15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Ellie
T HREE WEEKS LATER
The last bell rings and my students rush out the door, eager to begin their weekend. I wave and call out, "Have a great weekend!" receiving a chorus of "You too, Ms. Carter!" in response.
As the last of them disappears, I turn to my desk, papers scattered like leaves in autumn. I start sorting, organizing what I can into neat piles—slips, art projects, homework—all the little artifacts of learning and growth.
Danielle finishes straightening up the students' desks then walks over, the big yellow, chunky necklace she’s wearing catching my eye. Somehow, she pulls that look off. "Not tutoring Charlotte today?" she asks.
I glance up, shaking my head with a rueful smile. "Not today. Charlotte's having a sleepover at her friend’s for the weekend. She told me yesterday."
Danielle nods, picking up a stray crayon gracefully. She moves like a ballerina sometimes; I can't help but envy that kind of poise.
“You look bummed,” she comments.
I touch my face. “Do I? I’m…no I’m fine.” As I speak, even I can tell my words sound like bad acting.
“You sure? You don’t get to walk her out to see her hot firefighter dad and then try to give him a casual wave like you’re not missing him.”
I give her a pointed look. “Well, someone needs to stop spying on me.”
She laughs. “I’m not spying. I only happened to see the interaction yesterday since I stayed late grading papers. I’m just assuming you always blush that much whenever he’s around.”
She’s got me there. Now I’m regretting telling her all about my time on Jake’s ranch. She took an oath and swore to keep it secret, but I should’ve made her promise not to tease me too.
She leans against my desk, her keen eyes observing. “It’s okay if you’ve been thinking about Jake a lot.”
"Like a song stuck on repeat," I mumble, feeling the corners of my mouth twitch as I stuff a small stack of papers into a folder. I take a breath and glance around the empty classroom. I nod at the open door, and Danielle goes to close it as I sit in a chair. Danielle sits across from me like this is an impromptu therapy session.
"Charlotte mentioned Jake seems, well, sadder lately," I say. The words tumble out, heavier than I intend. "He's not ready to move on, not really, but there's something between us I can't deny. And I don’t think I’m the only one feeling it, though I may be feeling it more. It scares me a bit because he clearly has walls, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about any man and—”
“Woah, girl. Take a breath.”
I inhale, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it. “Okay. I know. Sorry. I just didn’t think I wanted a relationship, but now it’s clear I had been telling myself that all along because, um, I wanted Jake. I mean, we’ve been neighbors for almost a year.”
Danielle leans back in her chair like she knows all and sees all. “Well, I knew there was a reason you never wanted me to set you up with anyone. I kept trying to tell you that you're settled here, you love your job, and a relationship wouldn't change any of that. But listen…maybe it's time you tell Marcus about what’s going on.”
I shake my head. “I’d have to talk to Jake first. His relationship with Marcus is most at stake.” I sigh, staring out the window at the empty playground. "Marcus would eventually forgive me, but I don’t want to ruin their friendship.”
“I guess you have to talk it over with Jake.”
“And what if Marcus is okay with us dating but Jake still doesn’t want a relationship? I would understand but…”
“But it would suck.”
I nod, hugging my waist. Of course, I can’t force anything and maybe it’s my fault for letting myself fall so hard for Jake, but part of me isn’t quite yet ready to throw in the towel. Since it has been a few weeks since that scare from my brother’s visit, maybe Jake would be open to sitting down and talking things over. Just talking. If he’s still adamant about us parting ways, then I’ll deal with the hurt and figure out a way to move on.
"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you," I say, turning back to Danielle, "the contractors called earlier. They're finishing up with the duplex today. Looks like I'll be moving back this weekend."
"That’s great! You’ll no longer have a big brother breathing down your neck."
"God, yes," I sigh, rolling my eyes for emphasis. "Don't get me wrong, Marcus means well and it’s nice that he let me stay with him, but the man drives me up the wall." As much as I love him, the thought of independence makes me feel like bursting into a dance. But then, my mind drifts to Jake and Charlotte. Will they be moving back this weekend too? I guess it depends on Jake’s work schedule.
A honk startles us, making me flinch. Marcus, no doubt. He's been even more overprotective than usual lately, insisting on driving me to and from work every day. And he pulls up right outside my classroom window and honks. I exchange an exasperated look with Danielle.
"Speaking of annoying brothers..." Danielle says, chuckling.
I stand, grabbing my purse. "I'd better go before he honks again." I give Danielle a quick hug. "Thanks for the advice."
"Anytime." Danielle waves as I head out of the classroom.
Once I’m outside, I slip into Marcus's truck, mustering the best unhappy look I have in my repertoire.
"Is there a reason you're trying to announce my departure to the entire town?" I ask, dropping my purse by my seat.
Marcus gives me an innocent shrug, a grin playing on his lips. "What's wrong? Can't a guy pick up his little sister from work?"
"Not when she's perfectly capable of ordering a taxi herself. You don't need to pick me up and drop me off like I'm still in middle school, you know. And stop with the damn honking."
