Chapter 42
Emmy
Which is why I called in sick to work and am now standing on Nick and Priya’s front step. I press the doorbell and step back. Footsteps ring out and Priya pulls the door open. Her expression shifts rapidly from surprise to understanding and she pulls me in for a hug before I’ve even said hello.
“I thought you could use a hug,” she explains, pulling the door wider so I can come in.
“Thanks Priya,” I say, giving her a half-smile. “Is he here?”
She nods. “Upstairs in his office. Come chat to me first? I’ll make you a coffee.”
I follow her to the kitchen and lean against the counter while she locates two mugs from the draining board.
“I don’t fully understand what happened,” she says carefully, fiddling with the espresso machine.
“I’ve only heard what Nick told me when he got home on Friday.
But I know one thing: at the baby shower, that little scene I saw in the kitchen looked like something special.
And you and I both know Luke – he’s loyal, almost to a fault.
If he’s walked away, it isn’t because he doesn’t care. ”
She sets the mug down in front of me. “You and Nick need to talk. And I suspect you and Luke do too. Because I think there’s a good chance you’ve been making each other very happy, even if it was far away from prying eyes.
And I’d hate for anyone, no matter who, to stand in the way of that.
” She gives me a pointed look as she flicks her eyes up to the ceiling.
I blink a few times to try and clear the tears that are forming, and Priya leans over to squeeze my shoulder, her huge belly brushing my own.
“I’ll let Nick know you’re here,” she whispers and disappears up the stairs.
I clear my throat and take some deep breaths. I can do this.
I’m perched on the sofa when my brother appears in the doorway.
“Hi.” His body language is that of someone approaching a tiger that’s got loose from its cage. He sits on the sofa opposite me, giving me a wider than natural berth, and his mouth twists as he chooses his next words. “I suppose we should talk.”
“I suppose we should,” I agree, giving him a hard stare.
There’s a beat of silence where we both wait the other out, an angry stalemate.
I blow out a breath and begin.
“I’m sorry that you saw what you saw at Salt. I can’t imagine how much of a shock that must have been for you.” I throw out the first olive branch because it’s the only one he’s going to get from me.
“It was,” he agrees, meeting my eyes. “I had no idea that you even knew Salt existed.”
“I only found out a few months ago – completely by accident, might I add.”
“I see.”
“That is where my apology begins and ends, Nick. I am so angry with you that I don’t even know where to begin. The things you said to Luke were appalling. I know you were in shock but he’s your best friend. You owe him an apology.”
“Some friend!” he spits, leaping to his feet. “He’s been using you—”
“Sit down,” I cut in, sharply enough that he actually does.
His knee bounces, fists clenching. “You’re jumping to conclusions that aren’t true.
I don’t owe you our backstory because my sex life is none of your business.
But given you’re so quick to think the absolute worst of your best friend and your sister, I’ll explain. ”
He shifts on the sofa, rubbing his neck in a show of agitation, but he lets me speak.
“You know Colin and I got married way too young,” I start.
“I know, and I should have fucking stopped you then too,” he interrupts as I roll my eyes.
“Please, Nick, let me finish. We got married too young and over the last few years our relationship withered. Once we split, I wanted to explore in all the ways I didn’t get to during my 20s. I don’t need to spell out what I mean.”
“No, you don’t. I got a pretty good fucking visual, thanks.”
“Nick.” I look at him. “I need you to listen to me instead of spitting back retorts every 10 seconds.”
He grits his teeth but nods and I carry on.
“Sloane had the idea of me finding someone at a club she’s part of, and it turned out to be Salt.”
Nick’s eyebrows shoot up. “Jesus Christ.”
“It was a shock to find Luke there. But I thought, here’s a man I trust, who knows what he’s doing. Why not?”
“And he went for it?”
“No. He said no. But a week later he pulled me out of a bad situation and… it started from there.”
I bite my cheek as the urge to cry returns and I feel the shine in my eyes betray me. Nick’s studying my face, his own expression a mix of hostility and frustration.
“We haven’t had the chance to talk about it yet because you came to Salt and things blew up. But I know how I feel about him and I’m not going to apologise to you for that. This thing between us is not just physical. He makes me really happy.”
Nick blinks and I see his jaw tick.
“I know you’re angry at both of us,” I continue.
“But I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m not your responsibility.
And you’ve treated me like a kid for too long.
I’m an adult woman who is finally standing on her own two feet and I deserve to have your support, not your disappointment.
I need my big brother to cheerlead me, not chastise me.
And I need you to respect that my sex life and who I choose to date is none of your business. ”
I fix him with a look that I hope is firm but filled with love. If I’m not getting through to him today then I’ll have to try again in a couple of weeks when he’s cooled off. Nick’s always been a tad volatile.
“Help me understand,” he says, fidgeting in his seat, “how trussing you up naked like a goddamn Christmas turkey in front of a room full of people isn’t exploitative and dangerous?”
“It’s about consent and trust, Nick. Every knot, every touch, he checked I was safe. That’s not exploitation, it’s respect. You don’t have to like it, but you don’t get to sneer at it. Mum and Dad always raised us to be open-minded.”
He closes his eyes and massages his temples, but he knows I’m right.
“I just worry about you,” he breathes. “I failed you when you married that fucking tosser. I should have seen him for what he was. I don’t want to fail you again. And I’m terrified that I’ll lose you.”
I move over to his sofa and sit next to him, putting my arm around him.
“You didn’t fail me. I was a grown up then too and people are allowed to make mistakes. It didn’t feel like a mistake at the time and none of us had a crystal ball. But it’s also not your job to protect me anymore. You did that for long enough.”
He sniffs loudly and now we’re both emotional.
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking down at his hands. “I was so fucking angry and I might have… I might have overreacted.”
“Might have??”
“Yes, only might have. I’m still deciding.”
“Uh huh. Promise me you’ll speak to him? I’m worried about him. I know what he went through after he and Lucy broke up and I can’t bear the thought of him being alone right now.”
“I will,” Nick concedes. “I need a bit of time to process everything but I will.”
“Good.”
“What will you do next?”
“Luke and I need to have our own little chat about what this is and what we both want. And I’m not quite ready to do that yet.”
He nods in understanding and I stand.
“I’ll see you soon, ok? Don’t be a stranger.” He rises and we share a quick hug. “Love you, little sis.”
“Love you too, big bro. But please know if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I’ll give Priya one of Luke’s toyboxes and some very specific instructions.”
He shudders and I laugh.
One conversation down, one to go.
But as I step out into the crisp morning, the thought of facing Luke makes my pulse stumble. I don’t know if I’m walking toward getting him back, or if he’s already walked away for good.