Chapter 7
When I woke up the next morning, Russell had already left for work. He still had no groceries, so I went to the main house to see what I could find.
Russell and I spent the previous day and night making slow, gentle love. After not having had sex for a year, I was out of practice, and although he wasn’t rough with me, every muscle in my body was sore, and it had nothing to do with being snatched up by Preston.
I entered the code to let myself into the side door and followed the aroma of bacon to the kitchen. Mama Rush was moving through the kitchen with Bliss hot on her trail. When Bliss saw me, her eyes lit up, and she ran in my direction.
“Titi Wose.” Bliss greeted me, wearing a bright smile.
I kneeled and scooped her into my arms when she made it to me, planting kisses on her chubby cheeks.
“Hey, Titi’s baby. Are you being a good girl for your Nani?”
She nodded her head. With her on my hip, I greeted Mama Rush with a kiss on her cheek and a one-armed hug.
“Titi, why you face hurt?”
I reached up and touched my cheek.
“Titi had an accident, but I’m okay.”
She leaned forward and gently kissed my cheek.
“Okay. All better now, Titi.”
“Yep. I’m all better. Thank you. It smells good in here,” I said.
“Thank you. Are you hungry?” Mama Rush asked.
“I’m starving, actually. Russell needs to go grocery shopping. His cabinet and fridge look like a college student just trying to make ends meet.”
She giggled. “He’s been eating most of his meals up here since you two broke up, so I don’t think grocery shopping has been a priority.”
Her comment made me feel bad, but I was sure that wasn’t her intention. I didn’t address it and changed the subject.
“Why weren’t you and Papa Rush at the gala the other night?”
“Papa Rush and RJ are sick, so Briar didn’t want to go. I stayed home to take care of them and figured I might as well keep Bliss so Rocky and Rue could enjoy themselves. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Considering what happened, I feel okay. My jaw is still sore, but that’s it.”
“That’s a nasty bruise, but it looks better than it did yesterday.”
Mama Rush had come to Russell’s place to check on me and was nice enough to make the tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich he’d fed me.
“It feels a little better too.”
I sat at the table with my niece on my lap while Mama Rush continued to move around the kitchen.
“Russell and I are working things out,” I blurted out.
“Oh, thank God. I’ve been worried about him because he’s been miserable. I’ve never seen my grandson so sad.”
I sighed because, although I hid it well, I’d been miserable too.
“Yeah. Me too.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you and Russell?”
I looked down at my niece, who was playing with a small toy on the table, oblivious to the seriousness of this conversation.
“I don’t mind you asking, Mama Rush. It’s just really hard for me to talk about because it doesn’t only affect me and my future, but it affects Russell too.”
I always became very emotional when I thought about my prognosis. Tears fell from my eyes, and I sniffled, causing Bliss to look up at me. She reached up and wiped my tears with her little hand.
“Don’t be sad, Titi Wose.”
I hugged her to my chest and kissed the top of her head.
“If it’s not something you want to share with me, I understand,” Mama Rush said.
“I just . . . I told Russell last night, and he was so understanding. All this time, I thought once he found out that he wouldn’t want me anymore, but I was wrong, and I wasted so much time.”
She took Bliss from my lap and put her in her booster seat. After putting some food in a bowl, she put it on the table in front of Bliss and pulled up a chair next to mine. It wasn’t until she took my hands in hers that I realized I was crying.
“Listen, baby girl. There’s no sense crying over spilled milk. You told him when you were ready, and the time you feel you wasted was needed for you to build up the courage and prepare to be loved by a man like Russell.”
All I could do was nod because I was too emotional to speak. It felt like I’d been crying for days, and I was just about sick of myself, but Mama Rush gave me the time I needed to let it out.
“You and Papa Rush raised such great men. Russell is stoic most of the time, but he’s shown me sides of himself that very few are privy to. He’s never been shy about his feelings for me, and I took that for granted because I didn’t think I could make him happy in the long run.”
“Rose, when I met you, I don’t think Russell had known you very long, and I could already see that he was falling in love with you.
The longer you two fooled around, the deeper he fell.
I’d never seen his eyes light up or his smile so bright until I caught him looking at you.
Why would you think you couldn’t make him happy? ”
I exhaled slowly before saying, “Mama Rush, I can’t have kids.”
She gasped, and her eyes widened, but she recovered and pulled me into her arms.
“Oh, baby girl. I don’t know what to say.”
She rocked me in her arms, and the waterworks started again. I swear I should be dehydrated after crying as much as I had in the past twenty-four hours.
“It’s okay, Mama Rush. I’ve known since I was fifteen, and I’ve come to terms with it. These tears are for Russell and the family I’ll never be able to give him.”
“Rose, that’s not true. There are other ways for you to have a family that don’t require you to give birth, baby girl.”
“I know. Russell said the same thing, but—”
She shook her head, causing me to pause.
“We’re not doing that, young lady. He said what he said, and my grandson doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. Don’t try to pick apart or make up things in your mind about what he may have meant. If he said there are other ways to have a family, that’s what he meant. Do you understand me?”
I nodded as I said, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. As a woman who managed to carry only one child to term, I think I can somewhat relate to how you may feel if carrying your children is something you’ve always imagined yourself doing.
I want you to hear me and hear me good. Not being able to do so doesn’t make you any less of a woman, and if you all choose another way to start a family, it doesn’t make you any less of a mother. Okay?”
