Chapter Four
Nate released the handle of his duffel bag and let it thud to the floor of the hotel.
It felt different in this one. This room was nicer than the cheap motels they’d been staying in on the road, but it was empty.
A hollowness filled him as he sank down onto the bed.
With Delta, he would check them into a hotel room and then immediately make an excuse for space.
He would say he needed to get some ice, or to visit the vending machine.
A few times, he’d made his way to the restaurant and ate alone.
He would go back to the hotel room, and Delta would be quiet, and get ready for bed early, and she would sleep on the other bed, scrolling on her phone until her breathing steadied out.
They didn’t talk much, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
She was just quiet. He had preferred it, but now?
Another wave of guilt washed over him. What if he had asked her to go to the hotel restaurants with him instead of just bringing food back for her?
Today, she had been articulate with her needs and with the goodbye. She’d spoken more in bursts today than she had while they’d been together. He’d seen fire in her eyes and he’d seen heartache, and he couldn’t get over this feeling that there were more layers to Delta than he’d realized.
The way she’d said that goodbye…
With her broken heart in her eyes, she’d tried to smile and be kind and told him about the things she liked when they were together, instead of reaming him on the way out.
It made it harder. He wished she had yelled at him. He wished she had cussed him out or thrown something at him so he could get pissed off and look back on her with contempt.
But he didn’t. He respected her instead.
She’d been hurt that he’d told her old Pack they hadn’t consummated their Arrangement, but honestly, he hadn’t even given it a thought.
It was just a fact. It was what it was. He hadn’t wanted her in that way, and it had been clear she hadn’t wanted him in that way either.
They hadn’t gotten there. They’d settled into separate sleeping spaces and friendship.
She hadn’t been interested and that had been a turn-off for him.
Fuck, he needed to figure himself out.
She’d given him the out he’d wanted. She’d done the hard thing and had the conversation and as he’d watched her walk back toward that shack today, her shoulders back and chin lifted high, she’d never looked prettier.
She was real now.
What was wrong with him?
Nate hung his head and cracked his knuckles, stared at the blue and burgundy pattern in the carpet and wished things were different. He wished he was different.
Delta was one of those rare female werewolves a man kept, and he’d fucked it all up.
She’d cut him loose, and he was supposed to feel relieved, but he felt sad instead.
“Get it together,” he growled at himself.
His phone vibrated, and he pulled it from his back pocket, prepared for a message from Decker, or Delta’s Dad, Mr. Harrington, but it was from Bridger.
Simply, the text read, Lunch tomorrow. 12. Copper’s Brewery.
He double-checked the number. Bridger barely even talked to him. Why would he want to do lunch with him? They weren’t friends.
No thanks. Send.
It wasn’t a question. See you there.
Asshole. Nate laid back and stared at a crack in the ceiling his hand resting on his mangled stomach. His injuries would all be healed by morning. He was just adding more scars to the canvas of his fuckin’ skin. War artist.
Delta hadn’t asked if he was okay.
Wincing, he sat back up, uncomfortable. God, he wished he could escape his head. He hated being him right now.
He shoved his phone into his back pocket and yanked the door open, left his duffel bag in the middle of the floor as he jogged down the stairs and headed to a burger place next door. He’d never been there, but he’d been able to smell it from the parking lot. Smelled good.
He pushed open the door and nearly ran into a man. “Watch it!” the guy said.
Nate growled but kept walking. He was riled up today, but he didn’t need to go off on a human. They were fragile.
“Hey, pal! What’s your problem?” the guy yelled behind him.
There was power in patience right now.
“Hey!” the guy said, coming closer.
“Stop,” Nate snarled, rounding on him. Oh, he knew what his face looked like right now. He looked like a demon.
The guy stopped in his tracks and held out his hands. “My bad.”
Nate rolled his eyes closed and counted to three and then continued to the burger joint.
Inside, he had to wait on a hostess to seat him, but he asked if he could have a booth away from other people.
