Chapter Nineteen #2
Shrugging, I climbed the steps and crossed to my door, Aiden right behind me.
“Why did you leave, Emma?”
My hands started to tremble, and I couldn’t get the key into the lock.
I instantly felt the warmth of him against my back. When his hand covered mine, I felt my stomach flutter.
“Emma,” he whispered against my ear. “Don’t.”
Closing my eyes, I pulled in a slow breath. “Don’t what?”
Aiden placed his hands gently on my shoulders and turned me to face him. I leaned against the door as I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.
He shook his head, clearly at a loss for words.
“Aiden, you’re giving me whiplash, and I don’t know how to respond to you anymore. One moment you’re saying I’m nothing more than hired help.”
His eyes closed briefly.
“Then you’re kissing me and walking away as if nothing’s happening.”
“What is happening?” he asked.
I let out a laugh-sob. “I don’t know! I moved here to start over, to put my past behind me and find myself again.
I didn’t want or have the desire to be with anyone.
But from the moment I met you, you brought something back to life deep down inside me, and I’ve been fighting it ever since!
I know you don’t feel the same way, but this back and forth is starting to take a toll on me. ”
He looked at me like I was insane. “Don’t feel the same way?
I haven’t been able to think straight since I hired you, Emma.
Each time I see you with Hadley, something inside of me cracks open wider.
I’m splitting in two. One side of me loves what you’ve done for Hadley, the other is scared out of my mind. ”
My brows pulled in tight. “Scared of what?”
“Everything! That she’ll forget her mother. That you’ll end up hurting us.”
Glancing down, I tried to keep my voice calm. “No one will ever replace her mother. Like I told you before, you just keep her memory alive. And why in the world would you think I’d hurt the two of you? That’s the last thing I want to do.”
“My daughter has fallen in love with you, Emma.”
Tears filled my eyes as I said, “I’ve fallen in love with her as well, but I’m not trying to replace Lisa in anyone’s lives. I’m doing what you’ve hired me to do, to take care of Hadley. I’m sorry if I’ve developed a relationship with her.”
He screwed his face up and whispered, “Don’t apologize for that. She’s so much happier. I’m happier.”
Lifting my chin, I spoke without thinking. “Did Nancy not make you happy?”
Aiden’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “What? That’s twice you’ve brought her up. Why?”
I swallowed hard. It was too late to back out now.
“She told me tonight at the hospital that the two of you slept together. That you shared a common bond in Lisa. She made it very clear you’d never be able to open your heart to another woman because your love for your wife was like no other. I respect that and—”
“She freaking told you that?!” I flinched at his tone. It was cold and outraged.
“It’s none of my business, Aiden. I’d like to be your friend, but this has become awkward, and I’m not even sure how you want me to fit into Hadley’s world anymore. Yours, either. Maybe I need to move out of the apartment.”
Aiden thrust his hand into his hair and began to pace. When he didn’t say anything, I turned to unlock the door. “I’m going to get changed. Is Hadley in her room?”
When he still didn’t answer, I opened my door and made my way into the apartment. I was too exhausted for this conversation.
Heading to my room, I started to pull my shirt off when I felt him. I spun around to see Aiden in the doorway of my bedroom.
“We were separated. Lisa moved out of the house. She wanted a life I couldn’t give her, and she was moving to California with a guy she’d been seeing.
Until she found out she had cancer. When she was diagnosed, the guy took off without her, and I invited her to move back in so I could take care of her.
“I loved Lisa, don’t get me wrong. She was the first woman I’d ever been with.
We had a child together and would always be connected.
I wasn’t in love with her anymore, and she felt the same way about me.
We had a hard marriage, and we stayed together for one reason only, and that was Hadley.
Things had been over between us long before either of us wanted to admit it. ”
My arms wrapped around my body to keep the sudden chill away. “So you were sleeping with her best friend?”
Aiden shook his head and sighed. “No. Of course not. After Lisa died, I was lost and angry. I was also scared, thinking about what life would be like as a single dad and what it would mean for Hadley. I kept looking back at things and asking myself if I’d done enough.
Did I fight for our marriage? Had it ever been real love in the first place?
“Nancy stayed at the house for a week or so after Lisa died, because I was an utter mess. Guilt, grief, confusion. I had no idea how I was going to raise a little girl by myself. All of it messed with my head. One morning, I woke up after a night of heavy drinking…and Nancy was in bed with me. I don’t remember any of it. ”
I covered my mouth with a hand as the other went to my instantly roiling stomach.
