Chapter 20 Kalina
KALINA
Sleeping in a bed was a luxury that I doubted I’d ever get used to again.
Years of lying on filthy floors and using my arm for a cushion set me up to never take it for granted that I could be on a soft mattress with sheets and blankets, comfortable with a real pillow under my head.
It was the small things that impressed me as I settled into this life after my brother’s training, simple things that gave me such wonder.
However, the bliss of falling asleep in Alexsei’s arms and dozing off to the heat of his hard body flush against mine were things I would always crave.
We never discussed what we were doing. It just felt natural to fall into this intimacy. It felt right to trust him.
After the first couple of times we had sex over the last week, I worried that my na?ve assumption that I couldn’t get pregnant was foolhardy.
Opposed to being bred and used like that, I had protection in mind.
When I gave him my virginity, though, I was certain that the timing of my cycle meant I’d be safe from having a baby.
Erik had drilled it into my head, using textbooks for references, to train me to know when I was fertile.
All for my husband to exploit. With that knowledge, I doubted I’d get knocked up when I surrendered to this need to feel Alexsei so deep inside me.
But that wouldn’t last. When I told him that I didn’t want to be bred, he had given me something like a sad frown.
Not disappointment in me, but almost like sympathy.
Nevertheless, without my saying another word, he started using condoms. To cater to my wishes.
If that wasn’t proof that he truly cared about me and what I wanted, I wasn’t sure what else was.
Other than my concern about becoming pregnant, we didn’t talk about how we were together.
Neither of us told Misha anything. It seemed like common sense to keep it a secret from him.
I didn’t want to interfere with the situation of the boy not having a mother.
I was too fond of him, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him or confuse him by having a relationship with his father.
Sometimes, it almost felt like I was trespassing in the father-and-son family unit they already had, and I was the stranger butting in.
Alexsei didn’t say anything to Misha, and as such, we were both careful to always end up back in our own beds before morning came.
As I started to wake up now, it wasn’t unusual for me to discover that I was alone.
He must have already gone back to his bed.
Still, I reached out toward his side and wished that I could feel the warmth of his arms circling me.
He wasn’t there.
Cool sheets greeted my hand. Rolling over to get comfortable and fall back asleep, I sighed.
Huh?
Then I sniffed.
What…
I sniffed again.
Something isn’t right.
My drowsiness faded and I snapped to attention immediately.
Something is wrong.
Smoke.
Jerking upright, I sniffed again, trying to identify if that odor reaching me that pulled me from sleep really was smoke.
It is!
Smoke!
Panic kicked in. Danger pushed me to get to my feet.
It had been a long time since I was forced into an adrenaline rush like this, but I was a survivor. I wouldn’t delay at the threat of harm. Something like this never shut off.
“Alexsei!” Crouching low, almost crawling to avoid the thickest spread of the curling smoke that came in through my open bedroom door, I called out for him.
“Alexsei!”
Closing my eyes to the sting of the smoke, I tried to breathe through my shirt. Coughing took over my voice. But I hurried toward his door, clear of flames.
“Alexsei!” His door was open, as it always was, but no reply came.
He wasn’t there.
No matter how many times I called out for him, he didn’t respond—because he wasn’t there.
Worried that something could’ve happened to him, I frantically groped all over the bed. Relying on my sense of touch as the smoke stung my eyes, I rushed to find him.
His body wasn’t there. Nothing but the rumpled bedspread was there for me to feel.
Between coughs, I kept calling out for him, frantic that he had been hurt with this smoke rushing in and for this need to know he was near to protect and support me.
He can’t be hurt.
He can’t be dead.
The fear of losing him was so acute that I nearly dropped to my knees. The possibility of this gentle giant being harmed sickened me and increased my panic.
In this rush to find him, I ignored the confusion that blared in my mind. I had no clue where the smoke was coming from, but through the haze of terror, I was aware that a fire was near.