She led him past a pool table no one was using and sat him down in a corner booth with a bunch of old license plates decorating the wall beside him.
Fried pickle spears were on the menu. Delta loved fried pickles, but not the sliced kind. She liked the big spears in particular. She’d ordered them once in front of him, and then he’d gotten them for her at every place they offered them. Fuck, was Delta just going to be everywhere now?
Nate blew out a breath and, feeling agitated, sank back into the chair to scan the restaurant.
She’d said she was bad at pool once. He could’ve taught her.
He’d grown up with a pool table in his house, and he and his brothers had been competitive with the game.
He could’ve shown her tonight. He stared at the unused pool table, the balls all racked and waiting.
He shook his head and swallowed down a snarl as he rested his elbows on the table and cracked his knuckles. Food would make him feel better. He was hurt and healing, and he would be able to get back to himself faster if he ate a lot.
The server greeted him, and he ordered a beer and three hamburger baskets. And then right as she was leaving, he said, “Can I add the fried pickle spears?”
He didn’t know why he’d done that. He didn’t even like them.
It just made him feel closer to Delta, he guessed.
God, he was a mess.
He was supposed to be relieved right now, not pining over her.
She’d said he was free, and he was clinging to her.
It was weak. It had to just be the guilt.
She’d told him she didn’t feel like enough, and that wasn’t right.
He hadn’t intended for her to feel that way, but it made sense the way she’d said it.
He checked his phone, but she hadn’t texted or called. She wouldn’t. She’d said her goodbye, and that was that.
Everything hurt.
As he was staring at his phone screen, a text came through. For a split second, he was excited that maybe it was Delta, checking in. She’d done that throughout the day when he had long work shifts.
It wasn’t Delta though. It was Nory messaging him.
Nate. Can I come get the key to your storage unit tomorrow?
Delta is sleeping on the ground, and she says you have a sleeper sofa in storage.
Can she have it? She doesn’t know I’m messaging you.
I can grab it tomorrow. You don’t have to do anything.
He read the text three times. He was sleeping in a hotel bed, and Delta had chosen to stay in that dilapidated cabin with the destroyed roof. She was just sleeping on the ground? Was she cold? What did it look like inside?
She can have anything she wants. Give me a list and I’ll bring what I can to her. Send.
She doesn’t want to see you. I can take care of it. I just need the key and instructions on where the storage unit is.
Delta didn’t want to see him. Fuck. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and rested his hand against his stomach.
Decker fought dirty. Nate supposed he had to.
He wasn’t great at fighting. How he’d secured Alpha of the Heritage Place Pack, he hadn’t a clue.
Nate had bested him easily. It had been tempting for a moment to kill him and take the Pack.
Maybe he should’ve. He could’ve given Delta stability.
She would’ve done what was best and stayed in that Pack if he’d taken it over.
He could’ve convinced her. Nate frowned at his own psychotic thoughts.
That wouldn’t help anything. Then they would still be just as they were now—stuck in the same Pack, so close and so far away from each other. Friends.
Torture either way.
“Get ahold of yourself,” he growled, slamming his fist on the table.
This wasn’t torture. This was fine. Everything was fine. He was just hurt from the fight.
He messaged Nory back. I’ll bring you the key in the morning. Send.
She really doesn’t want to see you. I just need to meet with you in town and grab it.
Irritated, he connected a call to Nory.
“Hello?” she answered.
“How is she?”
“Strong.”
He nodded, staring at his reflection in a mirror on the wall across from him. He looked like a monster. He was a monster.
“Is she cold?”
“Werewolves don’t get cold,” Nory answered coolly. “You know that.”
“Is that house safe for her to be in?”
“Listen, she’s not your concern anymore, remember? You tried to get a refund.”
