15. Jameson
jameson
. . .
I don’t have to guess that Sam is nervous about our date tonight.
It shows in the way her hand trembles in mine and how her gaze moves around the streets outside the moving vehicle.
I also know because I have been watching her closely since I asked her out on Wednesday after our amazing family outing to see the ice sculptures.
Sam has started to open up about the past, toeing the line around us and bringing up the things she’s kept buried for far too long.
Which is why I watched her obsessively, reading her body language, trying to gauge her thoughts.
I heard her conversation with her mom, and as much as I had wanted to go to her right then, I knew I couldn’t.
I can’t explain to her how I knew the details of a very private conversation.
Instead, I watched as she cried and fell apart in her kitchen so that our daughter wouldn’t see her.
Tonight is about more than just taking Sam out to show her we’re more than co-parents.
It's about showing her that I never stopped loving her and making her comfortable again. I want to be her safe space. I know we have things to work through and more difficult conversations, but there is no way I’ll ever give up on her.
Twenty minutes later, I pull into the parking lot at Luna Rosa.
A small but extremely popular Italian restaurant.
I know that Sam has been curious about it but never gone.
When we walk in the doors, her eyes widen and spark with intrigue right away.
The place is decked out in candle sconces, pink and white roses and portraits of the Italian countryside.
The tables are mostly made for two. It's intimate, cozy, and I can tell my girl adores it the second she sits down.
“This place is beautiful,” she murmurs, scanning our surroundings.
It's on the tip of my tongue to tell her she’s beautiful, but we aren’t the only table here tonight.
I’ve already stared down two men and a male server for looking at her as we made our way to the table.
I don’t need to put it in their heads about her beauty as much as I need to prove she’s mine.
My hand reaches for her across the table, and she lets me hold it.
My long fingers gently run over her delicate soft ones until I see goosebumps break out on her skin.
My lips tick up in a smile, loving how I can affect her so much with barely a touch.
“I heard the food is good. Seemed like a good place to start the night.”
Her brow rises, and she pushes her golden curls off her shoulders with her free hand. “The start of the night, huh?”
A chuckle escapes me. “I have plans for us tonight, babe. Before we go have some fun, I need to make sure you’re fed properly.”
Sam laughs and takes a drink of her water. “Bring it on, Kane.”
Our server comes over and she orders a glass of white wine.
I stick with water, knowing I need to get us to our next destination and then I’ll go for a drink.
We both order, a spicy seafood pasta for me and a Bolognese and veggies pasta for her, and then we’re left alone.
Part of me expects things to be awkward at first, it’s been a long time since just the two of us were out to eat.
It was the day of her anatomy scan while pregnant with Dylan, and I took her to eat french toast right after.
She had skipped breakfast before because she was so nervous.
At that time we decided to keep the baby’s gender a surprise until the birth, but it was a decision Sam struggled with.
I was shocked when she didn’t want to find out.
Sam planned everything and I wondered how she would handle not knowing.
While we wait, I keep our conversation light, funny, and try to focus just on her.
I hate that I’ve missed so much of her life and experiences.
True, I wasn’t completely on the outside looking in, but I wasn't front and center like I should have been. I wasn’t the first person she shared things with anymore.
Sam takes a break after talking about one of her teammates and watches me shyly from underneath her eyelashes.
“So, I did want to ask you something.”
Keeping my face passive, I give her an easy-going smile, one I perfected over the years whenever she started a sentence that way. Even if my heart is racing with the unknown, I want her to feel comfortable to truly say anything to me. “You know I’m an open book, Sammy. Ask away.”
“How’s Luca?” She says his name hesitantly, and I see the pain flicker in her eyes. Fucking shit. I do not want her to cry on this night of all nights.
My head dips and I take a breath before lifting my head and focusing on her. My gaze meets her steady one, and I know there is no way to bullshit my way out of this and honestly, it's better for her if I don’t. “If he knew you just asked about him, he would be ecstatic.”
Her chin quivers and tears swim in her baby blues, but she smiles. “Really? He doesn’t think I’m a terrible person?”
