Chapter 19
nineteen
Tate
Hey.” Naomi walks down the basement steps, pausing about halfway, looking at me through the opening. “I didn’t think you were home. I was coming to turn off the music; I didn’t realize the music was you.”
I put my guitar down and turn towards her, “Why’d you think I wasn’t home?”
“I don’t know. I saw Fletcher leave half an hour ago. I just assumed you were with him.”
“Nope.”
“Okay.” She pats the railing. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“It just seems like something’s bothering you, that’s all.”
“I’m fine.”
She walks the rest of the way down the stairs and sits down on the arm of the couch.
“See, you’re saying that you’re fine, but your face is telling me something completely different.”
“Nomes, it’s nothing, really.”
“Is he mad at you because of Mom’s behavior on Christmas Eve?” She scrunches her nose. “Because it could’ve been better. And that was just what she let me witness. I know her behavior is a little more apparent to you.”
“It was pretty bad.” I laugh. “But no, he’s not mad. He knows her well enough to know it could’ve been ten times worse.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“Fletcher’s going out with a girl from high school.”
“On a date?” Her eyes widen. “Okay, I know you guys denied it, but I could’ve sworn you were together. Or at least sleeping together.”
“Nomes!” I screech, smacking her with a pillow. “And I don’t know. He invited me, but she was flirting with him when we ran into her at the store, and I just didn’t want to be a third wheel. Plus, I think he was only inviting me, so I didn’t feel left out.”
“What girl?”
“Casey Hill.”
“Casey Hill!” She slides down onto the couch.
“Why do you know who that is?” My eyebrows draw together.
“She applied for a summer internship at our firm. I thought the name sounded familiar when Ethan mentioned it, and now I know why.”
“Are you going to hire her?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Ethan said there are a lot of amazing candidates.”
“Well, um,” I brush a strand of hair out of my face, “if you don’t mind, I need to get back to this song I’m working on.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” She stands up but doesn’t walk away. “Does it bother you that Fletcher’s going out with Casey?”
“I wish I could tell you.” I sigh. “I’ve moved on from that, or at least I thought I did, but sometimes he does things that bother me, and typically, it involves him spending time with another girl, and I don’t know.
It shouldn’t bother me. We work better as friends, and I’d never do anything to jeopardize that, but—”
“But what?”
She sits back down, this time even closer to me.
“Even though I know we’re great friends and maybe that’s all we should be, sometimes people will say things that make me think maybe we could be more than just friends.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not mad at Fletcher because he’s dating. I don’t expect him not to date anyone; it’s just that every girl he’s dated or liked has been so different from me. I think that’s part of the reason I haven’t risked it all and gone for it.”
“Did you ever think that maybe the reason every girl he dates is so different from you is because he’s trying to run away from the fact that you’re the one he wants to be with?”
“I have, but he’s had so many opportunities to make us happen. For crying out loud, he was there last year when I submitted my final. The song was called Now That We’re Grown, and it talked about finally realizing you’re meant to be after being best friends for your whole life.”
“Okay, well—”
“The first line of the song is lived next to you since we were six.”
“So, Fletcher’s strong suit is not catching on to hints. But if all of your friends think you guys like each other, they’re probably saying that because somebody knows you actually do. I may not have given you a lot of advice growing up, but I think you need to tell him.”
“I will.” I sit up taller. “After the New Year. I can’t go over to his house tomorrow after he went out with Casey and tell him I have feelings for him. He’d think I’m doing it just because he went out with her. I basically said the other day that I didn’t trust her. It would look suspicious.”
“Fine.” She stands up, holding her hands up in front of her body. “I just want you to realize that one day, he’s going to find someone, Tate. If you keep putting it off, you might never get the chance to tell him. You might never know.”
“Got it.” I let out a shaky breath and reach for my guitar, hoping she gets the idea.
“I should get back upstairs. Leaving Mom with Ethan and his parents alone is probably not the best idea.”
“Hey, Nomes.” I stop her as she reaches the stairs. “I don’t know how else to say this, but, um, when did you stop being a bitch?”
She chuckles.
“I like to think I was never a bitch. I was just an older sister. Maybe if we were closer in age, we would’ve been closer growing up, but I was rarely home after I left for college.”
“And? Fletcher’s siblings made it work. Chase and Fletcher have the same age gap, and they’re as close as siblings can be.”
“Honestly, I was worried you hated me.”
“Hated you?”
I suppose I wasn’t the easiest person to be around once I hit my teenage years. I don’t think I ever hated Naomi. I just felt like we were two very different people who would never see eye to eye.
“I got a Mom, you didn’t. I mean, I had one for a while.
When I was born, she was just graduating from college and on her way to law school.
My dad was in and out, so I heavily relied on her, and she put me first. And then we met your dad, and I knew what it was like to have a real family for years before you were born. ”
“You thought I blamed you for that?”
I never blamed Naomi for being on my own. It wasn’t her responsibility to take care of me.
“I don’t know. I guess deep down, I blamed myself for not trying harder to get her to see you. Dad did, he still does, just—”
“Not in the way most dads do?”
“He may not understand why you want to pursue music; he comes from a line of doctors, so I think it’s hard for him to get that in his head.
But he doesn’t want you to be anyone else.
I think by the time he realized he needed to be more present in your life, you had the Reed family; you didn’t need him. ”
“I always needed him. I appreciate you saying this, Naomi, but he still could have made an effort. They both could’ve.
I’ve been on my own because they let that happen, not you, not me, them.
They went on a cruise for Thanksgiving and didn’t even consider inviting me.
They’ve never been to one of my performances.
They’ve never listened to any of my music. They’ve never shown me they care.”
Maybe in their own fucked up way they do. At least my dad doesn’t ridicule me like my mom does, but he’s not much better. It’s been nice over the last few months to be able to talk to Ember about our moms. About how her mom has always wanted to change her… and about how my mom never wanted me.
She told my dad that.
I think it was right after we moved into this house. Probably a couple of days before I met Fletcher. I was in the living room playing a ukulele, and they were in the kitchen arguing.
He was upset because she was taking on more work, and he didn’t know what they were going to do about me. Before that, they had Naomi to rely on, which meant she was home with me, not necessarily babysitting me.
She stopped what she was doing in the kitchen, looked him dead in the eyes, and told him he wanted me.
She told him she never wanted to have another kid.
That she was in the prime of her career now and wasn’t going to give that up to raise a child.
She already had a child; she'd already done that, and if he wanted them to have a baby, I’d be his responsibility.
She’d have me, but she wouldn’t care for me.
I guess that’s one promise she stuck to.
“I’m sorry I haven’t either. I do care, Tate. You’re my little sister; I’ll always care. I’m sorry I haven’t made you feel that way sooner.”
I tap on my guitar and then stand up.
“You and Ethan want to go grab some ice cream?” I ask. “Catch up?”
“I’d like that.” She smiles. “Tasty Treat?”
“Tasty Treat.”