Chapter 28
Blake
The next couple of days pass by in a blur.
I’m nothing but a husk, being fed and watered by Giselle’s watchful eye.
I can’t bring myself to face going back to my own place, to the same four walls permeated with Calla’s existence. Everywhere I look, I know I’d be reminded of her.
Instead, I go to work simply for the distraction, so I can turn off my feelings and focus on the task at hand and so I don’t have to hear Hudson and Gee whispering through the walls.
Shoving a bite of apple between my lips, I chew and begin dividing my class into two groups ready for a morning of rugby.
When the final student wanders off to join the purple team, I rub my hands together. “Right. First up—”
“Mr Millen!”
Turning to peer over my shoulder, I spot Mr Sweet, another sports teacher, racing across the field towards me. “Millen!”
“Yeah?”
“Urgency for you at the front desk.” My heart drops. “I’ll cover for you, go and—”
I don’t wait for him to finish the rest of his sentence, throwing the rugby ball at him and taking off across the field.
Somebody must be hurt. Mum? Maybe Dad?
I swallow back the bile threatening to rise in my throat, ignoring the rules and sprinting through the school corridors, trainers squeaking against the flooring, past warm classrooms filled with pupils. I skid down the stairs, scaring the elderly receptionist half to death.
She stops eating her melted chocolate chip cookie to point towards one of the private rooms beside the office.
“She’s in there.”
She?
Nodding my thanks, I fly past her, throwing myself into the room, heart pounding, only to stop still, dead in my tracks.
“Do you know how hard it’s been to track this place down?
” Calla asks, pressing away from where she’d been leaning up against the rickety desk shoved into the corner.
She looks terrible; her eyes red and swollen, hair a messy bun atop of her head, wearing a mismatched loungewear set with a pair of flip flops.
“I trawled through thirty – thirty – high schools, ringing them off the hook to ask if a Blake Millen worked there. I think they thought me crazy. I got so desperate I asked Giselle for the address, but she wouldn’t tell me.”
“What the fu—”
“Until finally I got a hold of this place.” Calla tries for a toothless smile, but it falls flat and shrugs. “You were getting so hard to find I thought you never wanted to be found. Not by me at least.”
“You’re right.”
Calla chokes like the wind has been knocked out of her, reaching behind herself to grab a hold of the desk.
I hate seeing her like this – upset and unsure – but what else am I supposed to do?
She put us in this mess, not me.
“What the hell happened, Blake?” I flinch at the sound of my name on her lips, my hands curling into fists to stop myself from reaching out and touching her. “One minute we we’re fine, the next—”
“I know the truth, Calla.”
“The truth?”
“That you’ve known all along.”
“Known what all along?”
“Who my brother is.”
“Your brother?” Calla throws her hands in the air. “What does it matter? I couldn’t give two shits who your brother is. It’s you I’ve fallen in love with! Not him!”
Blood roars loudly between my ears.
“You’ve fallen in—”
“And I wouldn’t have even known who he was, if I hadn’t been receiving messages from Thomas hiding behind an unknown number, trying to break us apart. I—”
“Hang on.” My legs have turned to mush, leaving me to reach out and grip the door handle behind me to stop myself from falling. “What do you mean you’ve been receiving messages from an unknown number? And how do you know it’s McAvoy?”
“A couple of months ago, right after I spent the night at yours, I started getting these messages from an unknown sender. They were weird, but I didn’t think much about them.
In all honesty, I thought maybe it was a jealous ex-girlfriend.
The last one I received was a newspaper article about Grey.
You were mentioned and I put two and two together.
That was it.” Calla shrugs, her forehead creasing.
“I cornered Thomas about it a couple of days ago and he all but admitted it was him behind the number… before he fired me.”
My brows shoot up, landing somewhere before my hairline. “He fired you?”
“Yep.” Calla flattens her lips, a fresh surge of tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, clinging to her bottom lashes. “It’s been a pretty shitty past couple of weeks, if you couldn’t tell.”
She gestures to her oversized outfit and bedraggled hair, pulling a watery laugh from my chest. I itch to hug her to my body, to kiss her and promise her everything is going to be alright, but I need to know something – clear cut and crystal – before I do.
“So, you didn’t know before…”
“Before what?”
“Before you met me?”
She shakes her head vehemently. “Absolutely not.”
“But the video—”
Her lips twist, spitting her reply back to me, “What are you talking about, Blake? Why is it such a big deal who your brother is? Why does any of this matter?”
“I thought you—never mind. God.” I lace my fingertips behind my neck, palming the flesh there while I stare at the popcorn textured ceiling. “This is a mess.”
“Please.” I jump when a small hand presses against my chest, right over my heart. Red rimmed eyes peer up at me, soft lips twisted in anguish.
