Chapter 18 #2
“Unpleasant but necessary advice, I think,” I replied, downing the rest of my coffee and setting the cup aside so I could press a kiss against Riot’s cheek, rough with days-old stubble.
I tilted my head back to look at his face, finding his eyes already on me as they always seemed to be, filled with a mixture of awe, affection, and concern.
There was something very reverent about the way Riot looked at me. Like I could do no wrong. No. Like I could only do right . It was dangerous and a little addictive. He obviously didn’t trust himself to make the right decisions, but I wasn’t entirely confident I was equipped to either.
I’d stood up to Mother yesterday, though.
Twice . I could do it again today, if she tried to talk to me at work.
But I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I just walked away from Hope House without a word.
I wanted to check on Rae and properly tie up loose ends before I took a step into the unknown.
“We were never going to be able to stay in limbo forever,” I told Riot softly. “Besides, even if my parents show up and try to convince me to leave again, you know I’ll always come back to you.”
Riot’s lips twitched slightly, despite the concern I knew he was still feeling. “Oh yeah? Are you willing to make a deal with a daimon on that, Gracie?”
“I am,” I replied confidently. “Are you?”
“It’s not even a question in my mind, Gracie. I will always find a way back to you.”
* * *
An hour later I climbed out of my car, smoothing down my pale blue knee-length dress with the peter pan collar that Mother had brought me for my 25th birthday.
It was hideous and I hated it, no matter how many times I’d tried to spin my negative thoughts into positive ones about the flattering way it skimmed my hips or how the color made my eyes look brighter.
It made me feel like an oversized toddler, though it did have pockets, which was handy.
The phone Riot had given me felt like a comforting weight against my leg.
I was wearing the dress in a flagrant grab for brownie points in case Mother turned up. I was determined to prove that I could still be a model agathos citizen, daimon soul bond aside. There was no need for her, or anyone else, to overreact and try to send me away.
One part of my brain argued that I didn’t need her approval, I’d even told her as much yesterday. The other part of me, conditioned by a lifetime of being her daughter, still craved her acceptance. Her love , no matter how futile that was.
It was a cold morning, but I was so nervous that I carried my camel coat over my arm instead of wearing it, trying to mitigate the sweat situation.
The click click click of my heeled ankle boots as I went up the stairs didn’t give me that exciting, empowering feeling I usually got on my way to work.
It made the ball of nausea and panic that had taken up residence in my stomach grow heavier with every echoing step.
Nothing is going to happen at work , I repeated silently.
Constance had no time for any kind of personal problems here, and we couldn’t talk openly about anything agathos-related with so many humans around anyway.
Mother and one of my fathers might visit on my lunch break to reiterate the points she’d made last night and try to wear me down without Riot around, but I was ready for that.
Confrontation was not my forte, especially with my parents. Perhaps because I’d always felt like I was a burden enough as it was, and I didn’t want to add to that.
Not today, though. I was completely prepared to stand alone and fight for my relationship with Riot, even if the idea made me want to pass out in a pool of my own vomit.
Credence was at the reception desk when I got inside, sparing me a quick wave while focused on a phone call. There was no Constance in sight, which was a good sign. If she was hanging around the entryway, it usually meant she wanted me to use my gift on someone.
My hands shook as I did my rounds, ticking things off my clipboard as I went.
I smiled at everyone, changed sheets, straightened rooms and covered the front desk for a while so Credence could take a break.
Rae was still sleeping, so I made a note to check in with her later before continuing my tasks.
I did everything I was meant to in half the time with a brittle smile on my face, waiting for something to go wrong whilst hoping more than anything that nothing did.
Truthfully, I loved it here. Before Riot, before all of whatever this was, I’d felt lost at sea in almost every element of my life, except my job here at Hope House.
There had definitely been moments where I wanted to quit, especially when I’d seen people less qualified than me move up just because Constance didn’t like me, but I’d stayed out of passion for the people here and sheer stubbornness, and knowing I was going to give it all up was gut-wrenching.
Even on my worst day, I couldn’t help feeling like the people here needed me. Someone to counter the likes of Constance, who did her best to make sure only humans who fit her standards of “deserving” received the benefit of our gifts.
It would be hard to quit, and I might have to sell my apartment if I couldn’t come up with another form of income soon, but getting some space from the agathos community was a smart idea. I knew Riot was right about that, even if it hurt my chest to admit it.
“Grace,” Constance clipped from the doorway, scaring me half out of my skin. Perhaps less internal pep talks, more focusing on my surroundings . “Benedict can’t make it today. I need you downstairs.”
Ugh.
That wasn’t a sweet thought, but I couldn’t even come up with something to counter it. Downstairs meant laundry duty, which meant folding fitted sheets for at least two hours.
“Of course,” I replied with what I hoped was a demure, compliant smile.
I was planning to hand in my notice at the end of the day so I could rush off home and avoid the ensuing awkwardness, but I really didn’t want to get on Constance’s bad side in the meantime.
