Chapter 3
three
ORION
I don’t know why Carina is hesitant to go paddleboarding. I can tell from Haley’s comments they both go often. But Carina looked at me like I would prevent her.
I personally prefer kayaking, but paddleboarding has always looked fun. The water is warm so falling isn’t a big deal. It’s possible to swim in the Charles River back in Boston, but you couldn’t convince me to risk it, so I’d never tried it there. And I love a good risk.
After about an hour, Nathan brings them back from the tour, and one of the women, Jeannette, attempts a few yoga poses on her board and quickly falls in the water. I laugh along with them as soon as I realize she’s able to climb up easily and doesn’t need a rescue. It makes me more curious about Carina. I want to see her attempt one of the poses Jeannette tried.
I shouldn’t be thinking about how flexible she probably is.
I’m a professional and she’s a professional. I’ve done thousands of day and overnight charters. I’ve never reacted to a guest the way I’m reacting to Carina.
“You joining at all?” I ask her.
She sits up straighter. “Maybe in a bit. Like I said, this is for them, not me.”
She told me she was tired from her workout earlier. She avoids eye contact, suggesting something else.
Jeannette paddles up to the boat. “You can do better than I did,” she playfully taunts.
Carina shrugs.
“Oh, come on,” Haley calls from her board. “That would make a great video, and you need content from today.”
Carina looks at me.
That’s when I see it. The smallest hint of fear in her eyes. I don’t know what it means, but I hate it. I’d love to see her try something brave even if it doesn’t work.
“A few nautical poses. Like boat. Or mermaid!” Stacy suggests.
“Fine.” Carina grabs the paddle and helps Jeannette onto the swim platform, handing over her phone and sunglasses. She eases herself onto the board, and while kneeling paddles a few yards away. Jeannette holds up Carina’s phone as she moves into position.
I’ve done a few yoga classes, but I don’t know anything beyond the basics. It’s enough to be impressed with the way Carina bends her body into position. She looks off into the distance in exactly the way a mermaid would if a sailor spotted her sunning herself on a rock.
I would absolutely run my ship aground if it meant getting close to her.
She looks to Jeannette and smiles while the other women cheer her on. Carina’s gaze turns to me. Suddenly, all the fear I saw before is gone. I’m sure my jaw drops. I school my features back to neutral, but she saw me. She knows what she’s doing to me.
“You don’t want to go out more?” Haley asks when Carina paddles back a minute later.
“No, you go. I’m fine on the boat.” Once again, she makes eye contact. This time she smiles. I’m not as opposed to her staying back since I get to be with her.
At the same time, I wish she would do more. I want to know her through the way she moves. She’s so strong and capable. But she’s hiding something, and it’s obvious to me. Everyone else appears to miss it. She’s not what I expected. It isn’t because I assumed wrong. It’s that no one sees what I’m seeing.
I can’t do anything about these feelings while we’re on a charter. But It’s a small town. I’ll run into her.
We could grab a drink at Paradise.
It’s clear Alex knows her. I don’t need him as a wingman. At least not yet. But if I’m at the bar enough…
“Can we jump off the front?” Jeannette asks, dragging my attention from Carina.
“The bow.” I run through the safety protocol in my head. The water is ten feet deep. No visible rocks. The current isn’t strong. Everyone swears they are fantastic swimmers. “Sure.”
“You should jump with us.” Jeannette lightly brushes my arm with her hand, giving me a flirtatious grin. Behind her, storms appear in Carina’s eyes.
“I would, but as captain I’m required to stay on the boat. Regulations.” It’s a lie. But it’s the best answer I’ve found for letting down a guest who wants more from me. Jeannette is pretty, but she’s not doing anything for me the way Carina is. “Nathan is more than welcome to.”
“Sure thing, Captain!” He practically leaps to the bow, where he holds Jeannette’s hand. They count to three and jump together. Haley records on a phone.
Everyone else takes their turn, except Carina. “It’s fun,” I tell her. “I’ll even jump with you.”
