Chapter 24
The knock on my door comes both too soon and painfully late. I feel like I’ve been shut in here forever, but I’m also not ready to be thrown out on my ass.
It”s too late for worries like those, however. Whatever he’s got to say, whatever the consequences of this are going to be, I have to take them. I have to stand tall and walk into the next chapter of my life. One that doesn’t include the man I want so badly.
I inhale long and slow, exhale even slower. “Come in.”
“Hey.”
My eyes shoot to the door and away again just as quickly. I busy myself stuffing clothes in my bag.
Ainsley.
“You can stop packing.”
I do stop, due to the sheer shock his words bring. “Why?”
“You don’t need to pack and run away. He’s gone.”
Cold dread sinks through my body as I absorb his words and what they mean. “What?”
“He left. A few minutes ago. He’s headed back to the city. I’m about to hop a boat to Faraday, so you don’t need to leave if you don”t want to. I mean, the house will just be empty. You can stay as long as you want.”
“He’s…he’s not coming back?” Shame be damned. I can’t keep the tears from my eyes or my voice.
“I don’t think so, Vicki. He had some kind of work thing that was going to take him back soon anyway, so he just took off early.”
I slump against the bed from where I sit on the floor, facing the window. Facing away from Ainsley. I hear him climb on the bed and lay down. When I glance up, his face is looking right at mine.
“Vicki—”
Just the soft tone of his voice is enough to make me ill. This is what my life is going to be like now. People finding out what I’ve done and lecturing me. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Yeah, well, it sounds like you two have done a lot of not talking about things, and that got you into a pretty big mess, didn’t it.”
He’s not wrong. “Yeah.”
“So, let’s talk.” He flops onto his back to face the ceiling. “I took off like an asshole and you shacked up with my dad.”
I roll my eyes and start to stand up, but he catches me and pulls me to a seat on the bed next to him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I won’t be a jerk. It’s just a lot to process.”
“I know.”
“You knew, though, the whole time. Right? You must have.”
“Yeah, I knew.”
“So…”
I heave out a huge sigh. I guess I’m going to have to get into this eventually. “It started so stupid. I was pissed about a picture you posted with another girl and decided to tell him what a dick you were.”
“But he charmed you instead.”
“I mean, yeah.”
He shrugs. “I get it. He’s a charming guy. My whole life, women have tried to get him to pay attention to them, but he never did. He was so focused on me.”
“After a while, I just couldn”t walk away from him.”
“But you couldn”t tell him the truth, obviously, or he would have bailed. So you just went along, knowing eventually this exact thing would happen?”
I shrug, unwilling to claim the stupid plan as my own, but unable to deny the truth of it.
“That’s kinda fucked up. But I get it.”
I look at him then, really look for the first time since he came into the room. It’s only been a couple of months since I saw him last, but he looks so different. His hair is shorter and more kempt. His skin has a deep, golden tan with a sunburn across his nose.
What strikes me more than anything, though, is how young he looks. So very, very young.
Young and stupid.
Just like me.
“Well, it’s over now,” I say, resigned to my fate.
“I don’t think so,” Ainsley replies in his familiar dismissive tone.
“What do you mean? I lied to the guy for months about something really important. He just got on a plane to fly halfway around the globe instead of saying goodbye. That sounds pretty over to me.”
“I mean, it’s over if you want it to be, sure. But he’s a changed man. I’ve been seeing signs of it for weeks. It”s why I came back, really. I was worried he was dying of cancer or something.”
I wait, unable to breathe. Ainsley flashes me an evil smile. He knows just what his words are doing to me.
Finally, he pulls his phone from his pocket. “Check out this text convo.”
I wait while he scrolls for what seems like forever.
“So, this is from him back in September, this would have been right about the time we were preparing to leave Indonesia.
You haven’t answered my texts so I’m assuming that means you don’t need a phone anymore. Maybe I should cut off service and save myself the expense.
Ainsley laughs and scrolls again. “Here’s one of my personal favorites.”
Ainsley Adams, I don’t know where you are, but I do know that you failed once again to show up for the new semester. I paid a fortune for that seat and you wasted it. You could have fed a whole village of hungry children with the money you just wasted on whatever fucking off you’re doing now. COME HOME.
“So, anyway, that’s how it’s gone for the last year since I bailed on Harvard and started traveling the world.”
“What do you reply to these?” I ask.
“Oh, I just say I love you or Merry Christmas or something snarky like that. It doesn’t really matter what I say. The only thing that would satisfy him is to do what he says.” He turns back to his phone and starts scrolling once more. “Or, that’s how it used to be. Look at this text I got a few weeks ago.” He holds the phone out for me to take.
I got to see the most amazing sunset from Merit last night. The incoming storm clouds lit up with gold and pink. It reminded me of that trip we took to MOMA back in your freshman year. You remember those paintings? I guess they’re probably back in Rome now. Maybe we can go see them there sometime.
I look up from the screen and narrow my eyes at him.
“Keep scrolling.”
So I do.
Yeah, dad, that sounds fun. We should definitely do that.
Still on Merit, can you believe that? Enjoying what might be my first real vacation. Hope you’re having fun.
Did you know that the little island off the east coast of Merit is actually a coral formation? It has hundreds of tunnels and caves that divers explore. I’ve never thought about getting certified before, but it’s a possibility for next season.
Have you ever been to Katy’s Crab Shack in Saubry? I just had the best dinner of my life. Ate the whole thing with my hands but it was worth it.
Ave told me he found you doing some work for people who need help with rising water. I’m still a little disappointed that you aren’t here, but I’m proud of you for helping.
I reach the last of Ben’s texts in the thread and read it with tears brimming in my eyes.
You know, son, I think I might have been wrong all these years. I’ve been so focused on work and material success that I failed to ever take into consideration how you feel about your life and what would make you happy. I’m sorry about that. Let’s talk soon.
I glance up at Ainsley and find a knowing look there. “You can see why I thought he had a brain tumor. The man has never once in his life admitted he was wrong.”
I toss the phone at him and stand, walking over to the window. “I don”t see what this has to do with me.”
“Are you kidding me? It has everything to do with you. You guys got together right after I left, and since then, he’s been morphing from T-Rex Control Freak Dad into a human being who wants to get to know me. You expect me to believe that’s a coincidence?”
“Maybe not, but it doesn”t mean he’s going to forgive me. I lied. I deceived him.”
“That’s not why he left. He respects people going after what they want in unorthodox ways. You may have surprised him, and embarrassed him, but this doesn’t have to be the end.”
I sink down to the floor with my back to the wall, the curtains blowing in the breeze above my head. “I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know how to do it. He said it was over. He left. And you think I can just…what? Go to New York and demand that he give me another chance?”
Ainsley sits up, pocketing his phone and fixing me with a sly smile. “I’ll make you a deal.”