Chapter 22
KALINA
Araw streak of pain lined my throat. Any time I drew a deeper breath, a searing intensity tightened in my chest. Sharp stabs forced me to cough. And cough.
Until I was gasping and heaving, wheezing and praying the effort of coughing so violently wouldn’t make me vomit. Cramps lined my stomach as I turned on the flat surface.
The cacophony of aches and pains worked together, pushing me further out of this hazy sleepiness.
All at once, I was forced awake.
Instead of lying unconscious and ravaged by the nightmares of the fire, of worrying about Misha and agonizing over whether Alexsei was alive or not, I lived through the cognizant flashbacks of it all.
The flames. The heat. The distress from Misha’s small voice. All the dread and anxiety as I feared we wouldn’t make it out alive. It all rushed through my mind with sickening clarity. Then the horror of that man.
He wanted me alive.
He’d come there to take me alive.
No!
I jerked upright, opening my eyes. The urgent need to see where I was triggered my trauma all over again. How many times I’d hated to be blindfolded, robbed of the right to witness where Erik and Yusef wanted to take me.
It wasn’t a blindfold that covered my eyes now. It was only grit and grime, an irritable sheen of crusty gunk from the smoke.
Blinking once, twice, then rubbing my eyes with my hands, I smeared away the dirty filter that made it seem like nothing was clear.
What happened?
Where am I?
Did they get me?
Am I captive again?
My husband?
The Italians. Erik Yusef.
Who has me now?
Panic pooled in my stomach, and I tried my hardest not to sink into it, to let it consume me and be the switch that would make that shell blanket me. That numbness I’d counted on before, that instinct to shut down while the hell around me took over again.
“Easy.”
I frowned, blinking to understand whose stern voice cut through like that. Not a man, but someone with authority.
But being told to relax almost always caused the opposite. I hurried to sit up more, coughing and rubbing my eyes as I raced to clear my mind.
A dim light was turned on, and I shied away from it at first. A dull ache thundered in my head, and I hated the man who’d struck me with that gun.
He wanted me alive, but beaten.
“Sit,” the woman ordered.
It wasn’t Raisa. That voice didn’t belong to any of the nurses. But I was right back where I’d started. Erik and Yusef hadn’t recaptured me. But I was here again. That big bedroom. In the big house I’d left with Misha and Alexsei.
Misha!
Alexsei!
They had to be alive if I was here.
A tall brunette strode into view. Her face was a regal one, fit for a queen. High cheekbones. Smooth, tanned skin. Sharp, calculating eyes. And something hidden in the sleek, graceful confidence she moved with that warned me that she wasn’t someone to mess with.
“Kalina. You are safe here.”
“That—” My voice was strangled. Too rough to use. Once more, I was overcome with a coughing fit. “That’s not—”
She pursed her lips, showing me a mix of argumentative sympathy, if such an oxymoron existed. Holding out a glass of water, she lifted her free hand, warding off a nurse who rushed to reach me at the sound of my distress.
I sipped, gulping the cool liquid. “That’s not true.”
She shook her head. “You are safe here.”
“That’s not true!” I wanted to scream it, but my voice couldn’t manage that.
“This building will not be ambushed. No one would come close enough to attack or send a fucking rocket through any damn window here. Because I would be livid if any stupid enemy or rival or moron tried to threaten me and my children.” She stabbed a finger at her chest with the claim.
“And so help me God, if Luka Dubinin ever fails to make that a reality, he can kiss our marriage goodbye.” Leaning forward, she narrowed her eyes.
“No one is going to hurt anyone in my home.”
As if she could will it.
Who the hell…?
“You are safe here, Kalina.” She straightened. “Take my word for it.”
“I took Alexsei’s word for it,” I snapped.
“Then take mine now. I am Gabriella Dubinin.” She lifted her chin.
“You weren’t ready to meet me before when you were a guest previously, but welcome.
I have come on standby so you wouldn’t be alone when you wake.
Alexsei is still speaking with Luka, his uncle.
My husband.” She arched one brow. “The boss of the Dubinin family, who is extremely furious that the Riveras dared to attack the cabin while you were recovering there.”
It stopped feeling like a recovery and more like a vacation. But it had all ended so cruelly. So horribly. I trusted Alexsei, and look what I got for it.
I’d almost died. I was hurt, struck by a man. Suffocated with all that smoke.
I started to shake my head slightly, not wanting to worsen the throbbing there. She hadn’t told me enough to answer all of the urgent questions flooding my head, but I wasn’t necessarily rejecting what she said so far.
“All the threats have been eliminated.”
I narrowed my eyes. “My brother and his friend are dead too?” I didn’t dare to hope for it. The world couldn’t be that great.
“No.” She furrowed her brow slightly. “But the reports are that all the Rivera men who snuck out to the cabin are dead. All of them. My husband and Alexsei are with the others, dealing with the traitors within the organization who made the lethal mistake of selling the information to our enemies.” Her lips clamped together in a firm line.
I wanted to laugh. Like she had any right to be mad on my behalf.