“What happened to regulations?” she asks. Her skin is warm as we stand side by side. As close as we can be without touching. I could shift and then know what she feels like against me.
“Sometimes the risk is worth it.” Her discerning gaze watches my expression. “But you got me there. Next time.”
I need to focus on settling in town before considering a relationship. There is something about Carina that makes me want to try. I want more than one night with her. I want to learn everything that makes her tick. Really see how far we can take this. But she’s a part of this town and now so am I. I can’t sail away if it goes wrong. I have to be sure. I’ve been sure so many times before. This time the risks are higher than they’ve ever been.
It’s late afternoon when I help her off at the dock. The sun still bright in the sky, but the radar tells me we’re about to be hit with a thunderstorm, and I see clouds forming in the distance. I hold her hand a second longer than is strictly necessary. I tell myself this is only the beginning. I won’t miss anything letting her go now. And I won’t mess this up by jumping into something at full speed like I have before.
“Thank you,” she says with a half smile I want to spread across her entire face. “It really was a beautiful day. And I owe you so much for imposing on your space.”
I didn’t mind her as much as I thought I would. “Next trip,” I answer with a wink.
She shakes her head, but her smile grows when she turns to walk down the dock.
Later that night, as I’m cleaning up the galley after dinner, I find a phone tucked between the cushions of the couch. The beach on the lock screen doesn’t help me identify the owner. I grab my phone to send Carina an email.
“Orion?” The sound of her voice from the boat steps startles me so much I almost drop both devices.
“Fuck,” I mutter, hopefully not too loudly. I turn to face her, so happy she was summoned by my thoughts.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry.” She starts to step back like she’ll leave before accomplishing whatever she came here for. She’s wearing leggings and a different tank top. The faintest sheen of sweat covers her skin.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t expect you.” I hold out the phone. “This yours?”
“Yes. I can’t believe I left it behind. It got passed around so much, I didn’t even notice.” She takes it with her brows scrunched like she expects judgment out of me for the simple mistake and taps away at the notifications.
“No problem,” I say in the silence that follows. “I was about to email you.”
She holds it to her chest and looks at me, giving me her full attention the way I’ve begun to crave. The lights are dim in the boat. She was beautiful in the sun, but she is radiant in the low light of this space that means so much to me.
“Thank you. I really appreciate it. And again, you were great today.” She moves to leave. I wish she’d move to touch me. “I’ll see you around.”
“Do you want to stay for a drink?” I felt a connection with her earlier. We were flirty. I’ll be around her again. But I’m desperate to not waste this opportunity. “Or did you drive?”
She bites her lip, looking around. She doesn’t appear hesitant. Only calculating. She smiles. “I walked. A drink would be amazing.”
I gesture for her to take a seat at the table. My personal belongings are out. The door to my cabin is open. I keep it neat and don’t have a lot of stuff, but my life is exposed to her. I’ve lived on this boat for the past six months, and on and off for years before. It is the only home I’ve known as an adult. Now everything that matters to me is available for her viewing. I wonder how I measure up. She sits on the sofa bench at the table like she did this morning. Instead of looking around, or back at her phone, her gaze follows me as I remove a bottle of rum from the cupboard. I pour a glass and hand it to her.
“Is this straight rum?” she asks, picking it up, her expression neutral.
“Yes, it’s a blend, and aged. Try a sip. If it’s too much, I unfortunately don’t have much else to offer.” I bet she drinks a lot of wine, since she holds it to the light, examining the color. “I swear it’s not a test if you can handle it or not. I’m just a bad host.”
She smiles and takes a sip. Her eyebrows raise. “Wow, that’s a lot better than I thought. I only ever drink rum in cocktails.”
I pass her the bottle so she can inspect the label. I wait for the pirate joke that always comes, but she doesn’t make it.
“Have you been to Paradise yet?”
“I haven’t, no.” I should tell her I know Alex, the owner, but I don’t. I want this interaction to be about the two of us. She’s concerned how people see her. She’ll find out eventually, but I don’t want to pop this bubble we’ve created.
