Chapter 18
I looked around in confusion at the room I was in. I definitely hadn’t been here before. It was a beautiful cabin—or was it a lodge?—somewhere surrounded by snow. All I could see out the window was miles of the stuff, blanketing the landscape.
It was warm inside though. A plaid wool blanket covered my legs, and I was curled up in front of a roaring fire.
I glanced down at my pewter gray zip up hoodie in surprise, peeking under the blankets to find matching sweatpants. Matching loungewear was not unusual for me, but this color was. Mother would have a fit.
Oh, this must be another of Bullet’s dreams. Did I call him again, or had he set this up for me?
“I made you coffee, Gracie girl.” I heard Riot’s voice a second before a cup of coffee was set down beside me. Confused as to where he’d come from and how he’d so thoroughly snuck up on me, I squealed in surprise when he lifted me into the air, sitting back in the chair with me on his lap.
He shot me a smug smile before grabbing the coffee off the side table and handing it to me. I could smell my favorite hazelnut creamer in it, and I pecked him on the cheek gratefully for his thoughtfulness.
“I love you,” Riot said easily, like he said it all the time, dropping a kiss on the tip of my nose. I was so shocked at the casual use of the L-word, I sat frozen in his lap, hands wrapped around my coffee cup, staring at him like I’d never seen him before.
Strangely, he didn’t seem to notice my reaction.
He was looking at the fire, humming something under his breath, fingers drumming absently on my thigh.
Other voices filtered in too, from somewhere else in the house.
There were at least two masculine voices I could make out—one teasing and playful, the other gruff and serious.
They felt comforting. I wanted to move closer to them, to hear what they were saying, but I was frozen in place on Riot’s lap, my gaze somehow restricted to my immediate vicinity. Why couldn’t I turn my head?
There was a musical sounding chuckle behind me, and I made a frustrated noise in the back of my throat as I tried to look for the source of it.
“Sorry, Grace. You can only see the parts of your future that I can see.” Whoever was behind me tugged lightly on my hair. It was an affectionate gesture that felt incredibly familiar somehow.
“Bullet?” I asked the disembodied voice.
“The one and only,” he replied smugly, sounding happy that I’d guessed.
“Why can’t I see you?”
“This is a vision of your future, granted by La Nuit. Your future may not be my future,” Bullet said sadly, standing so close I could hear his breathing, yet feeling a million miles away.
“No,” I replied eventually. “I refuse to accept that.”
“I know. You tell me that every time I show you one of these.”
“The others that are here...are they my soul bonds?” I asked, feeling like I already knew the answer.
“Oh yes. I can only tell you that while you’re asleep, since you’ll forget. If you were awake, it might change your course. You’re going to find us all soon, Grace. Sooner than you think.”
“How sure are you about that?” I asked, giving up my fight to turn around and resting my head on Riot’s shoulder. “My family knows now. They’re going to try to separate us.”
“They are,” Bullet agreed. “You could go with them.”
“I would never,” I replied vehemently, annoyed he would even suggest it.
Bullet chuckled. “I didn’t think you would, but the option is there. The path is open.”
“I want to stay with Riot. I want to find you all. Tell me how to do that,” I demanded, finding it surprisingly easy to be bossy in my dreams.
“I wish it was an easy journey for you,” Bullet murmured, sounding surprisingly somber. “I wish I could see your path more clearly, but it isn’t a smooth one.”
“Tell me what to do,” I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Do what scares you. That’s the answer to almost every question you have—how you’ll find us, how it’s possible for this future to come to pass, all of it. Do what scares you.”
His voice was already fading, the dream around me starting to dissipate, breaking into smaller pieces that whirled around me and blended into the snow outside the window.
I leaned harder into Riot, clutching the hot coffee in my hands, desperate to stay just a little longer.
Bullet was sad, and he was mine . He needed me here.
“I want to stay with you,” I insisted, my voice sounding tinny and thin.
“I know. I’ll see you soon, Amazing Grace.”
I woke up gasping for air, scrambling to hold on to the remnants of the dream that was already dissipating. I made a frustrated noise in the back of my throat, realizing that Riot wasn’t even here when I cringed that I might have woken him up with my temper tantrum.
Where was he? I always woke up draped over him like a blanket.
