Chapter 7 Khur
Khur
I’m back on the battlefield, and I’ve just got the call to retreat.
We don’t retreat though. We do not surrender.
That is our creed. So I ignore it, and command my troops on, falling behind the first wave to make sure the second is in formation.
Then, my men start to disappear behind a thick fog.
Smoke bombs, I think it must be. But then it hits me.
The information I didn’t have at the time, but do now.
In my dream, it just hits me like a bad memory.
We were supposed to retreat so they could…
This is when I start screaming.
The nightmare must have been triggered by the events in New Ulvand today.
Having someone’s life in my hands like that, having Furga call me sir, it must have stirred up some memories I keep trying to forget.
I am beyond grateful for Destiny when she wakes me before my men start blowing up in front of me.
If it had been anyone else—if it had been a Dhugaren—I would have never accepted their comfort and kind words.
It's not our way to show comfort and affection when someone is weak. We are trying to change this way of thinking for the cubs growing up in the station, but for old vets like me, it is not an easy habit to break. Destiny doesn’t know that, though.
She is a human and her customs are surely much different than my own.
This was, perhaps, the reason I let her comfort me instead of pushing her away, instead of snarling and snapping like I might do if Furga or Urzu had brushed my brow with their fingers.
Or perhaps I could not resist, because those fingers were so soft, so gentle.
Her palm was warm and smelled floral and a bit like me, probably from where she was sleeping on my bed.
Some baser instinct was pleased by the thought that she smells like me, even just a little bit.
Then she spoke to me in sweet, soft tones and any hesitations I still held seemed to melt away.
She sat next to me and teased and smiled so prettily.
She poked me with her elbow in a gesture so gentle, it had to be purposeful.
I even insulted her strength, just to check.
She is nothing like a Dhugaren woman. They would not have smiled or spoken sweetly.
If they saw a male at a point of weakness, they would probably spit on him and then walk away.
They growled and challenged potential mates to fights, while Destiny just smiled and tried to comfort me.
It is a lot to wrap my head around.
Then she got spooked, like a wursplat on a dark night, and fled like prey.
I wanted to chase after her and drag her back into my arms and just hold her.
Instead, I let her go back to my room and sleep in my bed and I didn’t get another wink of sleep, too preoccupied with what my sheets would smell like after she left.
This morning, I am tempted to go stick my face in my pillows, just to check, but that would be weird, and I don’t think I could pass it off as a cultural difference with this many nosy Dhugarens hanging about.
Even now, my niece and nephews take turns peppering Destiny with questions and station advice while Urzu and I stand by the food machine sipping our morning drinks. Furga leans her hip against the table and tries to get a word in between the kids’ questions. She isn’t doing very well.
I’m thrilled the cubs have taken to Destiny so quickly, but annoyed that they are hogging her attention.
I’m going to walk her home after breakfast and I need an excuse to see her again.
I can’t stop thinking about her soft hands, her sweet voice.
And how vulnerable and fragile she is, with no one to look after her on this station.
She needs someone to protect her. I am out of that business.
I won’t be putting anyone’s life in my own hands, so I will need to think of someone who can look out for her.
She has a light that the greater galaxy has not dimmed yet, and I really don’t want her to lose it.
Destiny looks up at me from above the tousled head of my nephew and smiles without reserve.
She looks so comfortable and joyous at the dining table of an alien’s apartment on a space station in the far reaches of the universe.
I can’t decide whether I envy her spirit or think she’s crazy.
It took months before I was comfortable around other aliens, and there were half the species on this ship when the Dhugarens moved in.
“Are you about ready, Khur? I don’t want my dad to worry too much,” Destiny asks from the table to the vocal disappointment of my niece and nephew.
“Sure. You said you were in Sub 14? We can take the maintenance halls if you like. They’re quieter.”
I can see my sister’s eyes shining from where she’s standing next to me and I purposefully keep my eyes glued on Destiny. So what if I want a few more minutes alone with her? She’s sweet and she’s new here. She’s probably overwhelmed by everything in the main corridor.
“Actually… I’d rather take the main hall? It’s just, there’s so much to see! I don’t want to miss anything.”
Her face lights up as she speaks and I realize I may have judged her wrong.
She might be sweet, but she isn’t one to be intimidated.
I nod, thinking about this revelation. If she’s more audacious than I originally thought, perhaps she wouldn’t be completely unnerved if I asked her to have dinner with me.
That’s fool’s thinking, though. Why would a small, pretty human want anything to do with a grumpy, angry Dhugaren veteran?
“Besides,” she says, breaking me out of my thoughts, “I am trying to learn my way around here. I need to use the corridors I have access to, so I can memorize them.”
I almost tell her she can use the maintenance halls, but it’s not my place to make those kinds of calls. In fact, if I were team leader, it would be grossly inappropriate to use my position to invite her to use the halls at her discretion, all for the hope I might run into her there.
I still think about taking the wretched position, though, for a fraction of a second, just for that reason.
“Come on, I need to get to work.” I grumble, grumpy and mad at myself for my foolish thoughts.
Destiny hops up from the table, embracing my niece and nephew in hugs and telling them she will absolutely come back and learn to play Avalanche, a Dhugaren table game.
She gives me another smile, seemingly unruffled by my gruff tone and sweeps ahead of me towards the common area and front door of the apartment.
All I can do is shake my head, feeling dazed, and follow her.
Watching Destiny walk through the main corridor is an absolute delight.
Her eyes are wide as she looks from booth to booth, occasionally craning her neck up to gawk at the second level.
Some of the people we pass snarl impatiently at her candid sightseeing.
