Chapter 33
thirty-three
CARINA
Orion comes with a loud groan into my neck, right as my second orgasm hits me. I don’t know how he always does it.
Something was different that time. He’s thinking, and I’m not sure what about.
We’re both exhausted and drift off to sleep. When we wake up a little bit later, he’s watching me.
“Tell me how this whole thing started,” he asks.
“How what started?”
“Why did you start your company? Your empire?”
“That’s a different question.” I kiss him and roll us so I straddle him. We could stay like this for hours and I wouldn’t have to answer. We’ve always used sex as a distraction from our real problems. My only problem now is how much I want him.
But as much as I deny it, he knows me. Knows what I’m doing. “Carina, tell me.”
“Or what?” I grind into his cock.
“No orgasm until I’m satisfied.”
“You wouldn’t.”
He flips me onto my back and holds himself above me so we aren’t touching. “I promise pleasure until you pass out if you tell me.”
“Isn’t that what just happened?”
“Then you know I’m good for the threat.”
“You’re a manipulative bastard, you know that?” He lowers his body onto mine and I love the weight of him.
“You love it.”
He’s right. I do. I love him. I’m not sure when it happened, but it did.
“You can’t hide from me, Carina.”
“Fine.” I push him off me so I can sit up and cover myself. “My parents are both successful people. My dad founded a million businesses and then sold them off once they were profitable. Now he mostly invests in startups as an angel investor, as you have figured out. My mother is a lawyer. Made partner young and was always chasing bigger and flashier clients.”
“Okay, I get that. Both my parents work in real estate. I am familiar with the drive for more, more, more.”
“Exactly. They were both always busy and—this sounds terrible so I’m saying it and I don’t want you to react.”
“Sure.”
He’ll react. I know it. “I don’t think they cared about me. I know they love me. But I think they had a kid because it was expected, not out of any deep parental desire. I was in childcare a lot. When I aged out, it was after-school programs and sports. When we came to Wendell Beach, they thought the public beach lifeguards were as good a babysitter as any.”
He takes my hand in his and squeezes before I continue.
“Even with the hands-off approach to parenting, they had one lesson for me: don’t fail.” It was drilled into me since I was small. Public failures were pointed at and ridiculed. I asked once if it was better to try. They told me that was done in private where no one could see.
Of course, this doesn’t work for everything. I watched them try for years to fix their marriage in private. It ultimately failed and both spent the next few years saving face in their social circles.
I was another asset to be divided up in the divorce.
“In college, I opted for business rather than law. My dad said he would give me startup funds as a graduation gift if I came up with a business plan. I spent four years brainstorming and researching, until I had a plan for sustainable activewear. It’s a growing market and people will pay more if they think their clothing is doing moral good like taking water bottles out of the ocean. It felt fail-proof.”
“So it’s bullshit? You don’t believe in your own mission statement?”
“No, I do. It’s complicated. See, a successful activewear company is good. It empowers people to move their bodies and go on adventures and connect spiritually. But if we can do that and work against climate change? Even better. And with size inclusivity, I’m one step closer to a perfect company.”
“And one step farther from failure. So your parents will finally pay attention to you.”
I huff, feeling hurt. “Don’t make fun of me. This is really hard to share.”
His brown eyes fill with concern. “I know. I’m sorry. But you know this doesn’t make sense. Your parents won’t change their behavior.”
I can’t even remember the last conversation I had with my mom. She can’t bill time for a phone call with me, so she sure as hell never calls. “But if I accept that, then I am accepting my relationship with my parents as is. It won’t get any better.”
He pulls me into his lap. “There is one person who thinks you’re perfect as is.” He trails kisses down my neck. “Who doesn’t want you to change. Who would still kiss you if everything else in your life crumbled down.”
“Then I would need you and your boat money.”
He looks me in the eye and holds me steady. “If everything in your life fell apart, I would take you out on the Twisted Rigging . We wouldn’t return until the only things you remember are me, my body, and the ocean.”
I surge into him, capturing his lips. I need to consume him as much as he needs me. Our bodies are ready for each other. He’s hard and I’m wet, and when we do this I can almost believe everything will be okay. That we’ll make this last forever.
After, I rest my head against his chest. “How did you begin your empire? Or is it an armada once you have two fleets? Should I call you ‘Commodore’?”
“It’s not exciting.”
“You knew the deal when you asked me.”
“Yes, but I hoped to distract you with sex.”
“That doesn’t work with me. Single point of focus.”
“I love being the object of your focus,” he states.
I squirm. It’s too good to hear. It’s far too close to what I want. And he is the object of my focus far more than I could ever tell him.
I kiss him to distract from his statement and hopefully steer us back to safety. He leans away enough to look me in the eyes. I’m naked and wrapped around him with nothing between us.
“I always loved sailing. I got a job on a sailboat as soon as I could and trained for my captain’s license. I took tours out into Boston Harbor. Saved enough to buy a second boat. Every winter, I traveled. The business grew. I hired more crew. I bought more boats. Some days were struggles, but overall, it wasn’t.”
“You poor, white man.” Sarcasm fills my voice.
“I know.” He shifts and pulls me against him. I’m pressed against his chest. His skin is warm against mine. “I have everything.”
I want to believe that statement is about me, but I’m too afraid to let myself hope.