Chapter 32
thirty-two
ORION
Shortly after Brooklynn and Spencer leave, Carina shows up at my place. I wonder if she watches for me the way I watch for her. She has a determined look on her face that I hope will lead to sex.
“I need to see this suit you claim to have,” she states.
Oh. That’s significantly less fun.
“Sure. It’s in the closet.” I lead the way to my bedroom and into the closet where the suit hangs in a garment bag. She opens the zipper and traces the fabric with her hands.
It’s amazing to watch her judge it. I’m not worried, but clothing is her thing and she’s so incredibly sexy when she’s doing what she’s passionate about.
“It’s nice. Can you try it on for me?”
“Why? Are you concerned?” She’s stressed about something, and it’s not the suit. But we’re deep enough in that I can ask directly, and she’ll tell me what she’s thinking.
She looks at me and bites her lip, as if deciding how much to share. “We’re less than a month out. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are next weekend. I had the final fitting for my dress this morning.”
“Right.” That is normal to me. But the worry on her face suggests there’s something more. I take the suit out and head to the bedroom. I strip out of my clothes. The suit will need to be dry-cleaned since I’m a little bit sweaty.
Her gaze follows my skin. I’ll let her stay focused on this for now, but when I’m done trying this on, I’m getting her naked with me.
Once I’m dressed, she steps in front of me, running her hands along the seams. “It’s good. You look good,” she says.
“Thanks.” Her palm rests on my chest. I place one hand on it and the other around her waist.
“Why do you have this anyway?” she asks, letting me dance with her and not questioning it.
“Yacht clubs,” I answer.
“You hang out at yacht clubs?”
“Not personally, but professionally. You know the value of networking.”
“Yes,” she says, a little breathless. I twirl her. “What are we doing?”
“Practicing for the wedding.” Her body lands flush against mine.
“We can’t dance like this at the wedding,” she counters.
“Why not?”
“Because then everyone will know we’re sleeping together.”
“Is that so bad?” We’ve agreed to be exclusive. We’ve had the talk about our health and birth control. We might not talk about our feelings for each other, but we’ve been there for each other’s low moments. I don’t know what it will take for her to realize this is a relationship and not the fling she’s making it out to be.
But she doesn’t pull away and I’m thankful for that.
“When you leave…”
“I’m not leaving…”
“When you decide I’m not good enough…” she continues. I growl and pull her closer. “Let’s get through the bachelor and bachelorette parties and then we can discuss it.”
I want to push her now. Her muscles tense under my hands. I won’t get anywhere with her if the destination isn’t somewhere she wants to go. So pushing her today is a mistake. She’ll run. But I can’t be at that wedding and pretend she doesn’t matter to me.
“Are you excited for the bachelorette weekend?” I ask.
She hums, happy I’ve acquiesced for now. “It’s been forever since we’ve gone to Miami. Are you excited about the bachelor trip?”
“I’m not actually going on the trip. I’m working it.”
If it had been anyone else, I would have said no. But Beckett made me hosting the bachelor party a condition for the wedding invitation. And I want to go to the wedding to be there for Carina. Beckett’s parents will pay for everything. Like with Carina and Alex, the Foleys can make or break people on this island. I agreed since it would only be four guys, and I trust Alex and Christian to not be complete fuckheads.
Christian is convinced he was only invited because he’d provide booze.
So I’m treating it as an audition. It’s one step closer to convincing the Foleys to use Lost Craft Charters.
“Anything I should know about dealing with Hamilton?”
She tenses fully and pulls away. “Fuck, I forgot he’s coming. You know I don’t have any feelings for him.”
“Considering how much you complain about him, I’d hope that’s the case. Although I’m sure you complain about me.”
“It’s not the same.”
“I’m not worried.” I’m not. Not about him and her. But I will always be afraid she’ll drift away from me.
“I feel like a failure every time I think about him,” she confesses.
“What?” I hate that he continues to make her feel inadequate.
“I don’t know. Like I should have tried harder with him. We were together for a few years. It should have gone somewhere.”
I feel like I’ve been knocked on my ass. That wasn’t where I thought she was taking this conversation. “If you don’t have feelings for him now, then why would you want to have tried harder? He belittles your company every chance he gets. He doesn’t respect what you’ve done or your values.”
She rubs her forehead. “I don’t know. I feel like it was a waste of a few years if it didn’t work out. A mistake. I could have been using my time doing something else productive.”
A full storm rages in my head. Is that what she thinks of us? That if this relationship doesn’t end in marriage, it’s a waste of time and a mistake? Is that why she doesn’t want to tell anyone, because then it would be admitting failure? Is that what I’m fighting against?
Fuck this.
I grab her by the back of the head and pull her mouth to mine. “We’re not a mistake.”
“What?”
I don’t respond. Instead, I pick her up and turn her to the bed. From there, it’s a well-practiced race to get each other’s clothes off.
“Your suit. We need to hang it up,” she says, trying to sit up.
I pin her down. “It’s getting cleaned anyway. Leave it.”
I kiss my way down her body, feeling the vibrations in her chest as she hums her approval. She runs her hands through my hair. I’ll never cut it. The longer it is, the more time I can keep her attached to me.
We’re in my bed. I should be rough with her. She’ll expect that, but I don’t want to.
So I take her hands and pin them above her head. “I don’t have a tie, so you’ll have to exhibit some self-control. These stay here.”
“No sailor’s knots?”
“Not today.” I nibble on her ear and she laughs.
I spread her legs and use one finger to find her already wet for me. I lower onto her and drown in the taste of her.
This is what I can do. I stay here and get her close to an orgasm over and over, until she’s begging for it. And show her, even if it doesn’t work out between us, that the time we spend together is worth it. She’s not better served by researching fabric or practicing her handstand.
She’s about to break, and the selfless thing would be to push her over the edge and have mercy on her. But I want to feel it when she does.
I thrust into her and it’s enough for her waves to crash. I still and feel her shatter beneath me.
“You okay?” I ask when it’s over. I’m dying to move, but I need to know she can take more. My forehead rests on hers.
“Yeah.” Her breath is shallow.
“Good.” I kiss her and roll my hips. Her arms reach around my back and her legs around my waist.
I can’t let her go. I’ve known that from the first time. I’ve always worried she’ll run, but I thought I had more time with her.
Today I start to wonder if the clock is already running down.