Chapter 63
Sixty-Three
Meri
I'd headed over to Lessa's early that morning, wanting to get a few more outfits made that fit.
I also knew her orders were backing up, but I figured we could do both.
Drozel and Omden were home today, so I didn't need to wait for Sylis to wake up, and that man deserved to rest as long as his body needed.
I understood that a little better now since I'd had to recover from surgery.
But around midmorning, Drozel had come over to borrow a razor.
I'd asked why, and Lessa had tried to explain shaving to me - which made me laugh.
Gideon had shaved! I'd only wondered if he'd needed it for his face, a task, or something else.
When I explained that, she'd groaned, feeling foolish, but I thought it was sweet.
The way this woman was always ready to break down anything I didn't understand, and do it in a way which didn't make me ashamed of asking?
It was one of the things I liked most about her.
Then again, what I liked about her was a long list that started with her taste in clothes and ended with the gentle way she traced her fingertips along my shoulders as I worked.
"So," she said when I finished the last seam on my new pants, "are you hungry yet?"
"Starving," I admitted. "Sylis is probably ready for something a bit heartier than soup too."
But she made a face. "Let Omden cook for him. I want to go to the cafe."
"Why?"
"Because you and I are going on a date," she said. "We're going to let someone else worry about cooking and bringing drinks so we can talk about everything. I mean, if you're interested?"
The moment she said the word date, a smile had taken over. I didn't really know what a "date" consisted of, but I knew it was a part of "dating," and that meant more than just friends. This? It felt like a chance to figure a few things out, and I decided I was ready. More than ready!
It didn't take long to clean up our mess and get our things together.
Then, as we headed to the door, Lessa reached back with her hand, the offer obvious.
Without hesitation, I accepted, smiling again when she laced her fingers with mine in a way that felt very different from how Ayla and Callah ever had.
She didn't let go the whole time we walked.
She did point at things like a new selection of fabric in the market as we passed.
I asked about the leaves on the trees, and why they looked different.
That led to an explanation of the seasons, and it seemed this one was called fall because it was when the leaves fell from the trees.
In the compound, we'd called it autumn, and I'd always wondered what exactly that meant.
And the cafe was nothing at all like a dining hall. Brielle and Jeera had tried to compare them once, and now every time we came here, I couldn't help but notice the differences. The biggest one being the way people greeted us when we walked in.
"Find a place, Les!" a man called out.
"Thanks, Ulrik!" she yelled back, towing me to a set of chairs under one of the raised windows.
I took one side, she claimed the other, and the man made his way over only seconds later. "What can I get you ladies?" he asked. Then he smiled at me. "Meri, right? The Phoenix's friend? You've been here before?"
"Once," I said.
He nodded. "Good to know. Rymar's still down at the Reaper's, so the specials are the same as last week." And he gestured to a piece of wall that looked different from the rest and had writing on it.
"I don't know what that means," I told Lessa.
"Well," she said, pointing, "those are the food choices they have this time. Do you have a taste for anything special?"
"Maybe something new?" I suggested. "I don't know what that would be, though."
"Give her some salmon," Lessa decided for me. "She'll like the rice with cheese too. I'll have the same, but extra lemon."
"I can do that," Ulrik said. "And is this a beer kind of visit? Flavored drinks? Wine?"
Lessa glanced at me, paused, then shook her head. "Let's keep it to something flavored."
"I'll be right back." And he left.
Lessa watched him go, rubbing her hand across her mouth. A moment later, I saw her tail flick out from under the table, then back. That was a sign of nerves. Unfortunately, it also made me nervous.
Just when I was ready to ask what was wrong, she blurted out, "Meri, would you consider being my girlfriend?"
Everything slowed. My lips curled. Something heavy felt like it was lifted from me, and I was nodding before I could even think of the words.
"Yes. I think I'd like that very much. I don't really know what a girlfriend does, and I'd rather not get married again, but if it's like you and Drozel, then yes. "
"Yeah..." She rocked her head from side to side. "Me and Drozel are complicated."
"Not really," I said. "You like him. He likes you. Omden likes that you two like each other. It actually makes a lot more sense to me than how the Moles did things. I mean, you can change your mind if Drozel ever gets angry and hits you!"
"You do know he'd never do that, right?" she asked. "Not me, not you, and probably not even Sylis."
"I know," I assured her, "but that's the problem with people. We all think we know what we'll do, but we don't really. We hope, and we try, but in the moment, it all comes down to when we snap."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well," I said, "I always said I'd never lie, but when it came down to it, I told the worst lie I could imagine in order to get free.
See, there's a line. It's the 'until' part that we always forget.
You'd never hate me - until I do something unforgivable.
That sort of a thing. And the problem with Mole men is that their 'until' always ends with 'they get angry. ' That's what makes them so evil."
"Wow," she breathed. "Okay, I've never looked at it like that, but you're right." And she huffed out a dry laugh. "So very right. I also think Drozel and Omden have very high 'until' levels."
"Me too," I agreed. "But you do too, usually."
"Me?" She scoffed.
