Chapter 60
Even though Aeliana had initially found it more than pleasant to help Gaeren break their bonds, now all she felt was sick over how they’d hurt Lukai.
She lay alone in the tiny room that served as Rox’s nursery, but each time Iris opened the door, it set her on edge as she recalled memories of her former bondmate’s moans during that first night.
“He’s stopped crying out,” Aeliana said. “Does that mean he’s gotten better or worse?”
“Lukai’s fine, love,” Iris said dryly. “Better off than you and that whiny prince in the other room.”
Aeliana bit her lip, her gaze on the door even though her stomach growled over the meal Iris had brought in. “I need to apologize. I should have asked first. I didn’t think—”
“It’s clear you and Lukai weren’t a good match,” Iris interrupted, passing her a slice of bread.
“Ever since we reached the Myndren Mountains, we’ve been expecting this.
No one’s surprised that you broke your bond.
We’re just wondering why it took so long.
” The small lift of her lips made Aeliana squirm.
Did they know she and Gaeren had kissed? Or did they think the bond marks had been cut out? What did it matter if they knew anyway? It was just a kiss. It wasn’t like anything else would come of it.
She slouched in the bed and took a bite of the bread, letting her gaze fall on Rox’s bassinet. She needed to recover and give him back his room. “Will Sylmar take me out to train today?”
Iris clucked her tongue. “Yes, but I think he’s planning to send Kendalyhn in to work with you a bit first.”
“Kendalyhn?” Aeliana turned, hoping to see the older woman’s teasing grin back in place.
“Sylmar’s got it in his head that we’re all suspect,” Iris huffed out as she stirred one of Velden’s seaweed concoctions with more force than necessary. “He’s been sending Kendalyhn to sift everyone’s souls. Thinks he’s being so secretive about it. But we all know what he’s doing.”
“I thought he didn’t even trust that,” Aeliana said.
“Doesn’t mean he won’t still do it. That man will never be able to trust another person again. It’s sad.” Iris’ eyes held a strange mix of empathy and hatred. “But it’s also extremely frustrating.”
As much as Aeliana trusted these people, even they had broken that at times in the past—always with the end goal of protecting her, but it had still left her wary. It made her understand Sylmar’s reasoning. And she didn’t like when her mind worked the same as his.
“Does she hate me?” Aeliana asked.
“Who?” Iris frowned. “Kendalyhn? Why would she hate you? Lukai might struggle to forgive you—that’s the nature of bonds.
But Kendalyhn? You just gave her the greatest gift she could have received.
I don’t even think she’ll use it as an opportunity to criticize you over your interest in Gaeren. ” A sly smile spread on her face.
“Interest?” Aeliana’s face heated. “It was just a kiss. We agreed to do it to break each other’s bonds.”
“Ah, so it was a pragmatic choice?” Iris snorted, and while it was good to see a brief reprieve from her grief, being the brunt of her teasing stung.
“Yes. That’s all Jasperus said it would take. A kiss. We figured it would be less painful than cutting them.”
This time Iris let out a small laugh. “Not just any kiss will work. The kiss needs to have love behind it. An emotion stronger and deeper than what the bonds already hold. Otherwise it wouldn’t be strong enough to break it. So yes, a simple kiss can break it. But not just any kiss.”
Iris’ words made something in Aeliana burn, a dull pain that turned to a roar that held the heat of embarrassment and horror. Did everyone think she and Gaeren had had some sort of clandestine meeting in the woods the night before?
She felt sick knowing the hints of attraction she’d felt were exposed before the entire group as something much bigger than she was even ready to admit.
She hadn’t considered her feelings could be stronger than a bond, but now, without her bond to Lukai to cause confusion, her body seemed to react to the possibility without her permission, letting a sense of desire unfurl inside her.
Except instead of growing into something beautiful, it seemed to wither with the vulnerable truth that everyone knew how she felt.
Including Gaeren.
Clearly he had known how the kiss worked.
Had her interest been obvious enough that he’d known it would break the bond?
Or had it been his way of testing her, and now he had proof that he was right?
Her embarrassment shifted to anger as she let the memory of the moment unfold in her mind.
He should have explained it before their kiss, given her a chance to change her mind.
