Chapter 40
Emmy
The stage is dark as we stand behind the velvet curtain. Luke’s wearing a suit and I’m just wearing my dress, bra already removed for ease. The plan is for me to strip and sit on one of the bar stools while Luke demonstrates some simple ties.
Luke’s phone’s been vibrating on and off for half an hour but he’s been too nervous to even look at it, repeatedly running the ropes through his fingers and closing his eyes as if he’s mentally tracing each knot and tie.
I’ve never seen him so on edge and for a moment, I’m absolutely charmed as I watch this man who I’ve come to know so well fray at the edges.
Luke’s kept himself walled off emotionally for so long that I assumed he didn’t really feel much. But now I suspect he feels everything deeply and irrevocably, and that his breakup with Lucy has left scars that even Nick may not fully comprehend.
He’s emphasised four or five times that I can tap out at any moment and that he’ll keep things basic and comfortable.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly nervous.
If you’d told me that six months ago, I’d be demonstrating bondage live on stage at a sex club, I’d have wet myself laughing.
If you’d told me it would be with Luke at his club – well I’d probably have had an aneurysm.
But as I stand there, waiting for Jessie to announce us onto the stage, I think about just how far I’ve come.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m owning my own narrative. I’m meeting new people; I’m trying new things. I’m braver than I’ve ever been and it feels wonderful.
For the first time ever, I’m choosing things. I’m steering my own life, not just being carried along, and Luke’s been the catalyst. With him, I’ve discovered parts of myself I buried for years.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” comes Jessie’s voice through the AV system.
The room hushes and Luke and I glance at each other. He raises his hand to my cheek, stroking his thumb down in an exact repeat of the first time he kissed me just 20 feet away. He leans in to kiss me lightly before straightening up as Jessie begins to announce us.
“We have an incredibly special treat for you tonight. It’s something many of you have been asking about for a long time and we’ve been edging you for months, but I’m thrilled to welcome back Salt’s owner, Luke, to the stage with his beautiful partner Emmy!”
The crowd erupts into cheers – Luke is clearly well-loved – and the curtains pull back to reveal us standing, hand in hand. I give a little wave and several people whoop back. I can see the eyes of the women in the front row and they’re all hungrily trained on Luke.
“As some of you know, Luke is a master in the art of Shibari. And tonight, he’s planning to demonstrate a few simple ties to whet your appetites.
Please do not try these at home without some proper instruction.
And if you’re interested in learning more, we’re hosting a brand-new course later in the summer during which you can learn these ties and more.
Without further ado, please give a round of applause for Luke and Emmy! ”
The crowd cheers again as the lights dim and the music starts.
Luke’s chosen to begin with Mount Everest by Labrinth and the crowd goes silent as he points to the bar stool in the centre of the stage.
It’s a clear instruction and the look in his eyes is steely: he’s in full dom mode now and I shiver in anticipation.
Just before I sit down, he shakes his head slowly at me and twirls his finger in a circle.
At his command, I slip my dress off over my head and stand in my lacy pants and patent black heels.
My obedience earns me a smile and I can practically see the women in front of me leaning forward as he begins to roll his sleeves up over his beautiful forearms. God, those forearms.
I perch on the chair and Luke approaches me, a long coil of black rope in his hands. He begins the first tie – a basic harness, he told me – with deft motions.
Before long, I’ve got loops of rope criss-crossing my torso, contrasting starkly with my pale skin.
I relax into it as Luke’s practised fingers whisper across my breasts.
He crosses the loop that goes across my chest with a band just above my nipples and I gasp at the sensation as he essentially makes a cupless bra out of the rope.
My mind wanders back to what he said in his office as we were planning the performance:
“Bondage of any sort is the ultimate act of trust, and to place yourself in that position of vulnerability is a gift that no one should ever underestimate. If you doubt me for even a second then we shouldn’t do this. But I promise you this: I will keep you safe.”
The rope is soft against my skin but as he ties, he pulls gently to create tension and I can feel my pulse rising with each flourish.
He finishes a series of knots across my stomach and then indicates for me to stand.
He begins to loop and tie down my thighs, glancing up at me periodically to check I’m ok.
I keep smiling at him, reassuring him with every look, and I finally feel him start to relax just as his hand brushes my core.
I don’t think he did it intentionally but he doesn’t miss the way my breath hitches, eyes flying up to mine to check on me again. I bite my lip to try and communicate that I’m fine and he gives me a small salacious smile that the crowd can’t see.
He leans around under the guise of tying a knot and whispers in my ear, “Do you enjoy seeing me on my knees for you, sweetheart?”
I whimper as he gives me a small grin.
The ropes sharpen every sensation; my nipples ache, my skin hums, my breath comes too fast. But the real rush isn’t physical. It’s the surrender. I’m bound tight, but I’ve never felt more free.
20 minutes later, we’re reaching the crescendo of the scene. Luke has completed what he described as a bunny tie, and my elbows are now up in the air while my hands are bound somewhere near the back of my neck.
It’s absolutely exhilarating. I feel both wired as fuck and absolutely serene. But I’m also approaching my limit of essentially being edged for 45 minutes and I’d like to drag Luke to his office.
The crowd goes wild as Luke stands back and presents me, reaching out a hand to help me twirl so everyone can see me.
I’ve never felt so beautiful and empowered as Salt’s members clap and cheer and the house lights come up.
