Chapter Twenty
AIDEN
TAKE THE LEAP
She was in my arms. I was holding Emma in my arms and it felt perfect.
God, this feels so right.
When she held onto me tighter, I wanted to walk her over to the bed and lie down with her. Press myself against her body and stay there all night. I would have if Hadley wasn’t home.
“Hadley?” Emma whispered, as if she’d read my mind.
I knew I needed to let her go. There were so many things we needed to talk about, but for this moment, I didn’t want to think of any of them.
“Mom’s with her.”
Her hold on me loosened, and I slowly let her body slide down mine. I didn’t let go of her until her feet were firmly on the ground, and even then I waited a few extra seconds.
“We need to talk about this,” I said softly.
With a nod, she replied, “Yes.”
“Not tonight. Let’s just…” My voice trailed off.
“Be there for Hadley.”
“Yes. It was a bad sprain, but the doctor said kids tend to bounce back faster than we do.”
She smiled. “She’s a strong little girl.”
“Yeah, she is.”
Emma rubbed her lips together, then said, “Let me change and I’ll be right over.”
“Okay.”
I wasn’t sure if I should simply walk away or kiss her, so I followed my heart for once.
Cupping her face in my hands, I bent closer and kissed her. It was a soft, tender kiss. Her hands gripped my forearms as she kissed me back.
“See you in a few,” I whispered.
Her smile nearly left me breathless. “Okay.”
After making my way back into the house, I saw my mother in the seating area in the loft upstairs. The look she gave me made me pause.
“What?”
“Did you find out why she left the hospital and how she got home?”
“She left because she ran into Nancy.”
My mother groaned. “Enough said on that. How did she get back?”
“Earl saw her and asked her if she wanted to come to his place for dinner.”
“That was nice of him.”
I nodded. “Where’s Hadley?”
“Picking out some stuffed animals. She didn’t want my help getting them. However, she does want to spend the night out here in the loft.”
With a grin, I replied, “Like a campout.”
My mother stood. “Yes. Good luck with that. Her Tylenol pills are on the kitchen counter. Emma knows this as well, but rest, ice, and elevation. I better get back to the church and help clean up.”
“It’s getting late, Mom. Why don’t you just head home and not worry about the church.”
Walking up to me with a grin, she kissed my cheek. “I’m a grown woman, Aiden. Besides, your father is waiting for me there. Tell Emma I said goodnight, and I hope you two can work things out.”
I sighed. My mother always did have a way of knowing more than she should. “Mom,” I warned.
She shrugged. “You’d have to be blind not to see the way the two of you look at each other. Take it slow, Aiden. You both have things to work out separately before you take this on together.”
I nodded.
“I’m going to swing by Hadley’s room and say goodbye.”
“Thanks again, Mom, for coming over to stay with her.”
She gave me a warm smile. “Does Emma know you were on your way out to look for her?”
“No, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
Lifting her hands in defeat, she replied, “Fair enough. I’ll see you later, son.” She smiled as she headed to Hadley’s room.
Emma knocked on the door, causing me to turn. I waved her in.
“I brought my pillow and favorite blanket.”
With a tilt of my head, I asked, “Why?”
“Hadley called me on your cell phone right after you left and told me to bring them. Said we were all camping out here in the loft.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “Guess I better go make some snacks then.”
“I can, you don’t have to.”
In two steps, I stood in front of her. “You’re not the nanny tonight, Emma. As a matter of fact, I think after those kisses, your days as my nanny are over.”
She chewed on her lip. “That’s gonna stink; I need the job.”
Laughing, I kissed her forehead. “Fine, you’re the nanny only during certain hours. Why don’t you go help Hadley in her room, I’ll get the snacks going.”
When she winked and said, “Deal!” I had to fight the urge to pull her into my arms and kiss her again.
It didn’t take long before I heard a chorus of girly giggles. What was it that Emma did that made Hadley so happy? Even when she was hurt, Emma knew how to make her feel better.
