Chapter 11 #2
I snatched my gaze away from her lips. “Yeah. My mind’s just…all over the place, you could say.”
In actuality, my mind was right there in that room.
I was merely having a hard time concentrating.
A significant part of my focus was on controlling my body’s response to her sitting half-naked on top of me.
That part was in a full-scale battle with the portion daring me to let her feel what she did to me, convinced she would respond by opening her legs wider while her eyes rolled back in her skull.
“How long do I have you for?” she asked.
I imagined myself sucking on her neck while my fingers probed her warm flesh. “About an hour and a half, but I’ll be back once I’m done with rounds.”
“Word’s getting around about the arrangements being made. From the looks I’ve been getting, at least a few people seem to be aware that I’m something to you. That our relationship is transactional in some way.”
I gripped the tender flesh at her hip. “You want me to stop coming?”
“Would you if I asked?”
“No.”
She laughed. “I would never ask you to stop coming, Dez. Come all you want. Honestly, come as much as you can.”
My dick jerked, but she didn’t respond as if she felt it. I was sure she was picturing me standing in her doorway. I was picturing her naked and twitching underneath me with a sticky mess all over her inner thighs.
“They can say whatever they want about me,” she continued. “The only opinion that matters to me inside this place is yours, and how I feel when I see you negates any bad things they might have to say.”
“Who’s saying bad things about you?”
“No one.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“Of course I am. You’re unhinged.”
I lightly dragged my fingernails over her skin, and her eyelids fluttered. “Tell them this is all on me,” I insisted. “Tell them I’m power-tripping. Let them say I’m a dick, a piece of shit—whatever. Put it back on me. Don’t take the heat for this.”
She shrugged. “I don’t mind taking the heat for you.”
“But I do.”
Because I love you.
I pulled her back in for another hug, kissing her cheek in the process. The sigh she rewarded me with almost did me in.
“So, how’s it going in Operations?” I asked, needing a distraction for how good she felt in my arms. “We have a lot to catch up on, I think.”
While she was still recovering at my place, I went to Cerner. As much as I’d planned to go against her suggestion, I knew she was right; selling the mistress idea would have gone over better.
And it did.
Cerner found it admirable.
What I hadn’t expected was his advice:
“Don’t turn your power into a punishment, Harding.
I know that this is probably someone who would have never given you the time of day, but don’t get tempted into torture.
It’s the easiest way to lose your head. Right now, she needs you.
She needs your resources. So, take your time.
Break her down. When you’re done, she should beg to come for you. ”
“You were right about the ration manipulation,” she said.
“So, I made some changes to Sanitation’s resource distribution, offsetting it with the waste in Woodhaven.
Woodhaven gets rid of too much food with how limited provisions are now.
But the changes aren’t noticeable enough to stand out.
Next, I altered some work schedules. A coworker of mine, Yvette, usually handles the Sanitation roster, but I pretended to lose a bet to do her work for a week. ”
My fingertips dipped inside her waistband. “What about the personnel narratives? Was I right about that? That everyone has a file, and they’ve been collecting data?”
“Yes, but most of the data’s collected post-intake. Actually, want to see my notes?”
“Does that require letting you go?”
“Yes.”
“Then no.”
“I won’t be long.”
Reluctantly, I released her, and she headed to the bathroom. Curious, and a little bit obsessed, I followed and found her standing on the vanity counter, digging around inside a dusty vent fan opening.
“I’m behind you,” I warned, gently, to avoid startling her. “Tapley, you could have asked me to get whatever it is you need. And watch out with all that dust.”
“Yes, Captain Harding,” she teased.
“Be careful.”
Again, she probably assumed I was talking about her footing, but I would never let her hit the floor. Soreness should have been the least of her worries. Soreness from a fall, anyhow.
“All done,” she said.
I helped her down, her skin sliding along my palms. Instead of setting her on her feet, carrying her back to the mattress kept her against me longer.
Then, as much as I wanted to keep her close, I let her have a space that wasn’t my lap, completely thrown off by my overwhelming need to touch her and feel her body against mine.
She handed me a notebook, rose to her knees, and positioned herself behind me.
