Chapter Twenty-Five
LEXI
My eyes blinked open, and my nose wiggled as the smell of bacon wafted through the air.
Not going back home as often meant having home cooked meals was nonexistent.
Sure, Hazel and I cooked. But most of the time we burnt the bacon, over fried the eggs, and by the time it was all said and done, we ate ramen.
I slowly sat up, wiping the crust from my eyes, trying to keep thoughts of yesterday from entering my mind.
How could I face him? He knew my secret, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. I swung my legs over the bed, my arms raising over my head, a yawn escaping my lips as I stretched my body. I flipped the covers over, placed my feet on the floor, and stood up.
I quickly got dressed and looked for my phone.
Ah, there it is.
Buried in the bed, I grabbed it and saw several text messages from Mom that I chose to ignore, one from Hazel asking if I was okay, and a few emails I had to get to. Deciding to put everything off for now, I placed it in my leggings pocket, and made my way into the hallway.
As soon as I opened the door, my stomach twisted, not sure how to handle talking to him after everything he witnessed.
Can’t hide forever, Lexi. Suck it up.
I let out a deep breath, and followed the smell of bacon into the kitchen. He was turned away from me, wearing some joggers and a grey fitted shirt, and his blonde hair was damp. He looked good, too good.
Don’t let your emotions for him overshadow your sanity. The little voice in my head was really starting to get on my nerves.
I pulled out the stool from the bar, the sun shining through the living room windows, and bit my lip.
Watching him move around the kitchen, doing something I wasn’t great at, was hot.
I remembered he used to hang out with Mom in the kitchen when we were younger, trying to learn how to cook.
It was actually sweet, but Jake gave him a hard time because he thought it was too girly to do.
Whereas I, on the other hand, tried to learn, but got booted from the kitchen early on because I always messed something up.
So instead of getting yelled at by Mom, I preferred to hang out with Dad. At least to him, even though Jake came first, I was his little girl.
Thinking about Dad left me paralyzed. I knew that one day the time would come for Jake and I to have to say goodbye to our parents, but I thought we had many years ahead of us. I never in my wildest dreams would’ve thought I would lose both Dad and Jake at the same time.
What a messed up world we live in.
I was lost in my thoughts when a throat cleared in front of me. I looked up and Kayden was watching me with an eyebrow raised. “You alright?”
I nodded, not knowing what to say.
He placed a plate of pancakes, eggs and bacon in front of me, with a side of orange juice. Yum. My stomach grumbled and a laugh escaped his lips.
“I guess not eating dinner last night has us both famished.”
He made his plate and sat down right beside me. I didn’t care that I was sitting next to the man who drove me absolutely fucking crazy, I had to feed my stomach before it made me sick. So what did I do? Started shoving food into my mouth. Apparently he thought it was hilarious, because he chuckled.
I chewed the bacon in my mouth and glared, “You have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had edible home cooked food like this.”
He grinned, taking a sip of his orange juice. “With you and Hazel living together? I can only imagine.”
“Hey!” I playfully slapped his arm, feeling slightly better than when I woke up this morning. This was the Kayden I had missed. While yes, he tormented me growing up, he did have his moments where he was nice, where he wanted me to be included in what him and Jake were doing.
He cleared his throat, “Can I ask you something?”
I placed my fork down, the majority of my food gone. “Sure...” I had no idea what he wanted to ask, but the thought of it made me nauseous. Was it about the scars? The accident?
He licked his lips, and it made me momentarily lose focus. Get a grip Lexi, getting involved with Kayden is a bad idea. Get it out of your head.
"It’s about the accident. You said you were arguing." He said, his jaw clenched, fingers tightening around his glass. "Before the crash. You said you heard screaming before everything went black."
I let out a breath, "Kayden..."
“I want to know what happened. You lost your brother and father that day, but I also lost my best friend and my version of family. That crash didn’t just tear apart your family, it tore apart mine too.
My parents have never been around, Lex. You know that.
Going to your house growing up was the only thing I looked forward to.
Then suddenly, that all changed. I want you to be honest with me, please. ”
I looked away, tears gathering in my eyes. I didn’t want to talk about the wreck. I never wanted to talk about it. Every night I relived it, a different scenario each time, but the outcome always remained the same. They died; I didn’t.
Why was he asking me this? Why couldn’t he leave it alone? Part of me though, the rational part, knew that even though I was hurting, he was too. He’d never gotten closure, and I guess it was time I gave him something.
I licked my lips and tried my best to get through the pain.
“That night, as you know, the hockey team had suffered a loss. I was upset because I had tried to get back on the ice but failed, and didn’t realize I had forgotten my headphones.
Those things helped me breathe; listening to my music helped my anxiety when things were rough... ”
My hands curled into fists, my breathing escalated. You can do this, it’s okay. You can tell him. He may be mad, but one day he’ll understand...right?
“I asked Dad to turn around, but we were already on the freeway back home. He refused. I asked again, my body was already starting the process of freaking out, and that’s when Jake piped in.
He told me I was being stupid for asking him to turn around and that led to an argument, which then led to a panic attack... ”
My shoulders shook. “That’s when Jake tried to coax me through it, letting Dad know what was happening, and even he tried to help but nothing was working. He was about to pull over when a truck hit us and the rest...”
My body vibrated, and I couldn’t finish. Tears rolled down my face, my heart beating so fast. Goosebumps trailed up my arms, and I lost it. I couldn’t contain the carefully constructed demeanor I’d prided myself in. I couldn’t hide from him anymore.
Before I could look up and see his reaction, his arms wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a winter’s night. My spine straightened, and he whispered, “Let go. I’ve got you. Let go...”
After that, I didn’t care that my mask wasn’t on anymore. I let him hold me while I cried, the grief from losing my family too much.