“I didn’t know that was her ex—”
“That doesn’t matter, Nate. What you did was so messed up. You want to know how she’s doing? She’s hurt. I can’t even imagine the insecurities that would destroy me if Liam ever pulled that. She’s crying. Liam can hear her from our tent. Do you even know what you’ve done? Do you understand, Nate?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think you do! Did you ever even see her?
God, Nate. Delta is it. She’s kind and caring, and invested, and giving, and she gives a shit about this Pack, and from where I’m sitting, that’s rare.
She has a past, and a history, and a life she left behind and she told me tonight you never even cared about digging into any of that. ”
“She didn’t ask me anything either!”
“She didn’t? She didn’t ever?” Nory’s voice was snappy, like a rubber band against skin. “What about in the beginning?”
He dragged his fingertip through a water drop on the table. “I don’t know.”
“Think, Nate. Did she ask you questions and you shut her down until she pulled back and tried to give you space to offer answers? Did she ask questions in the beginning?”
It sounded familiar. She had asked him about his family, but it had felt too personal too fast. She’d asked him about past relationships with women, but it was none of her business.
She’d asked him about work. He shrugged his shoulders up to his ears and wished the heat in his face would go away forever.
“Did she?” Nory asked softer.
“I have to go.” He hung up fast and dropped the phone onto the table like it had burned his palm.
He linked his hands behind his head and stared at the damn thing as a hundred questions flitted through his mind in Delta’s voice. She’d peppered him in the beginning, hadn’t she? It had annoyed him. And then she’d grown quieter and quieter.
Had he done that to her? All she’d asked toward the end was, “Are you all right?” “Is anything wrong?” “Are you angry with me?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Are you okay?”
Maybe she didn’t know how to ask him anything else anymore.
Maybe he’d killed them.
Before he could change his mind, he picked up his phone and texted Delta.
Are you okay? Send.
Only the message wouldn’t go through. He waited and waited, and then tried again.
Are you okay? Send.
It just sat there under the other text, not going through.
He had to search the internet to figure out what was wrong with his texts.
She’d blocked him.
The ache in his chest spread wider.
He’d thought at times that Delta had been weak because she was submissive, but he was learning today that she wasn’t weak at all.
She was very tough. When she made a decision, she stuck with it, and in this moment he had so many regrets.
He had memories of her face, and the changes in her eyes over the past two months.
They’d been bright and happy, and her smile had been so easy in the beginning.
And then the light had slowly faded from her eyes until the day Nory came into their territory, and she’d admitted she was lonely and wanted Nory to stay.
He remembered he’d been so shocked that Delta had said she was lonely. She had him. How could she be lonely? He’d resented it a little even.
But maybe it was him. Maybe Nate didn’t know how to be present with a woman like Delta.
Maybe he hadn’t wanted to, so he hadn’t tried.
Liam could hear her crying in that little house, and Nate couldn’t be there to protect her from the thing that was hurting her.
He was that thing.
He’d fucked up.
Twenty-four hours ago, they had been salvageable. That’s what Delta had been waiting for, right? For him to come around, and open up to her, and let her in?
And now she was actively cutting her heart from him, and he couldn’t take any of it back.
He couldn’t go back in time.
He would never be able to take away the memory of him trying to give her back.
Fuck, he’d really done that to her, and with no warning, and without a thought. Why had he done that? Why hadn’t it occurred to him that it was wrong?
Her ex got the satisfaction of knowing her mate was trying to get rid of her.
Her father had to worry about her well-being because she’d been rejected so blatantly.
Nory had talked about Delta’s insecurities, and he tried to imagine how he would feel.
It wouldn’t be a big deal if she’d done what he’d done and kept his heart from her.
But Delta had fallen. He’d been able to see it in the hurt that swam in her pretty green eyes, and in the strangling silence she had filled his truck with.
He bet she’d cried for all she was losing in that gas station bathroom, while he’d been angry that she was making him feel guilty.
The damage was big.
The damage was done.
He wished it was different, but Nate couldn’t fix this.