Chapter 14 Kalina
KALINA
Several nights later, we took our places around the fireplace.
I liked the bigger couch now, because I could put my legs up. Misha preferred to sit closest to the fireplace. And Alexsei suited that big chair. Or it suited him, a leathery, plush piece of furniture that was both big enough for his tall frame and sturdy enough that it didn’t soften him too much.
Instead of playing a game tonight, something I could secretly admit I was quickly getting addicted to, we just enjoyed the fire while Misha read.
It was all a treat. One I didn’t think could last. Fourteen years of seeing no one, having zero entertainment other than looking out windows when I was so privileged to stay in a dump where there were actual windows, made me an easy woman to please.
The thrill of competing in a trivial game hadn’t died out yet.
The intrigue of listening to stories hadn’t gotten boring so far.
Alexsei explained a couple of nights ago that Misha wasn’t only reading out loud for the sake of my entertainment.
He’d gone through a spell of really struggling to read when he was younger.
It was why he’d found private instructors and tutors at an institution for him instead of enrolling him in a traditional educational setting.
It was a superior treatment, and he’d overcome a form of dyslexia by reading aloud and sounding it all out.
The habit stuck, and he was a bona fide bookworm now.
I hadn’t asked, but I appreciated that Alexsei wasn’t walking on eggshells to not even try to initiate a conversation with me at all.
Especially after he caught me staring at his chiseled chest.
Just the memory of peeking at him for that half of a second threatened to make me blush again.
Tonight, I sat back and zoned out watching the fire in the massive fireplace.
Misha read along, his voice changing as he alternated between lines of dialogue from the prince and princess in his book.
It was an adventure, and while the suspense was adding up to a grand climax and finale, it was kind of predictable.
No less enjoyable to listen to, but it was easily guessable that the guy would get the girl.
Like Misha, I used to be a bookworm. When I was younger, I devoured books.
Since I was twelve, though, Erik had deprived me of that pastime.
He determined, alongside Yusef’s training, that letting me read books for fun was a disservice to my future husband.
A bride intended for nothing but to be bred shouldn’t have a mind of her own, shaped by ideas penned by authors they couldn’t personally vet.
An imagination was a crime. A wandering mind was a grievance.
With that long drought of being trapped with no means to read anything for so long, Misha’s preference of books suited me. I was an adult, and yes, I wanted something more my level, but from where I’d left off with reading books of my choosing—when I was twelve—his genre and book levels matched.
That was why at night, when Alexsei and Misha were in bed, I snacked to my delight in the kitchen and I plucked books off the bookcase to explore. Always careful to listen for someone waking and telling me to go back to bed, I explored and dared to do something for myself in those midnight hours.
Faster and faster, Misha read aloud, lending more theatrical notes to the end of his book.
It was interesting. And I was invested in the ending, even if it was predictable. But all of them were in this genre. That promised happily-ever-after.
Something I never thought I could look forward to. Something I’d been warned to give up as a stupid, girly dream.
But is that still true?
The longer I didn’t see or hear from Erik or Yusef, I wanted to believe that horrible chapter of my life was over. That I’d been spared meeting a husband I didn’t want. That I had been saved from the fate of being bred.
Raisa was, though. I saw her pregnant.
It seemed too foolish to think that I would be deserving of a happily-ever-after like this book that Misha read aloud.
Is that even possible for someone like me?
Someone who was so broken and scared inside that it was a constant battle to speak up and not fear punishment. Someone who was so sheltered under wicked conditioning that it seemed impossible to function as a normal person in the real world.
Despite the end of the book nearing, Misha slumped sideways.
Yawns cut between his words. Lower and lower he slumped until he sagged against me.
At last, he dropped the rest of the way, his head on my lap.
The weight of his head on my left thigh didn’t intimidate me.
It almost grounded me. Feeling him against me was an anchor to prevent me from sucking back into the spiral of gloom and doubts.
That, no, I would never be normal after all I’d endured.
