Chapter 74
Seventy-Four
Sylis
Ifigured out the trick to understanding Vestrian.
As soon as I got the hang of how the letters had been twisted, the rest came easily.
And seeing Omden look so proud of me? It made me feel things only those sweet looks from Tobias had stirred before.
Combined with the gentle touches Omden liked so much, I was sure I had a perpetual smile stuck on my face.
Even better was seeing the men with Meri in the kitchen.
Cooking had always been women's work, but Omden was usually the one teaching Meri how to do it properly.
The man would shift behind her, reaching around her body to make sure she understood things like "whisking," and now I wanted to learn how to cook.
In my daydreams, that man's arms would wrap around me like that.
I'd lean back - and my mind always stopped there.
Sadly, I just didn't know how to create the closeness Meri had with everyone.
Drozel looked at her as if she was precious.
Lessa giggled with her in the way girls did when young.
Omden leaned in to share whispers, and even if I only caught the looks they shared, I was convinced Merienne was the luckiest woman alive.
And I was jealous.
I didn't resent her for it, but I wanted that ease of familiarity with these people.
In truth, I wanted it with someone. Anyone.
Instead, I felt like I didn't quite fit in.
The better I spoke Vestrian, the easier things got, but there was still a distance these people kept around me, and while I couldn't blame them for it, I longed for something more. I always had.
But eventually Omden headed off with Lessa - which I still didn't understand.
Drozel was asleep, having been up early to do things for the town and the "militia," which was their version of hunters.
Granted, they didn't hunt, so that name made more sense.
Alone on the couch, I was doing my best to read a story Meri had given me.
It was in Vestrian, and I had my translation book on the table, but I wanted to be able to do this on my own.
"Meri?" I asked finally, "what does 'walrus' mean?"
Giggling, she left the kitchen and came into the living room. "It's an animal, Sylis. They breathe air, but swim in water. I didn't know that one either. All that matters for the story is that it's an animal."
"That talks?"
"It's a made-up story," she pointed out.
I nodded. "And a carpenter is someone who makes things from wood?"
She moved to claim a cushion beside me. "It is. I don't think we have a skill like it in the compound."
"Not enough wood," I pointed out, flicking a finger at the structure around us. "You know, everything up here is so similar, but also so very different."
"And confusing at first," she agreed. "I was so lost, and I was sure the things Ayla told me couldn't be true, but it all was."
"Yeah," I muttered, "it was."
"And it isn't your fault," she said, rubbing my shoulder. "All I'm saying is it's okay to ask, and I understand that sometimes the question might feel foolish, but it's really not."
"Okay, then I have a question," I decided. "Is it improper to ask why Omden took Lessa out today instead of his husband?"
She wrinkled up her nose. "They aren't husbands, Sylis. Omden and Drozel are partners."
"I don't understand the difference," I admitted. "Is it because they're both men?"
"No, it's a Dragon thing." And she rocked her head from side to side as if thinking about that. "So, the way I understand it, their relationships are different up here because women with tails can't bear children."
"Why not?"
"It has something to do with why some people have tails," she explained. "The women with them can't have babies. They're barren. The men with tails can, with a tailless woman."
"Okay?" I hadn't seen enough of this world to completely understand what she could be talking about, but the description seemed simple enough.
"Women like me," she clarified. "In the compound, we called them wild women and wild men. Up here, they call them tailless. Some are Dragons. Some are Reapers. That depends on where they live, not how they look."
"But..." That didn't make sense.
"See!" she exclaimed. "It's confusing! But all Dragon men are born from a woman like me.
Women like Lessa can only have children if they're in a multi-person relationship.
Dragons call that a family. Oh, they can also adopt.
The women who are raising my baby? They both have tails. Their boyfriend does not."
"Okay," I said. "So, Omden and Lessa?"
"Friends," she assured me.
"Drozel and Lessa?" I tried next, because I'd noticed them touching subtly quite a few times.
"Dating," she said. "That's like being intended, but without the marriage at the end, and it lasts for more than a week. They also don't have rules about kissing before marriage, or sex. People just do what they want whenever they want, and the only limit on it is if the people you're with mind."