"Hey, I'm just looking out for you," Marcus says, faking his sincerity as we pull away from the school. "Making sure no assholes try to take advantage."
“Right. Like who…the principal? Every man that works in this school is married.”
“I’m sure single dads come to pick up their kids.”
I glance at him, startled for a moment, though I try to hide it. Does he suspect something? He knows I’ve been tutoring Charlotte, but so far Marcus hasn’t caught me walking her out to meet Jake. Marcus always arrives after. I cross my arms, forcing my voice to still have a bite to it. “And then what? You think I’m some massive flirt who just waits for the opportunity to pounce? You act like I’m not a grown woman who has had relationships.”
He finally settles, the muscles in his jaw flexing as he focuses on the road. I’m hoping this conversation is done so I can ride back to his place in peace, but then he asks, "Are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Seeing someone I don't know about? Honestly, since the entire duplex fiasco, you’ve been acting weird." Now there's an edge to his voice, and I can tell he's not just teasing anymore.
"Marcus," I begin, my tone warning. "You're being ridiculous."
"Ellie," he mimics my tone, turning to give me a pointed look. "I'm serious."
"Okay, fine, I'm not seeing anyone. Happy?" I throw my hands up. “I’m tired of you asking me this. How many times do I have to tell you I’m not seeing anyone?” Which is completely the truth. I want to be seeing someone, but currently, I am not.
He doesn't respond, just keeps driving, but I can feel the weight of his skepticism hanging in the air between us.
"Look, I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions," I insist, hoping to close the subject.
"Sure," Marcus mutters, but his silence tells me this conversation isn't over and he’s going to bring it up again later.
The sooner I get back to my apartment, the better.
I stare out the passenger window, watching the suburban blur of Cedar Ridge pass by, thankful for the silence. My thoughts drift, tangled up with the man I simply can’t stop thinking about. I hope I get a chance to talk to him soon because this knot of emotions I keep feeling is getting to be too much.
I rub my chapped lips together, then I reach down for my purse. With a sigh, my fingers root around inside until I find the familiar tube of lip gloss. It's a small comfort, the routine swipe of shimmer across my lips, but it helps to keep me grounded in the here and now. At least for a moment.
"What's that?" The question comes out of nowhere, and I glance over at Marcus, who's peering at the tube like it's a foreign object.
"Uh, lip gloss?" I say, quirking an eyebrow at the strange question. It's not like makeup is an anomaly in my life—he's seen me use it a hundred times.
"That yours?"
I laugh. “Are you accusing me of stealing someone’s lip gloss now? Yes, it’s mine.” I cap the gloss and toss it back into my purse. “It’s damn expensive but my lips love it. I get it shipped in from Cali because I can never find it in stores here. Small town problems, I guess.”
Marcus goes quiet after that, and I glance at him. He looks like he’s concentrating on the road more than necessary, like he’s worried a deer will jump out of a bush at any moment.
“You okay?” I ask, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother look like that—so hard and rigid. If a deer did suddenly appear, his expression says that he’d hit it on purpose.
He nods, slightly, eyes still laser-focused on the road.
I turn my head to gaze out the passenger-side window, a little unsettled. But I don’t dwell on it because I try not to worry too much about what goes through my brother’s head—it’s often unreasonable.
The key turns in the lock, and Marcus and I step into the silence of his home. His shoulders are rigid, like a barricade against whatever thoughts are in his head right now. I know that look, the brooding storm cloud about to burst, but for once, I don't have it in me to figure out what he’s upset about. He retreats to his room without a word, and I exhale. I have bigger bubbles to burst—or soak in, to be exact. A bath is calling my name, and I am not one to deny such a simple pleasure, especially after such a tiring work week.
I slip into my room, shrug off the day's weight along with my clothes, then turn on the faucets to fill the bathtub. Steam curls up from the water as I step in. The warmth slowly envelops me until all of my muscles are relaxed. I’m so relaxed, I don’t even have the energy to drop in a bath bomb. Oh well, this soothing heat is really all I need right now.
My mind drifts to what I need to pack up so I can finally return home. I don’t have a lot, so in theory I could jump out of this tub, pack it all up, and be home before ten. But I’m already here, so I can just rest this evening and pack up in the morning. Tomorrow, I’ll also have more energy to figure out what made Marcus so moody.
As I dip my chin into the water and let my mind go blank, my phone buzzes once. I glance at the bathroom counter where it’s resting. I thought I put it on silent. Maybe it’s Danielle, but I decide it can wait for a few minutes.
I let myself soak for another ten minutes, then I quickly wash myself and my hair. As the tub is draining, I wrap a towel around my head and a robe around my body before checking my phone. It’s only a notification from my period tracker app.
I read it a few times, confused. My period is three days late?
I frown. That doesn’t make sense. I’m on the pill so my cycle comes and goes like clockwork.
