10. Raven
Raven
The sound of some kind of falcon or kestrel wakes me up, and I roll to my feet, shoving up and out of the tent before I can think it through. There’s this disconnect every time I wake up. Where am I? Who was in my body last? How much time have I lost?
Blaze holds out a mug from where he’s sitting on a log.
“Almost twenty-four hours, nobody woke up. You just slept.”
I exhale, letting the relief slow my racing heart. Fuck. I hate waking up like this. I hate it.
With a huff, I gratefully take the coffee cup and inhale half the mug in one gulp. It’s coffee, made the way I like it with too much sugar and milk. I’m not going to ask where they got the supplies or how he knows that’s how I like my coffee. I’m more interested in knowing where everyone else is.
I wander the clearing, my awe growing as I take in the transformation. It should look like any other patch of forest, and yet, there is wire and string hung between the trees. Shiny bits of metal, coloured bits of string. It looks like we’re in the centre of a massive spider's web.
“Uh…” I gesture to our surroundings.
“Apparently, Daega was a spider in another life.”
I blink. Several times. What do I even say to that?
It is beautiful and scary in its uniformity and cohesion.
I study it with interest, but only in a because-it’s-Pix kind of way.
I have zero interest in building a nest. It’s pretty, but the sun is nice, and I just want to lie in it and absorb the heat like a lizard.
I blow out my cheeks and scrub my face.
“We haven’t discussed it yet, but what are they going to need, and how is it…what will happen?” Blaze is unsure. It’s cute. In all our shared memories, he’s almost always certain, confident, assured.
I stare at him, trying to get my head around it, and then I catch the heat scent that is seeping out of my skin, despite the fact that I’m the alter in charge. Biology can’t be denied, I think bitterly.
“Not sure. I suspect you’ll see the omegas and soon. Apparently, I have timed my grand arrival poorly.”
“Which are? We just want to be certain.”
“Kestrel, Raptor, and Merle. Jay leans towards alpha, I’m a beta, and Dove doesn’t have a designation. I have no desire or drive or will. The heat feels like it’s happening to someone else.”
“Are you all okay with what’s going to happen?”
“Are Jay and I going to come out stabby?” I snort a laugh. “No. We will…sleep, I guess is the right word. Only waking if we’re called. Not like we have a choice, is it?”
“Okay, that’s…a relief.”
I side-eye him and see that he’s being honest. He is relieved. I try to think about the situation from his point of view, and it’s kinda horrifying. I empty the cup and hand it back.
“Is there any water?”
He pulls out a canteen and hands it to me. I drink deeply before handing it back and wandering off into the forest to take care of business. I find a stream and follow it away from the camp, then wash myself in the cold water until I feel more human again.
I crouch on the side of the stream, staring at the water.
We got lucky that Roseland found Dove. I shudder to think what could have happened to us if someone else had found us. There is so much I have to do, so much that’s going to be bad and dangerous.
But first, we have to get through the heat.
It’s inconvenient.
And dangerous it always is. The other heats we’ve had have been spent with me holding on as hard as I can, trying to hold back the waves while the omegas scream in agony. I kept us locked in abandoned buildings, far away from alphas and temptation.
They hated me for it.
This time, I won’t be able to hold them back, but I need to trust these alphas. Can they protect us? I’m still not sure, but I don’t have a choice. The omegas have decided they want these alphas.
Who cares what I want. I press the heels of my hands to my eyes, trying to push away these bitter thoughts.
I reach out and let the cool water run over my fingers.
There were dead birds, and drawings etched on tree trunks, and signs of Father everywhere. The alters don’t see it or recognise the significance. But I have been watching through their eyes, and I know we’re not as free as we think we are.
However, when Dove took over…I don’t remember anything. All the time is gone, and she didn’t know what to look for. It’s frustrating, and there’s only one alter who will be able to tell what happened when Dove was fronting.
It’s time to deal with Kestrel. She cannot continue to hide. I close my eyes and go into that circular room inside me.
Kestrel is staring into space, her eyes blank. Raptor and Merle are standing together silently, while Dove sits on Jay’s lap.
I shudder, stretching my wings out and stalk across the space, my heels clicking and echoing around the chamber. I walk straight up to her and lean over so our faces are just a hand’s width apart.
“Snap out of it.”
She stares.
“We need you. The heat’s here. You have to go in and make sure we survive it.”
Nothing.
I want to scream.
“Kestrel!” I snarl.
I grab her hair and shake her violently. She’s like a doll in my arms, unresisting.
“Do you want to see your omega die?”
“It would be better if we did die,” she whispers.
I toss her into the centre of the chamber. She hits the ground and rolls. I stalk after her, tossing my hand in the air and snarling when Raptor tries to intervene.
“Not us, you selfish bitch. Him.”
A tensing of her eyes is all I see before she explodes up, rage in every line of her body. Her hair crackles with electricity, and she grips my throat tight.
“What do you mean?” she hisses.
“You’re both going into heat, and we’re all being hunted.
Father is coming. Did you think your little punishment was going to satisfy him?
