14. Sam
sam
. . .
The rest of the week crawls by and I’m convinced it’s because fate knew I was looking forward to this date.
What keeps me sane is knowing that Jameson is looking forward to it too.
We’ve talked every day and not just because of Dylan.
While she is the center of most conversations, the morning after our family outing, I woke up to a surprise ‘good morning, beautiful’ text from him and every day after has been much the same.
Now we’re even talking before bedtime too.
I forgot how much I missed hearing him tell me good night or wishing me sweet dreams. I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without hearing his laugh.
The pain of that truth threatens to ruin my good mood, but I push it down.
“Wipe that frown off your face, girlie,” Emma jokes, coming out of my closet and holding a black, long-sleeve, wrap top that I haven’t worn yet.
“That’s cute,” Riley says from where she’s standing next to my bed, a heeled boot in one hand and a wedged heel in the other. “With dark jeans….”
“The boot,” Isla answers her from the floor near my vanity table where Dylan is sitting in her lap and putting her toy makeup on Isla’s face.
I mentally put together an image of the outfit they’ve chosen and instantly like it. Jameson hasn’t said where we’re going tonight or what the plan is. I want to look nice but not overly dressy. “I like it!”
“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Emma mutters while tossing the shirt on the bed. “I’m so freaking happy for you.”
“Nothing is happening yet,” I tell her, trying to remind myself of the same fact before I blow this night up into something it may not be. “We’re going on a date. Maybe we’ll find we aren’t those two kids from high school anymore. Maybe this will lead to nothing.”
Riley snorts and shakes her head at me. “Kane is consumed by you, Sam. You’re all he’s ever seen, and it's still the same now just as it was back then. The second you’re in the same space he orbits, his eyes never leave you.”
I want to believe her. I want everything my friends are predicting tonight to be true, but I can’t ignore the little pit of fear in my stomach.
“We had a really heavy conversation the other day. There’s a good chance that he has changed his mind after.
This could turn into a respectful dinner about how we coparent from here on out. ”
Emma drops on the bed in front of me and takes my face between her hands. “Stop. It’s okay to be a little scared but don’t talk yourself out of how good this could be. If he didn’t want to take you on a date, he wouldn’t have asked.”
“What if it's because of Dylan? What if he wants more time with her or he wants things finalized through the courts now that she’s older. I have moved her all over the place,” I continue rambling, panic hitting me hard now. Riley sits behind me and wraps her arms around me.
“Sammy, stop. Please don’t hurt yourself like this,” she whispers against my back.
We all go quiet, except for my little girl who is still creating a makeover masterpiece on Isla. Without looking our way, Isla sighs.
“If it would help, I can look into his emails and contacts. If there is anything pertaining to a lawyer, I can find out.”
There's a beat of silence and then a giggle escapes my lips. I turn to my new friend, completely intrigued and in awe of her. “Is that really in your skill set?”
Isla blushes and shrugs her slim shoulders. “I mean it's not like it's hard.”
This time we all start laughing. “You are a gem, Isla. If I need intel I’m coming to you first, always. But Riley is right. I’m panicking over nothing. Jameson wouldn’t hurt me like that.”
“Isla is amazing because she uses her powers for good,” Riley agrees as she gets to her feet and moves to stand in front of me, next to a sitting Emma. There is no fooling Emma. I know she can still see the worry and pain deep inside me with just one look.
“Sammy, I love you and I will always have your back, which is why when I say this, I say it with love. But fuck your mom. What she said was out of line. What she did wasn’t ok.”
Jameson’s comment about how he listened to our parents when I had told him I was pregnant bothered me the rest of the day.
All I could remember during that time was him agreeing to whatever I wanted.
My mom had not been happy with either of us, and when I told her I decided to keep the baby, my aunt had to intervene.
I moved to Indiana with my aunt and lived with her once Dylan was born.
During my pregnancy, my mom wasn’t an active participant, and she was very critical of Jameson.
She was always in my ear telling me he’d leave eventually, that he would resent me for keeping her.
Anytime he was almost late to an appointment because of work or if he brought something for me that I was craving, usually sugar, she would come down hard on him and say that he was making me unhealthy.
At the time, I thought she was just being over protective, not wanting me to end up a single mother when she knew firsthand how difficult it was, and maybe she knew better about the kind of diet I should have.
Now, I am questioning everything. Jameson was adamant that he wanted Dylan and me back then.
If I hadn’t been worried so much about the seeds of doubt my mom was planting, I don’t know if I would have pushed him away.
I can see it now that I was trying to protect myself, even though he never gave me a reason to doubt him.
Which is why I called her the day after our family hang out, needing some clarity.
“Mom, did you say something to Jameson when I got pregnant?”
“What? What kind of question is that? I said a lot to him. The boy needed to understand how life was going to change.” She sighs dramatically into the phone. I can hear her making dinner in the background at home, and I instantly miss Allie.
“We both knew life was going to change,” I say, trying to tiptoe my way into a conversation.
My mom snorts and the sound brings me back to being eighteen and hearing her do that anytime she thought I was making a stupid decision.
“Sam, a baby is more than life-changing. Look at you both now. Your college dream was ruined. You get to play hockey but have zero time to actually enjoy college. And look at Jameson. He’s working for his dad at the auto shop, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he basically let himself go.
He doesn’t have any goals or dreams for himself; he isn’t working to improve himself and only parents half the time.
