28. Eshe
Eshe
When I came back into the smoke-filled room from retrieving Ezra’s bag, he was gone.
A sensation dropped in my stomach.
“Do you have it, love?” Casimir quirked a brow.
I nodded and slipped my hand into Ezra’s bag, my fingers wrapping around the cool, rubbery skin. I gave Casimir what he wanted. Yven by his side, watching every move he made with observant eyes as he opened the mouth of the snake.
Norrah sat on one of the low couches, patting the seat next to her. I cuddled up next to her and right away felt nostalgic for our days in the Khraus, when we were exhausted from dancing. After a moment, I lifted myself from her.
“I met Gabriel.”
Her lips parted. “What?” It was barely a whisper.
“Yes…”
“Wait, how? What did he say? Or did he say anything?” Her eyes widened.
“He was definitely looking for you.” I gave her a sad smile. “He didn’t know I knew you, obviously.”
I felt her shudder, but I nudged her, trying to keep the topic light, and said, “I know he’s quite older than you. But I didn’t know you were running away from such a terrifyingly handsome man.”
I knew from the looks of it that Gabriel was most likely in his mid-thirties and Norrah was twenty-two.
A tinge of pink spotted her ear, and she swallowed. “I just can’t—I can’t. I barely know him, and he’s so—so… cold. Something about him alarms me. My father sold me off to the first wealthy man who proposed.”
“Did you know this was happening?”
“My father waited as long as he could. He had been patient, but I knew this year it was getting stretched thin… With me being twenty-one and all, he said I’m getting old.
” She looked at me with glistening eyes.
“I just couldn’t give up the little freedom I had…
My entire life, I’ve survived with feeling—I feel strongly about things in my bones.
” She licked her lips. “When I met him, he was so… unfeeling. And frightening.”
Her eyes went distant, and I felt a tug in my chest. I knew exactly what she meant.
“I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair to you. You should be allowed to choose what kind of life you want for yourself. I understand why you left the way you did.”
“I ran away the day I was to be married to him.”
My lips twitched, and Norrah caught it and slapped my arm.
I burst out laughing. “You are unreal. I bet Gabriel had never experienced such embarrassment before. That man will carry that humiliation for the rest of his life.”
We both laughed at that, and it felt good to hear it from her.
“Definitely never experienced anything like it,” Norrah agreed. “The first time I met him, I could tell he’d never had a day where he had to explain himself to anyone. He’s the General of Brestan… He answers only to the Qahl.”
“I doubt he’d ever been rejected by a woman before,” I wondered out loud. The respect I had for her grew.
“Me too.” She shook her head as if still amazed that she had escaped.
She then offered me the pipe. “No, thanks,” I said.
They had all been smoking, but something kept me from trying it. His words still rang in my head.
“I’m so appreciative of our friendship, Norrah. Truly, I’ve never had a friend quite like you,” I said earnestly.
Norrah smiled. “Aww, I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know…” She gave me a warm hug before leaning back. “You know, you remind me of a friend I had back in the school I lived in.”
“Really? What’s she like?”
“She’s got a rough sense of humor, dry, like you, though she’s quieter than you are.” She looked off into the distance as if recalling her memories, smiling. “She has eyes like you. She’s adventurous, and she’s just really wonderful.”
“I’m so glad you knew a friend like her.”
“Me too… I hope she’s okay. She didn’t have it easy at the school we lived at.”
We continued talking about her school until she got up to refill her beverage.
“Where is Ezra?” I asked no one in particular, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to ask without it being obvious he had been on my mind the moment I entered the room.
Casimir caught my eye. “In the other room. He doesn’t stick around for these kinds of activities.”
“Why?” My brows furrowed, wanting to understand Ezra more than ever.
“He doesn’t like to lose control, especially over himself.” Casimir shrugged. “Hasn’t since we were twenty-three.”
Twenty-three. That was two years after my family died. That must have been when he became Atrovian. I tilted my head, wondering how much Casimir knew of Ezra’s identity.
“What happened then?” I knew I shouldn’t be prying, but I couldn’t help it. What made Ezra want to change so badly that he became involved with the Atrove?
“He wasn’t himself for two years…” Casimir became quiet and didn’t meet my eyes.
“At first, Ezra was Ezra. Then, for two years, he was a dark mess, uncontrollable. We had fun, but deep down I knew he wasn’t…
doing the best. Then all of a sudden something snapped in him and he went in the complete opposite direction.
“If you ask me, I think neither version of him is Ezra. Or maybe all these sides are truly him?” Casimir laughed and shook his head. He was high. This was perfect—he was giving me so much detail on Ezra’s life.