“You smell nice,” I said.
It was far too early for anyone to smell this good.
She snorted. “No, I don’t. I sweat a lot last night, and I need to brush my teeth.”
“To me, you smell incredible.”
“If that’s the case, then maybe this...um…maybe this, uh, relation…ship can work after all?”
I smiled. “I don’t see why not.”
“But I have a theory,” she quickly added, her cheek brushing mine, and it felt like she was smiling herself. “I made a friend in the Accounting department, and he—”
“He?”
“Likes men.”
“Only?”
“Focus, Dez.”
I didn’t know how she expected me to focus with her draped all over me like a winter coat, smelling like a naked weekend morning.
“Tapley, let’s establish some ground rules about me, you, and who you can be friends with.”
Chuckling, she tapped the notebook. “This first. Now, my new friend told me that Totten is falsifying records. It’s inflating the number of deaths from infections related to the pandemic.
The deaths aren’t adding up with the numbers from the infirmary.
They’re also forecasting data. Right now, they’ve calculated fourteen deaths from the Infection when there have only been eight cases at the infirmary in the past month.
So, where are the additional six coming from? ”
“Any theories?” I asked.
She shifted as if to sit back, but I grabbed her wrist to keep her in place. “None yet,” she said. “I mean, I feel like they’re killing people and hiding it under an Infected status. I just can’t figure out who or why.”
“I have our meeting today. I’ll see what I can find out.”
“There’s something else.”
I set aside the notebook and nudged her back to my lap.
I returned to stroking the length of her spine, soaking up the comfort of having her in my arms again.
Juniper was better than having her in Sanitation, but it still wasn’t having her in my space.
I wanted to smell her in my sheets and see her shoes next to mine in the entryway.
“I’m struggling with a significant amount of guilt,” she began, eyes clouded. “Juniper isn’t Woodhaven, but it’s still ten times better than what I was dealing with in Sanitation. I’m doing what I can for them, but I feel like I don’t deserve to be in Juniper. It feels unethical.”
Obviously, she didn’t see herself through my eyes.
To me, she was worth far more than Woodhaven could ever dream of becoming.
I despised this place. Yet, lately, I found myself wavering on leaving.
I could protect her, but after watching her get as sick as she did, I didn’t know if I could stomach taking her away from all the resources Totten had to offer.
Had we been out in the thick of things, she wouldn’t have survived.
“Do you think you deserve to suffer?”
“It’s more like I don’t deserve reprieve if they’re still suffering,” she clarified.
“Honestly, I’d be worried if you didn’t feel guilty. But think of it this way—you didn’t get out to leave them behind. You got out because, out of everyone there, you are the best positioned to make a change. It’s kismet, almost. Tapley, you have the mind for this, the expertise. And you have me.”
Her expression softened.
I continued. “And now, with this new currency system, I wonder how many other ways they’ll try to fabricate poverty.
From the way they talk in the meetings, it’s like they think poverty’s necessary.
I feel guilty myself, knowing I benefit from something that hurts everybody else. Something that hurt you.”
She scoffed. “Necessary? How, if it’s built on exploitation? Poverty’s a punishment, through and through. It’s about hoarding, not about preventing scarcity.”
Larke, I love you.
It’s pathological at this point.
But you’ll probably never know because I’m, apparently, less afraid of bullets than I am of my own feelings.
I’d feared this very thing nearly as much as death back in my twenties, and this was probably one of the reasons why.
Obsession.
Compulsion.
Addiction.
I couldn’t even see the wall behind her head any longer. I could see nothing past her.
“Dez, I’m glad I have you,” she said. “I know I’ve thanked you for everything you’ve done for me, but I’m taking it back to day one.
Had we not gotten to know each other, I would have assumed a lot of things about you.
It would have felt safer to give myself reasons not to trust you outside of what you were being paid to do.
But jeez,” she placed a hand against the side of my face, “you turned out to be so wonderful. I’m grateful for you. Not everyone has someone like you.”
I cleared my throat. “No one does. I’m a rare type.”
She snickered. “Like a Pokémon.”