I thought back to the two of them dancing to Taylor Swift. I never did ask Emma what had happened at the swim lesson to upset Hadley, and my daughter never mentioned it to me.
“Does making popcorn usually make you smile so big?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I couldn’t help but let my smile grow even bigger.
“Not usually. But when I’m making it and thinking about you and how happy you make Hadley, then yes, it does.”
Her cheeks turned pink, and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. I groaned internally. Did she have any idea how beautiful she was?
“Um, need any help?”
I pointed to the large tray that held three small hibachi grills and all the fixings for s’mores. “Will you bring those upstairs?”
“Sure.”
When I got back upstairs, Emma had made a giant bed on the floor with pillows that I swore were collected from across the entire house.
“Wow, you two have been busy.”
Hadley bounced with joy. “Emma collected most of the pillows, and I pointed where to put them.”
Smiling, I set the giant bowl of popcorn on the coffee table that had been pushed up against the wall.
“What should we watch first?” Emma asked, making her way over to the TV.
“Spirit!” Hadley called out.
Smiling, Emma replied, “Spirit it is.”
While the movie started, I fired up the hibachis. Emma made herself one s’more, Hadley made two, and I had four, the girls laughing at my appetite.
Hadley lay back on the plethora of pillows and started tossing popcorn into her mouth. I could see she was beginning to fight the urge to fall asleep.
“Should we say our prayers before you fall asleep, Hadley?” I asked.
She nodded sleepily. “Emma, will you say them tonight?” Hadley asked.
“Oh, um, are you sure you don’t want your daddy to? He always does.”
“I’m sure.”
I winked at Emma, who nervously chewed on her lip. Then she nodded, took a deep breath, and prayed.
“Dear God, thank you so much for being with Hadley tonight. We’re so thankful she wasn’t hurt worse than a sprained wrist. Thank you for being with her in the X-ray machine earlier, when she was nervous, and thank you for allowing us to have this amazing sleepover.
And, um…well…ah…” She paused for a moment before she went on.
“Please forgive us for our trespasses, as we forgive those who…”
My eyes opened and I watched Emma as she fell into a Catholic prayer. Hadley peeked one eye open and stared at her, confused.
“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”
“Emma?” I softly asked.
Instantly, she stopped and opened her eyes. Hadley asked, “What were you saying?”
Emma looked from me to Hadley. “I…um…the Lord’s Prayer. I was saying the Lord’s Prayer.”
Hadley wrinkled her nose. “But why?”
“God moved her to, pumpkin. Let’s all say amen and get back to the movie.”
Emma finished the prayer. “Amen,” we said in unison.
The movie continued and Emma leaned over and whispered, “We didn’t pray in my house growing up. It was confession on Saturday and church on Sunday. I could say the Act of Contrition faster than my childhood best friends, Tina and Kristin…if that helps any.”
“Duly noted,” I said with a wink.
Three quarters of the way through the film, and my little pumpkin was out like a light.
“She’s out,” Emma whispered, taking the popcorn bowl from next to Hadley and setting it on the coffee table. I covered Hadley with a blanket and settled in next to her, leaning against the barrage of pillows. Emma did the same on the other side of her.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, the movie still playing, before Emma started talking.
“Did you and Lisa want more kids?”
Pulling in a deep breath, I slowly let it out.
“No. We only got married because she got pregnant. Then she lost the baby, and we felt like we owed it to our families and ourselves to try to make it work. We’d been considering a divorce when we found out she was pregnant with Hadley.
I thought it might bring us closer, but all it did was divide us more and leave us both bitter. ”
Her brow lifted. “Bitter?”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed. “I loved Lisa; please don’t think I didn’t.
She gave me this precious angel. It’s just, what we had…
it wasn’t what I thought love was supposed to be.
And I know for a fact it wasn’t what Lisa wanted.
