Chapter 54
Fifty-Four
Kanik
From the moment Ayla had kissed me, Rymar had gone weird.
Was it because it had been so unexpected neither of us had, well, expected it?
No, this felt different. The way he'd turned quiet and hurried over to gather wood, ignoring Zasen explaining about the meat they'd collected.
Shit, he'd even asked the same question Zasen had already answered, the part about when they'd take it to the compound.
Then there was Zasen's smugness. The man kept smirking like he was a little proud of himself. A few times, his tail had whipped for no reason at all. I felt like I was missing something, so once Ayla was gone, I turned to Rymar and decided to just get this settled.
"Okay, what's going on?" I asked him.
His body stilled, freezing in place. Yeah, that proved something was up, but we'd just been talking about our goals, and now this? Was it because I didn't care about having kids with Ayla? But Rymar had never cared about such things before!
His head moved first, glancing over to the fire. "Kanik, I didn't know Ayla was going to do that."
"Me either," I agreed. "So why did you just turn weird and Zasen's acting like he knows the big reveal?"
"No," Rymar insisted. "He doesn't."
"Well..." Zasen said.
But Rymar's head whipped around, and for a moment those two shared a look. Slowly, Zasen nodded, backing up a step as if he'd just realized he was in the wrong. Then Rymar forced himself to look at me again.
"Kanik, Ayla doesn't realize what she's doing, okay? She had a good hunt, and she was excited about her new dog, and she has no idea that pulling me up against you like that was out of line. I'm sorry. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but I couldn't put more space between us, and - "
"Wait," I begged. "This is because Ayla kissed both of us?" I was clearly missing something. "That's the point of both of us being her partners, Rymar. Well, all of us."
With a heavy sigh, he sank down onto the log he was using before Ayla and Zasen had shown up. "No, not that part."
"Which part?" I demanded. "Because I don't fucking like being the brunt of the joke. Not about her." And I looked at Zasen.
He lifted his hands and shook his head. "Nope. My little news comes after this."
Well, shit. Now we had two problems? Not good.
Rymar ducked his head to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean to grind my dick against you, okay? I mean, she threw herself at me, and kissed the shit out of me. You can't blame me for being a little shocked - or liking it!"
"No, I can't," I agreed, waiting for the problem.
"So my dick got hard," he shot back. "It happens.
But she pulled you in too, and then she didn't let go of me, and I didn't want to make it weird, but your ass was there, and I couldn't really shift, so I tried to, you know.
.." He made a subtle pushing gesture. "Then I realized that was like grabbing your hip, and I know you're not into that, but I don't want to cross any lines. It's not my fault I have a reaction!"
Zasen flicked a finger at him. "He thinks you're hot, Kanik."
"Knew that. He's pretty much the only person who does."
"And Ayla," Rymar mumbled.
"I said 'pretty much,'" I pointed out. A moment later, it was as if someone slapped some sense into me. The obviousness of the problem made the pieces crash into place, and a groan fell from my lips. "You're saying you just went weird because you touched me?"
"That was a little more than touching," Rymar mumbled.
Slowly, I nodded, hoping the movement would make this make sense. "Ry, we're partners."
"Not that kind of partners," Zasen said just a little too casually.
"Fuck off!" Rymar snapped.
"And someone has had bad luck with love," Zasen added, looking at me, not Rymar.
"You know, the guy he likes is straight, the others are assholes, and then a girl shows up and everything feels like it's too good to be true?
Yeah, that bit. And when the guy he likes is wrapped up in it, and then he goes humping your ass. .."
"He was not humping my ass," I snapped, but I turned to Rymar next. "Is that really what this is about? You think that somehow, in all the years I've known you, I haven't figured out you like men - or that one of them, for some inexplicable reason, is me?"
"I don't want to put you in a position like that," Rymar told the ground at his feet.
Okay, the pressure in my head was fading fast, but the thing replacing it? Instead of feeling like I'd missed the joke, I was now smothered with guilt. How the fuck could this guy be so upset over something so completely normal?