“Exactly, except I only belong to one person.”
“Is that person me?”
I paused to avoid stumbling over the single word. “Yes.”
Closing her eyes, she cradled the back of my head and leaned in until her lips brushed mine—which was a problem.
A massive problem.
“Um…” Her eyes opened, and she placed a half-inch gap between us. “So, did I read that moment wro—”
I brought her mouth back to mine.
Before she could blink, my tongue was down her throat, to the point that I was surprised she didn’t choke. Had I the ability, I would have pulled her so close that we ended up sharing a rib cage.
She threaded her fingers through my hair.
When she moaned, I realized that it was probably helpful for our cover that we made some noise, though I suspected it wouldn’t be a cover for much longer.
If I got any harder, my dick alone could break down Totten’s front walls for our escape, but we wouldn’t get far.
A few yards later, they would find us in the bushes.
Fucking.
She tapped my shoulder and pulled away.
I licked my lips, gave her about one second of air, and dove back in.
Our feverish and crazed pace slowed to sultry brushes and flicks, and I lay her back on the bed, lodging my body between her thighs.
Without the thick uniform pants, I knew she could feel every single inch I wanted to slide inside her.
She smiled against my lips.
Helpless, I smiled in return.
“I’ve been thinking about doing that since forever,” she said, running her thumb along my bottom lip. “You’re a surprisingly amazing kisser.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Surprisingly?”
“My exes were either bad or decent kissers.”
“I’ve officially lost interest in this conversation.”
She laughed.
Helpless once more, I smiled in response.
We returned to the lazy, languid pace that allowed me to get better acquainted with the inner workings of her mouth. She caressed my arms and shoulders. When she raised her hips, I answered by pressing against her and hooked my fingers in the waistband of her panties.
“All Class Ones report to Woodhaven conference room.”
Seconds later, Cerner’s voice came through:
“Harding, go to 4.”
Larke pulled away.
Furious, I left the bed and retrieved the radio. “Go for Harding.”
“I’m in front of Juniper. Let’s head over to Woodhaven. The meeting today is a big one.”
I frowned.
Was this fucker keeping tabs on me now?
“Hopefully, you’re heeding my advice.
See you soon.
Over.”
I seriously contemplated leaving Totten right then and there. Society had fallen, and that I still had to report to meetings was bullshit. But I was doing this for the woman sitting on the bed across from me, her bottom lip in her mouth, and her eyes trained below my navel.
“Are you okay with me getting dressed here?” I asked.
She looked up. “Yeah. It’s you, Dez. I’ll be fine.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Stolen opportunities.”
“Temporarily,” I corrected. “But, so we’re on the same page…for me, this isn’t hypothetical anymore.”
For me, it never was.
She sucked on her bottom lip so hard that it made a smacking noise when she released. “We’re on the same page,” she said. “I want you, Dez.”
“How bad do you want me?”
“Bad.”
I groaned. “What do you want me to do to y—”
“All Class Ones report to Woodhaven conference room.”
Cursing, I made a circling motion with my index finger. After tossing one last longing look downward, she turned away.
It took a few moments, but once I was no longer harder than a stone pillar, I slipped into the uniform. Once the last button was fastened and the last strap secured, I walked over, spun her around, and helped myself to a sample of her lovely mouth.
“Keep causing trouble in Operations like only you know how to do,” I said, my lips brushing hers. “If anybody gives you any problems, bring the problems to me. I’ll see you later, and no more friends, whether gay or bi. And definitely not straight.”
“What about a straight woman?” she asked.
“No. You might turn her.”
Laughing, she smacked my chest. “Whatever. I’ll see you later.”
I kissed her one more time and forced myself to leave. As the door shut behind me, I heard what sounded like her voice, caught the door before it closed, and peered inside.
“I didn’t catch that, babe,” I said. “Did you say something?”
She stared at me and then shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
“You’ll be okay without me?”
“No, but I’ll do my best to make it through the day.”
As if she would have to wait that long to see me again.
“All right.” I love you. “I’ll see you soon.” I love you. “As soon as I can.”
The right side of her mouth curved upward. “The sooner the better.”