It would be so easy to lean down and kiss her right now.
She seems so small. So different to the first time I clocked eyes with her across the sticky bar dancefloor.
“I hate being left in the dark.” Even her voice sounds small, unsure, the fight drained out of her.
That makes two of us. “Please, just tell me what’s going on, Blake.
I thought we we’re finally on the right path – the real one – and then all of a sudden, I can’t get a hold of you.
No texts. No calls. No answering when I knocked on your door.
I’ve been going mad. Why? Please, tell me why. ”
The walls around my heart had started to crumble as soon as I’d seen her, as soon as she’d opened her mouth and began to speak, but now they topple completely.
“I’ve—” I lick my dry lips. “I’ve been used before, by somebody who only wanted me so they could get to Grey.
I fell in love with her. The apartment, the dog, we had it all.
I even had a ring. And then one day she must have gotten tired of playing the facade.
She told me the truth. She didn’t love me, never really did.
I think she just loved the idea she’d concocted in her head; the one where eventually I’d get bored, and she could find comfort in my own brother.
She packed up her things, took the dog and left. I never heard from her again.”
“Blake…”
I shake my head, clearing my thick throat.
“I love my brother, I do. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel overshadowed by who he is.
It’s always been the same. Friends, co-workers, relationships.
They’ve all used me as a stepping stone to get to him, to be in his circle, to know him. Do you know how that feels?”
Calla shakes her head.
“It makes you feel less than. Not worthy.”
“Have you ever told him how you feel?”
“No.” I swallow thickly. “It’s not Grey’s fault. He didn’t ask to be who he is. And it would turn his stomach to hear the stories I could tell you – he was almost sick when I told him about Monica, kept saying he was sorry and how guilty he felt and…”
I blow out an unsteady breath.
“He sent me a video. McAvoy. And it sent me into a spiral. I saw you, in the bathroom, telling someone who Grey was. Who I was. I saw you and Carmen chatting in the staff room. I saw you accepting the job offer to help me find a new place and I thought…”
“You thought what?”
I scrub my hand along my jaw, feeling the stubble there. “I thought you’d known all along. That it was all a ploy; bumping into each other again, coming to my apartment, agreeing to date me to get McAvoy off your back.”
A pained sound escapes Calla’s lips. “That isn’t true.”
“But I saw—”
“You saw a doctored version of the truth. I didn’t know who Grey was up until a month ago, up until the day after the charity gala.
I would never, ever, use somebody like that, Blake.
Certainly not you. And the fact—” She sniffles wetly, angrily wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.
“The fact you think so low of me hurts more than you can ever imagine.”
“Calla—”
“I’ve never cared who your brother is. Yes, I told Carmen when I found out, but never with a vindicate plan in mind to use you as a stepping stone.
I was simply telling my best friend something.
I swear I had no clue that it was you when I accepted the job offer for a new client. Let me see this video.”
I fish my phone out of my pocket, keying in my code and, with a pit in my stomach the size of the Grand Canyon, I hit play on the video.
Calla and I watch the whole thing in silence before her slim finger reaches out to pull the video back to the fifth second mark.
“This is dated April 17th. Before we met for the second time, right?”
I nod.
“So, how come I’m wearing the bracelet you gave me on the night of the gala?”
Calla scrubs the video along a little further until we’re back in McAvoy’s office.
“I’m wearing it here, too. These dates aren’t right. The whole video has been doctored to create a fabric of lies that aren’t true. To try and tear us apart.”
My heart drops, landing somewhere at my feet.
Calla presses my mobile back into my hand, taking a step back and creating a pocket of space between us. She gazes at the floor for a second, upper teeth sinking into her bottom lip, before she meets my eyes with her watery ones.
“Falling in love with you wasn’t on the cards, Blake. I never expected it to happen. But I need you to know I would never use you. It hurts to know you thought that. That you pushed me away. It hurts. That really fucking hurts.”
I tighten my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching out and touching her. “I’m sorry, Calla, I—”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. Well… maybe a little bit. I don’t know.” She pops her shoulders and blows out a breath. “You’re right. Everything’s gotten so messy between us, and I hate it.”
“Me too.” I sigh, my body slumping while my heart thumps to an unsteady rhythm against my ribcage.
“Blake?”
“Hm?”
“Do you believe me?” Calla asks.
I nod without hesitation. “Of course I do. I wish I could go back in time and just ask you instead of jumping the gun. Instead of letting my past haunt me and ruin things between us.”
“Are they ruined?”
“I—”
“I meant what I said, I’m falling in love with you, Blake. You. Not anyone else. I refuse to just throw that away. We’re both hurt in different ways and it’s going to take some time, but I’m willing to wait. To work on us. Are you?”