Chapter Nineteen
LEXI
My fingers dug into the stadium bench that I left a permanent imprint. Way to go Lex. Beside me, Hazel was on her feet, screaming loud enough that her voice cracked.
The student section surged forward, beer spilling, hands slamming against the plexiglass, a deafening wall of pure fucking chaos.
Down on the ice, the entire bench emptied.
The guys swarmed Kayden, throwing their gloves into the air, leaping onto him until he was buried beneath a mountain of hockey players.
They did it. He did it.
I stood there frozen, my heart beating so fast it made my breaths uneven. The excitement from the game left me crippled, my pulse racing at an alarming rate. I couldn’t breathe, there was so much going on.
I need to get out of here.
Hazel clapped, her gaze met mine. “What a game! Aren’t you glad you came?”
More like forced to come.
The mountain of players dispersed, skating around the ice to salute the fans. Kayden skated toward the glass near our section, his chest heaving violently, his blonde hair plastered to his forehead through his cage. Damn. Even I could admit he was hot. Completely untouchable.
He raised his stick to the crowd, his eyes scanning the screaming rows.
His gaze met mine, and everything around us vanished.
The way he looked at me sometimes, as if I was the only one he needed, crippled me.
It made me want something more with him, something more than what we currently had.
Every time I put up my walls, he managed to kick them down, reminding me of the feelings I harbored for him.
His blue gaze narrowed, holding my stare through the thick plexiglass. He didn’t have his casual smirk or grin on his face, he was serious, dangerous even. The look sent a jolt straight down my spine, racing to my core.
"Oh my god," Hazel gasped, her voice suddenly pulling me back to reality as she grabbed my elbow.
I frowned, pulling my gaze away from him. Her face had gone completely white. “Are you okay? You’re pale, Hazel. Like white as a ghost pale.”
I touched my hand to her forehead, trying to see if she was running a fever. She quickly moved my hand away and cleared her throat.
"Don't look now," she whispered, "Josh is coming this way."
My eyes widened, and I turned my head in time to see him weaving through the crowd. I had canceled on him and the study group today, because of Kayden. A casual smile rested on his lips as he spotted me. My stomach did a familiar little flip, but not as explosive as when Kayden was around.
"Lexi," Josh said, pulling up in front of us and offering a warm smile. "Great game, right?"
"Hey, Josh," I murmured, trying to ground myself while my pulse raced for a completely different reason. "What are you doing here?”
Hazel’s gaze was looking between the two of us, a little too eager to see what would happen next.
Josh smiled, shifting his weight. "When you bailed on us earlier, we all decided that we needed to get out and be social as well. We can study another day, but seeing as this is one of the last games of the season, we didn’t want to miss it.”
I nodded, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say next.
That’s when he piped up, “I was actually wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee before our midterm next week? Maybe study together, alone?"
If I were in my right mind, I would’ve said yes. Josh was the guy I wanted in my life. He was calm, steady, and not someone who needed the attention on him. He was a quiet guy, someone I could get along well with.
Yet, I couldn’t get a certain someone out of my head. I couldn’t get my heart to shut up when he was around.
Before I could speak, the heavy metal door to the locker room corridor swung open with a loud, echoing clang.
Kayden.
Freshly showered, he’d thrown on UnderArmor sweatpants and a shirt as if he didn’t give a care in the world. His hair was messy against his forehead, the raw adrenaline from the game still practically radiating off his skin like heat waves.
I swallowed, watching his eyes narrow on the situation, knowing this wasn’t going to end well. I tried to ignore him, and give Josh my answer, but his voice quickly cut through the crowd.
"Lex,” his voice held me captive, and I really wish he didn’t have this fucking hold on me.
Say yes to Josh. Do it. You’ll feel better about yourself.
“You know what, that actually sounds like a...”
Kayden stepped in between us, his dominating figure standing right above ours. Josh blinked up, his figure going still.
Without taking his eyes off Josh, Kayden reached out, wrapping his calloused hand around my waist and placed a kiss to the top of my head. My breath caught. He’s got to stop doing this. He pulled me flush against his side, and the overwhelming heat of his body shocked me into silence.
Josh raised his eyebrows, stepping back a fraction. "Oh. I didn't realize you two were..."
I opened my mouth to speak but didn’t get the chance to.
"We are," Kayden interrupted, his voice dangerous.
I hit him with my elbow, and glared at him. “You don’t need to be rude.”
He squeezed my hip a fraction tighter, his eyes boring into Josh, until he took a few steps back.
"My bad, man. See you in class, Lexi," he said quickly, turning on his heel and clearing out of the section.
The second Josh was out of sight, Kayden didn't let go. He looked down at me, his eyes dark and wild.
"Who the hell was that?" he demanded, his thumb tracing a harsh, frantic circle against my waist.
I peeled away his hand, wanting to smack the shit out of him. “Not that it’s any of your business, but it was a friend from class. You acted like a fucking caveman.” I shook my head and took a step away, trying to get my brain and body to remember why I was pissed at him. “Completely uncalled for.”
Hazel raised her hand, “You may not want my opinion...but that was incredibly hot.”
I rolled my eyes. Of course she would think it’s hot. My gaze met Kayden’s who was watching me with an intense look. “Can I go now? I did my part and showed up. I have things to do that don’t require being around you.”
There was a whistle in the distance, Dylan coming up to our side. I watched Hazel a little closely, trying to see how she’d react to him. Her posture straightened, and she tucked some hair behind her ear. Wow, she really was into him.
My phone rang, and when I saw who was calling, I froze. Kayden noticed instantly, “You okay?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, turned away from them and answered. “Hello?”
“When were you going to tell me you were skating again, Alexis?”
I took a deep breath, “How did you find out?”
She huffed, “Don’t worry about how I know. I want to know why you thought you could get back on the ice after everything?”
“Mom, I can’t...” Why were we having this conversation on the phone? In front of my peers? “It was my decision.”
“Oh really? So your mother’s feelings don’t matter?”
I shook my head, my knuckles turning white. “That’s rich, coming from you. You go and date Jake’s best friend’s father and don’t give me a say? How do you think he would feel, Mom? How do you think Dad would feel? You may be an adult but you’re shit at making decisions.”
“Don’t talk to me that way. You’re extremely disrespectful...”
“I’ve got to go...”
“You need to come home now, Alexis. We are going to talk about this. As a family. Get Kayden to come too. This weekend. No ifs and or butts, I’m tired of getting shit from you.
The fall you had demonstrates that you are not fit to be a skater.
You’re not good enough, Alexis. The quicker you own up to it, the faster you can move on. ”
My hand gripped the phone. “Way to show support for your only daughter.”
“You need to be realistic. Some people were meant to be great. They were meant to be in sports. Take Kayden and your brother for example. They dominated everything they tried, where you...well, you know how that went.”
Tears gathered in my eyes. I really was alone in this world.
“You know I’m right; that’s why you’re not saying anything.”
I didn’t respond, but hung up. I couldn’t do this anymore.
A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped, wiping any stray tears from my eyes.
“Let me get you back to the dorm,” Hazel said in a soft voice, but I wanted to be by myself.
“Thank you, but I’ll walk. I need some space.”
I left them there, not caring that they heard my conversation. She thought I wasn’t good enough. I was never good enough for her.
As the tears fell from my eyes, I wished that she’d love me like she used to. When Dad was alive, when they were here.
But as much as I wanted to rewrite history, that would never change. They wouldn’t come back, and I’d continue to be alone for the rest of my life.