32. Chapter Thirty-two
Ethan’s body protested the long workday as he drove home that evening. A hot shower would feel good, and then bed later, especially after how late it had gotten last night. Still, he’d enjoyed working with Joel and the guys again. It had been exactly what he’d needed to take the first step in getting over his feelings for Katie. While reality still hurt, getting out and clearing his head with some good old-fashioned manual labor had left him in a better place than he’d been in last night and this morning.
Pulling up to the cabin, he spotted Becca on the porch swing. That was odd. She must have had a short shift today. Maybe she’d come over wanting to talk more about Adam. During a break today, Adam mentioned asking her out for coffee. Ethan didn’t tell him about the conversation last night since he didn’t want to betray Becca’s confidence, but he had encouraged Adam not to give up hope just yet. She might come around to the idea, given the time.
He got out of the truck and walked toward the porch. “What’s up?”
Becca looked at him in a way he didn’t understand. It was almost like she’d been pondering something and didn’t quite have it figured out yet. “Katie and Drew broke up.”
Ethan halted at the top of the steps, his heart missing a beat. “What?”
“She called me looking for someone to talk to. I was over there for a while. I just got back about thirty minutes ago.”
Ethan’s head spun. “Is she all right?”
“I think she’s feeling like part of her life has been upended, and she’s not sure where all the pieces will fall. She knows it was the right decision, but they were together for a long time, so it’s still hard. When I left, she said she was going to sit on the dock and pray for a while. Mom had me invite her for supper, but she hasn’t said yet if she’ll come.” She got up from the swing. “I just thought you’d want to know.”
She slipped past him and headed toward the house.
Ethan didn’t move. Everything was falling apart—first with the awkwardness after the wedding, and now this. He couldn’t do anything about Drew, but he was determined to fix the former.
“Hey, Bec?”
She turned back to him.
“I’m going change and take the canoe out. I’ll try not to be too late, but don’t wait on supper if I am.”
A hint of a smile crossed her face. “I’ll let Mom know.”
Ethan hurried into the cabin for a clean pair of clothes. He needed a shower, but that could wait. Katie was more important. He knew how hard breakups could be, and this seemed very sudden and unexpected.
Back outside, he headed to the shed for the canoe. Here, a new thought slammed into him, stopping him in his tracks. Was he the reason they’d broken up? Had Katie told Drew about the wedding? Ethan had known from the beginning that Drew felt threatened by his friendship with her, yet he’d ignored it, spending time with her anyway. Too much time. Oh, he always said it was because she was his best friend, and he just wanted to help her, but was that the entire truth?
No. If he examined himself like he should have a long time ago, he knew his deeper feelings had played a part. He hadn’t been able to help himself and had seized every opportunity to spend time with her, just like Becca had said weeks ago at the fire. Even now, he was doing it, rushing to make sure she was all right. Despite his claim to not want to come between them, had his interference and lack of willpower been the wedge that had driven Katie and Drew apart?
Ethan leaned against the shed, hanging his head and running his hands through his hair. He’d messed up. He stood there for several long minutes, praying, confessing, asking for wisdom and guidance. If only he could somehow make things right.
Finally, he looked at the canoe. Katie might not even want to see him, and he wouldn’t blame her. But she deserved an apology. And if she didn’t feel like hearing it tonight, then some time alone on the lake with God would be good for him.
He tossed two life jackets into the canoe just in case and then slid it into the water. Grabbing an oar, he steered it along the shore toward the cottage.
When he rounded the peninsula, he spotted Katie sitting on the dock, her feet dangling in the water. Her slumped posture drove the air from his lungs. Not only might he have ruined her relationship, but he’d up and abandoned her the last two days. He may have been spending too much time with her, but outright avoiding her wasn’t right either. Especially after he’d promised their friendship wouldn’t change. He’d come dangerously close to breaking that promise.
She didn’t notice him at first, but as he drew near, she lifted her head. She looked shocked to see him, which drove the guilt in his heart even deeper. Beyond that, he couldn’t tell what she was feeling. Clearly, she’d been crying, but a sort of sad acceptance rested on her face.
He spoke tentatively. “It’s a nice evening to be on the lake. Do you want to join me?”
