Chapter 3 #2
Despite how much shit I gave David for designing his playroom without a boy in mind, I totally understood it.
He’d taken comfort in the room for years; it was his beacon of hope.
But to me, it would feel like waving a treat in front of a dog and then not letting them eat it.
I’d go insane. For that reason, I decided to keep living in my apartment until I met the right person.
Opening the door, I grabbed the bags out of my back seat and headed up the walkway. I nearly tripped when I saw the for-sale sign in his neighbor’s yard. It was a beautiful house, and while I didn’t know the floor plan, if it were anything like Daniel’s, it would be perfect.
I was a simple man; I didn’t need much, and these homes were beautiful. If only I could find my person, maybe I would consider it.
My hands were full of grocery bags, so I set some down, freed one of my hands, and knocked. Tristan’s squeals hit my ears as Daniel opened the door and welcomed me inside.
He took the bags I’d set down and followed behind me. “Hey, man, did you see the house next door is for sale?”
“I didn’t. What, are you gonna move in next door to me?” he chuckled. I knew he was teasing. He knew I was waiting to find my partner, but I couldn’t help but poke at him.
“You’re laughing now, but you won’t be when I move in and come over for dinner every night.”
Tristan got excited at our banter and tried to squeal in excitement, but he ended up in a coughing fit instead. Like the doting Daddy he was, Daniel rushed over to his side and handed him his sippy cup.
Movement to their left caught my eye, and what I saw nearly knocked the air right out of my lungs.
Crystal blue eyes met mine, and I couldn’t look away.
Their hair was dark and wavy, cascading over their shoulders and highlighting their gorgeous pale skin.
They were wearing a purple satin pajama set, and it looked so soft and beautiful against their skin.
My heart sped up as our gazes stayed locked, neither of us willing to break the moment. Daniel and Tristan faded away, and all that was there was us. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I was too overwhelmed by this person’s beauty to give a damn.
As a trans person, it was important to me not to assume pronouns until I had a chance to ask.
They were stunning, a beautiful blend of feminine and masculine.
Their face flushed beautifully under my stare, and when they bit their lip, it was everything I could do to keep from kissing them and sucking their lip between my teeth.
Daniel’s voice had my head whipping toward him, my face flushed from the rush of the moment. “Ellery, this is my best friend, David. He’s going to help me take care of you little ones and hang out for a bit. David, this is Ellery, Tristan’s best friend.”
When I looked back at Ellery, the intensity in their gaze nearly knocked the wind out of me for a second time. What were they doing to me? I’d only been in their presence for mere minutes.
My voice was soft and slightly hoarse. “Hi Ellery. I’m sorry we’re meeting when you aren’t feeling well.”
Worry filled me when Ellery turned away from me to look at Daniel with apprehension written all over their face.
Daniel gave them a reassuring nod, and they looked back at me.
They still appeared a bit nervous, but the tension they’d had before eased with Daniel’s silent approval. Of what, I wasn’t sure.
“Hi, David. You can call me Ellie. I use they/them pronouns. Thank you, but it could be worse. At least we’re here with you guys and not home alone.”
Something akin to hope filled me in abundance, making my heart beat wildly. Ellery was trans or some type of gender queer. I wasn’t sure exactly how they identified just yet. But if we ended up spending more time together, as I hoped we would, I’d make sure to find out what labels they preferred.
Ellery’s cheeks flushed a beautiful rosy pink as they snuggled closer into Tristan’s side. Their words were soft and barely audible, but they made my heart flutter and my cheeks heat. “Your art is very pretty and magical.”
“Thank you, Ellie.”
Daniel turned toward Ellery and Tristan. “Okay, why don’t you boys stay here, and we’ll be back with medicine and ice cream.”
My whole body stiffened, and a familiar panic itched at my skin.
I’d never come out to Daniel and told him I was trans.
Not that I didn’t trust him, I’d just never found the right time.
We clicked instantly as friends, and by the time I trusted him enough to tell him, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
After twenty-five years of being on hormones, I passed very well. Romantic partners were usually the only people I came out to. Unless I was in a setting with other trans people and felt comfortable doing so, it wasn’t really anyone’s business.
But Daniel had become my closest friend. He was like a brother to me. I wanted him to know, but at the same time, I was terrified it would make him see me differently.
Ellery didn’t seem uncomfortable by Daniel’s comment, but I also didn’t know them well enough to tell.
There was no reason for me to react this way, but the thought that my best friend might be disrespecting Ellery and not using their preferred pronouns had my hands shaking and my stomach about to unload.
When we got into the kitchen away from Ellery and Tristan, I took a deep breath and confronted him. “Why did you say that?”
Daniel looked shocked, and I didn’t blame him. In the whole time we’d known each other, I don’t think he’d ever seen me this shaken or upset. “Say what?”
My voice felt raw as I spoke. “You said boys?” I didn’t mean for it to, but it came out sounding like a question. His face remained puzzled as he thought, but then realization dawned and he . . . Wait, what the fuck was he laughing at?
My fists clenched in anger. Maybe I was right not to tell him . . . especially if he was reacting this way, as if it was all a joke. I couldn’t believe I’d trusted him.
Shocked by my visible anger, he held his hands up in surrender, his face full of confusion.
“Whoa, hang on . . . Sorry, it’s just barely been five minutes, and you’re already going all protective Daddy on my ass.” Oh. The burning anger simmered down, but it wasn’t completely gone.
“Ellery is nonbinary and doesn’t conform to gender norms. When I asked them what terms they were comfortable being called, they explained they wouldn’t want to be called ‘a boy,’ but being one of ‘the boys’ is more about their role as a little and not about gender.
Even so, I use ‘little ones’ as well to be more inclusive. ”
The remaining tension whooshed out of me, leaving me feeling strangely hollow. Daniel was a fantastic man, and I’d let my own insecurities run rampant. “Sorry . . . I don’t know—”
Daniel’s voice was soft and full of understanding. “Hey, it’s okay, no harm done. Ellery is an amazing human and a wonderful friend to my boy. If anything, I find it endearing that you’re getting all protective over them.”
He didn’t even know why I was upset; he just assumed it was for Ellery.
Yes, that was part of it, but not all of it.
Everyone deserved to be referred to as they wished, but I’d also felt guilty that I haven’t fully shared who I am with one of the most important people in my life.
I practically jumped at the first opportunity to see him as the problem to justify not telling him.
I knew I didn’t have to, but I desperately wanted to.
For some reason, a part of me longed for my best friend to know all of me.
I needed to know I had his acceptance as my true self.
I scoffed at him, wanting to play it off because I wasn’t ready to tell him yet, but at the same time, that felt wrong, so I settled for a half-truth. “I was not . . . I just needed to make sure my best friend wasn’t secretly a transphobic asshole.”
Daniel laughed with his bright smile, as kind and earnest as always. “Yeah, okay, buddy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Taking a deep breath, I calmed my nerves and started helping Daniel unload all the bags and put everything away.
I was determined to have a good day with my best friend.
Even better, we got to spend the day together spoiling sick littles with ice cream.
There were definitely worse ways to spend a day. I couldn’t wait.