Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
DEZ
It was five o’clock in the morning, and I didn’t have to start rounds until seven.
But today was officially the first day I was allowed to visit my “mistress.” It would also be my first time alone with Larke since she finished recuperating at my place.
The only surprise was that I’d managed to walk at a normal pace from Woodhaven to Juniper.
In the last couple of weeks, Totten had initiated a credit-based currency system it had been toying with since the first “survivors” arrived.
The system was supposed to help with resource allocation, but the only benefit I cared about was that I could use my “money” to pay for Larke’s place at Juniper Commons.
And to “buy” her gifts.
My last serious relationship was roughly a decade ago, and I was more rusty than an old bike chain.
Still, I wanted to make sure I did this right.
I couldn’t make up for what she’d already gone through, but I sure as hell would try, especially when my initial allotment was something I couldn’t spend in a month.
Yet, elites’ credits were topped up weekly, all contained within the shiny black RFID bracelet circling my wrist.
It was another area where Totten could have shined. Credits could have reduced hoarding and ensured an equitable distribution of resources—had someone else been in charge.
I stepped onto Larke’s floor.
A familiar man stood outside her door, and I took a moment to watch him from the shadows. He ran his fingers along the grooves in the door, plucking at the trim and testing to see if there were any hidden panels in the wood.
Matthew Neal.
Former U.S. Senator and current Totten general.
Neal walked around with another Elite named Ronan, who usually remained hidden, although he was always nearby. It was obvious that Cerner had hoped to have a similar arrangement with me, but Ronan and I were two different beasts.
I had my purpose.
There was no need to go looking for another.
I walked up and cleared my throat. “Good morning.”
Neal looked over, his hand awkwardly falling from the door jamb. “Oh, hello. Good morning. It’s Harding, right?”
The asshole knew my name.
I unclenched my jaw. “What are you doing here…sir? Is something wrong?”
“No, no.” He scratched the back of his head and briefly looked down at his shoes. “I’m sort of ashamed to admit this, considering I have a wife, but I came to see my…you know.”
“You’re at the wrong unit, then.”
“And how would you know that?”
“Because no one who means anything to you lives in this one.”
Palpable annoyance moved over his features. “You know, Harding, for a former SEAL, you’re not a very team-oriented guy,” he said. “You’re a loner. You defy authority.”
“I don’t defy authority,” I shot back. “I do my work and follow my orders. If you mean that I don’t respect bullshit, that’s different.
I served my country in more ways than you could ever imagine.
So, if you think me choosing my morals is defiance, then it’s your leadership you need to call into question, not my loyalty. ”
He arched a brow.
Ronan emerged from around a bend in the corridor, leaned against the wall, and folded his arms. I scanned his all-black gear as if I didn’t wear the same thing virtually every day.
Larke had a visceral reaction to the black uniform.
Were these fuckers part of the reason why?
Why did no one seem to understand what she meant to me or what my feelings for her meant for them?
I wasn’t much of an actor, so I had a hard time believing I’d sold “Larke is my object” more credibly than I’d sold “I’m in love with her, and I’ll kill for her, so don’t fuck with her. ”
“Larke Tapley lives here now,” Neal said.
I smirked. “I know.”
“I came to see her.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
Silence passed between us.
It had already been established that mistresses had exclusivity contracts, and if I’d needed confirmation of how I felt about Larke, that was it. For no other reason than to help her would I have entertained this nonsense.
“I guess I’ll stop by to see her another time,” he added.
“No need.” I tipped my chin at Ronan. “And you, don’t lurk. It’s weird.”
None of us moved.
They would have to kill me to get inside Larke’s apartment. Even if they succeeded, all three of us would die together in her doorway. It wasn’t the way I would want her to find my body, but once she saw who I was with, she would understand.
“All right, then.” Neal nodded. “Let’s go, Ronan.”
Ronan pushed up off the wall.
They headed for the stairs, and I turned to watch them go, sending them off with a slight wave and a grin. They would be back, and when they returned, I would be waiting for them. I was bad enough as a normal man, but love was turning me into a monster.
Once they were out of sight, I opened Larke’s door knocker to reveal a hidden compartment. At the moment, it was empty, but I had two keys to Larke’s place. I left one key inside the door knocker, closed it, and entered the unit.