We needed to fix this now, so I made my way around the fire and moved to sit on the ground beside him, our shoulders almost side by side.
"I'm sorry I'm not into men." And I leaned enough to bump him lightly.
"I mean, having one of the hottest men in Lorsa think I'm... I don't even know what you think about me.
Mostly because you don't talk about it. I know I think it's flattering. "
"But I would never do that to you," he said. "Kanik, I'm not going to rape you any more than I would Ayla! Or assault, harass, or anything else. You're my friend!"
Zasen murmured under his breath. "Hm... Sounds like something Ayla would say."
He meant the friend part. That woman treated the title like the greatest thing in the world.
To be her friend was bigger than husband or parent.
So far, the only thing that seemed to come close in her mind was a dog.
It was such an amazingly honest way of looking at things, and ranking them.
But in that moment, I realized she had a damned good point.
So I reached up to clasp the back of his neck, making him look at me.
"Rymar, I don't care. We're partners, okay?
I don't care if you walk into the bath while I'm naked.
And if we take that into the future, I don't give a shit if you walk in while I'm fucking her - simply because I have no intention of fucking you or Zasen.
That doesn't mean I'm appalled at the idea of being in the same room, sharing the same woman, or anything else. "
"Well, yeah..." he tried.
"At the same time," I added, smiling when his eyes finally landed on me.
"I'm not an idiot, Ry. It could happen. It might not, but that kiss?
She clearly wanted both of us close, and I'm okay with it.
We have lived together for years now, and you think I'm going to suddenly get weird about you being you? "
"I shoved my dick against your ass," he explained.
"And?" I asked.
"And it was out of line!" he snapped. "It's no better than Zasen kissing her when she said no! You've made it clear you're not into men, and then there I was, grinding against your ass, grabbing your hip like I wanted more, and getting too fucking close!"
I heard him, but none of that made sense. No, wait. It did. It actually made so much fucking sense, I'd taken it for granted.
Rymar was the man everyone thought they wanted.
He was attractive, wealthy, and had actual power in Lorsa.
He was a rising politician, and one people actually liked.
Dozens of people sought him out for a little fun, hoping to catch his interest, and time after time, they all failed - because they didn't know him.
Most didn't want to.
But I knew this man. I knew his flaws and weaknesses.
I'd seen him at both his best and his worst. I'd held him as he cried so hard, snot ran into his mouth.
I'd made him soup when he'd been sick. I'd lied to his mother, his latest fling, and even his boss.
He'd carried my body across town when I'd been hurt.
He'd let me cry it out on his shoulder when I'd been dumped.
He'd also been the first one to celebrate when I'd gotten my position as a teacher.
"Rymar," I said, reaching over to clasp his knee.
"I think the part you can't wrap your mind around is that I do love you.
No, not romantically, but I love you like family.
I respect the shit out of you - and not for the reasons most do.
I respect you because of this. Because under all your charming smiles and impressive speeches, you're still the guy who will worry himself sick over a friend.
I do love you, Rymar, I just don't love you the way you want. "
"No!" he hurried to say. "I know that. I do, Kanik.
I'm just so used to fucking things up with people that.
.." He glanced away and laughed once, but it was a dry sound.
"I don't want to fuck it up with you, okay?
You are my partner. I'm thrilled that we found someone who wants all three of us, and I don't want to be the reason this gets messed up. "
"No messing up," I assured him. "But maybe, just maybe, you can stop worrying about it?
I promise I don't care if your dick's hard around me.
I don't think you'll take advantage of me.
Shit, look at how you fought for Ayla! You've proven yourself, and you know what?
I trust you. I have trusted you since we were kids.
" Then I murmured and rocked my head around in a vague gesture.
"And so you know, when I thought I'd never have a chance with anyone, knowing you think I'm interesting at all? Yeah, it kept me from giving up."
"And now we have her," Rymar said, looking like he was finally relaxing.
"Yeah," I agreed. "We go and make a family with the one woman who doesn't care about any of the things we're so damned worried about ourselves."
