Chapter Eight Lena
Chapter Eight
Lena
The nightmare tears me out of sleep, my heart racing, sweat pouring down my back, tears streaming down my face, and memories that I wish with all my heart I could forget so vivid, I feel sick to my stomach.
So much blood.
Gideon hurt.
My screams.
Sitting up, I bend my knees, rest my elbows on them, and then bury my face in my hands and give in to the tears.
You’re the little girl who hurt my guy.
“You have to get a grip, Lena.” I sniffle and wipe the tears away, then check the time.
Five.
I guess I’m not sleeping in this morning after all.
After washing my face and pulling my hair up into a high ponytail, I pull on some jeans and a T-shirt.
These jeans are too tight. My ass has grown since high school.
Please let my clothes get here today.
Not wanting to wake Gideon, I pad quietly out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen, where there’s a light on above the stove. While the coffee brews, I take a deep breath and glance outside. The sky is lightening, and I can see the outline of the mountains.
I want to sit outside with my coffee, but it’s chilly in the morning, so I check the coat closet by the front door and find a green army hoodie and slip it over my head.
God, it smells like him.
And it’s huge on me.
But it’s warm, and it almost feels like he’s hugging me, and damn it, even if I won’t admit it to anyone else, it’s the comfort I need this morning after that fucked-up nightmare and the altercation with his family yesterday.
I’m only in socks this morning, but my heels are still sore as I walk out the back door and sit on the steps, ready for Mother Nature’s show to begin.
I love that I have this front-row seat for this view. And I can picture this lake frozen in the winter, with snow falling and sticking to the trees, and I bet that’s just as beautiful.
Sipping the coffee, I take a deep breath and then let it out, watching the steam from my breath fill the air. It’s so peaceful here. So quiet.
Except for that rustling coming from the path that leads—
“Ah!” I jump up and narrowly avoid spilling my coffee when a figure rounds the house, and she squeals too. “Holy shit.”
“Sorry.” She puts a hand up to her chest and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Willow.
“It’s pretty early to be lurking around.
” I swallow hard and sit back down, and butterflies erupt in my belly.
I’m not mentally stable enough to have it out with her right now.
I don’t want another lecture, or to have her yell at me.
I haven’t even had half this coffee yet, and the nightmare is fresh in my mind.
I needed this time alone out here to settle, and now it looks like I won’t get it.
“Gid’s usually up by now, and I wanted to come over and talk. I brought muffins.” She holds up the covered plate and then sighs when I don’t reply. “Is he around?”
“Haven’t seen him yet today.” I shrug a shoulder, and I see her eyes narrow when she recognizes the sweatshirt that I’m wearing.
Fuck.
One more thing for her to judge me over.
“I was cold, and I don’t have any clothes here, but I’ll put it back in the closet if it bothers you.”
“Listen, we got off on the wrong foot.”
“You think?” I stand and move to go inside. “If I see Gideon, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him. Or you can call him—”
“He never answers the phone. Please don’t go.”
I pause and look over at her.
“Can I sit with you?” she asks.
“This isn’t my home. It’s yours. You can sit wherever you want.”
Willow huffs out a breath, sets the plate on the rail of the deck, and sits, gesturing for me to return to my spot and join her.
I could be a bitch and go inside.
But I’m not a bitch.
And I’m not good at telling people no.
So I sit and take a sip of coffee.
“Gideon and Ryker both think I owe you an apology,” she begins softly. “And they’re probably right. But before I do that, I need to explain where my anger is coming from.”
“You don’t have—”
“Yeah, I do.” She rubs her palms up and down her denim-covered thigh.
“I met Gideon and Ryker when I was fourteen. They’re a year older than me.
They came to the ranch under . . . difficult circumstances.
I lived here every summer because I stayed with my aunt and uncle, who owned the ranch, and I loved it here.
Then Ry and Gid came, and we became the Three Amigos. ”
I’m so jealous of that. That friendship, that connection to each other. I don’t think I’ve ever had that with anyone. Even with Chelsea, it feels like her love for me is conditional, and there are things I know I can’t tell her. Can’t confide in her.
“Ray and Debbie adopted Ry and Gid the following year, and for almost twenty-five years, we’ve been a family.”
“Where are Ray and Debbie now?” I ask softly.