A brief silence followed, in which he fully expected her to say no, but then she nodded, the faintest smile crossing her lips. He grabbed the dock to steady the canoe as she got up to slip her sandals on and step in. She took a seat at the front of the canoe, and Ethan pushed away from the dock. Neither one of them spoke as Ethan paddled farther out onto the lake. It was hard to guess what she was thinking with her back to him.
He didn’t want to bring up Drew if she’d rather not talk about it, but it was unavoidable if he wanted to apologize for any part he played in it. “I’m sorry you and Drew broke up.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “I think it had been building to this for a while.”
Ethan drew a deep breath, wishing he could see her face. “If I complicated things between you two, I’m really sorry. I know Drew wasn’t the biggest fan of our friendship. I didn’t mean to come between you.”
Finally, she turned to sit facing him. “It wasn’t your fault. At least not any more than it was mine.”
Ethan didn’t feel that let him off the hook, but he was thankful she didn’t blame him. “Did he break it off, or did you? Not that it’s any of my business. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I guess I did. I told him I wanted to stay here in Two Lakes.”
Under different circumstances, that news would have overjoyed Ethan, but this wasn’t about him. He could see how that would strain the relationship, especially since Drew hadn’t been the country type. It would be hard to maintain a deep relationship when each person wanted to be in a different location.
She shrugged tiredly. “Now that it’s said and done, we weren’t very compatible. We both wanted different things and had stuff we weren’t willing to give up.”
“It’s still hard ending a long-term relationship like that.” Things had been unsettled for a long time after breaking up with Anna. It would be even harder if Katie’s feelings were deeper than his had been. “Did you love him?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. Not how I should have, considering how long we’d been dating. Honestly, I could probably count on one hand the number of times we said it to each other. I should have seen a long time ago that it wouldn’t go anywhere. I just kept telling myself it was because he was busy and, someday, eventually, things would get better.”
She winced, her eyes turning watery. “It sounds so pathetic, but when we first started dating, I think I was so flattered that someone would even be interested in me that I did whatever I could to make it work.”
Ethan’s heart ached with the desire to help her understand how special she was and that she was worth loving, but he’d already complicated things enough. He had to let those feelings go and be the friend she needed.
She blinked hard and stared out across the lake. “The longer it went, the more I formed my life to fit his because I didn’t want to lose what I had. And I hate it because I feel like I used him. I was afraid of being alone, so I kept making excuses for all the things that didn’t quite work between us.”
“If he loved you, he could’ve made more effort to ensure you had a healthy relationship too. It’s not all on you.” Effort in a relationship went both ways.
“He was very sweet when he wasn’t distracted. We had disagreements, and even though I don’t think he understood me well enough to support me where I needed it, he always treated me well. But he’s very focused and motivated with his career, and I can’t blame him for that. He’s already put ten years of his life into this. It just isn’t the best environment for a relationship to grow.”
He admired her for not bashing the guy and being so mature. He’d experienced firsthand how some people trashed their exes after a breakup. Still, he knew his own opinion was more biased. “You deserve someone who can make you a priority no matter what.”
She just shrugged. “I’m sure he tried in his way.” Her expression shifted ever so subtly with her thoughts. Finally, her attention swung back to him, her eyes glistening again. “I’m not sure where I go from here. We spent the last three years together, and now it’s just over. It feels so meaningless.”
Ethan understood the feeling. He and Anna hadn’t been together for as long, but even though he knew things had to end, it left a strange absence in his life for a long time. “You enjoy your cottage, you make your clothes, and you take the time to focus on where God is leading you. As far as the relationship goes, even if you weren’t compatible in the end, did you still make each other better people?”
“I think so. I hope so.”
“Then the last three years were not a waste. God brings people into our lives for a reason, even if they don’t stay. We might never know the true reason, but He does.”
Finally, a tired but hopeful smile rose to her lips. He hated how close he’d come to not being here for her in this moment and wanted to make sure she knew that.
“Listen, I just want to say I’m sorry things were weird the last couple of days. It won’t happen again.”
“Yeah, me too. And thanks for listening to my relationship drama.” Her smile grew brighter. “You’re a good friend.”