"That's actually a good point," Zasen said as he took the log I'd been using earlier. "She doesn't care if I'm rash, abrasive, or obsessed with stopping the Moles. She isn't impressed by Rymar's money or status, and she happens to like brown a lot, Kanik."
"Yeah, she does," I agreed.
"But..." he said, holding up a hand to keep us from interrupting him. "You both need to know why she was so happy. I didn't bring it up because I got the impression that problem was, well, what it was."
"Okay?" Rymar asked.
Zasen grunted at him. "You are predictable, Ry. You've also talked to me about the 'Kanik problem' quite a few times."
"I'm a problem?" I asked.
"Him being into you too much," Zasen clarified. "He never believed me when I told him you weren't bothered by it."
"Believe it," I told Rymar.
"Trying," he assured me. "And I'll still be worried about it. The same way I'm worried about pushing Ayla too far. I want to respect your boundaries, Kanik, not walk all over them. You're one of my best friends. The last thing I want to do is be shitty about it."
"And you aren't some sex-crazed lunatic," I reminded him.
"This thing between us isn't new. I can't count how many times I've told you it doesn't bother me, and yet here we are again.
I'm serious, okay? It's flattering. Shit, flirt if you want.
Ayla might appreciate seeing how it's done. Rymar, I. Do. Not. Care."
"She could use a few examples," Zasen said, "because she was pretty blunt with me today."
Those words had both of us giving him our complete attention.
"What do you mean?" Rymar asked.
At the same time, I wanted to know, "What did you do?"
Zasen pointed at me. "I went down on her." Then to Rymar. "Like she asked."
"She asked for that?" Yeah, I couldn't see that happening. Ayla didn't have the first clue about anything intimate.
But Zasen rocked his hand. "She said she wasn't scared anymore. It sorta went from there. I'm pretty sure that when she pulled off her shirt, she had other ideas. I tried to slow her down. She tried to make it clear she didn't want that." And he smiled. "But she knows what an orgasm is now."
"Good for you," Rymar told him. "And... she was okay?"
"She's decided she can do that more often," Zasen said.
"She's also been asking about when something is okay.
Not allowed socially, but okay with the three of us.
Like sleeping in my bed, then against Rymar, and then with Kanik here.
She wants to make sure she's not going to ruin this thing we have, so I think we should all offer up the bits most of us take for granted.
You know, like how both of you can do the same thing I just did. "
I leaned forward. "And what exactly did you do?" A chuckle slipped out. "Not because I'm prying, but because I want to know where the new line is."
"Just some kissing, some feeling her up, and a little oral sex," Zasen said. "My talons are a little too long for hand stuff, but she did get off. She also admitted afterwards that she had a moment of fear, but she pushed through it because she trusts us."
"Which means," I said, looking between the two of them, "we need to make sure she doesn't feel like it has to be hidden. If she decides to do it again, I don't care if I'm in the room, okay? Or if I'm the one picked, or anything else."
"Me either," Zasen said. "She's made a few comments about us kissing differently, so I can see her wondering about the rest. I also think we should initiate a little more."
"Not sex," Rymar said quickly. "Oral or otherwise."
"Kissing," Zasen agreed. "Holding, cuddling, and maybe a little platonic hand-roaming. We need to stop treating her like she'll break, because that one?"
"Ayla will never break," I agreed.
"No, but she might manage to fix the three of us," Rymar said. "One honest little conversation at a time, she's doing it."
"Yeah," I breathed. "Because she was taught to talk about nothing. We've had to teach her everything. She's thrown out the idea of being ashamed and is just..."
"Perfect," Zasen finished for me. "That woman is absolutely perfect - for us."
Rymar and I nodded in agreement, because Zasen had just put my feelings into words.
Ayla was the thing we'd been needing this whole time.
We'd just never realized it until she fell into our lives.
Now, none of us wanted to risk losing either her or this thing between us, because my partners?
That was one rank higher than friends, and I fucking loved how it felt to have them.