I scan the room, smiling at everyone until I lock eyes with a familiar face and my heart stops in my chest.
Nick is standing at the bar, his coat still on, and his mouth wide open. I have never seen him look so shocked in my life and I turn to Luke just as he also clocks Nick. All of the colour drains from his face in a heartbeat.
I look back to my brother but he’s already storming out of the bar.
“Go!” I say to Luke as the curtains fall, shuttering our view of the bar.
He looks at me in panic, steering me down from the stage before he yells for Jessie.
“That was amazing!” cheers Jessie, materialising behind him.
“Get Emmy out of this, NOW. I need to go after Nick,” he barks as Jessie blanches, catching up to the situation instantly.
“Of course, I’ve got her. Go!” she says, guiding me back towards the changing rooms before briefly vanishing.
I am suddenly enraged at being so fucking helpless and I pull and twist in the ropes, desperate to follow. Panic is rising in my chest and I can feel my skin going red.
“Hold on, hold on,” says Jessie, reappearing with a large pair of scissors. “We always have these in case of an emergency,” she explains, cutting through the ropes easily. They fall to the ground around me and I realise I’ve left my dress on the stage.
“I need—”
“I’ve got you,” she says, handing me a slinky black dress from the dressing room. It just about fits and I call out my thanks as I yank it over my head and disappear.
“I’ll radio Jonah to get your coat ready at the door,” she calls after me as I sprint up the stairs. I grab my coat on the way out and Jonah points in the direction Nick and Luke must have gone. I make it two streets over before I hear raised voices. Neither of them sees me approach.
“How fucking DARE you? She’s my little sister! She’s just been through a hellish fucking breakup! And you took her to your club full of perverts and what, showed her off like fresh fucking meat?! She’s BARELY HOLDING IT TOGETHER, LUKE!” Nick bellows, his face purple with anger.
“It’s not like that,” I hear Luke’s voice, the epitome of calm.
“I don’t fucking believe you. We all know you just fuck around, using women for whatever sick pleasures you want and then tossing them away.
That’s the whole reason you started the club, right Luke?
So, you could avoid having a relationship but still get to have your cake and eat it.
Women throwing themselves at you every night before you go home to your house all alone. ”
I’ve never heard Nick speak this way before and I’m filled with rage.
“She’s barely hanging on, Luke. She needs to be on her own for a while and then she needs to be with someone who has the emotional capacity to love her properly. To be everything she deserves.”
“Don’t you think I know that? She deserves to be properly, truly happy. She’s everything to me.”
“Well, you can’t fucking have her. She’s not your little fuck toy and she’s not someone you can use up and send packing. She’s not Lucy.”
Luke visibly flinches and I have to resist the urge to run to him. They need to have this conversation before it festers into something we can’t come back from.
“I know,” Luke says softly. “She’s nothing like Lucy.”
“I cannot believe you both lied to me about this,” Nick says, hands raking through his hair. “This cannot be happening. And to think I came here tonight because I was worried about you! You’ve been dodging my calls and I wanted to make sure you were ok!”
“I’m sorry,” Luke says, his voice barely above a whisper.
“This ends now. I forbid you from seeing her,” Nick states, enunciating each word coldly.
There’s a long pause where they just stare at each other and then my heart crashes through my chest as I watch Luke give up right before my eyes.
“It’s probably for the best. She’s too good for me,” replies Luke. Is this truly what he thinks? Of me? Of himself?
I clear my throat and they both look up at me, startled.
“When you two are finished making decisions for me, do let me know won’t you?” I spit out, voice rising with my anger.
“Come on Emmy, I’m taking you home.” Nick goes to tug on my arm but I stand firm.
“Absolutely fucking not. This is none of your business and you don’t get to decide who I date. I’m a grown woman. I’m sorry we lied to you but this is between me and Luke. Go home. I’ll call you tomorrow when you’ve calmed down.”
Nick looks between Luke and me, furious, and then blows out a breath and storms off.
“Hey,” I say, stepping into Luke’s space. “You ok?”
“I should be asking you that,” he mutters. The light in his eyes has gone out and he looks utterly broken.
“I’m ok,” I reply, lifting my fingertips to his cheek. He pulls away and it feels like a knife to the gut.
“Nick’s right. We shouldn’t be doing this anymore. We’ve pretty much completed the list. We can go back to being friends.” He gives me a weak smile but there are tears in his eyes.
“What are you talking about? We’re never going to be just friends. What we have—”
He cuts me off. “What we have is a mistake.” I swear I feel my heart tear in two.
“I’m not good enough for you. You should be with someone who’s worthy of you.
I’ve been a selfish bastard wanting to keep you when it was never going to work.
And I cannot be the reason you and Nick fall out. You’re both too important to me.”
I stare at him, open mouthed, but he avoids eye contact. His fists are opening and closing at his sides and his breathing is ragged. I know this is hurting him. He doesn’t want this.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” I whisper, shaking my head as a pounding pain takes up residence in my chest.
“I’m sorry Emmy. I’ll call you soon, ok?”
He leans in, presses a kiss to my forehead, and turns on his heel. I watch him disappear down the street.
I want to scream. I want to chase him and slap him and beg him to take it all back. But all I can do is stand in stunned silence, breathing hard while I try to keep myself from collapsing onto the ground.
Two hours ago, he promised to keep me safe. Now he’s torn out my heart and left it bleeding on the pavement.