No shame, I continued, “What do you think happened that made him lose control?”
Casimir’s throat moved as he swallowed, and then he shrugged.
I realized now that I was standing with my hands on my hips, towering over his seated position. I probably looked like I was interrogating him. Which was true. I was taking advantage of him, unapologetically.
“You all have fun.” I turned on my heel and waved. “I’m beat.”
Norrah returned a wave.
Down the hall, I peeked into another room.
It was barely lit, but I could see a large silhouette slumped on a low couch. Ezra. He decided to sleep out here instead of in his room across from mine.
My stomach twisted, and I could feel my veins simmering. My body didn’t like that. He’d been sleeping near me for days now, and for some odd reason, I didn’t like the sudden change.
The top of his hair had grown even more. It was thick and wavy, like Casimir’s. He had trimmed his beard today, and it was shorter than usual. I walked in quietly and watched his chest rise slowly and deeply.
He was asleep.
He seemed so peaceful compared to earlier, when he had stripped me down to my vulnerability and my weakness. My jaw twitched. And I just found out his weakness: not being in control.
Easy.
After half an hour of searching and picking up my supplies, I snuck back to the dark room and proceeded with my plan.
First, I had to get rid of his hands. I began to slowly, very slowly, pull them together with extreme stealth, which I learned from Garamgai. I made a tie that made it so when he pulled his hands apart, they became tighter. Much like he did to me in Urnaz. The purpose: not to fight.
Then I went for his ankles.
I felt his leg twitch beneath my fingers.
I froze.
I looked up. His eyes were still closed.
Proceeding and focusing on the task at hand, and finally—
“What. The. Fuck. Are you doing?” I heard his voice say.
My heart pounded against my ribs.
His eyes were on me, and a flare of his nose told me he was about to end me.
Slowly, I rose and grabbed the pipe near me. I flashed a smile.
“Whatever it is that you’re thinking about doing, don’t,” Ezra warned with his jaw as hard as a rock.
I suppressed the laugh within my belly.
This was going perfectly.
With the candle I brought in, I burned the wick and placed it at the end of the pipe.
Ezra pulled on the ties, and his eyes bulged. I could see the veins on his neck. He was angry.
I inhaled the smoke, opened my mouth, and breathed in the smoke.
“I know what your weakness is.” I placed myself on top of him, straddling his hips. His body was warm under mine, but I ignored the way it made me feel.
Ezra froze, his breathing stilled. His body tensed.
“It’s control,” I answered and leaned forward. I inhaled some more smoke.
“Don’t you fucking dare, or you’ll regret it, I swear it on my life,” Ezra growled and pulled against the ties, but nothing happened.
His voice was shaking.
I placed my fingers around his face so he couldn’t move from the smoke, and he flinched.
“Fucking let go,” he warned me.
I blew a cloud in his face, and he squirmed beneath me.
“You messed with the wrong woman.” I leaned forward and whispered the smoke in his ear.
Ezra clenched his teeth. I inhaled another and blew it near his nose.
“You have no idea what you just did. Absolutely, no idea. You’re so fucking done, woman. You’re so fucking done the moment I’m out of this.”
A shiver ran down my spine, and I liked his threats.
“You found my weakness,” I whispered. “Now, it’s only fair for me to expose yours.”
Ezra lashed out, “You don’t have a clue what my weakness is.”
Oh, he was angry. Good.
So was I.
“Well, we’re about to find out, aren’t we?”
“Oh, yes. You are,” he promised. His breathing was heavy and controlled, but his eyes were so dark.
For a moment, I questioned what I had done. Did I just unleash a shackled monster?
I was deep in my hesitation when Ezra bucked me off with his hips. Falling to the ground, I dropped the glass pipe, and it shattered.
One moment Ezra was leaning over the broken glass, slipped one in his fingers, and the next he released himself by cutting off the ties. My eyes widened as I crawled backward further from him.
Oh God.
Without waiting another moment, I scrambled to my knees—he was a shadow behind me. I could feel the ground shake with each step he took, and I couldn’t help the shriek that escaped from me.
He was coming after me.
What would he do if he found out the truth?
I ran through the halls, and suddenly I was in the main hall. A split second went by, and I made the decision to go left, leading me outdoors. It was dark except for the flames of the torches illuminating the building.
I sprinted into the trees, and I dared a glance over my shoulder, hoping I had lost him. I was fast, but not fast enough. His eyes locked on mine from the stairs I had just gone down.
My legs burned, but I pushed myself forward.