She’d already proven once before that she’d call my parents to complain about me.
Constance narrowed her eyes at me as I slipped past her, like my graceful acceptance of orders couldn’t be trusted, which was more than a little unfair. I’d always gracefully followed orders, even when I hated what was being ordered of me.
There was a cement staircase that led downstairs to the basement, accessible via a door behind the front desk. I had been down here a thousand times, but I almost jumped when the door clicked shut behind me, my hand resting over my pounding heart.
Get it together, Grace.
There were no boogeymen here waiting to jump out of the shadows and grab me. Constance, who was one of the most well-informed, well-connected agathos women in the Northeast, was treating me with her regular level of disdain and no more. The rest of the staff were acting like normal.
The only person acting strange was me.
I shook my head like I could physically clear the uneasy thoughts away before jogging down the stairs to the basement which at least had brighter lights and was a bit less… ominous.
It was also painted bright orange, which helped. The beige ceiling tiles were all a bit wonky, the paint on the walls was chipping, and the ancient stainless steel machines creaked and groaned like every cycle was going to be their last, but there was a comforting sort of normalcy about it.
There was a long table down the middle of the room with all the clean, unfolded linen, but I quickly switched over the wet stuff to the dryer first and emptied the rolling carts from under the chutes.
Efficient . I was going to be the Queen of Efficiency today. A totally respectable, hardworking member of the agathos community, who just happened to have a daimon soul bond. Take that, Mother.
Not a kind thought.
My heart ached fiercely as I settled into folding.
I’d hoped it would get easier to spend the day away from Riot, but it never stopped feeling like I’d hacked off a limb when I left the house each morning.
Would this feeling go away once we’d completed the bond?
That seemed like a pretty good reason, honestly.
That, and everything Riot and I had done together so far had far exceeded my expectations of intimacy.
Even though I’d accepted that Riot was my soul bond, the lingering guilt about saving myself and being pure was harder to get rid of.
I desperately wanted to ask someone else if this was normal even with agathos soul bonds—how were you supposed to just switch off years of conditioning that all sexual touch was wrong? —but I had no one to ask.
I made a mental note to check in with Mercy after work and see if she was ready to talk about whatever it was that had been bothering her over the weekend. Maybe I didn’t have anyone to talk to, but I could at least be that for somebody else.
Between my chaotic thoughts and the deafening sound of all the machines going, it took me a moment to realize the door had opened.
“Oh, hello,” I said, spinning to face the two men who had just walked in, and pressing my back against the washing machine. “Can I help you? This area is for staff only.”
Did they look sort of familiar? They were both in their late 40s or early 50s, wearing sharply tailored suits that looked completely out of place in Hope House.
“Grace Bellamy.” The man who spoke had pale freckled skin and slicked back red hair. There was an almost apologetic note in his voice, and my eyes flicked to the sole doorway behind them.
“Will you come willingly?” the other one asked. He seemed older and more distinguished with his graying hair, and his tone wasn’t quite as comforting.
“No,” I replied. It didn’t matter where they were planning on taking me, no one cornered someone in a closed room if they had un-nefarious plans.
“It will only make things worse if you fight,” the older one continued. “You have nothing to fear. We only have your best interests at heart. We will take you to the temple. You will be grateful for it afterwards.”
Sugar, that’s where I knew them from . They were the Basilinna’s bonded, the ones who’d been standing behind her like bodyguards at the memorial.
I shook my head silently, willing the tears that were already welling up not to fall. My parents really hadn’t wasted any time.
Riot was going to be so mad. I should have listened to him.
With a labored sigh, like I was being immensely difficult, they both stepped forward as one and I stumbled sideways, moving around the long metal bench table in the middle. My chances of somehow getting past both of them to get out of here were…nil, basically. But I couldn’t just let them take me.
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded as the redhead moved back to block the door and the older man moved around the table, basically herding me towards where the first guy was waiting. “I’m not a bad person. I use my gift. I help people. I’ve only ever missed one day of work…”
The redheaded guy was giving me a pitying look and I knew I was rambling, the tears I couldn’t contain starting to spill over. I was a good person. Maybe not as good as I could have been. Maybe a little reckless sometimes. Maybe not as good of a daughter as I could have been.
But I didn’t deserve this.
The older man restrained me with an infuriating level of ease, pinning both my arms behind my back, while I begged in broken whispers with tears streaming down my face as the redhead approached, eyes filled with sorrow as he pulled out a syringe.
“For your own good,” he whispered as the man behind me found a vein and he handed over the syringe. “It’s for your own good.”
“Don’t pretend that any of this is for my benefit,” I managed to gasp out as the world started to spin.
I stumbled between both of them, trying desperately to keep my eyes open, to force my muscles to function, but I couldn’t fight the force of a sedative by sheer will, no matter how hard I struggled.
I’m so sorry, Riot. I’ll find a way back to you.