“You’re awake,” Riot said, startling me as he walked through the door fully dressed, holding a cup of coffee.
He set it down on the nightstand before climbing into bed behind me, pulling me back against his chest. I accepted the cup gratefully, sighing happily at the smell of my favorite hazelnut creamer before a tiny shudder ran through me.
“What is it?” Riot asked, moving my hair over one shoulder and dropping a kiss behind my ear.
“I don’t know. Déjà vu, perhaps,” I laughed lightly, trying to shake off the strange phenomenon. “Thank you for the coffee. Are you buttering me up?” I teased.
Riot hummed, still toying with my hair as I sipped my coffee.
“Don’t go to work today,” he said quietly. My throat tightened because it’s not like I hadn’t been expecting this. He’d let me deliberately avoid the conversation last night, but my alarm was going to go off any minute. My time for avoiding the subject was running out.
“Riot…”
“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t worried, Grace,” he said, guiding my chin to the side so he could see my face. “Your parents didn’t make any guarantees when you asked for their silence.”
“Believe me, I know,” I muttered, looking down at the bedspread.
“Can you trust that I know them better than you? Nothing matters more than reputation to my parents—Mother and Valor in particular. They won’t drag me out of Hope House in front of all the agathos who work there, it would be mortifying for them. ”
I had to believe I could at least trust my parents that much. My entire life, I’d craved that feeling of absolute faith that my own family was in my corner, come what may, but I’d never found it. I could rely on Chance, possibly Creed, but Mother, Valor and Earnest always outnumbered them.
Besides, what was the worst that could happen, even if they did show up?
They couldn’t break the connection between Riot and I no matter how they felt about it. Or could they? We hadn’t consummated our relationship, which I was pretty sure was required to solidify the bond.
Maybe I should do that before work? How long could it possibly take?
I didn’t think Riot would be on board with that plan though. He’d been very clear that whatever happened between us should be based on what we wanted to do, not what we were pressured into doing.
“Grace,” Riot sighed, resting his forehead on my shoulder. “I know you’ve worked hard for the life you have, but you can’t keep going on like nothing’s changed.”
I understood Riot’s concern, but the idea of just walking away from the people at Hope House who needed me…what if someone needed luck and I wasn’t there to give it to them? I only existed to ease their suffering, I couldn’t not be there…
“Gracie,” Riot breathed, running his nose along my shoulder and up my neck, a plea in his voice. “Fight your instincts. This is your life we are talking about.”
I understood that, and yet…
And yet.
“Ask Bullet,” I said hoarsely, closing my eyes against the lash of pain I felt from Riot.
With a disappointed exhale that I felt all the way in my bones, Riot shuffled behind me, grabbing his phone. I focused on drinking my coffee for the sake of having something to do, trying to ignore the tremble in my hands.
I had to go, I could feel it. Even if it was just to hand in my notice, because Riot was right.
I couldn’t keep pretending like nothing had changed.
I had the feeling that Bullet was waiting for me, and getting some space from my family until I figured out how to move forward was probably a good idea, no matter how much my instincts raged at me to stay and be of service.
Riot’s phone dinged and I stiffened against him, waiting to hear what he said.
“ Do what scares you ,” Riot read, sounding unimpressed.
That strange déjà vu feeling washed over me again, making me shiver.
“Then I guess I’m going to work,” I laughed weakly. “Unless he was talking to you?”
“Trust me, you going to work is definitely what scares me too,” Riot muttered darkly. “Are you sure going to work scares you more than not going?”
“I’m going to resign,” I sighed. “And that very much scares me.”
I doubted Constance would even make me work my notice period. Aside from the fact that she’d probably be thrilled to be rid of me, she would be expecting me to quit for the outreach trip she’d endorsed me for anyway.
Riot made a pained noise before pulling something out of his pocket and sliding it onto my lap.
“A phone?” I asked, glancing at it in surprise. It was a basic-looking touch screen model, but it would be great to have a way to keep in touch with Riot during the day.
“Keep it on you at all times,” Riot instructed. “Pick a skirt with pockets, strap it to your thigh, do whatever you have to do, okay? Fucking Bullet, what kind of advice is that?” he grumbled, shifting slightly behind me as he shoved his hand through his hair.