Chapter 40 Kalina
KALINA
One year later…
Evelyn blinked up at the lights on the Christmas tree as she woke up.
Choruses of ‘aw’ sounded through the spacious great room of the lodge.
And then as my infant daughter turned her head toward the Dubinin guard we’d hired to dress up for the holiday photos, she scrunched her little face.
And cried.
Nope. She wailed.
“Yep, I called it!” Misha said as he reached over to pick up his baby sister. “She hates Santa.”
“Santa!” Andre cheered from his spot of sitting on the floor and waiting his turn to get either a candy cane or a lump of pretend coal from Santa. Fidgeting and wiggling in place, he was trying so hard to sit still and be patient.
His obsession with being the center of attention was simply a lost cause at this rate. Surrounded by babies and toddlers, he had just come to terms that he wasn’t the only one to be doted on.
As if on cue, Evelyn’s cries kicked off Gracie’s.
Gabriella and I had been pregnant just about the same time.
However, we didn’t pull off the feat of going into labor the same day.
Now, though, it seemed like Sadie and Raisa might attempt that by having due dates within the same week.
Twin boys were on the way for Raisa and Ivan.
Emil and Sadie were expected to have their first son.
Even though most of us liked the surprise of the gender, it seemed smarter to plan ahead now with so many babies born into the family.
“Here, Mom,” Misha said as he handed me Evelyn.
I smiled, taking her and anticipating her needing to nurse. But I did have to smile and laugh at the chain reaction her crying had caused.
The other babies started crying. The toddlers started to fuss and tantrum. Misha and Lev tried to help calm them all.
And then there was Andre, sitting in the middle of the chaos and staring at “Santa” hopefully, eager to know if he had been a good boy or a naughty one.
Carrying Evelyn out of the room, I passed Alexsei as he tried to distract Nicky from grabbing Luka’s tie. The Mafia boss didn’t help, playing along and making a funny face each time Nicky yanked. Seeing Luka be such a family man was still the biggest surprise of all.
With just a look, Alexsei and I checked in with each other. In his glance, he was silently asking me if I wanted anything from him. If I needed anything.
As I smiled back at him, letting him know I was good, I relished how supportive he was in any and every situation. We really were partners, a team with Misha as the big brother too.
We were a family.
One thing I feared I’d never have again.
Threading through the crowd, I sought the closest guestroom to quietly nurse my daughter in.
The darkness was a sharp contrast to the commotion and festivity out in the great room, but it was welcome.
A small fire burned in the fireplace. A miniature Christmas tree sat on a side table.
Evelyn’s eyesight wasn’t that developed yet, but she did seem slightly interested in lights.
Once I sat and nursed her, I mused that she was still mostly interested in this.
I rocked in the chair and sighed as I fed her, wondering how long she’d want to nurse this time.
It had seemed like such a huge thing to bring her upstate when she was still so little, but I didn’t need to stress about it.
Like always, I had plenty of help, and I was getting better at asking for it when I needed it too.
It would’ve been a shame not to come out here for the inaugural holidays. Alexsei, Misha, and I had followed the construction of this cabin with glee all year.
To replace the cabin that had been burned down, we found another plot of land to develop. It began as a cabin, smaller and cozy, but then we realized how good it would be to have more guest space, and then some more.
Even though my escape happened in the winter and I’d almost lost my life due to that, I was especially fond of the winter months. Misha loved playing in the snow. Alexsei admitted it was his favorite season too.
It just made sense for us to have a place out here away from the city like this. Because we always wanted the option to have our family around, our cabin turned into more of a lodge.
“Knock, knock.” Gabriella entered the room, holding baby Gracie.
“Your turn too?” I asked as I burped Evelyn, who had finished and was just about to doze off, already milk drunk.
She shook her head. “She’s not hungry. I think we just needed some quiet.” With a smile, she sat in the other rocking chair on the other side of the fireplace. “Andre wasn’t quiet about his turn to sit on Santa’s lap.”
“Did Emil sneak in a lump of coal in his gift bag like he warned he would?” I asked.
She shook his head. “No.”
“Andre has been getting more adjusted,” I commented.
She agreed, yawning and nodding as she rocked her baby. “When we got to the airport and Gracie was fussy, he asked me if I ‘had’ to have another baby anytime soon.”
I laughed lightly.
She grinned.
“What’d you tell him?”
“I said I didn’t know, but I bet it’d be a while.”
“Hmmm.” I nodded in agreement. “I sure learned my lesson,” I admitted.
She laughed. “Me too.”
Even though we’d both welcome more children, we chose to use protection too. She admitted over a girls’ night that she told Luka he couldn’t come near her without a condom and that was final. I laughed and said the same.
I wasn’t being bred. Neither was she. But babies were a lot and even if we were lucky to be so provided for with this Dubinin wealth, having children so close together took a toll on a woman’s body.
Luka hadn’t protested. Alexsei didn’t either.
We were all granted the freedom to decide what we wanted out of our lives despite the stereotypes of being Mafia women.
“Do you think we’ll need to start looking for help ahead of time?” I asked her. “At the office?”
Gabriella seemed pensive. “Maybe, maybe not. Our internship program seems so promising so far, but I might feel more confident about outsourcing to have someone with more experience. I have a strong feeling Andre is going to want to commit to karate and swimming more, to start competing, and I’ll be like a soccer mom, also going to practices and meets. ”
He was so young, but his discovery of those two sports sure had calmed him down.
The women’s foundation Gabriella and Raisa started was expanding and growing more than any of us could’ve imagined.
Sadie helped too, but she was also more hands-on working with Emil and Simon.
Giving her expertise and background, she was better to help with the guys on assignments and hits than with us.
I fit in perfectly, either at the office downtown or working from home. I was an executive, but that never meant I had to give up on getting my education. Or being a mother. Or a wife.
Once I got through my first year of courses, I realized that I was drawn more to the sciences.
It would take me time, but I was already starting to plot out a plan and agenda to obtain a degree in ecology.
Birds were still my focus. I’d escaped with the belief that they were guiding me, encouraging me, and I’d never lost the fascination with the elegant animals.
Traveling to research sounded like a dream to hang on to, but I wanted to balance it all, to not miss a single moment of being a mother and wife. And I could. I wasn’t being bred. I hadn’t been sold off as a waste of worthless space.
I had fallen in love. I’d made my happily-ever-after happen. And I would never lose sight of the mental and physical challenges I’d endured to get to this happy place I was in now.
Surrounded by family. Celebrating the holidays in a location similar to a scene of such horror and danger. This lodge wasn’t a reminder of pain or loss, of anger, but a new beginning.
Just like my daughter in my arms.
“How long do you think you’ll hold out?” Gabriella asked me after a while of peaceful quiet.
“Huh?”
“To stop insisting the guys be careful.” She gave me a sly smile as she stroked her daughter’s hair. “Because I don’t know about you, but this is heaven.”
I smiled back, knowing what she meant. Alexsei would always give me control over what I wanted in terms of autonomy of my body and whether I was pregnant. Yet, there was no denying the soul-deep peace and love that bringing a baby into the world could give me.
“Maybe once Sadie and Raisa have their next ones,” I admitted.
She laughed lightly. “Can you imagine twins, though?”
I smiled. “I would definitely be looking for a nanny.”
“Me too.” She sighed. “Being CEO of the foundation is great.” She kissed her daughter’s head. “But this is what really matters.”
It did.
Love and family.
Security.
I had it all now.
Reaching out my hand to squeeze hers in solidarity, I sighed and knew it was only just beginning, for all of us.
Finally, I was free to be happy—and loved—in every way that mattered.