Chapter 19 - Tara
I sit with my hand on the tapestry, and my eyes closed as I try my hardest to access that vision I once saw. This is crazy, completely insane, but I’m all out of options.
That date-night I had with Jasper, or whatever I should call it—I’m not sure—was amazing. A perfect ‘reset’ like he described.
And what that reset showed me was that I can do all the research I want, but I still won't get anywhere. That there’s only so much I can get from books.
I have to be reminded of that fact every now and then; I can get so buried within the literary world.
I squeeze my eyes, tense my forehead—think of the image, think of the image.
What I saw has been slowly fading away.
And while it is depicted on the tapestry beneath my fingertips, it can’t compare to the real thing I saw in my mind’s vision.
There’s gotta be something I was missing, another clue of some sort.
As I try my hardest and inevitably come up with nothing, my mind starts to wander.
I see Jasper. Staring at me beneath the stars.
I sigh.
So badly, I wanted him to reach out and touch me. I craved his hands and his lips. The way he touches me always sets me on fire. It’s like he knows my body better than I do.
I shake my head, open my eyes, and straighten myself out. I’m not thinking about this right now.
Where the hell is my self-control?
I close my eyes again.
I press my palms harder against the tapestry, willing it to give me something—anything. But the only thing I feel is the silky texture beneath my fingertips, stubbornly silent. No pull. No spark. No echo of what I saw before.
“Useless,” I mutter, dragging my hands down the fabric.
The silence of the council hall reminds me of how foolish this all feels.
I’m sitting here, alone in the middle of the day, trying to summon a vision I had by chance over a week ago. It’s like I was blessed with a magical insight that the universe has decided I’m no longer worthy of.
Maybe I should give up.
I slump back into the chair, and my eyes forcibly open.
I’m not a quitter. Never have been. But this feels like I’m chasing dead ends.
Like I’m trying to prove myself, and for what?
I gaze for a few moments at the light streaming in through the hall’s windows.
I imagine Jasper sitting here, directing his men, and making important decisions with that important frown plastered across his face.
I smile to myself.
That frown, the one he does when he’s being official, serious, Alpha Jasper.
It’s amusing because in reality, he really is so un-serious.
I’ve seen so many new sides of him… My thoughts trail off.
I’m not getting anywhere, am I?
Think, Tara. What other thing is there that you could do to get this vision to come?
I’ve already asked the witches, and they told me that when it comes to magical visions, it can sometimes help to put yourself in the same place, with the same things around you, in order to help evoke what you saw.
They said that often works for them, but they have no idea what would work for a human.
Fair enough.
But their experience is all I’ve got, and so if they think it might work, then it’s worth a shot.
For a brief second, the thought crosses my mind that I should try to seek out a shadow monster.
No, I remind myself, I’m not that stupid.
Or, I think, I could go to that same spot.
If only I could remember where it was.
Suddenly, with a new burst of energy, I grab my sweater and get up.
I leave the meeting room in a hurry, stepping outside onto the moist grass.
I wouldn’t be able to find that spot again by myself, but maybe someone could help me.
Would Jasper?
There’s a chance that he’d say it’s too dangerous, as he so often feels about anything I involve myself in these days. But he is also the only one who might actually know where that spot is.
He was there.
Maybe we could go as a group, maybe—
I only realize that I’ve been walking off in a random direction when there’s someone blocking my path.
I freeze, my pulse catching in my throat.
I’m in the woods, rather than in town, and so this run-in feels more threatening than it should.
But it’s just a shifter from our pack. I recognize him, but I can’t place him.
“Well, well,” he drawls. “Look who’s out alone.”
Something about the way he looks at me makes my skin crawl.
Now I recognize him. He was with the group of shifters who berated me at the border. He was silent then.
This is the first time I’m hearing his voice, but I recognize his face. His smirk deepens when he realizes I remember him.
“Funny,” he says, tilting his head. “How one hunt has made you believe that you’re one of us. Feel like putting that to the test?”
I cross my arms. My stomach tightens, but I force myself to stand taller.
Yes, I’m afraid, but I choose not to be scared anymore.
“I don’t think that I’m one of you. I’m married to your Alpha is all.”
He chuckles, his laugh low, his eyes blazing with fury. “And you think that protects you now?”
He steps closer, just enough to close whatever space there was between us.
I refuse to step back.
“I’d be careful if I were you,” I threaten.
I’m defenseless. No weapon, no magic, no anything.
And he knows this, I can see it in his eyes.
His grin widens—there’s no light there, just pure humorless darkness.
“You really think you can threaten me?” He challenges me, taking another step closer. This time, I have to move back, all the way against a nearby tree. “Do you know how quickly I could snap your little spine, human? It’d be as quick and easy as breathing.”
Now, I am scared.
He could tear me apart, and what’s stopping him? No one saw me come out here; for all anyone knows, I could have just run away.
“What do you want?” I ask him.
“Nothing from you.”
“Then let me go,” I demand.
I swallow hard, every instinct inside me urging my legs to move, but instead they lock in place.
“You don’t belong here,” he says finally. “Some people around here may have forgotten that, but plenty of us haven’t.”
“Funny,” I shoot back. “How the Alpha leading you completely disagrees.”
He growls. “You don’t know what’s good for our pack. All you are is a weak, fragile little hu—"
Suddenly, a roar cuts through the air.