That, no, a happily-ever-after wasn’t just waiting to be presented to me.
No one could be that na?ve.
I wasn’t.
“What are you thinking about?”
I blinked, slightly surprised that Alexsei had spoken, much less that he’d asked me that. I’d gotten so lulled by the cracks and pops of the fire and the ugly thoughts of memories in my head that I hadn’t really paid attention to him seated in his chair, reading on his phone.
“Hmm?”
He sat up a bit, shifting his weight to cross his legs. “You look pensive.”
Because I was.
This was another stepping stone. I could tell. I felt the importance of this moment because until now, he hadn’t asked me an open-ended question like that.
Until now, no one had ever asked me for my opinion so casually. Like it was a normal thing to share thoughts with others.
But you can.
He’s not Erik.
He’s not Yusef.
He made an observation and asked a question.
That’s it.
I didn’t know if I could fully trust him, but I found myself wanting to. If he was planning to con me or manipulate me or harm me, wouldn’t he have done it already?
Tell him.
Try.
I cleared my throat. “I was thinking about the happy ending of his story.”
“He hasn’t finished it yet,” he said lightly with a little chuckle.
I appreciated the warm tenderness on his face as he gazed at his sleeping son.
“Well, we both know how it will end,” I replied.
“The guy will get the girl after he slays the dragon.”
I nodded.
“It has me wondering if one of those neat and tidy happily-ever-afters could ever happen to me.”
He sighed, furrowing his brow. “I’m not sure they ever happen to anyone. I think people make them happen.”
I liked that. His perspective suggested participation in making a future what he wanted it to be. That was something I strongly wished to work on. To decide my life. Not for others to dictate it.
“I want to agree with that,” I said carefully, trying my hardest not to flinch and choke at the risk of speaking my mind. “But I don’t know how to make that happen for myself after all I’ve been through.”
Peeking up at him, so nervous and worried, I was surprised to find him watching me soberly. Not with judgment, no ridicule or expectations. Just listening. “Do you want to talk about what you’ve been through?”
No. I really didn’t. Something about his patient tone and the cozy quiet of the cabin propelled me to take that leap. To open up. To vent and share so that maybe it wouldn’t weigh as heavily on my chest.
“Do you want to hear it?” I asked, focusing on breathing steadily.
He nodded. “Only if you’re ready to share. I won’t pressure you into anything, Kalina.”
He didn’t say the words, but I interpreted his reply as a promise that he wouldn’t expect me to tell him about my captivity in exchange for anything else.
“My parents died in a car accident when I was twelve.” I cleared my throat.
“Which was fourteen years ago. After they were gone, my brother Erik declared himself my official guardian. He was eighteen and legally able to do so. He pulled me out of school, he got us evicted from our family home, and he began to move me around as his friend Yusef trained me.”
“Yusef Kashinan,” he said with a nod. “We’re aware of what kind of a person he is. And your brother.”
I frowned. I wanted to know what that we meant. Him and his family members?
“Before you go any further, please understand that your cousin, Raisa, was worried about you. She asked for us to look for you and make sure you were safe. It was impossible to find any record of you since you were twelve.”
I blinked, filing away this news that Raisa had been looking for me. “Because he moved me. Erik and Yusef moved me often so no one would notice me not going to school and being trapped in apartments. I think they were always on the move to escape the law as well.”
Again, he nodded. “They were. Are. For several charges against them.”
“Raisa asked me to head up an investigation to find you. The only tip we ever had was a call to her old number. It was traced to Central Park, and a homeless woman directed us to where you were lying on a bench.” He furrowed his brow, looking mad, but not at me.
“Not clothed for the cold, covered in bruises.”
“He beat me,” I said simply, somehow gathering more strength to continue. It seemed he was already familiar with Erik and Yusef, and it felt fitting to complete the picture. “Yusef, mostly. But when they talked about selling me to a Rivera man soon, and that they would be able to… to…”
Images of the horrors flitted through my mind. Nightmares of being beaten and silenced. Raped and abused.