I blow out a breath and shake my head in denial.
“Sammy, those guys loved you since we were nine and playing mites hockey together. They’re still your best friends.
Luca understood why you needed to leave and why you cut him off.
Same with Braysen. They didn’t like it, but they both knew it had nothing to do with you. It was all on me.”
“Jameson,” she interrupts me and gets up from her chair.
I think for one terrifying second that she’s about to up and walk out on our date, but I’m even more surprised when she moves to my chair and sits down on my lap, her legs dangling over mine.
I’m even more shocked when she clasps my face between her palms.
“You are not to blame for me deciding to step back from the guys. I made the choice so they didn’t have to feel like they picked sides. I wanted you to have a support system when I left. None of that is on you. Those were my mistakes.”
I want to deny that it wasn’t my fault. But that would lead to more truths she isn’t ready to hear.
I’m also completely distracted having her soft body on top of mine, her beautiful face, her full lips, her breath just inches from my face.
She smells amazing, coconut and vanilla with an underlying sweetness from her favorite perfume.
I’m tempted to say fuck it to the rest of our plans for tonight and just stay here.
I’ll even pay to keep the table ours for the next few hours.
Instead, I keep my focus on her, my hands moving over hers and pulling them down to her lap, cupping them in mine.
“And my mistake was letting you think I was okay with you walking away. But I am telling you now, Luca and Braysen, both would love to hear from you. No judgment, nothing to forgive. They would do anything for you, Sam, just like me.”
Tears spill over her eyes and run down her cheeks. I move to wipe them away, careful not to ruin her eye makeup. “Are you done eating?”
She stares at me for a second and then a laugh escapes her probably from my abrupt change of topic. “Yeah, but I think I want a box to take the rest home for lunch tomorrow.”
I nod and look around for our server and flag her down. We get a box, and only then, do I let go of Sam and help her off my lap. The second there is space between our bodies, I instantly hate it. I love having the heat of her skin and her scent all over me.
“Ready for the next part of our date?”
Her head tilts back and she smiles. “There’s more?”
“Oh yeah.” I nod and help her into her coat before taking her hand in mine. “I’ve been waiting too long to take you on a date, Sammy. You deserve the perfect night out.”
She laughs, her head tilting back, and it's the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
We walk out to my truck and I help her in on her side before walking over to the driver’s side and get in.
The drive back to campus is quick. This next part I planned more for Sam than myself, knowing she would want to go dancing if given the opportunity.
A night club seemed too hectic and too far of a drive to the next big city, but Chu Chu’s has pool tables, a dance floor and a live DJ on Saturday nights.
On a different night, when I can plan further ahead to have Dylan stay with her aunt or grandfather, then I’ll take the time to bring Sammy out on the town, dressed up and splurge on a hotel room.
Tonight I just want any opportunity to hold her that I can.
When we get there, the place is packed like I expected. My hand reaches for Sam’s and I pull her body into my back while I weave us through the crowd to an open pool table. I get us all set up before turning to her.
“You can break. I’m going to grab us a drink, what do you want?”
She glances up at me and leans in so her lips graze my ear, nearly making my knees go weak. “Nothing for me. I already had wine with dinner.”
I pull back, my eyes searching hers for a second. “Water with a lemon then?”
Her hand lands on my arm, and my skin practically sizzles from her touch. “Do you remember absolutely everything?”
“When it comes to you, yeah.” I shrug, and she smiles, shaking her head. “I’ll be back in two minutes, don’t move from the table.”
The bar is just as packed, but I get service pretty quickly.
With a beer in one hand and Sam’s water in the other, I finally make my way back to where I left her.
She's taken off her jacket and is now leaning over the table, taking her shot. She looks gorgeous, biting her red painted lip in concentration, and I instantly notice I’m not the only one appreciating the view.
My face darkens and my grip tightens around the bottle in my hand as I stalk over to her.
Her eyes dart up to meet mine right as I reach the table and the smile she gives me almost makes my knees weak.