“It’s super cheesy, so you might wave it off. But there is always space in the locals’ section and the food is amazing. Haley helps with the menus.”
“It’s on my list,” I say. “I loved what she made today. I’ll check out her recipes.”
“You have to try her fish tacos. It’s her most popular, and they’re amazing.”
As much as I find talking about bars and her friends fascinating, it’s not what I’m interested in. “Did you have fun today?” The interior of my boat is spacious enough but it’s still tight. I sit down on the short side of the L-shaped bench to not crowd her. She’s settled into the long side. Her posture is a little slouchy and she tucks one foot underneath her.
“We did, yes. I feel so bad we took over your boat.”
“Don’t be. It worked out, and no one puked in my cabin so it’s fine.”
“I don’t want to know why the bar is so low,” she says with a laugh.
“You have no idea. Did you get the content you needed?” Social media is important to brands. I’ve been told I could monetize my travel by posting more than sunrises. But it was always for me and so my family back home could check in on how I was doing. I have someone else manage the social media for both charter companies. I never deal with it. Now content creation will always be the way Carina moved her body with strength and ease.
It was so fucking sexy. I could have watched her for hours. I still don’t know why she hesitated to get out on the boards. I’m so glad she took the risk, even if it was only for a moment. I understand not jumping off the bow. She might be afraid of heights.
I must have failed in how I asked the question because she gets defensive. “Content is how I sell my products and make a living,” she argues.
“I know, I wasn’t judging. It seemed like the only time you let yourself have fun was when there was another reason behind it,” I answer.
I see her tense as she considers me.
I want her at ease. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”
I’m surprised she doesn’t back down, but she softens a little. “You’re not wrong. Which is a little annoying. I’m trying to be a good boss. And this trip was for them. Not me.”
“Well, at least you’re not working now.”
“And here I thought you asked me to have a professional drink,” she says, her tone light. She doesn’t think I’ve misled her. She knows exactly why I asked her to stay.
For all her hesitancy about things, I have a feeling I know what she wants from me tonight. I just have to give her the opportunity. She’s making sure we’re on the same page before she takes a risk. She wants me to say it.
“It could be a professional drink. We can talk about business issues and plan future collaborations.” I use a mock serious voice. “Exactly whose ass do I kiss for prime advertising at the local coffee shops?”
“It’s the ice cream shops you want to get in with,” she responds with a smile and a whisper, like she’s revealing state secrets.
While I’m sure we could share business tips for hours, that’s not what either of us want.
I don’t want to have a professional drink. Neither does she. “Great, tip taken. Now business is over. Let’s have a personal drink,” I suggest.
“What’s the difference between a personal and a professional drink?” she asks.
“Personal drinks are fun for the sake of fun. Not fun for the sake of marketing or product testing.”
“I have done that before.” She’s defensive. “I can take time off.”
“Really?” I’m skeptical. “Prove it. Let’s play a game.”
She looks at me over her glass, taking another sip. “What kind of game?”
“Two truths and a lie.”
“This seems like a bit.”
She sees right through me. I can’t think of a better way to let her know exactly what I’m thinking and give her a chance to be vulnerable and safe. So I shrug and sip my rum. “It’s up to you. But you should know, Carina, I expect honesty. You’re mistaken if you think I don’t notice all the little ways you hide.”
She looks at me like she’s hungry but doesn’t react. I wonder what she expected when she walked over tonight. If this is what she was looking for.
I could be ruining absolutely everything right now. She could be imagining tossing her rum in my face and storming off. Telling Alex Barnes and the Foleys I’m a fuckwit they shouldn’t do business with.
I’ll be driven out of town by morning, if my conversations with Alex and Nathan are any indication. The beautiful house I’ve remodeled, where I hear waves crashing on the beach, I’d have to convert to a vacation rental.
I won’t have the anchor point I’ve sought since my accident all those months ago. I’ll be cut loose and left to float with the current.
But if she wants this. If she’s here the same way I am…
It’ll be worth it.
“Fine.” She pulls a metal water bottle from her bag and takes a drink. “You go first.”
