Chapter 43
forty-three
Tate
Ididn’t think dinners at the Reeds could be any more chaotic, but now, with the new addition, things are even crazier.
It’s a constant argument about who’s going to hold Theo and when. Fletcher typically uses the Godfather trump card whenever he wants another turn, holding his nephew. It’s honestly comical how easily everyone gives in to it.
“Hey, girlie.” Stella wraps her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder. “What’re you doing out here?”
“Honestly,” I rest my head on top of hers, “taking a break.”
“The Reed family finally becoming too much for you?”
“Not necessarily, just thinking.”
Thinking about how happy Fletcher looks every time he’s holding his nephew. Every time I watch the two of them together, I feel a pit in my stomach. I don’t know if it’s guilt or confusion, but what I do know is I don’t like it.
“Anything I can help with?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, how would you feel about me adding to that plate of yours?” She lifts her head, and I turn around to face her, resting against the railing.
“Uh oh.”
“It’s not bad, well, hopefully it’s not bad.”
“You’re not helping the situation.”
“Chase and I want you to be Theo’s Godmother.” She reaches for my hands. “Now, you can totally say no; I know you don’t want to have kids, but I thought, I mean, you know how important you are to us and—”
“Y-you really want me to be his Godmother?”
I don’t know why they would choose me. I guess I’ve been in their life, and they in mine, for quite some time, but I never would’ve expected this.
“You aren’t just asking me because Fletcher and I are together, right? I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose me—”
“We chose you because we love you. And if you’re interested, we’d love you to be Theo’s Godmother.”
“Would it be wrong of me to think about it?”
“Not at all. I know it’s a big decision.”
She gives me a bright smile before pulling me in for a long embrace.
The back door opens, and Fletcher walks out, bouncing Theo in his arms.
“You guys won’t believe this. He’s smiling at me.” His eyes leave us and meet Theo’s. “Isn’t that right, buddy? Yes, it is; you love your Uncle Fletcher, don’t you?”
“Are you sure it’s not just gas?” I cross my arms. “He’s kind of young to be smiling already.”
“Well, your Auntie Tate doesn’t think you were smiling at me,” he continues. “I think you need to prove her wrong, don’t you. Come on, Theo, smile at Uncle Fletcher.”
Stella and I watch Fletcher make various funny faces at Theo, hoping one lands and earns him a smile.
After a few attempts, one of his faces finally gets a little smile.
Fletcher’s eyes light up, bopping Theo’s nose with his finger. “There you go, buddy, see, they didn’t believe you were smiling at me. They thought you were too small, but I told them, yes, I did.”
Theo’s gummy smile gets wider. I don’t know if it’s just reflexes, gas, or if seeing Fletcher’s face really lights up his own that way.
Fletcher’s eyes leave Theo’s, and then they find me, just for a second, and then they’re back to Theo.
I saw it, though, the shift in his expression. The smile never completely left his face, but a hollowness lingered in his eyes. A twinge of pain.
My stomach drops at the thought of this all sinking in for him. The fact is, he’ll never have what Chase and Stella have because I’m not willing to give it to him.
And looking into his nephew's eyes, he pictured the future he would never have.
He might try to deny it.
He’ll tell me I’m enough.
However, the moment I just witnessed, the one between him and his nephew, tells a different story entirely.
You’re going to break up with him?” The question stings because I don’t want to, I don’t want to think about that, but I also don’t know where we go from here.
“I don’t want to.”
“Tate, kids are not a thing you can compromise on,” Ember whispers. “Sure, if you wanted two kids and he wanted four, maybe you could meet in the middle and have three, but you don’t want any. It’s not fair to either of you.”
“And even if Fletcher tells you he’s fine with not having kids,” Maia begins, “you know that—”
“There’s always a chance he changes his mind?” I ask. “Or is lying to me and will resent me for it in the future?”
“I wasn’t going to say that, but yeah, kind of.”
“I don’t know. I believed Fletcher when he said I was enough, and I know he would never try to pressure me to have kids in the future unless I came to him first and said I changed my mind. But after spending time with his family, seeing him with Theo even more, I realized—”
“How much he’d be sacrificing?” Brinley reaches for my hands.
“Yeah. The thought of him giving up something he’s always wanted for me just doesn’t feel right. But I can’t promise him I’ll change my mind.”
I never thought a conversation about having kids would be something I’d be having before I even graduated from college. Since it’s been bought up, though, it’s hard to ignore it.
“So, what are you going to do?” Maia asks.
“I don’t know. I’ve even thought about whether it’s the pregnancy aspect or the idea of being a mom, and I think I just don’t want to be a mom. I don’t have any desire to raise a family, and I feel like that makes me sound like a bitch, but—”
“No, it doesn’t,” Brin sighs. “Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to want kids or have kids, regardless of what the world wants us to believe.”
“You’re allowed to make that decision for yourself, and I think it says a lot about you that you’re still worried about Fletcher not getting the family he dreamed of, even if he tells you it’s not a big deal.”
“I appreciate you guys.” I give a small smile. “I will say I’m not any closer to figuring out what I’m going to do about this situation. So, in terms of that, you guys suck, and this whole conversation was unhelpful.”
“What can I say?” Brin grins, “We try.”