I demanded. "And don't walk away again. I deserve to know why you'd do that. It's... We don't...." I couldn't even figure out how to explain why it didn't feel right.
"Because the Devil got inside me, okay?" he snapped. "I want unnatural things. I have no interest in bedding a wife, but I want to kiss you. So fine. Tell the elders. Even better, shoot me so I don't have to go back!"
"No." I reached over to clasp his shoulder.
"You are my friend. I don't want to kiss you.
I don't want to kiss Callah because it scares her, Sylis.
I don't want to consummate with her because I will never hurt her.
But you? I don't want to kiss you because.
.." I stuttered, trying to find the right words.
"Because you aren't beautiful and delicate.
You're not soft or curvaceous, and I do like those things. I simply have no urge to destroy them."
"I'm sorry," he said. "It was a mistake."
"It was a secret," I corrected. "I'm sorry."
"Are you going to tell them I'm unnatural?" he asked.
I scoffed. "And then what? You tell them I am?
Sylis, everything about this is unnatural.
I mean, just look around." I gestured to the trees above us.
"This is the world God created. Down there?
Callah says it must be the pit of Hell. Maybe the Devil is making you suffer.
I don't know, but please don't kiss me again? "
"No, I won't," he mumbled.
"And we're still friends?" I asked.
That made him laugh. "Tobias, I just did a stupid thing, and you're worried I won't be your friend?"
"Well, when I do stupid things, I usually get embarrassed, and it's easier to avoid those people. I'm hoping you won't start avoiding me, because I actually like your company. I prefer the talking type. No offense, but your lips are weird."
"Yours are nice," he said, his face turning pink, and quickly.
"Yeah?"
He nodded. "But that's... I shouldn't..."
"I think we have so many things we shouldn't be doing that it's impossible to keep track of them all.
" And I turned him, making him walk with me again.
"But I'd like to think you're my friend, and for me, that means we forgive each other and talk about things.
I mean, that's what Callah and I do, and she's my best friend. "
"Thanks," he said softly. "I think - " And he shoved an arm before me, forcing me to stop.
Because there, nestled between the green and yellow leaves around us was a creature. A massive one. It had four lean legs and a tree growing from its head. The hair on its body was brown, but light, and its belly was white.
"What is it?" Sylis asked.
"I don't know," I admitted. "I thought there weren't any animals left around the compound. That's why we have to go so far for meat."
"Should I shoot it?" he asked.
"No," I said, turning him away and walking again. "If we try, the wild men will hear. We'll be blamed, and if this hunt goes bad, Gideon will make sure we're among the dead."
"I'd like to live," he said. "I don't want to get married, but I'd like to live long enough to see if time will make the arrangement agreeable."
"Yeah," I said. "If nothing else, it makes it comfortable."
I walked on for a bit, thinking that was the end of it, but there was something else I had to say to him. I shouldn't. I could say nothing and let that moment back there be forgotten between us, but this man really was one of my friends. That meant I owed him one thing: an apology.
"I'm sorry I don't want to kiss you," I said softly.
"Yeah," he agreed. "Me too. Our wives would've been happier."
Which made me realize he had a point. I just didn't know how to make it work. Not for him, me, or anyone - and that was the problem. None of this worked.
And it was only getting worse.