“Nancy said we’d slept together, and she insisted it was what Lisa would have wanted.
I knew that wasn’t true. I highly doubt my dead wife wanted me jumping into bed with a married woman not even a week after she’d died, and especially not Nancy.
I did the only thing I felt was right—I told Nancy to get out and never come back, then I went and told her husband.
I still don’t know what happened that night.
I was so drunk; I don’t even think I was capable of having sex. But I just don’t know.”
“How could she do that?” I whispered.
He shrugged. “She’s an evil bitch, and she’s been after me for years. It’s no secret to anyone in town.”
We stood there for a few moments in silence before Aiden spoke again. “The guilt of it all weighed pretty heavy on me. I drank a lot to cope, had a couple one-night stands, but all that did was make me feel even guiltier.
“The day Lisa died…she asked me to tell her that I loved her. I did, but she just shook her head and smiled at me. She told me I was a terrible liar. That she knew I loved her, but that I hadn’t been in love with her for a long time.”
“Why would she do that to you if she wasn’t in love with you, either? That seems a bit cruel.”
He shrugged. “I’ll never know. But she went on to say that there was someone out there who’d already captured my heart, I simply hadn’t met her yet.
She told me to find love, move on. I didn’t argue with her, Emma.
I didn’t tell her she was wrong or insist she stop talking.
But I also didn’t make her feel loved when she was dying. What kind of a man does that make me?”
His chin trembled, and he wiped away his tears. Before I could speak, he went on.
“Then, you walk into my life, and it was like a light was turned on somewhere deep inside of me. I felt things I’d never felt before, for anyone.
I feel like I can breathe when you’re near.
I feel alive. And that scares me, because I would never want to hurt you or disappoint you like I did Lisa.
And letting you into my heart scares the piss out of me.
“It’s been over a year since Lisa died, and I still haven’t figured out how to deal with this emptiness in my chest. All I know is, I don’t feel it when you’re with me. When you smile or laugh. Or when I watch you with Hadley.”
His eyes captured mine.
“You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now, Emma.”
My teeth dug into my lower lip, and Aiden’s breath caught.
“Tell me what to do,” he said, almost begging me. “I don’t know what to do. Because everything I said to my mother was a lie. Just more scared words to try to keep my heart safe.”
He looked away for a moment, as if ashamed. Then he shook his head and sighed.
“How is it that it feels like you’ve always been here, Emma?
You walked into our lives, and you fit perfectly.
You’re the first person I think of when I wake up.
Not Hadley—you. When I’m upset about something, I have to fight the urge to call or walk up here to talk to you.
When Hadley does something funny or discovers something new, I look around for you, excited to share it.
Lisa was right. The person I’m supposed to love was out there somewhere.
I don’t know what to do next, Emma…but I do know one thing. I’ve always known you…in here…”
He pointed to his chest, and I felt my chin wobble.
“I don’t know how to explain it, and I’m tired of fighting it, Emma.”
Slowly, I made my way over to him. I stopped inches from his body and placed my hands on his chest. I watched as he closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath.
“You need to forgive yourself, Aiden. You need to let go of the past and all the guilt and focus on the future.”
His eyes opened, and we stared at one another.
“Have you let go of your past, Emma?”
My voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m trying.”
His hand moved up the side of my arm, leaving a trail of tingles that felt both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. “There is no way on this Earth we found one another on our own.”
“Aiden,” I whispered as a tear slipped free, and he watched it roll down my face.
When he cupped the back of my neck, I lifted onto my toes. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Emma Middleton.”
His mouth pressed to mine, and we slowly let ourselves get lost in the beautiful moment. I’d never been kissed by a man the way Aiden kissed me. Never felt my entire body come to life with such a burning, erotic need.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sighed when Aiden lifted me up, holding me against his body as we deepened the kiss. When we finally drew apart, he kept me in his arms, his forehead pressed to mine. Each breath was deep and rushed.
“I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered.
A part of me wondered if he meant his hold on me…or something else.
“Do you hear me, Emma? I want to hold you like this all night. I want us to fill all that emptiness…together.”
I searched deep inside my heart for the right words to say, but nothing would come. I was overwhelmed from being in his arms and from his kiss. I felt dizzy with a need I’d never experienced before in my entire life.
So, I did the only thing I could do. I held on to him tighter.