"You lost me," I admitted.
"Omden and Drozel," she said, "are together. Partners, which is almost like husbands. Drozel is with Lessa. Boyfriend and girlfriend, which is like being intended. I'm with Lessa, but we're just girlfriends because it's kinda new."
"And that's okay?" I asked.
She nodded. "The important thing is that we asked.
Lessa asked me to be her girlfriend, and I agreed.
She also asked if I mind that she's with Drozel, and I don't. They're really cute when they're together, and Lessa is just as grumpy as he is.
Strong, too! Those two make a very cute pair. Ommy and I agree."
"Ommy?" I asked, because she didn't usually shorten his name.
Meri shrugged. "I've realized nicknames are something you do when you're close with someone, and he's my friend now." Then she tilted her head a bit, looking at me slyly. "What about you, Sylis? Do you like women at all?"
"I... Uh..." I grimaced. "Not that way."
"Omden doesn't either," she explained. "Drozel likes both. Lessa likes both. I think I might like both."
One word in that stood out. "Think?"
"Well, I used to like boys," she admitted, "but then I got married, and after Gideon, I was sure I'd never want a man to touch me again."
"Mole men are cruel to their wives," I agreed.
"Yeah, but Dragon men aren't like that," she said. "They're sweet and caring and romantic. I just don't know if a man would want those things."
I could feel my face getting warmer. "I wouldn't mind those things."
Which made her suck in a little breath and twist to face me. "Really? Like what? Is that why you kissed Tobias? Is he romantic?"
I groaned, realizing I'd walked into that. "Meri, it was a mistake."
"He's very handsome," she pointed out. "Sylis, that man is so big! I mean, both of my hands probably wouldn't fit around his arms."
"It'd be close," I assured her. "He's not nearly as big as Drozel!"
And she gave me a sly look. "Now he has impressive muscles. Do you find those attractive?"
In that moment, I realized it was her. It wasn't the amount of time she'd been here, or how well she spoke Vestrian.
The reason everyone was close with this woman was because she made it easy.
The sparkle in her eyes made me want to smile in response.
The open honesty? It let me admit things I never would've said before.
So I told her, "I do like muscles. I have also realized that green is a beautiful color."
"Omden," she said, nodding in complete understanding. "His scales are amazing, aren't they? And you can tell when he's tired because they get dull really easily. But he still has those stomach muscles."
"And his chest," I said, gesturing to the flat part above my nipples. "He has shapes there I didn't realize were possible."
"It's because they eat well up here," she explained. "Well, and they have more space, so heavier things. You want to know what's weird?"
"Tell me," I encouraged, because suddenly, I really did want to know.
"Well," she said, "I was so sure muscles were the problem, but Drozel?" A little smile touched her lips. "He's everything that should scare me, but he doesn't."
"He scares me," I admitted. "Sometimes, his tail goes..." And I used my hand to demonstrate the way it whipped. "...and I see his stinger!"
"They try not to show those," she told me.
"But stingers aren't scary. I'm going to get immune to venom soon too.
They said I had to wait, because of the baby and the healing.
Naomi - she's the doctor who treated me - wanted me to put on some weight so she couldn't see my ribs, and I'm almost there, and then we'll do it. "
"Do you think I can get immune, or do I have to do something first?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "Sylis, you killed people up here."
"I didn't!" I insisted. "The first time, I only carried someone back. I didn't want to, but I had to. After that, Tobias showed me how to avoid it. The only time I shot my gun was to help. I mean, because of the sound. Shooting into the air so I didn't hit anyone."
"Oh." She paused, a tiny crease appearing in her brow. "But people will think you did. That's what hunters do, and so many people here lost loved ones - and then we ate them!"
"I stopped eating meat after my first hunt," I told her.
"Then maybe they'll let you," she said. "You might have to become a Dragon first, though. That takes a while, but it's because the people up here take care of each other. I know you haven't gotten to see much yet, but trust me, it's amazing."
"Just this house has been amazing," I admitted.
"Only because you like looking at Omden," she teased.
Which made me chuckle. "That might have something to do with it, yes. I think it's also knowing it's okay for me to be like this."
