Chapter 58 #2
The memory of her confusion left him uneasy.
He’d never actually checked in with Lenda to verify that she agreed with Enla.
What if Enla’s request that he break the bond had stemmed from her confusion?
What if he’d done exactly what Enla hadn’t wanted him to do because she feared it enough that she brought it into reality?
Sylmar’s scoff brought him back to the present.
“What did Aeliana say when you asked her?” Gaeren asked.
Sylmar’s eyes narrowed as he contemplated the question. “She said it was to free Lukai.”
The pain in Gaeren’s chest intensified, even though it was the answer he’d expected. It wasn’t like Aeliana was going to declare love for him to Sylmar, of all people.
“You realize her mother put that in place for her protection?” Sylmar asked. “That you removed one of magic’s deepest forms of protection just to satisfy youthful lust?”
Gaeren rolled his eyes even as the words hammered the guilt more in his mind.
Clearly rumors had spread about how the bonds had been broken.
“Youthful lust wouldn’t be enough to break a bond.
Besides, her mother also sent her across the barrier for her protection, and look how well that turned out. ”
Sylmar gave his standard grunt, which made Gaeren even more certain there was no counterargument. The bond had been hurting Aeliana more than it had been protecting her. They’d done the right thing.
Gaeren closed his eyes and settled back against the pillow.
For the first time since he’d broken his bond, he felt the steady and solid presence of hope unmarred by the guilt and pain he still carried.
Freeing her from an unhealthy bond hadn’t been his motivation in breaking the bonds, but recognizing this truth eased the suffering of it.
Aeliana was now free to lean into the protection she’d garnered by her own willpower.
The protection of friends who cared for her.
The protection of a dragon who’d chosen to tether to her.
The protection of a mother and father whose love surpassed any bond mark they might have placed on her as a child.
The bond mark had merely been a symbol of their love for her, and her tie to Lukai a dim reflection of it. She no longer needed that bond. And being free of it now freed her to choose another.
Gaeren had no illusions that it would be him, not after breaking their bonds.
If the love he’d grown to feel for her felt tainted by his actions, her friendship with him might barely remain intact.
How could she trust him to be faithful when he’d been willing to break his bond with Lenda?
It made him no better than the man he’d once thought Riveran to be.
All the ways he’d hated Riveran shifted into a self-hatred—a recognition that whatever love he’d felt for Aeliana would now be tainted by the truth that he was unworthy of it.
“People love rumors,” Sylmar said, the change in subject so jarring that Gaeren struggled to drag his thoughts out like boots stuck in mud.
“Everyone has it in their head that you and Aeliana are in love. A ridiculous notion considering you were willing to kill her the night we attacked Mayvus’ fortress. ”
Gaeren couldn’t stop his eyebrows from rising.
“Aeliana told me of your deal back at the fortress—how she asked you to kill her and how you found a way around it.” Sylmar’s voice held a hint of warning.
Gaeren shifted in the bed, attempting to sit up, but only landed with his head oddly angled against the wall behind him. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Sylmar leaned forward. “I know the way your family works. Your duty to your sister goes beyond any feelings.” He gestured toward Gaeren’s palm. “After all, you were willing to break a bond on her word alone.”
For the first time, Gaeren glanced at his left palm, at the fresh pink lines on his skin. They would eventually become white scars, ever-present reminders mirroring the scars on his right palm that were left from the brand he’d placed on Aeliana.
“I think it might be wise to let the rumors continue,” Sylmar said.
Gaeren couldn’t decide if his mind was too far gone from pain or if he wouldn’t understand Sylmar on a normal day. “I’m not following.”
Sylmar sat back and folded his arms over his chest, gripping his staff between his knees so it stayed upright.
“If everyone continues talking as though you and Aeliana broke your bonds over feelings for each other, they won’t suspect you if you try to get closer to Aeliana.
But I want you to get closer. There are things I need you to find out from her. ”
The pain in Gaeren’s chest flared as something cold slithered through his gut, the warning bells going off in his head loud enough to blur his vision. “What are you talking about?”
Sylmar sighed, and for the first time, Gaeren saw a flash of remorse in the older man’s eyes.
“Aeliana is like a daughter to me, but she is just as susceptible as Holm was. Maybe more so.” He hesitated, then leaned forward with a heated whisper.
“Magic shouldn’t change. I thought maybe I was mistaken.
She’s been an exception to so many rules.
Her magic showed so young. It came through so strong when she started healing, especially once Marnok helped.