One that’s familiar, but everything happens so quick. The hairs on the back of my neck stand for half a second, and the shifter’s head snaps toward the sound.
In a flash, a large wolf leaps through the trees, growling as he tackles the shifter to the ground beside me.
I step back, but there’s nowhere else to go.
Instead, I move to the side, my breath coming out in rapid, light, rasps.
The moonstone-colored eyes confirm who the wolf is.
I’m both grateful and in shock.
Jasper has the shifter pinned to the floor beneath his paws.
He growls at him first, snarling and spitting out through his teeth as the shifter avoids his eyes.
The rebalance of power feels so primal. Jasper’s Alphaship couldn’t be more apparent.
He shifts back into his human form and stops to look at me for a second before gazing back at the bully.
He snarls. “Get up.”
The shifter obliges, trembling faintly as he attempts to mask his fear.
His head is down, shoulders tight, every inch of him in submission to the Alpha he was so carelessly dismissing only moments before.
Jasper’s glaring, angrier than I’ve ever seen.
“Care to repeat any of what you just said?”
The shifter swallows, silent.
Jasper presses on. “You think you can threaten my wife? You think you can go directly against my orders and nothing will happen?”
“No Alpha, sorry Alpha,” he mutters.
“Look me in the eye.”
Slowly, he raises his eyes to Jasper’s. As much as I hate this shifter, I want to say forget it—that it doesn’t matter.
All I feel like is a nuisance. That I’m still so weak and small.
“Yes, Alpha.”
“Explain yourself.”
The shifter clenches his jaw, his face overcome with fear.
“I was just saying that it’s probably not safe for her as a human to be out here alone—"
“Tell the truth,” Jasper interrupts. “Or the consequences will be immediate.”
This time, he nods and stares down at the ground.
“I can’t come to terms with a human being among us, let alone ruling us. As you’ve said before, Alpha, humans are less than us. It doesn’t feel right.”
Jasper takes a breath. “Humans aren’t beneath us; they’re different, and they have their own strengths.”
“But if I don’t believe that—"
“I don’t expect you to believe it straight away,” Jasper says. “It’ll take time, I understand that. But I do not expect you to harass or bully Tara—any human, for that matter, but especially my wife. Understand?”
The shifter is still looking at the floor.
“Understood, Alpha.”
Jasper leans in closer, his voice dropping to a growl. “If I so much as see you near her again with a less than respectful look in your eye, I will banish you from this pack, do you understand?”
“Yes, Alpha,” the shifter mutters quickly, his body taut with fear.
I don’t know all the ins and outs of pack politics, but I do know that banishment is a big deal.
The biggest of deals, in fact.
“What humans lack in physicality, they make up for in empathy, intelligence, and self-control. We’re wild beasts in comparison to them. If you want to fit that stereotype, then, be my guest.”
It’s nice to see that Jasper genuinely believes what he says.
He’s not just doing it for me.
“Got it, Alpha,” he nods.
Jasper’s lip curls as though he’s about to say something else, but then he stops.
He straightens, dismissing the shifter with a sharp flick of his hand.
“Now get out of my sight.”
The shifter bolts without a second glance, disappearing into the trees like a scared little rabbit.
It is amusing, just a bit.
Then Jasper turns to me. “I’m sorry, Tara. One day, I know that they’ll accept you, it’s just going to take some time.”
Why do I feel so stupid? So vulnerable.
I want to cry, to fall into his arms, and to start screaming all at once.
It’s too much.
“It’s fine,” I mutter, darting my eyes to the trees the shifter disappeared into. “You didn’t have to do all that, so thanks.”
“I did,” he presses, edging close. “Are you okay?”
The answer is a definite no. I’m definitely not okay. But now, I’m not sure how to behave.
“Let me take you home,” he says, his hand hovering for a moment before gently cupping my face. “We can talk about this in private, okay?”
I almost let myself sink into his hand. But I don’t.
“I just,” I huff, battling with my urge to cry. “I need some time, I need to...”
Before I finish, I twist away. My feet somehow manage to move before my mind does, and they carry me fast through the trees.
For the second time today, I have no idea where I’m going, but the tears are going to come pouring out of me either way.
“Tara—" Jasper’s voice is behind me, sharp and commanding at first, but soon turning softer. “Wait.”
But I can’t.
My lungs burn as I continue running, the mass of greens and browns blurring at my sides as I try to find an empty space.
I run until I can’t run anymore.
I hate this feeling—one of being vulnerable and small. One in which I feel like I need protecting.
I’ve managed so long without needing anyone, so why does it all feel so different now?
“Tara!” His voice is closer now. Of course, he’s caught up with me. What did I expect?
I shove past a low-hanging branch, my breath hitching as I continue to walk.
“Tara, calm down. We can figure this out together. We’ll find a way to make it better for you here.”
Now I stop. I feel his warmth behind me; he’s not going to give up.
“Just leave it,” I snap. “I don’t care.”
“What do you mean you don’t care?”
I take a deep breath, fists clenched as I stare at the forest floor. “Look, the only reason I agreed to this arrangement was to make the lives of my coven friends easier. I don’t care about my standing in this pack, I’m fine with being a lowly human.”
“I don’t want to ever hear you say that again.”
His voice is harsh and angry.
I’m confused. I stay silent.
“I don’t want you thinking for one second that you’re any less important than the witches.”
I turn, my hair a mess around my face, my breath ragged.
Jasper’s expression stops me cold.