“My favorite place to sail is Santorini. I’m left-handed. I think you’re beautiful.” My glass is down so she can’t tell which hand I prefer from that. But she watched me raise the sails earlier.
“You’re definitely right-handed,” she says.
I take a sip of my drink in response. “Your turn.”
She flushes and looks at me, her mind calculating. This woman thinks everything through. She doesn’t jump. Have I given her enough for her to trust me?
“My favorite yoga retreat was in Thailand. I’m not wearing panties. My eyes are green.”
I almost don’t catch the lie. My brain cut out when she said “panties.” I can’t help it. I look down at her lap as if I could see through the fabric.
“These leggings are Nebula Athletics,” she says. “They’re squat proof. No way you can see through.”
“Do you always wear your own clothes?” I ask.
“Of course.” She blinks a few times at the silliness of my question. “You haven’t answered yet.”
“I’ve sailed through storms the color of your gray eyes.”
She takes a sip.
This is it. It feels right. It’s not a risk anymore. The wind has blown me toward her. It’s my turn again, and I’ll place my lie in the middle. “I got tested after my last girlfriend and don’t have any health concerns. I don’t have any condoms. The sheets on my bed are clean.” My wallet is on the shelf next to me, and from it, I take out the one condom I have.
“You can do laundry on this boat?” she asks quickly.
“I don’t. I have a spare set.”
“The obvious lie is the condom.” Her eyes move from the condom to my face. “We should establish expectations.”
I laugh, my whole body falling into it. I didn’t expect her to swoon for me, but how quickly she switches from flirtation to business is unexpected.
Maybe it shouldn’t be. I should have realized even a hookup is something she thinks through.
“What are your expectations, princess?”
She reacts to the name, sitting upright and inching closer to me. “Did Nathan say something about the ‘princess of Wendell Beach’ title? It’s not really a thing. I organize a beach cleanup a few times a year. A few local business owners started calling me that in their posts. This town is too easy to impress.”
“Expectations, princess.” She’s not easy to distract, until she is. I shouldn’t admit how much I want to hear more about her volunteering.
“This is a one-time thing. Just a fling. No feelings. No commitments. We tell no one. We don’t even need to bring it up with each other.”
“I’m a big secret for you to keep.” I’m hard thinking about what comes next—I can barely pay attention to what she’s saying.
“We’ll see,” she says, not batting an eye for a second at my innuendo. “It’s easier this way. You’re new in town. We don’t know how much we’ll be interacting in the future. I’m not looking for anything serious. I bet you’re leaving at the end of winter anyway. Heading back to Boston and your other company or wherever you decide. There’s plenty of fish in the sea for you to occupy yourself until then.”
“I agree to your terms.” I do. I have no reason to expect this will go any further than tonight. I’m open to the idea. I’d like to get to know her more. I have a history of burning hot and then burning out. I don’t want to anymore. If I date—and I wasn’t planning on dating so soon after my move—I want it to be something meaningful. Maybe even permanent.
Maybe this doesn’t go anywhere after tonight. Right now, I’d be open to exploring her again in a few months.
I don’t correct her where she’s wrong. I won’t be leaving at the end of the winter and have no plans to occupy my time with anyone else.
I fully intend to take the night I get with Carina and make the most of it.
She inched closer to me as we had our little game. But she’s not close enough to touch. We watch each other. It’s another game to see who’ll move first.
I won’t. I can’t.
She’s been playing it safe with me all day. I won’t let her do that now.
I look her in the eyes, and she looks at me for what feels like a solid minute in silence. Then she crosses the space between us and kisses me.
She’s tentative at first, exploring the way my lips feel against hers. She’s soft and sweet from the rum. Her tongue traces the seam of my lips and I’m done being gentle. I plunge into her mouth. This is supposed to be about her, but I’m selfish. So I take.
I cup her cheek, holding her exactly where I want her as her arms go around my neck and she climbs onto my lap. I need her closer. I need our clothes gone.
Nothing has ever felt this good.