“Don’t,” Alexsei advised. “If it’s too much, please don’t.”
I shook my head, determined to keep pushing against this defense mechanism of a shell that had blanketed my mind for too long. I had to keep trying. To resist and fight. To shove harder and break through to something better on the other side of this hell in my head.
“They would sell me. Share me.” I swallowed hard, too numb to be embarrassed to share this with him, but determined to finish.
“I was terrified of it finally coming true. Since my parents died, Erik said that he was preparing me—training me—to be a wife for my husband. All those years, he said he wanted to condition me for my marriage, and he made it sound like I would be married in weeks.”
“To a Rivera?” he asked.
I shrugged, then nodded. “I don’t know what that means.
But that is what he said. That was why after the last time Yusef beat me for walking too slowly when I was blindfolded to enter my bedroom, that I had to escape.
When they were hung over, I ran out of the building.
I didn’t stop until I was in the park. That woman saw me and somehow understood that I wanted to call for help.
I hadn’t seen Raisa in years, but I remembered her number.
It was the only tool I had to hope to count on. ”
“Well, it worked. That call was noticed and I hurried out there to find you.”
The obvious words of thank you burned on my lips, but I feared that if I crumbled to express direct gratitude to him, I would break. That it would be too big of a show of lowering my guard, of vulnerability, and I was simply too scared to trust him fully yet. Not with this story.
My story, the one that probably wouldn’t ever qualify for a happily-ever-after.
“I couldn’t bear it if they found me,” I admitted.
“Erik and Yusef?” He raised his brows. “No. That’s not happening.”
“Is that why you brought me to that other house?” I asked.
“I brought you there because it was where I could count on the best resources to keep you alive and safe. To start healing. With the doctors and nurses.”
“And to hide me?”
He shrugged. “There’s no need to hide you.
I dare Erik and Yusef to ever come after you again.
” He sat up, lowering his feet and resting his elbows on his knees.
“Raisa married Ivan Dubinin, Kalina. My cousin. I am Alexsei Dubinin. We are all members of one of the strongest Mafia families in the world. So long as you are Raisa’s concern, as Raisa’s family, you are under our protection. ”
I tried to keep up, to understand the big picture of what he said.
“And that means…”
He raised his brows, and I hated that I was sluggish to piece it together. “Does that mean that I’m married off to your family now? Instead of the Riveras?”
He shook his head, still not judging or smirking like he was annoyed with my confusion. “No.”
“Does it mean I am expected to—”
He lifted one hand. “You are not expected to do anything, Kalina. You are not expected to do anything you don’t want to do. There is no burden, no obligation, no debt to repay. In my opinion, all you should focus on is healing and recovering from what they did to you.”
It sounded too good to be true.
“You’re not going to give me back to Erik or Yusef?” I had to ask again.
“No.” He shook his head. “Never.”
“Am I going to be held for a husband or—”
“No.”
“I won’t be bred like Raisa?”
He furrowed his brow. “No. Bred? No. Raisa married Ivan because she wanted to. Because…” He sighed.
“I don’t want to overwhelm you. There is much for you and Raisa to talk about.
To catch up with. But that’s between you and her.
I am here to help you heal. And I promise that no one will ever hurt you again. Not while I’m breathing.”
Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked quickly to avoid showing that weakness.
Hearing him vow such safety—with no claims of expecting anything in return—felt like this story Misha was reading.
Fictional.
Fantasy.
A dream not intended to be true for someone like me.
“I know it won’t be easy to persuade you of that,” he admitted. “But I mean it. Every word of it.”
How can you?
Why would you?
Lowering my gaze, I grew too weak to look him in the eye. I couldn’t after what he’d just said.
Instead, as I stared at his son’s head on my lap while he blissfully slept away, I dared to wonder if I could take Alexsei’s word and believe him. If I could convince myself that I was worthy of this security.
Misha trusted him.
He told me that his father protected people. That I could rely on him to protect me.
From the bottom of my heart, I wished that I could.