She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She loved Hadley, but in a way, I think she resented the fact that she got pregnant again. ”
Emma nodded. “When I married Ben, I was only twenty-two. He was in the Marines, and when I think back now, I wonder if I was simply in love with the idea of him. My father left when I was young—eight, to be exact. He picked his mistress over not only my mother, but me as well. Of course, he made sure to let me know I wasn’t his daughter before he left. ”
“What?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I never told my mother that he told me, and she never bothered to tell me herself. I never saw him again. I’d grown up with such an empty feeling, never knowing the truth about my father, or why he didn’t love us enough to stay.
I thought Ben would fill that emptiness… but I was wrong.”
“Emma,” I whispered, as my chest literally ached at the sound of her pain.
“Things were hard, and my mother struggled emotionally as well as financially. Maybe I was looking for a sense of security. I don’t know.
It was hard for me to go to school while trying to manage everything.
Taking care of myself, my mom when she would fall into a depression, focusing on my classes. ”
“Did you love him?” I asked.
Chewing on her lip, she shook her head. “In the beginning, I thought I did. Toward the end, I hated him so much, I could hardly stand to look at him.”
Our eyes met, and I wanted to ask her more, but I didn’t. It was her story to tell, when she wanted to tell it. If she ever did.
I reached my hand over for Emma’s. She laced her fingers in mine and our hands rested above Hadley’s head. It was time for me to be honest with myself and Emma. “That first day, in the café.”
She grinned, and my stomach flipped.
“You looked at me, and this jolt of something went right through my body. I’d never experienced that before in my life. For the last year, I’ve felt so empty. A lot of it was guilt, anger, and downright fear that I was going to mess up raising Hadley.”
Emma nodded slightly, to indicate she understood.
“Then you showed up in our lives and everything changed. I wanted to deny it, because a part of me felt like I didn’t deserve to find someone like you.
I know you have your own past, but you have to know how much you’ve changed us, Emma.
Hadley is happy, and I’m not sitting downstairs drinking at night, trying to push away the guilt of not loving Lisa. What I did after she died.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I scoffed. “Sleeping with your dead wife’s best friend a week after she died is pretty wrong.”
Her hand squeezed mine. “If you hadn’t been drinking, would you have done it?”
“No! Never in a million years.”
“There you go, Aiden. Sometimes we make mistakes that we can’t take back, but those mistakes still teach us something.
They mold us to be a different person, to make different choices next time.
To make the right choices. For years, I made the wrong choice to stay with a man who was slowly tearing me down, until one day, I woke up and I stopped being afraid and feeling guilty for wanting to leave.
You’ve got to stop beating yourself up.”
I nodded. “I don’t know how to do this…this thing we have between us.”
“Neither do I,” she replied, then looked down at Hadley.
“I’m scared to let you in, Emma, because the thought of losing you is something I don’t even want to contemplate.”
She glanced back up to meet my gaze. “Do you feel my hand in yours?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel the connection we share?”
I nodded.
“I do as well, and I’m just as scared, Aiden, because I vowed I would never let another man into my heart. But we have to have faith that what we feel together is a gift that’s been given to us, even if we weren’t looking for it. If we walk hand in hand, we won’t fall. I truly believe that.”
I swallowed hard. “Are you worried about what people will say if…well…if something more happens between us?”
Emma laughed softly and shook her head. “For years I hid the real me because I was so afraid of what people would think. I refuse to live my life that way anymore. So, to answer your question, no, I don’t care what anyone says or thinks. I care about how it affects Hadley’s life.”
A warmth spread over my entire body. This time, I squeezed her hand. “Will you tell me sometime, Emma? What happened?”
Her eyes watered, and she nodded. “Yes. Just not today.”
When she scooted down to lay on the pillows, she rested her head on the arm that was outstretched, still holding my hand. Her eyes closed, and I watched as her breaths became slower and slower. Her lips parted slightly, and Emma drifted off to sleep. And I still couldn’t look away.