Chapter 22 Matt
Matt
If you told me a few days ago that I’d be sitting shotgun in a rental car with a spiral ham on my lap while Penny drives us to her parents’ house in Connecticut, I’d call you a liar.
Yet here I am.
And I am fucking psyched.
Something overtook me the other day when I heard Penny’s mother giving her a hard time. I grabbed the phone from her, having no idea what I was going to say. All I knew was I wanted to take away that anguished look on her face and make things better somehow.
“Penny’s boyfriend?” her mom said. “I wasn’t aware that Penny had a boyfriend.”
“Oh, she has a boyfriend, alright. We do all the boyfriend stuff.”
“Boyfriend stuff?”
“Yes, ma’am. Listen, Eileen—is it okay if I call you Eileen? Penny mentioned your name is Eileen—Eileen, I was thinking of bringing a spiral ham as our contribution to the dinner proceedings. How does that sound to you?”
“A spiral ham?”
“You bet! I bring a spiral ham to every occasion.”
“Isn’t a spiral ham more of an Easter protein? This is a Christmas celebration.”
I gotta give this lady credit, she’s engaging with me on a moment-to-moment basis, which I appreciate. Maybe there’s hope here yet.
“With all due respect, ma’am, fuck no. Spiral hams are an everyday party protein. Unless it conflicts with the proteins you’ve already planned? Because I wouldn’t dream of throwing an undesirable kink into your menu. Only desirable kinks for me and the ones I love, ya know?”
She sputters, but doesn’t get any actual words out.
Mission accomplished. I am keeping this lady on her toes. I’ve met people like her before. The way I figure, as long as I keep her guessing, she won’t feel comfortable enough to rag on Penny.
“No, I, uh, I think a spiral ham will be fine, Matt. You said your name was Matt, right?”
“I sure did, Eileen. Well, this has been fantastic. So glad we could connect. Penny sends her love, and so do I. We’ll see you Sunday at six!”
“What are you smiling about?” Penny asks.
“Just happy to be doing this with you.” I look out the window as we officially exit the city and merge onto the highway.
“You know, I should really take more road trips. This shit is fun! Look at us. You at the wheel. Me holding a ham. It’s like we’re starring in our own sexy road trip buddy comedy. ”
“A sexy road trip buddy comedy?” Her eyebrows lift while she merges onto the highway.
“Come on, Penn. You know, I think you’re sexy.”
She smiles.
The sweetest, sexiest smile.
“I think you’re sexy too,” she says softly.
“Boom! Wow! Yes! There she is!” I cheer.
“Alright, Barbera. Don’t get too excited now.” She pats a hand on my face while she drives, and I don’t know why I find that so hot. “That can’t come as too much of a surprise,” she says. “I mean, you do remember the Santa’s House incident, don’t you?”
“Penny, there’s rarely a moment when I’m not thinking about the Santa’s House incident. Is that what we’re calling it, though? An ‘incident’?”
She chuckles. “That’s what I’m calling it.”
“Personally, I’d call it the hottest encounter of my life, but tomato-tomahto, I guess. Hey, remind me why we haven’t engaged in more incidents of that nature since then?”
“I think you’d have to ask yourself, sir. After all, you were the one who pulled up your own pants when I was about to give you a blow job.”
Well fuck.
“You know, when you say it like that, I sound like a real schmuck. By the way, is it too late to get a rain check on that blow job?”
She laughs, but something tells me this isn’t the time for jokes.
I take a deep breath and let it out.
“Yeah, so let’s talk about it.” I put the ham down on the floor of the car.
“Wow, the ham is on the floor!” she jokes. “This must be serious.”
“It is,” I say softly.
She waves a hand in the air. “Matt, no. We don’t have to talk about this.”
“I think we do! Listen, it’s no secret that I like you. I think I’ve made that pretty clear, no?”
She sighs. “I guess so, yeah.”
“Well, that doesn’t happen very often for me.”
“Please.” She takes her eyes off the road for a second to glare at me. “You flirt with everybody.”
“I’m friendly to everybody,” I correct. “But I only flirt with you. From the moment I saw you at that ridiculous audition of mine, I’ve only had eyes for you.”
“Hmm,” she says, like she doesn’t believe me.
“It’s true!”
“How about the hundreds of women you’ve had on your lap this month?”
“Penny, there was only one woman on my lap this month who I wanted to be there. And I’ll be honest with you. Those horndog Christmas ladies scare me.”
“And I don’t?”
“Oh no, you scare the shit out of me. But for a completely different reason.”
She doesn’t respond to that. She just keeps driving, her eyes straight ahead.
I guess we’re doing this.
I scrub a hand over my head. “I’ve had maybe two relationships in my life. Everything else has been the occasional meaningless hookup. And those are… fine? But that’s not what I wanted with you that day in Santa’s House. That’s not what I want with you.”
“What do you want with me?” she asks softly.
“Just…” I struggle to find the words. “More.” I take a risk and place my hand on her thigh. “Penny, what I feel for you is already more than all those meaningless hookups put together.”
