38. Chapter 38
Aspen
Ismile down at Jackson and I can hardly believe that this is my life right now.
His tiny little hand wraps around my finger and every doubt I had in life evaporates.
I was never really sure where I belonged.
Whether I wasn’t enough or too much. But there’s one thing for sure: I was born to be this little guy’s mom.
He looks like Rhett already. His little eyebrows are so dark.
I run my free hand over them and the little scrunch between his eyes.
“How are you feeling, honey?” Rhett leans down and plants a kiss to my forehead.
I don’t think I could’ve done this without him. It was the scariest event in my life, and he was a rock throughout it all. He was made for this life, to be a dad to be mine.
“Well, my body feels like it’s been hit by a bus. My nipples feel like they might fall off. But at least my baby turned out cute.”
Rhett looks at the face of our sweet boy. A smile instantly stretches across his face, and the joy there is worth all the pain.
“We do make some pretty cute babies. And, Weston and I talked more, so that’s another win. If you’re not ready for visitors, it’s okay to say no, but your family is all here and ready when you are.”
“I’m ready. If everyone is out there, maybe have them come in waves. But I want to see my parents first.”
I’ve been a mom for just minutes, but I can only imagine how scary this whole ordeal has been for her now that I fully understand a mother’s love. Plus, I am lowkey traumatized for life from that birth experience, and really could use a hug from her.
He nods, kissing my head one more time before leaving the room to get them.
“Okay buddy, you’re getting ready to meet some of my favorite people. They will probably all be spoiling you rotten.” My finger rubs his chunky little cheek. I swear every time I look at him, my heart grows three sizes.
My mom walks through the door and we lock eyes. Every tough exterior I had is eviscerated. Tears start streaming down my cheek.
“How's my baby girl?” She walks to me, cradling my face between her hands, kissing me gently on the forehead.
“Tired. Sore. But I'm really happy to see you. I’m sorry it was a hectic twenty-four hours.” I motion to the room.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. The important thing is you’re both okay. And the parts of you that aren’t will get there someday.” Her arms wrap around me, soothing the frayed edges of my emotion.
“Can your old man scoot in or is this a girls-only hug?” my dad asks, his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels.
“Get in here, old man,” I say, waving him closer.
Their arms encircle me as I hold my new baby boy. I only hope I can be half as good a parent as they are.
“So, do you guys have a name?” my mom asks as she looks down to Jackson with so much love.
Rhett walks up to the head of the bed, brushing the baby's cheek a little before looking up to me, letting me take the lead, but he’s still right there.
“We do. I wanted to name him after someone really important to me. Someone who works hard but loves even harder. His name is Jackson Blake.” I hold the baby out, knowing my mom will want to hold him as soon as possible.
My dad’s tear-filled eyes look into mine. “I am so incredibly honored, baby girl. It has been the honor of my life to be your dad. I can’t wait to love him.” He takes steps closer to me, kissing the top of my head.
“I hope I can figure it out as good as you guys have,” I say as I look over to my mom who sways back and forth with Jackson in her arms.
Watching my parents fall in love with my tiny human isn’t something I thought much about, but it reminds me again of just how damn lucky I am. Their love knows no bounds and I am so grateful my child will get to experience that.
My mom laughs as if what I just said was preposterous. “Oh honey, we still don’t know what we’re doing. Lead with love, be patient, say sorry when you screw up, because you will, and the rest will turn out fine.”
A knock sounds outside my door, and my brother pokes his head in. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink since I checked in yesterday. His eyes are red-rimmed, probably exactly how I would look if he was injured like me.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“Of course you can,” I say with a gentle smile.
Weston bee-lines it straight for me. “If you ever scare me like that again, I will personally throttle you.” His arms swing around my shoulders as he pulls me in, while being incredibly gentle, which is greatly appreciated.
“Believe me, I will do my best to avoid this outcome from ever happening again,” I say with a shake of my head.
He nods, looking between me and Rhett, a twinge of regret dancing in those eyes. “I just want you to know that I really am happy for you two. I couldn’t have hand-picked someone I trust with you better. Truly.”
The weight on my chest eases, the last little puzzle piece fitting in. Tears spring to my eyes; these damn hormones are killing me. “Thank you.” I swipe under my eyes, clearing the tears. “You ready to meet your nephew?
He nods, and I see a bit of light come back into his eyes. “I’ve been very impatiently waiting for this moment.” He walks over to our parents. “Time to share.”
“Good thing you got some baby-holding practice in with Mav and Ava’s little one. You ready?” my mom asks.
He gently lifts the baby and cradles him in his arms. “Hi buddy. I can’t wait to teach you how to ride four wheelers and play in the dirt. What’s his name?”
“Jackson. Jack when he’s being a pain in the ass like Dad,” I joke.
West’s eyes fill with tears. “Jack is the perfect name. Those are some big shoes to fill, buddy. I’ll help teach ya how. And so will your dad.” He looks at Rhett and gives him a smile and a nod.
The last twenty-four hours have simultaneously been the worst and the best in my life. But this right here? This makes it all worth it. I’d walk through fire if I knew this was on the other side of it.