Chapter 50 #2
“Don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”
I glance over at him, looking more closely. His smile is kind, like he’s genuinely interested, not just digging for information.
“You know everyone who comes here?”
His laughter is booming—comforting and warm.
“Pretty much.” His eyes crinkle around the corners. “I'm kind of a big deal around here.”
I’m laughing again at his bluntness. “Is that so?”
“Oh yeah. Very important.” He nods toward the man sleeping peacefully in the wheelchair. “My dad’s been here almost four years. I should warn you, if you hang around long enough, they’ll start asking you to help reach things on high shelves.”
My eyes drop pointedly to him. “Really?”
He sighs. “Fine. Medium shelves.”
This time, when I chuckle, he smiles back like he knows it.
“So, who brought you here?”
Where do I even start with that one? It should be so simple. This morning beside the fire, I knew.
But now, my heart and my head are standing on opposite sides of the room.
“My—”
The word catches.
Because boyfriend feels too small for what happened between us last night and too certain for the way he’s pulling back this morning.
“Someone I love.”
His expression softens. “Those are the ones that usually send people looking for this bench.”
I let loose a long sigh. “No, it’s just complicated.”
“Sometimes the best things are.”
I groan.
“Well, you couldn’t have picked a better spot to think on it.”
“I guess not.”
“Aspen?” Emmett’s tired voice calls out from behind me.
I twist and find him standing at the edge of the path.
Whatever hope I had that the doctor would ease some of his worry disappears.
His shoulders are slumped and there’s a sadness to him I haven’t seen in weeks. Dark circles are obvious under his eyes, but he’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.
Even if he’s breaking my heart.
Then my new friend turns around, and Emmett’s forehead creases like he’s trying to make sense of what he’s seeing.
The man on the bench beside me is the first to speak. “Good to see you, Emmett.”
I look between them. “Oh, you two know each other?”
I guess it’s not all that surprising considering they both have family here. But I can’t imagine Emmett socializing with the families of other residents.
The man pushes himself up from the bench.
“He’s my boss,” Emmett offers through a clenched jaw.
My stomach sours.
Of course he is. Today just couldn’t just give Emmett one impossible thing to handle. It has to keep stacking them up. The universe put the one person he probably doesn’t want seeing the cracks in his shield right in front of him on his worst day in a while.
Carl looks over Emmett in a way that tells me he cares, which makes it all that much worse.
Emmett doesn't know what to do with people who care when he can’t convince them he’s okay. And right now, he’s not okay, despite his outward attempts to appear otherwise.
“How’s Monica?” Carl asks.
Emmett’s attention moves back toward the building, his gaze lingering long enough that it warrants the concern swelling in my chest. “She fell this morning.”
His words are flat, almost like he’s stripping away the emotions so they won’t hurt as much.
Carl’s expression shifts. “Is she hurt?”
“No.” The answer comes quickly. “She’s fine.”
It doesn’t go unnoticed by me or Carl that he’s skirting the question.
I stand from the bench, rounding the back and going to Emmett. There’s a split second when my palm lands on his chest that he leans into the connection before he steps back.
Shocked, I drop my hand at my side. Hurt lances my chest as I struggle to make sense of what’s happening. It’s been a day, sure, but this feels like more than just a bad morning.
I wish I had water. My throat is suddenly drier than late summer tinder.
“What did the doctor say?” I ask.
His eyes meet mine. There’s so much there I can’t decode—sadness, longing, distance, all swirling in dark blue pools.
Emmett laughs bitterly. “Besides not to spend the good days waiting for bad ones?” He pushes his hand through his hard.
It’s already messed up, as if his hands have been tugging on it since the doctor called him away.
“Physically she’s okay, and while her fall isn’t a sign of disease progression by itself, things will get worse. ”
“Oh, Em. I’m so sorry.”
“I knew this,” he says so quietly I almost miss it.
“Knowing something doesn’t make it easier to deal with when it sucks this hard.”
“Maybe, but I shouldn’t have let myself forget even for a second that this was always where things would end up.” His eyes lift to meet mine slowly. “It’s probably time for you to get going.”
I suck in a sharp breath at the sting of his words. “What?”
“Your shift, Aspen. You can’t just miss work for me.”
“Not your call,” I remind him.
Carl clears his throat from behind us.
Shit. I almost forgot he was there.
“I'm going to take my dad back inside.” His gaze lingers on Emmett a second longer. “Find me before you head out?”
I watch Carl wheel his father away, and when I look back, Emmett’s wearing a resolved look that breaks my heart.
“What the hell, Emmett?” I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m equal parts frustrated and sad.
His brows lift.
I’m pushing back for once. I’m not just going to take the path of least resistance because it’s the neatest way through. I don’t care if the staff can see us through the window or that Carl picked up on the tension. This is too important.
“I want to be here for you. If I call in or drive back after my shift, that gets to be my choice.”
“Aspen—”
“No.”
His mouth closes.
“I know you’re hurting, and I know today has been awful, but you don’t get to protect me by deciding what I can handle.”
His jaw flexes. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Isn’t it?”
“You barely slept last night. You’re rearranging your life and bartering to pick up more hours than you already work to try to take care of me, my grandmother—everyone but yourself.”
“Again, not your decision.”
“I can’t watch you disappear for me. And what’s more, why would you want to?”
“Because I love you. God, how do you not get that?”
As soon as I say it, I feel lighter. It’s the truth, and I can’t take it back.
Emmett just freezes. And as clear as I see it, I can also see the problem with it. Love scares the shit out of Emmett. He won’t say it back but not because he doesn’t feel it.
“Everyone I love gets hurt.”
“Emmett—”
“My parents were absent before they died. I lost Rory—my grandfather. My grandmother spent her entire life taking care of everyone and now she doesn’t even know where she is half the time, and I’m going to lose her too.”
“Those things aren’t your fault.”
“I know.” He drops his head and I hold my breath. When he slowly lifts his gaze back to me, my heart cracks wide. “You taught me that.”
That’s somehow so much worse. Because he’s changed—I’ve seen that. He’s been lighter, allowing people in.
“But I can't stop it.” His voice breaks. “And I can’t wait for the world to take you too.”
“I’m standing right here, asking to stay.” I let a long breath out, and with it, a hot tear escapes. “You don’t get to mourn losing me before you’ve even let yourself have me.”
His gaze flips back and forth over my face. I can tell he’s at war with himself.
“I love you, and I’m not taking it back because you’re scared. But you have to decide, because being so afraid of losing me that you never let yourself have me? That’s still losing me.”
I step forward and push onto my toes. My fingers brush his arm one last time before I kiss his cheek.
And then I turn and leave.