Chapter Thirty-Five
LEXI
The room was too quiet after Mom left the room for a break.
She'd been sitting beside me for over an hour, and even though we'd barely spoken after our conversation earlier, her presence was a reminder that I wasn’t alone anymore. At least, for now. I still had my doubts about whether or not she’d actually be there for me.
She left to get coffee, and I wished I could go with her. To escape, and to get out of this fucking hospital bed.
I shifted slightly, wincing as pain shot through my side. The doctor had said I was lucky. Bruised ribs, a black eye, some cuts and scrapes. Nothing broken and not permanent. That meant that I would heal and maybe get on the ice sooner rather than later.
Lucky.
I didn't feel lucky.
It was like I’d been hit by a truck all over again.
The door opened, and I turned my head, expecting to see Mom walking in with coffee, but it wasn’t her.
My breath caught.
Kayden.
What the actual hell happened to him?
There was blood on his shirt, and his lip was split, swollen on one side.
My gaze narrowed, “What the fuck happened to you?”
The door clicked shut behind him as he stepped inside, a deep chuckle escaping his lips. “I’m fine.”
You don’t look fine.
“So now you’re lying to me? You’re bleeding; that doesn’t seem fine, Kayden.”
"It's not that bad."
The fuck?
I stared at him. Was he fucking serious? If I was feeling better, I’d punch him myself.
"Did you get in a fight?"
He didn't answer right away. He stood there, jaw tight and eyes locked on mine.
"Kayden," I said a little more gently, hoping he would fucking answer me.
"Yeah,” he said, still not giving me any type of explanation. Where’s Hazel when you need her?
My stomach dropped. "With who?" I have a feeling I already know who it is.
"Garcia." Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner. Fuck, he shouldn’t have done that, dammit.
"Why?" I asked, swallowing the giant lump in my throat.
“He fucking deserved it," his eyes went dark and he looked lethal. Like he could kill someone if he really wanted to.
“You shouldn’t have done that, Kayden.” You really shouldn’t have. I could handle myself. I didn’t need him trying to be my knight and shining armor.
“Did you not hear what I said? He fucking deserved it.”
I raised a brow, “And that makes it okay? What were you thinking? Oh, that’s right, you weren’t.”
“Why are you so pissed off?”
“Because Kayden, you worked too damn hard to throw it all away for me. You said I was a mistake, you don’t risk throwing your future away for someone who’s a mistake.”
He flinched like I slapped him. “I didn’t mean...”
“To what? Hurt me? Yeah, I got beat up, so what? What you did to me was twenty times worse.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“How did you not mean that? I don’t think you have any idea how much harm that actually did to me.
How I felt like my heart was going to explode from the pain of hearing that word come out of your mouth.
I’ve tried for years, years, to show you that I wasn’t just Jake’s little sister.
That’s all you’ve ever seen me as, someone who follows you around blindly, waiting on you to fucking notice her. ”
He came over to the bed, and I looked away from him, staring at the wall. Why did I love him? Why did I let myself fall into his arms, knowing I was going to get hurt in the process?
“Lex,” his voice was deep and magnetic, pulling me in when I wanted to back far away.
“The draft is only weeks away, and yet you’re ready to throw it all away because someone hurt me.
Who fucking cares? I’ve been hurt before and I’ve survived it.
If I’m not dead yet, I don’t see me going anywhere anytime soon.
Are you trying to uphold my honor? Protect me?
It’s bullshit, Kayden. If you wanted to protect me, you never would’ve had sex with me and told me I was a mistake. ”
He shook his head, “You’re not a mistake. Fuck,” he ran a hand through his hair, as if he was struggling.
I didn’t buy it. He’s never shown me he’s cared, not really. I’m done trying to make him love me back.
I leaned my head against the pillow, eyes drooping as exhaustion crept up on me.
“I love you,” he whispered. Hold on, did I hear that right?
My eyes opened and I looked at him, his gaze never wavering from mine. “What?” I asked, clearly, that’s not what he said. The medicine was fucking with my head. I must be hearing things.
His gaze softened, and he took my hand in his. Already tingles spread through my body, but I tried to ignore it.
“I love you. I think I have for a while now, I didn’t know how to handle it.”
My breath caught, and I had no idea what to say. He was confessing his feelings for me, something I’ve wanted, and for the life of me, I couldn’t say anything. Not a damn word.
He loved me, so what? What exactly did that change? We still couldn’t be together, even if I wanted us to.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, pulling my hand away from his. “Even if that’s true, we can’t be together. We’re about to be...” I swallowed the lump in my throat, “step-siblings. There’s no way...”
“No we’re not.”
I blinked, looking at him. “Huh?”
“They broke it off, they aren’t together anymore.”
I didn’t even know how to respond to that, everything that I wanted was within reach, but I couldn’t grab it.
I was already affecting him. His thoughts, his emotions. If he was going to go to the NHL and be successful, then I couldn’t stand in his way. I couldn’t be the one to cost him everything he’d worked so hard for.
I licked my lips, tears filling my eyes. “We can’t be together Kayden, at least not right now. Not until I’ve had time...and you’ve had time.”
He took a step back, his hands clenching in fists. “You’re not about to do this.”
My gaze met his, “I am. And you can hate me all you want, but I refuse to stand in your way. Not only that, but I need to heal Kayden. Not just from this, but from the pain in here...” I pointed to my heart, pieces of it still broken from everything that has happened in the past year.
“As much as I want to, I can’t be with you until I’ve been able to heal the parts of myself that I lost.”
He sat in the chair near the bed, the one Mom had pulled closer. His head went in his hands and the sight broke me.
He wasn’t someone who crumbled easily, he didn’t take no for an answer and he took what he wanted without hesitation. But as I looked at him, I knew that what I’d said, even though it was the right thing to do, was crushing him.
I looked away from him, pushing the side of my face into the pillow, letting the tears fall. Neither of us said another word, and when I woke up from a nap, he was no longer there.
Doing the right thing, fucking sucks.