The guy barely made it to the birth of his daughter. ”
I swallow down her disappointment in me, but I feel protective of Jameson. “He was late because you waited until the last minute to call him, Mom,” I remind her. She falls silent and I can hear her shuffling around her kitchen, slamming cabinet doors closed.
“The past already happened, Sam. What do you want me to say? Yes, when you said you were keeping the baby, I told Jameson his only job was to do whatever you wanted. He had already done enough by ruining your life.”
My eyes slam closed at the way she tears down Jameson with such a cold tone.
Not that it was the first time. The minute we started dating, she became cold toward him.
When I told her I was in love for the first time, she didn’t talk to me for a month.
My aunt did her best to close the gap between my mom’s and my relationship after Dylan was born, but she never saw eye-to-eye with her sister either.
The fact that Jameson has lived with this for the past two years makes my heart hurt for him.
The fact that I had no idea and basically pushed him out of my life because I thought he didn’t want to be there, or that I was ruining his life, absolutely kills me.
“He didn’t ruin my life. The pregnancy was an accident, but Dylan is the best thing that has ever happened to both of us.”
She goes quiet and then I hear one bang on the other end of the phone line, the sound echoing as if she set down a dish with too much force. “I’m not going to argue this with you. What is this anyway? Why all of the sudden is Jameson’s name being brought into everything? Is he back in your life?”
Taking a deep breath, I confess, “He never truly walked out of my life, Mom. Jameson has been a rock the entire time. But yes, we are talking more. I want him to be part of our life.”
She scoffs and the sound hurts me more than it should. “That boy is nothing but trouble, Sam. He’s going to destroy your dreams and probably leave you with another baby in the process.”
Internally I flinch, because part of me truly believes she thinks that. I’m also angry, knowing she’s projecting a lot of her circumstances with Allie’s father onto me, and it's unfair.
“Jameson is a good man, Mom. He’s the best father to Dylan and she loves him. He doesn’t deserve your animosity and neither do I. I have to go.”
I hung up the phone with my mom before she could say anything else, but that didn’t stop the barrage of text messages I continued to get that day and the rest of the week.
They got to the point that they were almost emotionally abusive, which is when I showed them to Emma and Riley while breaking down crying.
Isla stepped in and put a temporary block on my mom’s texts to my phone.
We don’t talk about how she could do that, but I am thankful she or someone she knows has the ability to help.
“I just never thought she would hurt me that way. I can’t believe she said something to Jameson. And knowing him, there’s probably more, he just won’t say it.”
Riley rubs my shoulder. “Maybe now that you guys are starting fresh, and you’re in a different place with things, he’ll feel more comfortable sharing. If not, make him talk about it, Sam. You both deserve this second chance.”
I don’t even get a chance to respond because Emma jumps from the bed and shows me the time on her phone. “You only have ten minutes to finish getting ready!”
In a flurry of activity, I manage to get dressed, and Emma finishes curling my hair.
I let Dylan “help” put the finishing touches on my lip gloss right as there's a knock on my door. Dylan goes flying out of my room, Riley hot on her heels, while screaming with excitement about seeing her daddy. Right before I leave my bedroom, Emma and Isla hug me, both giving their support. My nerves die down until I step into the living room and my eyes connect with the dark, chocolatey brown ones I’m used to.
His gaze roams over my body from the tips of my boots to the top of my head.
“You look beautiful, Sammy,” he says, not caring the least that my friends are watching him with wide eyes and smiles that take up their whole faces. My cheeks pinken and I dip my head in thanks.
“You don’t look too bad yourself, Kane,” I tease him lightly.
In all honesty, he looks hotter than ever in a black button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of distressed jeans that hug his thighs and black motorcycle boots.
My brows rise a little, I’m so used to seeing him in hoodies and Jordans.
The last time he was dressed up in front of me was prom.
Once again, my eyes dip down to his neck, searching for my tattoo before coming back to his gaze.
Jameson smirks, knowing I’m checking him out. Sparing me any humiliation, he steps forward and hands a small bouquet of flowers to Dylan. “Flowers for my best girls.”
She giggles looking up at her daddy, and he carries her over to me before handing me my own bouquet. “Thank you,” I tell him, suddenly feeling shy.
Jameson turns to my three friends who are staring, watching with hopeful, heart-filled eyes, and just a hint of calculation.
The latter coming only from Isla. “Ladies, thanks for taking care of Dyl tonight.” He hands them a medium-sized white box from a bakery.
I watch as Riley opens it and squeals in delight.
“CHEESECAKE!”
We all laugh and the girls quickly round up Dylan after Jameson and I kiss her goodnight. Right as we’re slipping out the door, I hear Emma tell them they can have one piece before dinner but that's it. I’m smiling when we get to the elevator, and Jameson takes my hand.
“I love when you smile.”
I duck my head but don’t get a second of reprieve before his fingers land on my chin, angling my head up to meet his gaze. “I mean it, Sammy. No one-liners, no lies, no games. I’ve waited too long to take you out. To be alone with you. I love seeing you happy.”
My heart swells in my chest. I wonder what he would think if he knew that he’s one of the only people who make me happy all the time. I’ve wanted Jameson since I was sixteen. He’s been my person for longer than that.
“You make me happy,” I confess with a small shrug of my shoulders, like I just admitted the biggest secret in my heart. His eyes close, and when he opens them, an easy smile tugs at his lips. The elevator door dings and we step in.
“Making you happy is all I’ve ever wanted.”