“Believe me, Kalina. I know exactly what it feels like for someone within the Dubinin employ to turn traitor. To have your life at stake.”
I had no reply. It was a struggle just to stay in this conversation with her and not go numb.
“A former employee sold intel about me, and I almost paid with my life. I understand the fury and outrage that can take over in the aftermath of it all. So hear me, and believe me as a fellow survivor, that you are safe here.”
How can I know?
How can you know?
Alexsei swore he’d keep me safe and he’d let me down.
“So long as you wish to stay and recover—”
“Kalina!”
I jerked my head to the door as Misha burst in through the closed door. His sobs were so wretched and rabid. His face was streaked with tears. And as he dashed toward me, crying so openly, Gabriella intercepted him and stopped him.
“Misha. Wait. Just give her a moment to breathe and wake up.”
“Kalina!” He screamed for me, reaching out to get to me as Gabriella kept him back.
“No. Misha.” I extended my arms, holding them out to encourage him to run to me, to launch toward me for a cuddle like he had done before this awful night, I prayed that she’d release him.
Twisting out of her arms, he ran to me. I braced myself for the impact of his small body flinging against mine, and I hitched a breath at the hit. It jarred me. It reignited my headache. But I didn’t let him go. Not even an inch.
Sitting on the bed with him in my lap, I wrapped my arms around him as he circled his around me. Together like this, crying and sobbing, we hugged each other like we’d never be separated again. Every one of his cries broke my heart. All the sniffles he had tugged at my soul.
“I was so worried, Kalina,” he said between sobs.
“Me too.” I smoothed my hand over his hair. “Me too. I was so worried when…” I stopped, not bothering to go on. We both knew that the cabin nearly killed us with the fire surrounding us. We both saw that man come up and aim a gun at him, then hit me with it.
“I came to pull you to the room.”
I nodded, still stroking his hair. Closing my eyes, I held him close and breathed through the tears.
“Daddy came and helped me open the door. Then I pulled you in. And I tried and tried to wake you up. I was so scared, Kalina.”
Nodding and holding the back of his head, I wished I could infuse all my strength into him.
“We’re okay,” I whispered to him. “We’re here.” I wasn’t sure how to believe Gabriella that I’d be safe here when Alexsei had said a similar thing before. “We’re together,” I told the boy. That felt like a stronger vow. A more sacred one. That we’d fight and be stronger together. “We are alive.”
He nodded, burying his face against me as he held me tightly.
He wanted my comfort, and even though I was still learning how to have him in my life, this newness of a child’s companionship, I wanted to offer whatever comfort I could give him.
“I was so scared,” he admitted.
“Me too,” I said, making sure he wasn’t alone in this.
Hearing his cries and his broken words helped stave off the numbness that I almost receded to.
But we weren’t alone in the room.
“What would you like to do, Kalina?” Gabriella asked.
I opened my eyes. Zeroing in on her, because she asked me a direct question, which felt like a test. I was still unused to making choices, to believing I could decide anything for myself when I was taught not to.
Behind her, though, stood Alexsei.
Silhouetted in the doorway with the hall’s light streaming in behind him, he watched me hold his sobbing son.
I sought his eyes, those dark orbs that promised me so much. Too much. So much that he’d almost failed to give me.
Security.
Safety.
I’d almost died under his watch.
Instead of giving me a softer stare, like the ones when he was so patient with me and letting me learn how to heal after my captivity, he was walled off.
Cold.
Numb?
A cool distance had been wedged between us. Because he didn’t rush in to hold us both. He wasn’t hurrying to console me or comfort me.
Standing apart, so different as he watched me silently, he confused me past the chaos of the night.
With just a look at his being so reserved and aloof, I couldn’t make sense of how I could feel safe again. Without his help. It was clear that he no longer wanted to take on the role of being my hero, staying out of reach.
I furrowed my brow as anger lit me up.
He promised to keep me safe, and he’d almost gotten me and his son killed.
How could you?
I believed in you!
I wanted to think that you meant it.
He couldn’t have cared for me if he almost got me taken.
“Kalina.” Gabriella raised her brows, prompting me to answer her. As she began to turn to see what I was staring at, Alexsei strode away.
“What would you like to do? Luka is prepared to arrange whatever would make you most comfortable. Raisa would be here to speak with you herself, since she’s closest in the family, but she’s on bed rest for a concern with her pregnancy at the moment.
I realize I am but a stranger, but please, if you could let me know what you want, I will get it in action. ”
I watched her as I held Misha.
“You can move into another property with more guards. You can stay here. Or you can—”
“Stay,” Misha begged. “Please, Kalina. Don’t go.”
I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t dream of letting this boy down.
I couldn’t stomach facing Alexsei now, especially not when he walked away from me after one look like that.
If Misha wanted me for comfort, I would give him whatever I could. Because I’d spent far too many years dreaming of someone to comfort me when there was no one at all. I’d be damned if I paid it back like that.
“I will stay,” I told him.
Gabriella nodded and gave me a gentle and slightly hopeful smile.
“I will stay for now,” I told her.
The fantasy of a long-lasting happily-ever-after was once again out of my reach.