“In a tiny graveyard about a mile from here.”
My head jerks up, and my gaze latches on to hers.
“We lost them a while ago. It was the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through. When we lost Ray two years after Debbie, Ryker retired from hockey, and Gid came home for almost a month so we could settle the estate and figure out what the next steps were.”
I remember that.
I remember Gideon being gone for longer than he ever had been before. He never took vacations, but there was a time, not long before that horrible night, when he took leave. I never knew why.
I didn’t ask.
“I was struggling with Aiden at the time. He was going through a rough patch. I’d just lost Ray.
And it was awesome to have my guys home.
To heal together and help each other. Romantic feelings started to develop between Ry and me.
I never saw Gid that way. He’s my brother.
Always has been. He had to cut his vacation short and go back to work—”
“Because of me.” I nod, remembering.
Chelsea talked me into going to the tattoo parlor that night. We snuck out, and some tattoo artist she knew opened his shop late for us. I didn’t want ink, but I agreed to piercings.
My nipples still hurt when I think about it.
“Yeah. Then, a few weeks later, Ry officially retired from hockey, and we were in Seattle for the press conference and celebration. Gid came for it, but he was too late to be at the announcement. He barely made it to the party, but he was there. Then, the next morning at breakfast, he got a call back to DC.”
I swallow hard as I watch the sky turn peach and blue. I don’t remember what I did that time to pull him back. It could have been anything, but it was likely Chelsea and me evading my detail so we could party.
So she could party and have me with her.
“Then, the next thing we knew, he was calling to tell us he’d been shot, he wouldn’t let Ry come help him, and then his career was over. A career that he loved.”
I blink rapidly, but I can’t keep the tears back because God, how I missed him after that night.
I was terrified, and no one would tell me if he was okay.
I didn’t know for more than a week how bad his injuries were, or where he was.
I knew that I was just a job for him, but Gideon was the one person that I felt the safest with, and he was suddenly ripped away, and I didn’t even know if he was okay.
Finally, I begged my mom to fill me in, and she reluctantly did.
But I was never allowed to see him. To thank him.
“I can’t tell you what happened,” I whisper and wipe the tears away. “I would if I could. I’d tell you everything, but—”
“You can’t.” Those two words hold so much hostility, I wish she’d just slap me.
“Yeah, Gideon says that all the damn time. It’s really annoying.
The point is, we’re his family. We’re the ones who have his back, no matter what.
Even when he’s doing his job at the order of a president, and that job blows up in his face, we’re the ones who pick up the pieces. ”
She shakes her head and brushes her own tears away.
“I’m sure you’re not a bad person, Lena.
But whatever decisions you made when you were a young, silly teenager shaped who that man is today.
And it almost destroyed him there for a while.
Maybe I was out of line yesterday. Maybe I do owe you that apology, but I love him so much, and love isn’t always something that the three of us had until we found each other, and Ray and Debbie. ”
“Don’t apologize. I don’t need it.” I shake my head and stand, brush off the seat of my jeans.
“I’ll stay out of your way, Willow. I’m not a kid now, and the shit that’s going on is scary.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. I’ll ask to call my mother—I’m not allowed to have electronics—to have me reassigned and get me off your property as soon as possible. ”
“Bullshit.”
Neither of us noticed Gideon approach. He didn’t come from inside. He’d been running, or working out, based on his black running shorts and long-sleeved T-shirt and the sweat coating his skin. He’s clenching his jaw in that way he does when he’s pissed off.
Which, if I’m being honest, is a lot.
“It’s for the best,” I reply, lifting my chin, but he won’t look at me. He’s staring daggers at Willow.
“Go inside, Lena.”
“Gideon, I’m not going to stay on private property when the owner of said property is angry and uncomfortable with me being here.”
That gets his attention, and his eyes narrow at me.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Shaking my head, I sigh. “Just make the call. Have me reassigned. Drop me off on an island somewhere. Or take me home. I’d rather deal with potentially being kidnapped and killed.”
Willow gasps, and I turn to walk inside, but then turn around.
“You have a lovely family. I like that you defend it. That you’d burn the world down for it. That’s not something everyone has. Good for you, Willow.”
I turn and walk inside and straight up to my room, where I start to shove my things into a bag.