I nodded again as I attempted and failed to hold back my tears. “Yes, ma’am.”
After another embrace and a kiss to my forehead, she released me and got busy piling food onto a plate for me.
“What’s going on in here?” Daisy asked as she entered the kitchen through the basement apartment door.
“What are you doing here?” Blossom asked.
“Titi Yaisy. Titi Bossom,” Bliss cooed.
Blossom was a few steps behind Daisy, and they both headed straight to kiss Mama Rush’s cheek. After kissing the top of Bliss’s head, they sat across from me at the table, and it took a second for them to notice I’d been crying.
“Sissy, what’s wrong?” Daisy asked as they both came to the other side of the table to wrap me in a hug.
As I was about to respond, Rue entered the kitchen.
“There you are, little girl,” Rue said, reaching for her daughter.
“Mommy, I pay with Nani and Titi Wose.”
“That’s good, baby girl. Did someone forget to tell me we were having a meeting?”
“We aren’t having a meeting,” Blossom told her.
“Titi Wose cry, Mommy,” Bliss said.
“Why were you crying?” Rue asked as she sat next to me.
“Your daughter is a snitch,” I said, squeezing Bliss’s cheeks.
“She tells us what we need to know. Why were you crying?” Rue asked again.
“I finally told Russell, and I was sharing how our conversation went with Mama Rush.”
“I know my brother-in-love is a real man and loves you more than life, but I’ve been dying to know how it went,” Rue admitted.
“It went well. He said he was disappointed in himself because he didn’t communicate his love for me well enough for me to know that nothing could come between us.”
A round of ‘awws’ filled the kitchen.
“I knew Russ would be understanding,” Daisy said.
“Yeah. It seems I was worried for nothing.”
“I understood your concern, but I wish you had told him sooner,” Rue said.
“Me too. Y’all wasted a year being miserable,” Blossom added.
“I don’t think it was a waste. We all wish you hadn’t waited so long to tell him, but maybe that time apart was what you needed to work up the courage to tell your truth and see that you gave up a good man,” Daisy reasoned.
“You’re a smart woman, Daisy. I pretty much told her the same thing,” Mama Rush commented.
“I guess that means it’s true. I tried to move on from him, but it was impossible. My heart wouldn’t allow it.”
“Because he’s your soulmate. You weren’t meant to be with anyone else,” Blossom said.
“He wants me to move back to The Compound.”
“You don’t sound like you want to,” Rue concluded.
“It’s not that I don’t want to because I’m definitely not going back to that apartment.”
“What is it then?” Daisy questioned.
“I don’t know. I never thought I’d get to this point with a man.”
“Umm, newsflash. Ninety percent of the time, you spent the night with Russell before you moved. What’s the difference now?” Blossom asked.
“I don’t mean just living with him. I’ve never allowed myself to plan a future with a man. Before, everything was temporary in my head, and—”
My sisters shook their heads simultaneously, while Mama Rush mumbled something I couldn’t hear but knew it was regarding what I was about to say. Rue was the one to say what I was sure the others were thinking.
“Sorry, Sis, but you and Russell were never temporary.”
“Tell her ass again,” Daisy agreed. “Oops! Sorry, Mama Rush.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. She needs to hear it,” Mama Rush responded.
“Whatever. In my mind, it was. Plus, I may have slept there a lot, but I could leave whenever I wanted.”
“You know good and well you never wanted to leave that man, so why are you stressing over something that doesn’t matter?” Blossom fussed.
“You’re being difficult for no reason. Russell has loved you for years and has been more than patient. He would move Heaven and Earth for you, and you know it,” Rue said.
“If I didn’t know before, after yesterday, I know now. He also said if I’m not ready yet, I can move back to the basement with—”
“No, ma’am. You certainly cannot. We turned your room into a closet, so ain’t no coming back,” Daisy assured me.
“You didn’t!”
“And did,” Blossom said, reiterating Daisy’s revelation.
“Dang. Has it been that long since I’ve visited?”
“Tuh. You avoided coming here like the plague,” Rue said.
I hadn’t given it much thought, but I definitely kept my visits short and few and far between.
“Y’all are cold.”
“If you really don’t want to move in with him, be honest with him, and keep your apartment. He can’t make you,” Blossom added.
Everyone but Blossom burst out in laughter.
“Have you met Russell?” Rue asked, still laughing.
“Or Rocky and Rowdy? They are damn near the same person. The three of them are slightly unhinged,” Daisy said.
“That’s putting it mildly,” I mumbled.
“Those are my grandsons, and I love them, but unhinged is a good word to describe them,” Mama Rushed added.
Although Rowdy wasn’t her biological grandson, she accepted him with open arms and treated him no differently than she did Rocky and Russell.
“My bad. I forgot who we were talking about for a minute. You may as well start packing,” Blossom surmised.
“It’s not that I don’t want to live with him, but I’m nervous. What if he changes his mind?”
“Changes his mind? About what?” Rue questioned.
“Me. Us. The family I can’t—”
“Stop!” they demanded.
“What did I just tell you about that?” Mama Rush reprimanded.
“Russell is a real man, Rose. He stands on his word. You’re worried for nothing,” Daisy assured me.
“She’s right.” Rue and Blossom agreed.
The women in my circle always got me right. It was such a blessing to have women in my life that I could trust with my deepest and darkest secrets, and who always had my best interests at heart.