“Thank you?” She laughs and playfully shoves my hand away.
“I agree, that didn’t sound great! What I meant was—”
“Matt, it’s fine.” She’s still laughing, thank god.
“No, it’s not fine.” I’m getting more frustrated by the second. Not at her, but at my inability to say exactly what I feel. “I really wish you weren’t driving right now so we could—”
“What? Look deep into each other’s eyes and pour our hearts out to each other?” she says in a mocking tone.
“Yeah, actually,” I say. “I’d love that.”
She surprises the hell out of me when she immediately turns on her blinker, pulls off to the side of the road, and slams the car into Park.
It’s silent for a moment except for the cars on the highway whooshing past us.
“Alright, Barbera. I’m not driving. What do you have?”
“A fucking boner if I’m not careful!” I say. “Christ, that was hot, woman!”
She turns off the ignition and leans back in her seat, head resting, eyes closed.
I guess we’re done joking for the moment.
“Penny,” I say softly, “will you look at me, please?”
Her eyes flutter open.
She turns her head slightly to look at me.
She’s never looked as gorgeous as she does right now in this rental car.
I start slowly. “That day at Herald’s, during the incident, when it seemed like you wanted to take things further with me… man, I wanted to cheer. I was so… fucking… happy. But then I panicked. I knew I could not treat you like you were just any girl. Because you are not, Penny. You are…”
She keeps her beautiful brown eyes on mine. I have her full attention, so I may as well let my full ass hang out. Figuratively speaking, of course.
“You’re special, Penn. I knew it when I first met you, and you commanded that audition room like a boss.
I knew it when we worked out beside one another, and I couldn’t get my heart rate to settle afterward, no matter what I did.
I knew it when you joined our Holiday Schmoliday rehearsals, and those kids fell head over heels in love with you.
” I pause, so I don’t get choked up. “And I really knew it this week when you visited my mom with me, not once, not twice, but three times.”
She really knocked me out with that last one.
Not only did she attend two more rehearsals to work with the kids during her lunch break, but when we would normally part ways on the street in front of the memory care center, she asked both times if she could come inside and keep me and my mom company for a few minutes.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I swear my mom smiles a little brighter and communicates a little more clearly when Penny’s there.
“Somewhere along the line, you became a really great friend to me,” I continue. “I appreciate you, Penny Whitaker. More than you know. And I’m fucking psyched that you’re a part of my life.”
She reaches her hand out and interlaces her fingers with mine.
“That is some sweet shit you just said, Matthias.”
“Oooh, no. Let’s not do the Matthias thing.” I half wince, half laugh. “Only my mom calls me Matthias.”
She laughs with me. “Yeah, the second it came out of my mouth, it didn’t feel right. I’ll stick with Barbera.”
I give her hand a squeeze. “I like it when you call me Barbera.”
“I like it when you call me Pennywise.” Her eyebrows furrow in question. “But I still have no idea why.”
“I know I joked before and said the nickname was because you scare me like that freaky clown does, but that wasn’t quite accurate. At the risk of sounding corny, you have this… wisdom about you, Penny. You know exactly who you are and what you want.”
“Do I?” she says in an almost whisper.
“I think you do.”
“Hm.” She seems to ponder that for a moment. “I do know what I want. I guess I just don’t know exactly how I’m going to make it happen.”
“Well, that’s the dance, isn’t it?”
“What dance?” She wrinkles her nose when she smiles.
“The dance of life, baby! If you know the what and the why, the how will eventually present itself to you.”
“You think so?” she asks.
“I know so.”
A funny expression crosses her face like an idea just landed.
She checks the time on her phone, then turns to me, excited. “Can I do something for you?”
“Um, sure? Yeah, what is it?”
“It’s not a rain check on that blow job.”
“Whoa, hey!” I hold my hands up. “I didn’t think it was.”
She smiles and restarts the car. “You down for a quick detour? There’s this great place near my parents’ house that I loved as a kid. I think you’d appreciate it.”
“Sure!” I say. “Every good road trip movie needs a detour!” I pick up the ham again and lean back in my seat. “Lead the way, Pennywise.”
“I thought you already had a tree,” I say as we pull up to a Christmas tree farm and Penny puts the car in Park.
“I do,” she says. “We’re getting one for you.”
“What?” My heart instantly starts pounding.
“Listen, we obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she says. “And you should absolutely tell me if I’m wrong or overstepping, but… my gut tells me you really want a tree.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I do.”
“So you deserve to have one.” She places a hand on my thigh. “You can honor your dad’s passing and still make room for the magic of the season.”
“The ‘magic of the season’?! Are you sure this is Penny humbug Whitaker I’m talking to?”
She laughs. “I’m trying okay? And, I dunno…” She smiles. “Maybe seeing Christmas through your eyes this year is helping me reclaim some of that magic, too.”
Well, deck the halls with boughs of holly. Because Matt Barbera is fa-la-la-la falling in love.