"I didn't realize I was." She shifted again, burying her shoulder in the back of the couch so she could lean against it. "Ayla and Callah were like sisters. I didn't like them that like that. Gideon was so handsome, but cruel."
"He really is," I agreed. "Both things. But you know what's weird? The men I used to think were attractive? Compared to Dragons, they're very plain."
"Their colors?" she guessed.
"No, everything. Omden has this really nice jaw, and his lips are green, but shaped well. Even Drozel is handsome. He's not only muscular, but he has a nice face too."
"I know," Meri groaned. "And Lessa is so pretty. She calls her color tawny, but I think she's very golden. Her skin is soft too. You know, I sometimes wonder if it's because there's all these different people up here, and that makes them all prettier."
"Maybe," I agreed. "Or it could be simply because it's new."
"Could be." She shrugged. "But I like it. I'm glad I came. I think that if I had to pick a husband again, I'd rather be alone, but this? I'm so happy here, Sylis. And if you want, maybe I can ask Omden what he thinks about you? Because if he likes you too..."
"No, don't do that," I groaned, hating the idea. "There's no way he'd pick me over big, muscular Drozel."
"He doesn't have to pick," she said. "That's what I'm saying."
"But... Meri, I want someone to like me back."
"And?" she asked.
"To like me the most," I clarified.
"But it doesn't have to be like that," she said.
"Sylis, that's a Mole way of thinking. I mean, Lessa likes me most for talking about clothes.
She likes me most because I let her be a big, strong, protector.
She likes Drozel most because she gets to be protected by him.
And he's strong, so he can take charge, and she says she likes that sometimes.
She likes Omden most for being reliable and supportive.
Everyone gets to be the best at something. "
"But what do I have that someone could like most?" I asked.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I think that's something you'd have to ask them about."
"What do you like most about me?" I tried next.
"I like that you understand where I come from," she said. "I like that you sometimes get embarrassed, because it makes me feel like it's okay when I do the same. I like that you're you, Sylis."
"What do you like most about Omden?" I tried next.
"I like that he's a good friend," she said. "I know that when he says I'm pretty, it's not because he wants something. I like how patient he is with me, and how nurturing he is." Then she giggled. "I also like that he's really bad at lying, but he still tries to do it to save my pride."
"Okay, that only makes him cuter," I groaned.
"I know!"
"So what about Lessa?" I tried next.
And her cheeks turned pink. "I like that she doesn't think I'm weak, that she's as excited about clothes as I am, and that she doesn't think I'm stupid when I ramble on when trying to explain things.
I really like how she makes my heart race, and the way she kisses me?
It's so different, which makes it easy to lose myself in it.
But if I'm honest, sometimes I miss having a man kiss me hard. "
"Maybe Drozel?" I tried, seeing if she'd backtrack as quickly as I had.
But Meri glanced away with a giggle. "Drozel's scared of me.
He's always worried he's going to be too loud, or too rough.
I don't know. He just hasn't realized I'm not going to break.
We didn't get that option, you know? And just because I want to be nice, and kind, and compassionate? That isn't the same as fragile."
"You are definitely not fragile," I agreed.
So she tapped my arm playfully. "And now you have no excuses, Sy." She grinned. "See, you have a nickname now too."
"Wait, I have no excuses?" I asked. "What do I need excuses for?"
"To like Omden," she said. "You should try flirting with him."
"No, I couldn't."
"You could!" she said. "Sylis, you'll never learn how if you never try. At least with Ommy, you know he won't laugh at you. At worst, he'd let you down gently."
"Oh." Because she had a good point. "But what do I do if he says no?"
"Then you accept it," she said. "That's the one thing I've learned up here.
Dragons talk. They don't expect you to know things or just guess them.
They say it, and then they accept the answer, even if they don't like it.
And it's hard, but it's also..." She made a face, trying to think of the right word.
But I had it. "It's amazing," I said. "That word doesn't feel like enough, but I'm glad I'm here, Meri. And I'm glad you are too, because you make this so much easier."
She reached over, catching my hand in hers. "That's what friends do, and we're allowed to be real friends now."
And that? It was all I'd ever dared to hope for - but maybe it was time to dream a little bigger.