I nodded. "That's one of the things I like about you. You have limits, which you make clear to everyone, and when someone doesn't know about it, you don't hold it against them. Your 'until' seems to be 'they hurt someone you care about,' and that's actually a really good thing, Lessa."
"This," she said, reaching over for my hand, "is what makes you so amazing. Meri, most people think I'm a bitch."
"You are," I said with a smile. "You are strong and amazing. I like that part too. It's like nothing at all scares you."
"And you never lash out," she said, but the smile on her lips was just as big as mine.
"Meri, you have this ability to keep surprising me over and over.
I mean, after everything that's happened to you, somehow you have nothing to offer but kindness and compassion.
" Her thumb brushed across my hand. "And you have really good taste in clothes. "
Which made me laugh. "Okay, I like that too. So what does it mean to be your girlfriend?"
"Well..." She lifted a finger, pausing as the man returned with our food and a pair of drinks.
He set those out then left again, and she picked up where she'd left off.
"Meri, being someone's girlfriend usually lets the other person know they can kiss you when they want.
Well, mostly. Within reason. It means we can hold hands, or embrace, or curl up together on the couch without it being weird. "
"What about sex?" I asked.
She shrugged, trying to look both casual and smug at the same time in an adorable way. "I mean, that's one of those things that's up to you. I don't usually wait for the dating part. I just do it when I want to." And then her smile slipped. "But I do need to ask your opinion on the guys."
"I like the guys," I hurried to assure her.
"I mean me dating - " And she stopped hard. "Fuck. Yeah, I guess I am dating Drozel too." And she waved that away. "Does that bother you?"
"Nope," I said. "Lessa, Ayla used to read these books, back when we were girls.
She'd tell me about the amazing men who'd fall in love with a girl and propose to her, and then they'd live 'happily ever after.
' That was what I wanted. Still want. I mean, I know it's not as simple as the stories make it out to be, but this little part of me hopes to find someone who can make me feel complete.
Someone who is my match - and you've already done that.
You match Drozel, and Drozel matches Omden, and I'd like to think that maybe I can match you. "
"Yeah," she breathed. "Just promise me one thing?"
"Anything," I swore.
"Tell me if it bothers you, or if you want more time with me, or less, or anything else?"
I nodded. "I've been working on that, and seeing you do it helps me a lot. So yes, I can promise that."
"And you won't be horrified if I, say, kiss you when we get back home?" she asked.
"Embarrassed," I admitted, "but not in a bad way. In a new way, I think. But you should still do it. I like when you kiss me."
"And I like when you kiss me," she said. "Trust me, that's - "
But the pair of men who walked in were talking loudly enough, and about something important enough she didn't bother finishing her thought.
"Fucking Mole!" a man was telling his friend. "I mean, I get the Phoenix, but a man? And they brought him back here?"
"There's a Mole in Lorsa?" his friend snarled. "They should've warned us about that!"
"I say we find out where and kill the fucker."
"No..." I breathed.
But Lessa clasped my arm, acting like she was holding me in place even though I hadn't tried to move. "Just ignore it," she said.
"They're talking about Sylis," I hissed. "Lessa, he's - "
And the man heard me. "You!" he growled, pointing right at me. "You'd know!"
"Do not fuck with my girlfriend," Lessa warned.
The guy didn't seem to care. He stormed over to our table - and while part of me wanted to curl into myself, I didn't. I couldn't. Drozel had given me a stuffed animal so I'd stop shrinking. Lessa was beside me, so I wasn't alone. Gideon didn't own me, and this time it all felt different.
"Why is there a Mole here?" the man demanded, glaring right at me. "I thought they were the bad ones. I thought you women wanted to escape them, so you tell me where he is or I'll - "
"No!" I screamed, sliding out of my chair and into his face.
It was stupid. It was everything I didn't want to do, but I knew what made this different. First, because Lessa would sting this man if he tried to hurt me. But then there was the other reason.
Ayla had stood up for me. She'd been the one to help me first, then Jeera and Brielle, then Lessa, then Drozel and Omden. One by one, these people had stepped up to make my life easier when I'd needed it most.
But who did Sylis have? Only me.
"That Mole," I said, lifting my chin to look as brave as possible, "is named Sylis. He risked his life to help us. He saved the Phoenix's man on the inside."
"Jerlis's nephew," Lessa added from right behind me, proving she'd stood as well, and was likely glowering behind me.
That gave me even more confidence. I knew I was probably bad at this, but I still had to try. Right now was my turn to make a difference, and Sylis needed me. I needed me to do this too.
"I'm the one taking care of him. He's staying with me because I'm teaching him Vestrian.
I'm showing him how amazing things are up here, and he's thankful.
He escaped, you fool, because they hurt him just as much as they did me!
That man is my friend, and if you want to make someone pay, then go ahead.
I know how to take punishment, and I'm fucking sick of people thinking it's okay to be mean all the time.
It's not, do you hear me! Dragons are supposed to be the good guys. Stop always hurting people!"
"Or I'll make you hurt first," Lessa said. "Now back away from my girlfriend."