He wants them, and he’s not going to stop until he has them back.
You don’t get to quit because you feel shitty.
The rest of us aren’t quitting. We’re all here.
You chose to take the pain. Now get up, and keep fighting so we can keep them alive. ”
Kestrel flinches hard.
I grin at her. “Jay and I are the only ones who know where to find what we stole. He’s going to tear that information from our flesh. But now he’s got the perfect weapon to ruin us.”
Kestrel’s eyes turn bleak. “Our pack.”
“Yes,” I hiss at her, stepping back into her space, mocking her with a smile that I know will push her into the predatory side of her nature.
“Our pack. All of them about to fall into a double heat, defenseless, vulnerable, without the knowledge that we have. You are the protector. So fucking do your damn job and protect them.”
She screams and shoves me. I hit the wall hard, falling to my knees in the dark, laughing because she’s back, and it doesn’t matter how much of an ass I have to be, I will be what we need to be.
“You got us caught,” Kestrel hisses. “You took us there.”
I stare at her, feeling the unease ripple through the chamber, the violence. She’s not wrong, but it wasn’t intentional; I didn’t know. But I am the one who will shoulder the blame and self hate. That’s my job.
“Yes, I did.”
“You did this to us! You hurt us!” Kestrel howls.
The chamber shakes, the foundations trembling, and out of the corner of my eye, I see glowing eyes and the flicker of flames in the dark.
Who is that?
“Yes, we got hurt. But we’re alive. We survived. I did that, too!”
“I HATE YOU!” she screams and drops to her knees, howling.
I stare at her. “That’s okay. Hate me. But get off your damn ass and save our pack.”
The chamber falls silent. Jay and Dove watch me but don’t speak. Merle hugs herself and stares at the wall. Raptor stares at Kestrel.
“Sort your shit out. We don’t deserve them, but for some reason, they want us, the least you can do is fight for them. After all, it’s you who brought Father down on us.”
She roars and charges me, but I turn and let it fade away, blinking back into the world where I find my fingers are almost numb. I sit back on my butt and wrap my arms around my knees. The birds call and the sun flickers and dances through the canopy. It’s really pretty out here.
We were meant to be travelling further, but I guess those plans are derailed.
I smell them before they reach me and force myself not to react.
Rose and Sage sit down on either side of me. Sage stares at me, I can feel it, but Rose doesn’t say anything.
“Aaron has been telling us about what you have done.”
I grunt.
“You’ve been working for the police. Helping get people out, find victims, name accomplices, and help narrow down his identity.”
I turn and look at Rose. “Really? Bloody tattle tale.”
He doesn’t even look at me. He just half-smiles and stares at the creek.
“Do the others know?”
I snort. “Of course not. The fewer people who know, the more we can be believable if we are caught.”
“You have risked a lot.”
I glower. “Don’t make me out to be a hero. This was all self-preservation.”
Rose laughs. “So, what about-”
“Rose, stop. I’m not a hero. I saved myself. That’s all. Everyone else was just a happy accident. I’m not this magical person you seem to think I am.”
“You don’t see yourself clearly, Raven,” he murmurs.
My heart hurts.
“I think you don’t see me clearly.”
He just smiles and shakes his head. “I see you clearer than anything I’ve ever seen. It’s why nothing mattered but finding you.”
I stare at his back, surprised as he gets up and walks away.
“What did that mean?” I ask Sage.
“He rejected Daega. For over a year. And me, for several years. He was determined to go it alone; we all thought he was obsessed with his work. Turns out he had a more compelling reason than work.”
My mind boggles. “I didn’t realise he…for me?”
“Looks like.”
I huff again, shoving all the emotion deep inside me. “Kestrel is coming back.”
“She is?”
I nod my head, trying to shove the dizziness away. “Now, by the feel of it. She’s being rather rough, but I did piss her off earlier, so I guess I deserve the pain.” I squeeze my eyes closed. “Don’t tell them anything. Please.”
“Okay, Raven, I’ll keep your secret for now.”
I inhale, and it catches in my throat. “Keep your eyes open during the heat. Get dangerous, Alpha. Don’t get complacent.”
His hand lands on my thigh, squeezing. “What does that mean?”
I shake my head, nauseous from the pain. “Damn, I hate it when she does this.”
I turn to the side and vomit up the coffee and water before I get up and stumble away from Sage.
My legs give out, and I drop, clutching my head. “Bitch!” I whisper painfully.
It’s all melting away, twisting into a rainbow hue of oily colours. I fall into the dark and the flames that are waiting.
I turn, searching, but I’m alone. The chamber is on fire.
I look up. There is black smoke billowing across the ceiling, rolling in huge, thick clouds. The flames burn from the very stone themselves. It’s impossible, but so is everything I’ve seen so far.
“Show yourself!”
A massive presence whooshes past me.
I turn with it, shock making me weak.
“Another alter? Seven of us? Who are you?”
My voice echoes, but no answer comes.
I’m yanked out of the chamber and thrown into the dark. Where my consciousness falls asleep because Kestrel has full control of our body, and I am no longer needed.
Or wanted.