52. Ethan
ETHAN
Later that night, Enzo walked into the house alone, looking exhausted. He’d spent the night in the hospital with Rosalie, much to my surprise.
“How is she?” I asked, sitting forward on the couch.
“She’s good. They just took her back to their place. Cole went with them.”
“You mean they didn’t beat the shit out of him?
” I stared in wonder at Enzo. Enzo had called me late last night to tell me everything about what went down with Cole and Ryder.
To say I was surprised Rosalie was with Ryder would be a lie.
I’d seen how he’d been looking at her. I wasn’t a fool.
Besides, she was easy to love. Of course, on the other end of it was me, concerned that maybe all the slots for boyfriend and husband were taken, leaving Enzo and me out in the cold.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but based on my current feelings about my fear of starting back up with Rosalie while having Laz, I’d say I would just stand in the background and cheer Cole on.
He loosened his tie and sank into his favorite chair before rubbing his eyes.
“No. Not yet. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen.” He poured himself a drink and took a sip. “She’s having twins.”
I widened my eyes at the information. “She is?”
He nodded. “Cole is over the moon. He really wants this. I think if he had his way, he’d just turn her into a baby-making factory.”
“He’s always wanted a big family,” I said. “Probably because he had a shit family growing up and wants to feel loved and wants to love.”
Enzo nodded and drank again.
“How are you?” I asked softly. “With everything?”
He licked his lips and stared at the wall. “I don’t know. Scared, I suppose.”
“Of what?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t even know, man. I’m just… scared.”
“I am too,” I whispered. “I want to be with her, but Laz… I don’t want her to wake up every morning and be reminded of Celeste.”
Enzo sighed. “I know, E. I get it. You don’t need to explain it to me. But if you want her, take her.”
“What about you?”
He drank again. “What about me?”
“You said you wanted her too. You guys seem to be getting along better. And last night you stayed—”
“I’m more concerned about you and Cole. Not myself. I have a lot going on in my life that needs to be sorted first.”
He went quiet after that and drank, staring at the wall. I knew pushing him on anything was useless, so I sat with him in that silence, hoping the shadows on the wall might spell out all the answers we needed.
Enzo was gone when I woke. He had to work. After I dropped Laz off with six of our men following me, I decided to stop and check on Rosalie. Just because she wasn’t my girl didn’t mean I didn’t give a shit about her.
I knocked on the door to her apartment and waited for an answer. It seemed like forever before I heard the locks clicking and the door opened so I could come face to face with Evan.
“Hey,” I said thickly. “I was just stopping in to check on Rosalie.”
He eyed me from behind his sunglasses for a moment before stepping aside for me. I entered the apartment and looked around. It was a beautiful, spacious place that gave me a sense of comfort. I really liked the space.
“This is really nice,” I said as Evan led me to the couch. “Where is everyone?”
“Klaus is on a phone call, and Anson and Cole are currently arguing about baby names while Rosalie showers. Ryder went to get some breakfast for everyone.”
“Oh.” I sat on the couch and watched as he took an overstuffed chair across from me. “How are you… Evan?”
“I’m well,” he answered in that raspy, hoarse voice of his. “You?”
“Good,” I said, smoothing my hands down my pants and clearing my throat. “Good. Been busy.”
He inclined his head. “Busy is good.”
“It is,” I agreed softly, not even knowing how to talk to him. He definitely wasn’t Fox Evans anymore. Fox had been easygoing and happy. This guy was quiet and angry. I could see that quiet anger of his simmering beneath the surface.
“I’m not angry,” he said, cutting into my thoughts.
I blinked rapidly at him. “Oh, um, I-I didn’t… I mean…”
He was wearing his aviators, so I couldn’t see his eyes, but I assumed he was staring at me.
“It’s OK,” he said, his voice softer and less gruff. “All the shit I went through left a lasting mark. Sometimes I wonder if it damaged my brain.” He laughed softly. “But I’m not angry, E. I’m scared. I’m cautious. And if I am angry, it’s not at you. It’s at the monsters in this world.”