“Your palm is bleeding, like it’s a fresh wound.” Iris clucked her disapproval, then placed a new poultice on her palm.
Aeliana flinched, hating the way the cuts on her palms reminded her of how Arvid and Vera had bled her for magic. The consistent unexplained cuts she continued finding left a niggling doubt in her mind that made her squirm.
Iris misinterpreted her movements. “I’m sorry, love. The pain should get better in another day or so.”
“It already has,” Aeliana mumbled. “I mostly only feel it on my palm.” Even though the words were true, they felt like a lie as the pain in her heart threatened to engulf her.
“I suggest you get a little more rest,” Iris said. “Once Kendalyhn clears you, Sylmar plans to take you out for a bit of training, and he won’t go easy on you.”
“Finally.” Aeliana rolled on her side, not because she was tired, but to hide the tears she blinked away.
When Aeliana woke again, the Sun’s light streamed through the western window, the only hint at the time that had passed. She felt no more rested than she had when she’d closed her eyes. The creak of steps on wood clued her in to the fact that someone else’s presence had woken her.
She turned, wincing at the way the movement stirred up the familiar aches and pains, then froze as Kendalyhn’s petite frame stood hesitantly at her bedside. Aeliana glanced at the closed door, sensing a moment of panic that they were alone.
But then Kendalyhn dropped to the chair beside her bed, her face crumpling. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks.
Aeliana fought to sit up, ignoring the way her palm turned to fire as she placed her weight on it. “You’re sorry? Whatever for?”
Kendalyhn shook her head, then placed shaking fingers over her face. “It was wrong of me to interfere with your bond.”
“I always found the bond suffocating. You know that.” Aeliana reached for the other woman’s hand, hoping to comfort her, but Kendalyhn winced, and Aeliana let her hand drop. “I never would have held him to our bond. It didn’t feel right.”
“Still,” Kendalyhn said, “you don’t know everything.”
Aeliana stilled. “What do you mean?”
“Do you remember when Gaeren joined us, and Sylmar had me sift his soul?”
“Yes.” Aeliana drew the word out warily, not sure how that had anything to do with their discussion.
“His motives were mixed,” Kendalyhn said.
“He wanted to rescue you, but in his past, there was also a deep desire to rid Rhystahn of the Wyndren family line. It had been ingrained in him as a youth. Instead of protecting you, I told him you’re a Wyndren.
It changed something inside him, put him at war with himself. Just like I wanted it to.”
Aeliana winced, imagining how perfectly that had played out. How her anger at Gaeren’s attitude toward Durriken had probably fed the misconceptions Kendalyhn had planted.
“I thought he might rid me of your presence, of the problem of your existence.” Kendalyhn’s voice broke with the admission.
“It’s all right, Kendalyhn. Things have changed since then. We’re not the enemies we once—”
“No.” Kendalyhn’s face blanched. “You need to understand. I wanted you dead. Before I shot Marnok, I had my arrow pointed at you.” She squeezed her eyes shut and whispered, “I wouldn’t have really done it.”
The half confession made a fresh wave of pain flutter through Aeliana’s chest.
“In the moment, I let my arrow train on you. I wondered how it would change things if my finger slipped, but I swear I never would have done it. And then when he pounced on you, I was quick to let it loose on him out of remorse.”
Aeliana gave a short nod, blinking away the sudden rush of loneliness the full truth brought on. Kendalyhn had hated her far more than she’d realized, but that was in the past.
“I’m sorry,” Kendalyhn whispered.
This time when Aeliana reached for her hand, Kendalyhn held on, her grip like iron.
“Then,” Kendalyhn rushed on, as if her previous confessions hadn’t been enough, “when Gaeren returned from Elanesse and I sifted him again, his soul had shifted. In his past, there was still the desire to rid us of the Wyndrens, but the light that he felt from your presence outshone that of the darkness. His desire to protect you seemed fueled by something deeper than a childhood promise. I was relieved that maybe I could still get what I wanted without him killing you. I hid that part of what I’d sifted, hoping it would eventually interfere with your bond. ”
“That’s why sifting his soul made you wonder if you might not always hate me,” Aeliana mused. Their conversation back on the ship felt like ages ago, but it came back to Aeliana with fresh meaning. “Considering the circumstances, no one can blame you for hoping something like this would happen.”