Chapter 46
THEA
My nest is my safe place. It’s where I’ve been holed up since my first night home.
One of the guys brings up food for me since I can’t do the stairs.
Keelan offered to carry me but I said no.
They’ve all been giving me space these few days, probably more than they want since I’m keeping them at arm’s reach.
They’ve been sleeping in the nest with me but no one has gotten close to me, too afraid to trigger me again.
I didn’t know that would happen. I was fine with Micah holding me in the hospital.
Maybe that was because we were front to front.
But Ben held me during the interview with Logan from behind and I was okay.
There’s no logic to it, and I can’t push it down like I did when I first woke up in the hospital.
This isn’t how I envisioned I’d feel. The nest door opens and the scent of fresh oak washes over me—Keelan. “I’m picking you up, is that okay?” I look over at him curiously. I know I should leave this floor, maybe if I’ll concede to this for today so they won’t ask again for a while.
“Yeah,” I reply, not caring. Keelan gets closer and gently places his hands under me. He’s always so gentle, my teddy bear. I rest my head against his chest and close my eyes until we get to the first floor.
When I open my eyes, Keelan is heading for the dining room.
What time is it? I think it’s too early for lunch.
As we enter, I see Sophie sitting at the head of the table.
Weird, no one ever sits there, we don’t even keep a chair there.
Keelan places me down on the chair to her left and leaves.
I guess I know why he brought me downstairs.
As much as I love Sophie, I wouldn’t want another omega in my nest or pack bedroom.
“Where are the dads?” I ask awkwardly, not looking at her. I have a feeling as to why she’s here. The guys ratted me out.
“They’re running errands,” she responds evenly, no hint of her emotions one way or the other.
She has a cup of tea in front of her, the steam still rising from it.
Her silence is unnerving. She isn’t one to be quiet, that’s usually me.
I still haven’t looked at her face, too afraid of what I’ll see. Pity.
Her hand envelopes mine. Silent support. It’s something my own mom would’ve done and I’m nearly brought to tears over the memory. That’s probably why I’m always grabbing the guys’ hands or wanting them to hold mine. It was always something my mom did to comfort me. Such a small action.
Feeling braver now, I look at Sophie, first at her hazel eyes that are the image of Connor’s.
He may have looked just like Max in every way, but his eyes were from Sophie without a doubt.
It’s that reminder of him that releases my tears.
I don’t really know what I’m crying over specifically.
Sophie wraps an arm around my shoulders and holds me as I cry.
All the crying I’ve done since moving here seems to pale in comparison to today.
She holds me through it all, soothing me as best she can.
I’m not sure how long it goes on for. I feel wholly drained after. “Better?” Sophie asks, still holding me.
“A little,” I rasp out, sitting up out of her hold. “What did they tell you?”
“That something happened that triggered you and you seemed withdrawn since,” she says softly.
Bracing my arms on the table, I lay my head atop them. “He’s still winning. It’s not fair.” It’s a minute but she seems to pick up what I’m saying.
“Then don’t let him. Whatever is eating away at you, talk about it with me, your mates, hell, a therapist. Whoever you want but don’t keep it in like this,” she says more fervently. I turn my head so I can see her face. She looks like the fierce Sophie I’m used to.
“I don’t want this. I thought I was free of it all and it was over. I’m an idiot for thinking it’d be so simple.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “I’m so tired Sophie.”
She reaches towards my head slowly, as if asking permission, and gently pats my head.
“I know honey.” We stay like that and I make the decision to give her the cliff notes version of what happened in that house.
I can acknowledge that I need to talk about it and in this moment, I feel brave enough to.
If I don’t, I’m worried I’ll shut down all over again.
Sophie cries with me as I tell her the gist of what happened.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” She pauses, sniffling.
“Something like this won’t go away overnight.
I really think you should talk with someone, like a therapist.” My body tenses at that.
“I’m serious, not just because of this but everything.
From the stalking starting to Connor. You’ve been burying everything for too long. You deserve to be happy again.”
I know she’s right as much as I hate it.
I’m not against therapy. Literally the whole pack has been before.
I just don’t want to relive everything. But the coping I’ve been doing, if you can call it that, isn’t working.
I feel so raw since the other night and I haven’t been able to shake it off.
I don’t want to push away my pack. In reality, ever since I came to this town, my coping skills have been failing.
Something about this town, meeting my mates, makes it so all my defenses and guards slowly started crumbling, leaving nowhere for me to hide and avoid my feelings.
Maybe it’s a scent match thing or maybe my body was exhausted after trying to keep it up for a year.
I am tired, and it feels like that down to my soul.
Even the bonds have seemed dimmer since coming home.
“Okay, I’ll make an appointment.” I know it’s for the best but I dread it all the same.