I even hear one person mutter “neophyte” before I growl low in my throat and step closer to her protectively.
She smiles up at me encouragingly and says, “thanks. I know I look like an idiot, but I can’t stop. This place is incredible. Back home all we had were corn fields and concrete.”
“Don’t mind them, they just forgot what it’s like to be new here. We were all excited when we first arrived.”
She’s distracted by a booth we pass selling woven tapestries done in the Dhugaren way. I lay my hand lightly on her shoulder, minding my claws, telling myself it’s for her protection, and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’m desperate to touch her.
I keep my hand there the entire way back to her subdivision, just basking in her excited energy. So it’s noticeable to me when we get to her door and her shoulders slump. She turns to me and her face is wary. I pull my hand back immediately.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” I tell her before she can say anything.
She just looks confused, though.
“What? You didn’t at all. I’m just…” she trails off, biting her lip and looking at her front door miserably.
When she doesn’t say anything I assume she has forgotten how to get in.
“You just wave your bracelet in front of the pad there. It’s keyed to your apartment.”
“I know. I’m just… I don’t want…” She blows air out of her lips noisily, making the dark fringe of fur on her forehead wave about. “Look, if you want to come in that’s fine, but I’m not sure how my dad is going to be. I’m kind of worried about him.”
That doesn’t seem right.
“I thought you said he would be worried for you?” I ask.
“Well, I’m sure he was. Is. But who knows what that worry did to him. I shouldn’t have been gone all night. Fuck, here goes nothing.” Then she waves her hand in front of the pad.
I’m not sure why she brings up sex at a time like this but I follow her into the apartment anyway.
“Dad? I'm home." Her voice trembles and again I'm confused. Why is she wary?
The apartment is dark but the lights come on as we enter. The place is bare. It looks like no one has moved in yet.
“Where are your things?"
“Oh, I left my bag in my room. We didn't have much to bring, you know."
From the living quarters I hear a shuffling, then a human appears from the hall. He's obviously older, I can see from the wrinkles next to his eyes and the gray hair at his temple. He looks like he's just woken up, his clothes rumpled and his eyes dazed.
“Destiny? I didn't realize you were gone."
Her face falls at that and I get the impression that his words have deeply wounded her. For some reason, this makes me unreasonably angry.
“She's been gone since yesterday. She almost died last night. What do you mean you didn't realize she was gone?" I growl, my temper getting the best of me.
The woman in question turns to me sharply, her brow an angry slash, “don't talk to him like that.”
I'm surprised at the vitriol in her voice towards me. Maybe humans have different concepts on filial relationships. Who am I to make such assumptions? I open my mouth to apologize when I look up at her father and see he is visibly upset, looking guilty in a way that transcends species.
He shuffles on his feet and looks anywhere but at me and his daughter.
His daughter who was missing last night and he didn't even notice.
The thought makes me see red. What if Furga and I hadn't been there?
What if she'd met someone with unsavory intentions instead? The thought alone has me staggering.
“You are brand new to this station. What if something had happened? How long would it have taken him to notice you were gone and report it?” I ask Destiny, not trusting myself to talk to her father at this moment.
"I thought Sanctuary Station was a safe place. We were told the crime rates are nearly non-existent,” she spits back, hands balled at her sides.
“That's not the point!" I practically bellow at her. Dhugarens are loud, emotional beings and I know other species are often intimidated by our gruffness. I should reign it in, I don't want to scare her.
To my surprise, though, she isn't scared at all.
Destiny looks livid, her face screwed up in a glare and quickly turning red.
She points her tiny finger at my chest, glaring up at me, and I almost want to laugh.
She's so short she has to crane her neck up to glare at me.
The sweet, soft thing from last night apparently has teeth.
"You have no clue what you're talking about. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
She turns to her father, who is still shuffling in the corner of the room. “How are you feeling today, Dad? Want me to make you something to eat?"
The elder human looks chagrined but nods meekly.
“That would be nice, dear," he says before turning to me, staring at some point on the floor between us, “thank you for taking care of my daughter and bringing her home."
It's clearly a dismissal from both of them, and I'm obviously out of my depth in this situation. Are humans that different, that parents do not take care of their children but instead the roles are reversed? I will need to do some research, perhaps Josep knows of some human data vids I can watch.
I nod curtly at him before turning to Destiny.
She is still fuming and it's absolutely adorable.
She juts her chin up at me in a clear challenge and I can feel my cock rising to the call.
I'm desperate to see her again, but if she's anything like a Dhugaren female she won't be receptive to anything right now except perhaps a fight.
And I won't fight this tiny, fragile creature.
She's too soft, too perfect. I couldn't live with myself if I marred that smooth, pale skin.
“Destiny, it was lovely to meet you. Perhaps we will see each other around the division.”
There's so much more I want to say but instead I turn around and exit the apartment before I do something I might regret, like lay into her lazy father.
I know where she'll be this afternoon, after all. Perhaps I am in need of a few supplies.
With renewed vigor, I make my way to the maintenance office, “late" for work. Even though we have no prescribed schedule, I always arrive at 8th hour every morning, for the first time since I took the position.
Perhaps I could be a little more lenient with my schedule. After all, the first time I ever took off early, I ended up meeting her.
I can't stop thinking about her. The enticing juxtaposition of her soft hands, soothing me last night, and her anger just now, with her finger pointing at me threateningly.
She is unlike anyone I've ever met and I am desperate to know more about her. I keep trying to remind myself that I want to find someone else to protect her, but I can’t think of anyone I trust to do the job better than myself.