6. Sin
SIN
Sapphire is still in my arms, and it feels right. Her ice-blonde hair fans across my chest like it’s always been there. Like Sapphire has always been there.
I draw circles on her back as we lie together. Honestly? I thought she’d grab her shit and run, but she stayed. The craziest part? I wanted her to.
“Heard from my mom today,” I say out of nowhere. “Can you believe that?”
She sits up slightly. “No shit?”
It’s no secret: my relationship with my mom has been a difficult one. One rehab stint after another has made us practically strangers.
“She wants to see me, says she’s clean.”
Her eyes soften. Sapphire knows this is a touchy subject after the years of hell me and my sister went through. “I’m sorry.” After a few moments, she asks, “What do you think you’ll do?”
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “A part of me knows I’ll always hold a place for her in my heart, but I’m not stupid. The last few times she reached out, all she wanted was money to get high. She didn’t care about me, just where her next fix was comin’ from.”
“Sin,” she whispers. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t have to be fine. You can talk to me.”
A few moments pass. “I always thought one day she’d get clean for real, but every time I hoped for it, she’d let me down again. I cut her off because of her behavior. I tried to help her so many times, but she just didn’t care.”
“That’s how addicts are,” she says gently. “Cutting her off at that point was probably good. You have every right to how you feel. Life wasn’t easy growing up, for either of us.”
“You miss your mom?”
“Of course. Every day.”
When Sapphire and Reap’s mom passed away, it was a shitty time for them to say the least. Their drunk father was too much of a selfish asshole to take care of them, so Reaper stepped up. He was more of a father to Sapphire than her own dad and I deeply respect him for that.
“It sucks,” I go on. “That you lost her so young. I never knew my dad; he was probably some deadbeat. Mom doesn’t even know. How fuckin’ shitty is that?”
“But a part of you wants to believe she’s better, right?”
“Well, she didn’t ask me for money, so that’s a start.”
“Sin, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to.”
“I’ve thought about it. I just don’t want to be fed promises that don’t mean anything. She
sounded different, though. I wasn’t ready for the photo, but she looked… healthy. I’ve never seen her look good, not like this.”
“Maybe she has changed.”
“I won’t bet on it.” I know I sound bitter, but I can’t really be blamed.
“How is your sister?” Sapphire asks.
Manika is five years younger than me, and—a lot like Reap—I practically raised my sister, too. Maybe that’s why Reap and I bonded so much.
“You know Mika, she’s always turnin’ tricks. She’s coming down in a few weeks from Dallas. I haven’t told her about Mom. She’ll only get her hopes up.”
“That’s tough,” Sapphire says softly. “Mika suffered a lot in those early years.”
I guess you could say Sapphire and I come from similar broken homes. The only consolation was my mom hurt herself more than she did us kids. Physically, she never laid a hand on us, unlike Sapphire’s father. Just thinking about that piece of shit makes my blood boil.
But I’m also not gonna pretend my mom was a saint, either. She was okay letting us fend for ourselves, while I made sure Manika got what she needed.
“She did, as much as I tried to hide a lot from her. She was always smarter than I gave her credit for. I know she’d want to pursue a relationship with Mom if I told her she’d come back.
But, frankly, I had to live with the heartbreak so many times before,” I admit.
“I don’t want her goin’ through that again. ”
“That’s understandable. You have to protect your peace. I get that, I’ve lived it.”
I glance down at her. “You don’t have to listen to this.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind. Really.”
“So, what about you and all this shit with Lanzetti?”
She balks. “You already asked me about that. I said we had it under control.”
“Doesn’t sound like it. Lanzetti is a piece of shit. I need to take him out.”
“That’s a genius idea, especially now Diamond is with Nash, the new sheriff. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“You know what I mean, there’s only one way to deal with thugs.”
“Well, we can’t exactly kidnap him and dump the body with law enforcement right under our noses, can we?”
“More than one way to skin a cat.”
She shifts. “What do you mean?”
“The sit-down he keeps avoidin’.”
She narrows her eyes. “How do you know about that?”
“Good news travels fast in a small town.” I tap my nose. “I have eyes everywhere.”
“You been snooping around Saddle?”
“I’d hardly call it snoopin’.”
“What would you call it, then?”
“Same as what you do to me,” I throw back. “I know every single time you come to town unannounced.”
That shuts her smart mouth up, but only for a second. “I have business here.”
It’s comical how hard she tries to appear like she’s not lying.
I smirk. “Uh, huh, what kind of business?”
“Do I answer to you?”
“You don’t answer to anyone, cupcake, but I wanna help.”
That goes down like a bag of cement. “I told you, Sin, we’ve got this. You don’t have to swoop in and save the day. I know we have vaginas and all, but we can handle Lanzetti.”
I turn to face her. “Don’t have to be like that.”
She blinks. “Like what? And why are you using that tone with me?”
I purposely use my sincere voice because I mean every word. I don’t want to fight. I want her to know I care about her. Club business is club business—I get that—but this jackass isn’t going away anytime soon. “No tone. I just wanna help. What’s your plan?”
She opens her mouth, then subsequently closes it again. “I’m working on it, but that’s increasingly hard when Diamond is banging the sheriff. Makes it a lot more difficult to do my job.”
“If you need a shovel, I’m there.”
She stares at me. I wish I knew what was behind those pretty eyes, but Sapphire isn’t the easiest to read. “Not funny.”
“It was a little funny.”
“If we need help, we’ll ask for it. You know how Diamond is. She likes to solve things herself. It’s Rustic Grove—her pride and joy—as well as the clubhouse on the line. We’ve all grown up there in a sense. If those walls could talk, oh man.”
I pull her tighter into my side. “Say this isn’t only one night.”
“Sin.”
“Say it.”
“You’re awfully demanding.”
“You know I don’t do shit by halves,” I remind her. “Especially not when it comes to you.”
“Let’s not get crazy, okay?”
This is what she does. She runs from anything good for self-preservation. I know that, because I do it, too.
But not now.
I’m not going anywhere.
I need to make her see that we’re good together.
We are a thing, no matter what she says. I’m not like the other losers she’s been with, and I’m going to make sure she knows it.