A lantern soothed the harshness of the shadowy interior, and I noticed that she no longer slept in complete darkness.
I’d kept candles lit at my place so that, when she woke up, she would see me next to her.
However, I would make sure that oil or batteries remained on my shopping list so she never went without at least one source of illumination.
The studio was only so big, measuring at just under four hundred square feet. I removed the uniform, undressing down to the tank and pair of shorts I always wore underneath. Then I walked over, drew back the curtain that created her “bedroom” space, and there she was.
The dim light cascaded off her skin, her shiny black bra, and a pair of red cotton panties. Elongated twists fell to the base of her neck. Mae had braided her hair when she was sick, and I wondered whether these twists were Mae’s handiwork as well.
Jesus, this woman was beautiful.
My heart pounded hard in my chest as I sat on the bed and trailed my fingers down her arm. My hand shook, and this had to be an illness of some sort. It felt wrong, wanting her like this. As though, if she ever found out, she would be disgusted, disturbed, or concerned.
This had to be what it meant to be “gone” over someone.
I traced my way to her stomach, continuing to her hips and down her thighs. She was much thinner now, but I didn’t give the slightest damn. She was still my Tapley, as lovely as a cherry blossom, who made me laugh, stare, linger, and dream.
“I love you,” I said.
I would die a coward.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t tell this woman how I felt when she was awake.
I couldn’t figure out if I was worried she wouldn’t feel the same way, a tale as old as time.
There was also the possibility that I was worried my feelings would become one more thing she needed to survive.
Love was turning me into a weapon with a heartbeat that morphed and grew each time intrusive thoughts whispered, “What if someone tries to take her away?”
“Hey, Tapley,” I called. “Wake up, sweetheart. I know it’s early, but I waited as long as I possibly could.”
Her eyes opened.
She stretched.
When she noticed me, she smiled, and little did she know how she would have destroyed me had she leaped into my arms at that very moment.
But then she hopped up and rushed me, circling her arms around my neck.
I caught her around the waist and brought her down onto my lap, guiding her legs around my midsection.
“Dez…” She brushed her nose along my neck and kissed my shoulder. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you. I missed you.”
“Is this your first time missing me?” I asked, stroking her back.
“You know it’s not.”
“Well, this is the first time I’ve gotten this enthusiastic of a greeting.”
“I’ll do better.”
Even my voice sounded different. “No, this is perfect.”
There was no way she didn’t feel how fast and hard my heart was beating. That part, I didn’t clearly understand. I already loved her, but it did make me wonder whether there were tiers to love. If I was only on the first or second level, I couldn’t fathom my infatuation getting any worse.
I skimmed my fingers over her waistband. “Why are you naked?”
“It was hot last night,” she said. “Nights are usually still pretty cool in D.C. around this time, but it got stuffy.”
“I’ll get you a fan.”
“Where are you gonna get a fan?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll get you one.”
The tip of my finger moved over her waistband a second time, and it took every ounce of willpower not to slide my hands into her panties and squeeze. I’d even considered sinking my teeth into her ass and sucking on the soft flesh until she bruised.
Like a maniac.
Then, there were the places I wanted to stick my tongue.
Soon, I would have to reposition her. I was growing harder by the second, and my thoughts weren’t exactly helping.
Plus, I didn’t know how deep her feelings for me reached.
Yet, she’d confessed to there being something between us that wasn’t platonic and hadn’t been for a while.
To me, that meant she at least had some idea that there was more than one meaning behind the “crazy” I felt about her.
“So give me a tour,” I said.
Though tiny and sprinkled with mismatched furniture pieces, the studio was homey.
She had an uncanny ability to do that, I realized—take places from sterile to warm.
Her condo, her office, and even the space in Sanitation had all carried that unexpectedly soft touch. A touch about as soft as her skin.
It made me unnaturally giddy to see how much better she was doing compared to the shell of a human I’d pulled from bed and carried to Woodhaven.
“There’s not much to see,” she said, easing away. “And you were the one who picked it out. They didn’t let you tour it first?”
I barely heard the question.
“Dez?” She palmed the side of my face. “You okay?”