I breathed out. I had no idea whether he was just guessing at my thoughts or really hearing them. It freaked me out a little, but I knew the De Santis family had its quirks. He was Asylum’s cousin after all.
“I’m angry at them too,” I said.
“Perhaps we’ll get our moment in the sun with them.” He settled back in his chair and seemed to be staring at me.
It was unnerving.
“So how was Cole last night? No issues?”
He shook his head. “Not really. We tied him to a chair and made him watch while Anson fucked Rosalie. Seemed to be a fitting punishment.”
I blinked at his response.
“You’re welcome to join us,” he said, sitting forward. “For old times’ sake.”
“What?” My words came out in soft disbelief.
He shrugged. “I’m not against you spending the night with Ro. If you want. Maybe it’ll help you in your decision-making.”
I said nothing and looked down at my feet.
What could I even say to that?
Fuck yes. I want to.
But also no, I can’t because I’m terrified of her seeing my body now. I’m terrified of feeling and falling and everything going to hell and suffering the fallout.
“The guys leave tomorrow. It’ll just be Ryder and me here. If you want, come hang out on Saturday. Cole is working overnight. Dante has Ellis for the week because Jameson adores her and refuses to let her leave. I’ll tell Ryder we need some privacy.”
“Fox, man—”
“Evan,” he said sharply.
“Sorry. Evan. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“The invitation stands,” he said. “I would like you to come hang out regardless of where the night leads. I miss you, E.”
“Fuck, I miss you too.”
“Well, you know how to remedy that.”
I swallowed and looked away from him. Could I do it?
Come here and see what happens? I hadn’t fucked since Celeste raped me.
I likely didn’t even remember how. These days, I ignored my urges.
It was rare for me to even join Enzo and Cole.
They’d jerk off together, and I’d just go to bed or bury myself in work.
I hadn’t come in a long fucking time.
If I were to, I knew I wanted Rosalie to break my streak.
“We’ll see,” I muttered. “I have Laz and stuff. Work. Meetings. Grading papers—”
“I hear an awful lot of excuses.” He didn’t say anything else. He simply stood, walked to the balcony, and lit a cigarette. I watched him smoke for a moment before getting up and going to him.
“Evan?” I called out as I stood in the doorway.
“What?” He didn’t bother looking at me. He took another deep drag on his cigarette before blowing out the smoke. It hung like an angry cloud above him.
“I don’t want to hurt Rosalie,” I said.
He didn’t say anything as he stared out at the city.
I stepped up to him at the railing.
“I’m not the guy you remember. I’m not sweet and quiet. I’m not dependent on drugs. I’m a monster. I kill people weekly. I’m scarred to fuck. I have a son that was created through rape—”
“These things only matter if you let them matter,” he said, still not looking at me.
“We have always killed people. We have always all been monsters. I’m scarred.
As for your kid…” He finally looked over at me.
“His origins don’t matter. What matters is that he’s here now and deserves to have a happy father who can give him a good life.
If you think you’d be better off doing that alone without Ro and the rest of us, so be it.
Just know that if you decide to join us, he becomes our son too.
He will be loved and cherished just like Ellis is.
Nothing about his conception will ever be held against him. ”
I nodded, my throat tight. I quickly turned away and wiped at my eyes.
Evan didn’t press me further on it, but I know he knew I shed some tears.
I heard movement in the living room and pulled myself together. Evan turned with me, and I watched as Rosalie came into the room wearing a pretty summer dress, Cole at her side. I smiled as I watched him take her into the kitchen and kiss her before he lifted her and placed her on the counter.
He pulled out a pan and grabbed eggs from the fridge.
He was going to make her breakfast.
I smiled at that. Cole rarely cooked, but he did make good eggs. Everything else was a disaster, even his sandwiches most of the time.
“He sure loves her,” Evan murmured.
“He does,” I agreed softly. “He has everything he’s always wanted.”
Evan was quiet for a moment before speaking. “Right back at you, E.”
He left me standing on the balcony. I watched as he went to Rosalie and kissed her deeply before pulling away, gripping her face, and turning her to Cole. Cole wasted no time claiming her lips. A small smile touched Evan’s face.
It was almost like having Fox back.
Almost.