Chapter 44
forty-four
Fletcher
Something is going on with Tate. It’s like we’re back at the beginning of the year when she was distant, and I don’t like it.
“What are you scared of?” Jere leans back in the chair, crossing one leg over the other, and taking a long sip of his black coffee.
Jere, Becca, and I are hanging out at the coffee shop where Becca and I have become regulars since we met at that party during our first semester.
“I don’t know. Last time Tate started acting this way, our friendship almost ended.”
“You were also seeing someone who was kind of a bitch to her in high school and also acting distant, so I wouldn’t say it was all on Tate.” Becca shrugs.
“Okay, I get that, but now I’m worried that I rushed us into this relationship, and she’s starting to have second thoughts about all of it.”
“Fletch, did you ever think she was worried about the fact that you want a family and she doesn’t?” Jeremy’s eyes soften as if this is a concern Tate has already expressed to him, and he’s trying to make sure the idea gets across to me.
“That’s a pretty big thing to disagree on.” Becca bites the tip of her straw before taking a sip.
“I’ve already told her that she and I are what’s important. Yes, I’ve always envisioned myself as a dad and having a large family, but that’s what I know. That’s what I grew up with. I never expected to have as large a family as the one I grew up in.”
“But you still expected to have one?” Jere’s leg falls off his other one, and he sits forward. “You still saw yourself having at least one kid or maybe two, maybe not fourteen, but—”
“Sure, I did,” I respond. “But I’d never make Tate have kids if she didn’t want to. I wouldn’t force her to be a mom when the mom she grew up with constantly made it clear she didn’t want her. I know Tate doesn’t want to become like her mom, so by not becoming one—”
“She protects herself?” Becca raises her eyebrows, and I nod.
“Something like that.”
“I think it’s great that you don’t want to force her into having a baby in the future,” Jere begins. “But did you ever stop to think about the fact that you might do it unintentionally?”
My forehead wrinkles, my nose scrunching, as I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“What do you mean?”
“That someday, Tate will pick up on signs that you want the family you told her you were okay not having. Even if it’s small passive comments, you don’t realize you’re making, and because she feels guilty and wants you to be happy, she comes to you and tells you she’s changed her mind.”
I suppose I never considered that. I remember in high school, Tate almost went the pre-law route when applying for college, even though she knew she’d hate it. All because of the little comments her mom would make.
Ones that put the thought in Tate’s mind that if she chose that career path, maybe her mom would be more interested in her and her life.
I'd hate Tate to sacrifice something so significant because she thinks I’d become less invested in our relationship if we didn’t have a family.
“I guess that never crossed my mind.”
“Look, Fletch, you know I love you both. You’re my family, and I would do anything for either one of you. However, I think you really need to sit down and decide if you’re truly okay with not having kids. Or, if you’re just saying that because you’re scared to lose her.”
“You won’t.” Becca smiles. “I hope you know that. Regardless of what you decide, you’re not going to lose her. She’s your best friend.”
“Yeah.”
I don’t believe the words I’m saying, though. Yeah, Tate’s my best friend, and we have a lot of history, but I almost lost her once this year.
How can I be sure it won’t happen again?
And this time for good.