Now she shows a fascinating aptitude for tuning in to memories.
My fatherly pride overrode my sense of danger and I agreed it was likely from Durriken.
But now, after seeing what happened to Holm, I’ve had to reevaluate everything. ”
“You think—you think she’s branded?” Gaeren asked.
“It’s a possibility we have to consider,” Sylmar said. “At this point, we have to assume everyone’s a possible threat. If we don’t, we’re already letting Mayvus win.” The paranoia leaking off Sylmar should have been laughable, but instead it was contagious.
Aeliana had wanted to break her bond, and she’d wanted to help him break his.
But what had been her motivation? Was it really just to free Lukai and Kendalyhn?
Or was it to free herself? Maybe so she could be more firmly attached to something or someone else?
He tried to shake the thought away, hating how Sylmar’s suspicions could so easily be planted in his own mind.
“I still think her skills come from her brand on Durriken,” Gaeren said.
“Maybe,” Sylmar conceded. “But using magic through the connection of a brand can be just as addictive as blood magic. I never should have encouraged it, and now I fear it’s made her susceptible to far worse.”
His regretful tone sank deep in Gaeren’s chest, making the suspicions hold more weight than if they’d been based in paranoia alone. “What do you want me to do?”
“Make sure she trusts you,” Sylmar said.
“Then get her to cut out her brand on Durriken just like you got her to release her bond with Lukai. I thought her connection to the dragon was wise at the time, but now I think it should be removed. Except she’s grown close with him.
I don’t think she’ll agree if I suggest it.
Once it’s gone, find out where her magic is really coming from. ”
“And I suppose I then report back to you?” Gaeren asked, bitterness coloring his words.
Sylmar frowned. “I know you don’t trust me.
You don’t even like me. You’re probably the only one in this group who has remained reasonably cautious.
And I applaud you for it.” He glanced at his arms as if seeing his own scars for the first time.
“No one comes away from a connection with Mayvus like I had without scars that impact their thinking. My methods aren’t always good.
I’m not even sure that one could say the end justifies my means. ”
Gaeren snorted at the understatement, but Sylmar went on, ignoring the sleight.
“I hope that if you can remain wary of my decisions, you can also recognize the truth that someone who’s been kidnapped and tortured by Mayvus’ servants could be in a similar position.
We all want to trust Aeliana, which makes her the easiest person for Mayvus to use to fool us all.
The possibility has to at least be considered. ”
Gaeren looked away, hating how Sylmar’s words stirred up an understanding he didn’t want to have.
“I broke my bond fourteen years ago,” Sylmar said. “It’s not quite as freeing as it seemed, is it?”
Gaeren went still. “What do you mean?”
“It sounded good. Severing ties to someone you no longer wanted to associate with. Freeing yourself to have the choice to remain alone or to bond with another. Giving yourself space to think freely without the influence of a bond—a magic we barely understand.” Sylmar’s eyebrows rose, twisting the scars on his face into an even more gruesome pattern.
“But you’re not truly free. The weight of that decision to reject your bond will sit with you permanently. ”
Gaeren swallowed hard. He already felt the weight of the decision, but he’d hoped it would fade with time like Riveran’s had.
Except Riveran hadn’t made that decision.
It had been forced on him. Gaeren clenched his jaw, not wanting to believe Sylmar but too aware of the fact that he and Sylmar now had this terrible thing in common.
“Let the pain keep you cautious. Love is its own kind of magic whether there’s a bond or not. You don’t want to spy on Aeliana for me? That’s fine.”
Gaeren winced at the harsh reality of Sylmar’s words, of what the man admitted he was asking Gaeren to do.
Sylmar grabbed his staff as if readying to leave.
“But you should still seek out the truth behind her magic before you fall under her spell—before we all wind up right back under Mayvus’ thumb because we weren’t willing to ask the tough questions.
” He stood, leaning heavily on his staff to bend closer to Gaeren.
“And if you discover there’s a reason we can’t trust her, I hope you’ll come to me.
Not because you trust me or like me, but because you know I’ll do whatever it takes to protect people from Mayvus.
Because you value your duty over your feelings. ”
Gaeren couldn’t hold Sylmar’s gaze, but he gave a short nod, more to get rid of the man than to truly agree with the request. He needed time to think about it, away from Sylmar’s overbearing presence.
Sylmar paused as he crossed the room, turning back toward Gaeren. “There might not always be a way to save Vendaras and Aeliana too. If that’s not a choice you can make, allow someone else to do it for you.”