Certain Alexsei wasn’t here, I scrambled out of his room next to mine and ducked as low as I could. Crossing the cabin, I called out as strongly as I could once more.
“Misha!”
I yelled as loud as I could, desperate to find the child and make sure he was safe.
My hunt for the boy was short-lived. He was already rushing toward me, screaming my name. The roar of flames hurt my ears, but between his calls for his father and for me, I could guide myself in the direction toward him.
Right when his voice sounded clearer in response to my telling him that I was coming for him, gunfire erupted outside.
“Misha! Come here, quick!” I reached my arm out, aiming to find him in this oppressive cloud of smoky darkness surrounding us both.
My fingers brushed against his hair. Then in the next reach, I grasped the sleeve of his shirt.
“Here. Here.” I hauled him to me, clutching him close. Both of his strong little arms wrapped around my waist as he sobbed. Then coughed. We were both a wreck of trying to breathe, but I blocked him from where it sounded like the gunfire had come from.
“We need to get to—” His words were cut off by more gunfire. “We need to get to the room.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. Grounding myself with the need to protect him, I tried to squint and understand which way to go.
“Where—” I coughed, struggling to breathe through the fit of hacking up a lung.
Without speaking, he stayed low with me and moved toward the back of the cabin.
It was chaos. Too dark. Too hard to breathe. Impossible to think.
Fear-laced urgency robbed me of stopping to rationalize what to do and how we could know Alexsei was safe. All I knew for a fact was that Misha was alive, that I was alive, and we were fighting to reach the panic room to be safe.
Before we could reach it, someone ran up to us.
I wanted to believe it was Alexsei, at last finding us and ready to help me protect his son.
But it wasn’t him. He was too thick, too short. With a mask hiding his face, he rushed up and blocked our path to the safe room.
No!
Flames had spread into the lounge, lending enough light for me to make out the reflection on metal. Metal of a gun. In his hand.
He lifted it and aimed it at Misha, and my heart leaped wildly in my chest.
“No!” I grabbed the boy and yanked him away. Shoving him behind me, to block him from the end of that gun barrel, I stood between Misha and the man.
“Found her!” he shouted out.
There was more than one. It wasn’t just him I had to fear.
Instead of aiming the gun at me, he slid it in his hand and raised his arm. “Now, you, we need to keep alive.”
“No!” I cowered. Being here in this bliss with Alexsei and Misha had tricked me into lowering my guard. I thought it was safe here. I believed Alexsei when he swore to protect me, that it was what he did. His job. To keep me safe because he cared about me.
Lulled with this illusion of safety, I was too slow to react. Too sluggish to move. Lifting my arm to deflect his hit, I was late to be effective in protecting myself.
He struck me, issuing a blinding ache in my head. Stumbling back, I curled my fingers into the soft fabric of Misha’s pajama sleeve. But nothing could stop my fall. I dropped, praying I didn’t hurt the boy and squish him. I fell, going dizzy under the darkness spreading over me.
That hit addled my mind.
I slumped, heartbroken that I couldn’t fight back and protect this innocent child.
Under the smoke that challenged the labor of breathing and the instant dizziness from that hit, I struggled to stay awake.
You promised.
You told me that you cared.
That you would always keep me safe…
Shouts and gunfire filled the air. As I fought to stay conscious, everything blurred in a flash of too many details for me to follow. Tugs on my arm convinced me that I was moving. Misha’s panicked little voice floated like he was so far away.
“… Panic…”
“I’m going to save you….”
“We’re almost there…”
“…Kalina… don’t die and…”
Then the sounds of the boy’s voice were gone.
Only the nothingness of sleeping filled me. Inside and out, I was thrust into a shell and numbness again. Not one of a defense mechanism, but as a reaction to being knocked out from a hard hit to the head and the overwhelming smoke filling the cabin.
Darkness swept in.
And I was trapped and captive to heed the pressure of doing nothing.
Of being unable to move or think at all.
I wasn’t free.
As I strained to stay with it, I wasn’t even sure if I would stay alive.