Chapter Twenty-Seven
LEXI
My shoulders shook violently, as my knees were tucked tightly into my chest. My tears drenched the leggings and the door to the dorm flew open.
Hazel’s eyes widened when she saw me, and I couldn’t say anything in return. I sat there in front of her, letting everything out.
“Oh, honey. What happened?”
I shook my head, unable to tell her. How could I have been so naive? So stupid to let him play and use me like that?
The saddest part is that I actually thought he was changing...for the better. I thought he was giving in, and letting me see the real Kayden. Instead, he continued to show me that I would never matter to him.
I was always going to be an insignificant speck in his past, someone he would easily forget.
He was the one who wanted the deal. He was the one who wanted us to break up our parents, and now all of the sudden, he wanted to be my stepbrother? What the actual fuck just happened?
Hazel came to sit beside me, her back against the wall like mine. How could I tell her that I was so stupid? That I broke down and let out one of the biggest secrets of my life to him, for it to backfire in my face.
How do I tell her that my dream literally came true for it to fucking crumble in my face?
I let out a breath, “There was a blowup this weekend. I yelled at my Mom.”
“Whoa,” she whispered.
“There’s more. I couldn’t stand being there anymore, so Kayden took me back to the apartment his dad got for him and...”
She moved closer as if she was waiting on baited breath, “What?”
A sigh escaped my lips, “We had sex.”
“Holy mother...That’s amazing! Wait...why are you crying though? Isn’t that something to celebrate?”
You would think.
“When I woke up after the fact, he was dressed and told me to get my things. When we got back here, he told me it was a mistake and disgusting since we were step-siblings.”
“What the actual fuck? What the hell is wrong with him?”
I wish I knew.
“I can’t believe he said that. What an asshole.”
I shrugged, “Me either. His whole demeanor changed with a blink of an eye. It was completely off base.”
“Well, how was he?”
I think she was trying to cheer me up, but thinking about it only hurt. “He was perfect; it was all perfect. Which is why it fucking hurts.”
"I'm going to kill him."
As much as I wished she could hurt him, he wasn’t worth it. If he didn’t want to be with me because I essentially was disgusting, then he could fuck right off. I angrily wiped away the tears from my eyes.
Yet another reason to hate him.
I stood up, trying to roll off the pain I felt. She stood up with me, grabbing a bottle of wine from the cabinet.
She raised a brow, “Looks like it’s a get in our feels, drinking kind of night. What do you think?”
I nodded and watched as she grabbed all the necessary eat your feelings away because a boy screwed you over items, and sat in the stool.
“What are you going to do now?”
My laptop was on the bar, so I grabbed it, opened it and went to the tab I’d been looking at earlier. When I turned the computer to face her, her body went still.
“You’re serious.”
I nodded. The tab was open to the University of Cincinnati. We had family there, family I hadn’t seen in a long time, so it made sense to go there. I wouldn’t be completely alone.
"I don't know. Maybe." Admit it, you’ve completely lost your mind. "We have family there. It might be a good time to get a fresh start. I don’t have anyone here except for you and Mom. And she’s...well she’s not exactly there for me anymore.”
"Lex."
"I know how it sounds."
"Do you, though?" She said it gently, "Because it sounds like you're about to change your entire life because a guy panicked after having sex with you. Does it suck? Absofuckinglutely, but running away to Ohio feels like giving him a lot of power over decisions that are supposed to be yours."
"It's not just about him." Yeah right, it’s all about him.
"Isn't it, though? At least partly?" She reached over and took my hand, squeezing once.
"You've been through hell. Actual hell, and I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through.
But I don't think you need to add uprooting your whole life to the list of things you're using to survive all of it.
Not unless it's what you really want. You have a life here.
You need to seriously think through this before you look into it more.
"I don't know what I want," I admitted. I want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? "I know something has to change.”
I was starting to think I needed to see a therapist. Maybe it would help give me some peace of mind, help me heal.
"It does." She squeezed my hand again, firmer this time. "For starters, we need to get you skating again, fully. I think getting you back on the ice will be a type of healing for you, even if we have to go to the next town over.”
I blew out a puff of air. "Yeah, and every time I try, I get interrupted. Maybe he’s right about that too; I don’t belong on the ice.”
“Shut up, I don’t want to hear you talk like that again. You belong on the ice and I don’t give a fuck what he thinks. You need time to focus on you and not whatever one else wants or needs from you.”
I knew there was a reason I loved her.
"Since when did you get so wise?" I asked, a smile playing on my lips.
"I've always been wise. You've been too busy being tragic to notice." She grinned, making me laugh. “There she is, you’ve gotten all mopey on me.”
I rolled my eyes and took the wine glass she pushed towards me.
She held hers up, “Here’s to a night of getting drunk, chick flicks, and stuffing our faces of junk food.”
I clanked my glass against hers, and enjoyed the smooth taste of the red wine rolling down my throat.
She was right. Tonight I would ignore my worries, and focus on spending time with my best friend. Tomorrow, I’d wake up and deal with everything else.