Chapter 47
THEA
Ihate Mondays. They are objectively the worst day for a lot of reasons.
One being it’s one of the two days during the week that I have therapy.
After my talk with Sophie a couple of weeks ago where I agreed to an appointment, I found out my lovely mate Ben had already scheduled one for me just in case.
I love him but I wasn’t happy they already planned it.
I can’t blame them but I can still be annoyed, at least that’s what I’m going with.
We just finished today’s session. The therapist is the same one the guys saw for about a year after their ex-courtship.
The sessions are online, via a secure site.
She’s nice and doesn’t push hard about things like I imagined would happen.
But I always feel mentally drained afterwards.
Currently I’m snuggled up in my reading chair in the library, with Duke resting at my feet on the ottoman.
He’s such a good dog. He now follows me around like he does Micah, though only when Micah isn’t home.
Once he is, Micah is clearly the favorite, which is fine with me.
After the first couple of sessions, I started sleeping in the pack bed with the others.
Only two or three of them would be there.
I think they didn’t want to overwhelm me.
Micah hasn’t slept there much but I wonder if that’s just his preference.
If it is, I want to make sure to go to his room sometimes too.
We haven’t talked much since I came home.
At least not about what we discussed at the hospital.
He’s been here for me through everything just like the rest of the guys.
I still haven’t felt up to any physical intimacy with my mates other than hugs and light kisses.
I’m learning to not downplay it as my therapist said.
My original frustration with myself was that nothing went beyond the groping and kissing so I should be fine to be with my mates.
Oh boy was she quick to dispel that thought process.
I keep having to catch myself when I start to go down that road and course correct.
Then there’s the fact that I want to bond with Micah; now that we’ve agreed to it. The hollow feeling I’ve had since the heat has felt more significant.
A knock sounds at the door, making Duke raise his head in question.
I yell a quick come in. Figures it’s Micah, as if my thoughts summoned him.
I readjust how I’m sitting so I’m fully on the chair, freeing up space on the ottoman for him, though Duke takes up most of it, regardless.
Micah walks over first, leaning down to kiss me on the head before sitting down next to Duke.
He pets his head and then neck and shoulders.
Duke is in heaven from the attention, making me smile.
“How was it today?” he asks cautiously, still petting Duke.
“It was good. Productive,” I answer, twirling the question I want to ask around in my head. Fuck it. “Micah?” I ask and he locks his eyes with mine. “Do you want to bond…right now?”
His eyes nearly bug out of his head and for him to make such a comical expression, I can’t help but roll with laughter.
“I’m sorry—your reaction.” I cut myself off, laughing again.
It’s no secret I have little tact. When I look at him next, he’s pouting in that gruff ‘I’m pissed off at everything’ look.
I know his tells now, just some of them, though.
“You’re serious?” he asks gently, vulnerability bleeding into his voice and eyes erasing the hardness normally there.
“Yeah. I’m not ready for sex, in general, yet, but I want to bond with you. Ever since we talked about it, the missing spot I’ve had since my heat when I bonded everyone else has felt even bigger than before,” I say honestly.
He looks surprised to hear I’ve felt that way since the heat. After the heat when we talked, he said he needed time and I respected that. I didn’t want to put pressure on him by voicing my deeper feelings. “If you’re sure then yes, I want to bond.”
I reach over and pull his hand as I lie back in the chair. He would have to lean over me, but I want to be close. Even if we’re not having sex, we can still have intimacy.
“Are you okay?” he asks as he moves over me.
I nod in agreement. One side of my neck has been bare this entire time.
Keelan claimed the other side but I wonder if everyone thought this spot was for Micah.
Angling my neck to give him the most space, I eye his neck in return.
I want my mark where he and everyone can see it.
He leans down, his warm coffee scent getting deeper, placing kisses on his intended spot, making goosebumps rise along my skin.
His teeth graze my skin like a tease, making me groan in frustration.
He chuckles at that. Well, two can play that game.
Reaching up, I put slight pressure on his back, pushing him lower so I can kiss his exposed neck.
As soon as my lips make contact, he strikes—biting and marking me.
It feels amazing. Instinctually, I return by marking him and the bond forms between us.
It feels like a rush, different from any of the other times, like a network connecting its last piece.
I can feel that last jagged rough piece of my heart melding into the rest. It’s so rough and abrasive with all the little scars from being broken and put back together again.
It almost reminded me of that rugged wooden heart I carved.
These men have put these pieces back together and made a new one I never thought I’d ever have.
I flood our bond with so much love, and Micah’s surprise is distinct. But so is his love. After tending to our marks, he rests his forehead against mine, just like at the hospital. Only now, I can feel all the emotions that are swimming in his eyes.
“I love you so much, Wildcat.” He kisses me so softly on the lips, the brush of his beard against my skin lighting me up from the inside.
“I love you too.”