30. Eshe #2
He met my eyes. “I never hated you, Eshe. But I did feel weak around you, flustered—nervous. I didn’t know what to do with myself around you as much as Casimir did, so…
I ignored you, tried not to resent you, knowing that one day I would have you to myself, whether or not you liked it.
I had never thought you would pick him over me.
It isn’t an excuse, but I forced myself not to care.
I was a child then. I wasn’t a man yet.”
I forced myself to breathe in and out.
“And you are now?” I croaked.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he said in a clipped, distant tone.
My heart felt like it could break. Why did I feel as if there was no air outside? No light in the sun? Suddenly, there was no brightness in the place we were in.
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I looked at everything but him.
I wanted to clench the ache in my heart, but instead fisted my dress in front of me, trying to prevent the feeling of being suffocated and allowing it to swallow me whole.
I was surrounded by water.
I was trapped. Emotions poured into me.
“Eshe,” he said my name, but I could barely hear him.
I was having a hard time breathing.
He was in front of me, closer than before.
I heard him call my name again, but I couldn’t stop how confusing all this was. He had wanted me. He saved me, not Salazar. He—he did all of this. He sent me away. He wanted me. My heart felt as if it were in my throat. Or in my stomach. I couldn’t—
His hand wrapped around my neck, and he pushed my jaw higher so that I was forced to look at him. My pulse was racing, and I couldn’t see him straight.
Why was I crying? Why did he make me feel these things for him?
I shook my head. “I don’t want him, Ezra.”
His hand tightened slightly.
“You’re mine, only mine.”
“But—”
His finger silenced my lips. His gaze had turned so serious, but also so distant.
He was trembling, too.
Why was he trembling?
His hand moved to the back of my neck and pulled me closer. He was between my legs in the waters. My body flushed against his hard chest. He brushed a thumb across my cheek, and time stilled again.
“You were always mine, Eshe. Always. Even when you chose him over me, you were mine.”
A strange sensation that felt a lot like relief washed over me, and I let out a breath.
“You know that, don’t you?”
I closed my eyes, a tear slipped down my cheek, and I nodded.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
The world stopped spinning when I opened my eyes.
Before this moment, I had never felt so seen. Now, there was nothing between us anymore. No lies, no masks. He was seeing every inch of me.
It was all I ever wanted.
“I know,” I whispered so only he heard and not me.
Ezra released a throaty grumble and tightened his hold on me. He brushed his free thumb across my full lips as his gaze dropped to them. His thumb pressed gently into them, tugging them.
My breath caught in my throat, and his face leaned in.
His forehead met mine.
Ezra lifted his eyes to mine. They were so dark, no light to be seen. I saw the pain in them.
I felt the tip of his strong nose move along my cheek, his lips so close to mine.
I froze. Afraid to break this moment. His lips brushed my cheek, down to my jaw—he was exploring me.
He moved his hands down from my waist to my hips, pressing me closer to him.
I gasped when I felt something hard between my legs.
When the sound escaped me, he only gripped me harder.
I nearly whimpered at the intensity of his grip.
His leather scent completely wrapped itself around me, and all I wanted was to see him, smell him, touch him, taste him.
Ezra continued moving his lips around my face, on my eyelids, my nose, licking and biting my neck in the same sore spot.
I was flooded with heat.
“Tell me you hate me,” Ezra said in a husky tone. He was resisting, fighting a battle within himself. I could practically hear it. “Don’t let me do this to you.”
But I didn’t want him to stop. I closed my eyes and felt his mouth around my throat. Sensations pooled beneath my stomach, and it warmed my body, sending shivers along my skin. I breathed in his scent.
“Tell me to stop, Eshe. Please.”
Please.
He had never said please to me before. My heart was pounding violently against my rib cage—I couldn’t stop this even if I wanted to.
My body was only bringing him closer to me.
I knew why he was pushing against something so powerful between us, but my body wasn’t as good as his. If I were a better person, I would listen to his wishes—I wouldn’t push him to this point. But I needed this.
His breathing was heavy, and I could tell he was on the cusp of something so beautiful.
Ezra barely leaned back to see my eyes.
Something was unleashed in them.
And his lips were on mine, taking all of my breath away.
Ezra’s lips were warm and soft as he moved them across mine. Time was gone, and I was sinking into the boulder with Ezra. Nothing else mattered as he kissed me. The hunger he held in was released on his lips, and finally, he feasted on mine.
His hot lips were so divine. I opened my lips slightly, and his tongue found mine. Our tongues wrapped around each other's.
I sighed, and he pulled me harder against himself in response, his large hands pressing against my hips.
As his punishment for my sounds, his teeth nipped my lower lip.
I couldn’t help the moan that escaped, but his mouth captured the sound.
Metal exploded in my mouth, and we shared the taste of my blood.
“Eshe,” Ezra prayed, and I nearly fell apart with my name on his lips. I wrapped my fingers into his smooth, black, wavy hair and pulled our kiss deeper. His tongue was fully in my mouth, and it was sweet and riveting. Dangerous and safe.
Everything that I ever wanted.
Suddenly, I was brought back to when I was sixteen. She would have freaked out to know I was kissing Ezra eight years later. She would never have believed Ezra wanted her just as much as she wanted him.
“You’re so fucking perfect,” Ezra rasped into my mouth. “You’re so fucking mine.”
My heart was about to burst, hearing him say everything I never knew I wanted to hear from his mouth. I pulled his shoulders closer.
Ezra’s hand wrapped itself in my hair and pulled me back, parting our lips and exposing my neck. His tongue danced and sucked my abused neck and shoulders. My nipples peaked, begging for something I didn’t know what.
Despite how low my eyelids were, I tried to keep them open so I could memorize how beautiful he looked kissing me.
The hardness pressed between my legs created burning flutters through my insides.
Ezra stilled for a moment. His lips unmoving.
And another moment went by.
His hand unraveled from my hair. He backed his hips away from me.
Cold air entered between us, and the look in his eyes was worse than pain.
It was disappointment.
And to me, it felt a lot like rejection. Again.