Feeling a little irritated, I grab my birth control pack off the counter and flip through the tiny pills. The remaining ones are all active pills—I'm not supposed to start the placebos for another week.
I’m so confused, so I do what I can to figure this out. First, I check my app’s calendar and discover I didn’t log my last period. It would’ve been around the time of the forest fire. I may have dismissed the notifications or otherwise spaced it. I was very stressed out, so I can understand why that happened, but I’m always good with taking my pills. Even if I forgot to track it, the pills regulate the timing, but…do I remember my last period?
It’s all a blur because that time frame was such a mess.
It’s possible I started my current pill packet late or missed some doses or…I don’t know. I’m sure it’s all fine, though.
My dizzying 24 hours with Jake floats back to me in vivid detail—our laughter, his hands and lips exploring every inch of my skin. The way he thrust inside me, completely unprotected, raw and…
My stomach knots with a cocktail of fear and dread, but I may be overreacting. There’s no reason to freak out because there’s a very quick way to get answers and put my mind at ease.
I throw on leggings and a hoodie, avoiding my reflection in the mirror. In the hallway, Marcus's door is still shut tight, so I sneak past and grab his car keys by the front door. I don’t want him thinking I’m sneaking off to meet some random guy—though it would be perfectly fine if I was since I’m an adult and he’s unreasonable—so I pull out my phone. I shoot him a quick text: Need to make a quick run to the store. Be back soon.
He responds immediately: I really hope you are just going to the store.
I roll my eyes. He claims he’s so overprotective because he promised Dad he’d always look out for me, but I have a feeling Dad would even tell him, “Son, back off a little.”
I lock the front door and frown my way to his car. Marcus's behavior is like a splinter under my skin—irritating—but it's got nothing on the tidal wave of panic about what might be growing inside me.
No, I can’t jump to that conclusion. I don’t have any proof yet, and I’m sure stress is just messing with my cycle. It happens.
At the gas station, I grab a pregnancy test, pay while avoiding all eye contact with the teenage cashier, then I bolt to the bathroom. The fluorescent lights flicker above me, casting stark shadows across the white tiles. I squeeze myself into a tiny, disgusting stall and do what needs to be done.
This isn't how I imagined taking a pregnancy test—squatting in a public bathroom that smells of antiseptic and desperation. I imagined it would be a more joyous event that would come someday after I’m married. Then I would wait for my husband to get home and share the results, both of us crying and confessing our love over and over.
But life doesn’t always give us what we plan, does it? I’m here, anxiously staring at this stupid pee stick to determine my fate. One pink line and my life goes back to normal. I return to my duplex, move on from Jake, grow some more friendships around town, and focus on my career.
Two pink lines and…well, I don’t even want to think about that. It would definitely shatter my relationship with Marcus. And I think Jake is still grieving and completely not ready for a relationship. I know he’d do the right thing and be a good Dad to our child, but it might be at a distance. We wouldn’t necessarily become a family.
My vision gets blurry, so I wipe away the tears. When I have a child, I want it to be with a man who loves me back—a man who wants to become a family with me.
I take a breath and close my eyes, waiting for the timer on my phone to go off.
It’ll be okay. It’ll be negative and I’ll be way more careful with my pills from now on.
The timer goes off and I open my eyes.
My heart drops to my feet.
Two pink lines.
"No,” I breathe out because it’s obviously a bad test. The box said I would get the most accurate results in the morning. Since I’m taking this in the evening, I’m sure it’s a false positive.
Trying to ignore the sinking in my gut, I trash the test and walk out of the bathroom. I grab three more tests, all different brands, then return to the cashier. The young man is smirking at me, but he doesn’t speak, only rings up my items.
I hurry back to the bathroom.
I take two more tests, saving the last one for tomorrow morning to use for a final verdict. But even I know my denial can’t last much longer: the two new tests are positive.
I lean against the sticky wall, not even caring that I’ll need to go home and take another bath.
How did I let this happen?
Pregnant. With Jake's baby. Everything, my life…it’s all going to change and I don’t think I’m ready for that. Marcus might never forgive me. And Jake…I think I foolishly love him but he’s a guarded man. I completely understand that he’s not ready to move on from such a tragic loss, I only wish…
I let myself cry. It doesn’t really matter what I wish; I have to deal with reality. Jake is going to lose his best friend. My relationship with my brother will now be strained. And I’ll be like a single mom, sending my child away on weekends to hang out with her dad and sister.
When I envisioned what my life would be after moving back to Cedar Ridge, something like this was beyond what I could’ve imagined.
I leave the bathroom, still sobbing, and make my way to the exit. The teenage cashier gives me a pity-look because I’m sure I currently look like a mess. A pregnant mess.
I touch my stomach as I reach the car, still struggling to believe that a little baby is now growing inside me. Whatever happens, I’ll take care of this child with everything I have. There’s no doubt about that.
I’m only terrified of telling Jake—the man who recently made it very clear we can’t have a relationship—because I have no idea how he’ll react.